


August 2006

by ChristianHowe, helena_s_renn



Series: Eleven Strings – yksitoista kieltä [19]
Category: Def Leppard, Sonata Arctica
Genre: M/M, Porn Without (much) Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 10:18:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 147,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14767724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChristianHowe/pseuds/ChristianHowe, https://archiveofourown.org/users/helena_s_renn/pseuds/helena_s_renn
Summary: Work calls and Jani and Sav get separated: Sonata Arctica have gigs in Finland and Def Leppard embark on the next leg of their US tour.





	1. Saturday, 12 August 2006

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Not ours, not true; as far as the authors are aware, none of this ever happened.
> 
> (Misquoted) lyrics by Kotipelto, Liimatainen
> 
> Some minor fixes were applied on 17.1.19

* * *

Somehow Jani found the nerve to hug Sav in public and say the words Sav had been trying to find within himself, or more like wanting to say but making himself not. His body was right there, against Sav's but very subtle about contact. By the time he could even consider reciprocating the one-armed hug, Jani whispered that he wanted Sav, _"my dick in your arse"._ Sav's eyes and mouth opened in shock. Now?! Was this new or had he completely misread things the last few days? It was on his lips to say he wanted that, too, and that they might even have time. Instead, Jani finished by telling Sav that he loved him and then he ran off like someone was out for his blood.

That was the last look Sav would have of him then, of that red mane flowing as Jani hightailed it down a long corridor, dodging people right and left, till he was out of sight, lost in the distance and the crowd. Sav blinked several times, and then hissed. Dammit! He was hard as a fucking rock and it was totally obvious. He didn't even have a jacket to cover it up. All he had was his backpack and he couldn't carry that in front of him. He shouldn't be able to get it up right now, but no, it was up and it was throbbing angrily as was his entire lower body it seemed, and yep, his nipples were pushing up through his shirt, too.

He hadn't been through security yet. The thought of that hassle should have been enough to melt his erection. Not a chance. His brain kept going to Jani behind him, or on top of him – in him – in any position and he couldn't control it. Any second he'd start leaking and that wouldn't do. Sav gave a passing thought to why, when he'd been happy enough being full-time top in this thing, that he was so obsessed with getting fucked. Was he really the little bitch-boy some fans seemed to think? Was it a 'grass is always greener' kind of thing?

Whatever. He was standing – standing! – in a very public place and, well, he was who he was. Taking stock, Sav decided he had two options: sit down somewhere and wait for it to go down, or find the nearest loo and deal with it. He'd heard people jerking off in airport toilets before. It happened. Stress, anticipation, maybe flirting with flight attendants. It wasn't even a conscious decision: he schlepped his way another fifty yards and ducked inside the Men's, hoping to god the entire time that no one would notice his problem.

There were a few open stalls and he headed to the one closest to the back that wasn't handicapped-accessible and locked himself in. Unzipping his jeans was a project in itself. He hissed again when his dick was unleashed and pushed his kit down, plopping down because his knees were already shaky. He'd been right about leaking. Silvery juice seeped out and he ran his thumb through it and around the head, around the ridge, sliding the foreskin over it and down. It was going to be over fast. His balls felt congested; his taint was pulsing, his hole clenched and relaxed. Sav wanted it so fucking bad, so bad. Right now, all he could do was imagine. No way he was fingering himself here. Even to his own hand, his dick felt huge and swollen, hot to the touch as he started to stroke. Somehow he kept quiet and stealthy.

Less than two minutes. All the while, he worked himself with both hands, eyes closed, seeing himself bent over and taking it. Yeah, it was the penetration itself, the inside stimulation, how it felt, but it was also the aspect of another man doing him, that element of force. With Jani, even if it was rough, it would be an act of love as well just like it was the other way 'round. Sharing of bodies, of seed, maybe the most base but also the highest expression of regard. That's what got him off in the end. At the last second, he considered the end result and shot into his own cupped hand without a sound.

* * *

Jani didn't make it far before he was out of breath. Years of smoking and leading a generally unhealthy life refused to be ignored, which was going to change. He'd already stayed off the booze and smokes for days, and regardless how much he was craving both right now, he was determined to keep it that way. There'd be an exception for the show, of course, but other than that, he'd fight to keep away from that kind of temptation.

Slowing down to a walk, he made it to the bus stop. He didn't have to wait long but it was less than a minute before he already found himself fidgeting. His phone was charged as well as switched on. No message from Sav, whose phone Jani knew to be charged and assumedly switched on, could only mean one thing, that Sav hadn't liked what Jani had told him. Still, he repeated to himself that it had been the right thing to do; keeping his desire to himself would have been a lie. He wished he'd understood this earlier, so they could have had time to talk about his confession. Even more than that, he wished that he didn't feel that way, didn't want to be the fucker as well as the fuckee, but he couldn't help wanting to be with Sav in this way, so he'd had to tell him.

The bus arrived and took off. Opposite of him sat a couple that apparently had just reunited; they were smiling happily and holding hands, which, by Finnish standards came close to being considered offensive. Jani knew how they felt. When Sav had picked him up at Heathrow, he'd wanted nothing more than touch, hug, kiss, and only being in public had stopped them. There still wasn't a message or call, and Jani was beginning to wonder if there'd ever be a reunion for him and Sav.

By the time they reached Helsinki, he was convinced that it was over. Although there was a small, shy voice in his head telling him that he could call Sav, Jani decided against it. He'd dropped the ball in Sav's lap, now he had to give Sav time to react. Or not react, if that was his choice.

He'd just missed a train to Imatra and had almost an hour before the next one. It was still very early in the morning, for which Jani was glad: Despite his intention to remain sober, his resolve may have faltered easily if Alko wasn't closed. The S-market close to the central railway station would sell only class three beer, which wouldn't even take the edge off, so he wouldn't bother wasting time and money on it. There'd be plenty of liquid salvation available at the festival site. If he hadn't received a response by then, he'd probably need that.

When the train arrived, he found his seat and opened his computer, hoping that maybe there was an email. He smiled when indeed an email was downloaded, but it wasn't from Sav: Tony had sent him an update on the set list. Scanning it kept him distracted for no longer than two minutes, then the nagging feeling that he'd succeeded in running Sav off returned.

Jani bit his lip and tried to swallow down his fear. What was it with him and relationships? It was going to be an endless day...

* * *

Shuddering and panting for breath, Sav gathered his senses. Well that was stupid. His inner 15-year-old had visited him yet again, and here he was in a public toilet with a wad of his own goo in his hand. Pathetic. He hadn't noticed till then, but there was a tiny sink wedged into the corner of the stall. Well, good. He could wash his hands without having to leave this small modicum of privacy. There was also a sprayer attached, and he smiled sardonically. Was he supposed to wash his arse or his junk in here? He'd encountered bidets in France, a few other places as well, but this device was new to him in such a setting.

Fine, whatever. He hadn't showered. He was resolved to keep Jani's spunk on him as long as he could, but he might as well not offend anyone.

What was Jani thinking and feeling, he wondered. Why had he run away like that? How could he possibly think, after all they'd done and Sav doing himself with both his fingers and a decent-sized toy that he had an aversion to being fucked?

Feeling a little weird for a combination of reasons, Sav left the loo, stood in line for his boarding pass, and then stood in line again for security. It seemed to take forever. He was approached for autographs twice right after, thanks to having to leave off the shades and hat through the checkpoints. Ugh! Too early in the morning for that. After putting on his 'disguise', he was in luck – a bookstore along the long line of boutiques and cafes was open. He bought whatever the clerk recommended in true crime, hardly paying attention at all. Was Jani on the bus by now, or were they still technically on the same property? If so, not for long. He hurried to his terminal.

They wouldn't board for 15 minutes if everything was on time. Plunking down in the end seat of the row closest to the doors, Sav opened the book and tried to read. The words swam before his eyes.

* * *

The train ride had been torture. Although it took only two-and-a-half hours to Imatra, Jani's nerves were shot when they pulled into the station – two-and-a-half hours spent staring at his mobile and laptop screen. He knew that there couldn't be a message from Sav while he was airborne – Jani had checked departures from Helsinki Airport and knew that the flight had left on time. Still, what if Sav had mailed him and there was a delay with the email provider?

He knew he was deluding himself, and by the time he stepped off the train Jani couldn't deny it any longer. If Sav had wanted to respond, if he had anything to say, he'd have done so by now. It was over. They were over.

There'd been a short moment of distraction from his worries earlier when Jani had called Tony to let him know when he'd arrive. They hadn't spoken long – Jani had been terrified he'd miss Sav's call while he was on the phone with Tony. He learned that the band had agreed to leave the final decision about the set list until Jani was with them, then Tony had promised to arrange transport for him to the festival site and they'd rang off. Of course, Sav hadn't called in the meantime.

His guitar tech was waiting for him at the station. When Jani wouldn't let him put Rakas in the boot of the car, Antti raised an eyebrow but kept quiet otherwise. All he said during the ride was that everything was fine with his equipment and, more importantly for Jani right now, that the festival was fun. The other bands were great, the weather was great, the atmosphere was great.

Jani nodded despite not really listening. So much for good intentions, but he needed to get his mind off the fact that he'd just succeeded in ruining another relationship. Antti's job entailed more than looking after Sonata Arctica's guitars, it was also his duty to keep their guitarist in good spirits, figuratively and literally.

By the time they arrived at the festival site Jani had drunk a beer and smoked a couple of cigarettes. His first steps led him to the van where their gear was waiting to be set up the following day. He carefully put Rakas with his RG and Destroyer: regardless of what was going on – or, rather, no longer going on – with him and Sav, he wouldn't take it out on her; he'd always love her. He'd join his Sonata brothers in a minute but first he needed to introduce Rakas to his other instruments and make sure she wasn't alone. He knew he was pathetic, but it still felt like the right thing to do.

After thinking for a moment, he switched his phone off and left it with his suitcase: if he took it with him, he'd spend the entire day checking for a message that by now he knew wouldn't come. Sonata weren't on tonight, so nobody could blame him if he didn't answer calls.

It was only shortly after ten but already the party was in full flow. Despite the crowd Jani quickly located Henkka and Make, who greeted him like a long lost and loved relative. In no time at all, he was a little tipsy and happy with his brothers. Screw relationships. These were his family and his home.

* * *

Sav spent five minutes getting his roiling – again – emotions under control behind his shades. They'd started talking about this almost as soon as they'd arrived in Sheffield, that in a few days they'd go back to their separate lives. It had hit in phases: When Jani announced he had to leave the UK the next day, leaving the hotel, and the final goodbye, or "Not Goodbye", near the airport's entrance. It was next to impossible to stop the internal slide show, Jani smiling widely at him, reaching out tentatively then with confidence, playing 'their' guitar, eating pancakes in his kitchen, head back and screeching as he rode Sav and... okay, just stop.

And now this. Two flight attendants, a man and a woman, arrived and the show began. Show, or the usual song and dance. Sav found he had little patience today for the staring and kowtowing. His phone buzzed in his pocket. It had to be Jani, since it was still the middle of the night in England. Why hadn't he thought of that, calling or texting? He was an idiot. He didn't have time to more than pull his phone out to check – it wasn't Jani but Rick – from Pacific time zone, Sav remembered – when he got called all of twenty feet to the gate, the female flight attendant, whose accent was Welsh, giving him wide eyes and cleavage. No thanks.

He might have been allowed to board first but there was no upgrade this time. Jani had done right by him, though, had found him an aisle seat along the side, not middle, close to the front of coach. He'd been about to pull his phone out again when first the stewardesses converged on him, and then other passengers began to trickle in. Not really needing the caffeine, more like something requiring no mental effort to occupy his hands, he accepted a coffee. What would he want with free drinks at this time of day?

Why it even mattered, who knew, but Sav just didn't want to try to leave a voice mail message where he might be overheard. His seat mate arrived near the end of boarding, an older man who wasn't likely to know him from Adam. As for texting, he wrote and rewrote, erased and tried again. Nothing was right. Jani hadn't tried to communicate either, which was slightly worrying. Well, perhaps he'd rushed for the train, found someone interesting to talk to, to keep his mind off things, or fell asleep. If Sav was having a difficult time knowing what to say, it was possibly the same for Jani.

Again, there was that warm wave of feeling, love, Sav associated with the guitarist. They were so different, as people. Jani was... complicated. While Sav considered it a sign that Jani was both highly intelligent and never satisfied with any sort of status quo, both of which were qualities he valued, he wondered if he'd ever really know him, for real. Already, he'd found out that Jani didn't care for a lot of questions, even on seemingly innocuous material. Also, his ability to express negative emotions, even in his second or third language and though he had claimed it was something he avoided at all costs, far exceeded Sav's. Of course, it had been Sav forever misreading him that made it necessary. Somehow they'd – both – managed to communicate that their relationship was worth its growing pains.

In the end, Sav decided it would be better to put a few hours' distance on the issue and try again when he arrived in London. There'd be plenty of time during the car ride back to Sheffield.

* * *

Jani was drunk in no time at all. Although the festival would start for real later in the afternoon, the pre-party the night before had attracted an impressive crowd. By the time Lovex took to the stage, Jani estimated that there were around a thousand people present. He, Henkka, and Make were sticking to beer to avoid a bad hangover the following day, but it was a hot day and the beer supply was steady. Even Tommy and Tony, who'd joined them later, were drinking.

He was in the perfect state: a little too inebriated to think clearly, he couldn't focus very well on the fact that he'd just lost the man he loved... the man he _thought_ he loved: maybe it hadn't been real anyway... Sav had helped him in a tight situation, it wasn't too surprising that Jani had fallen for him. Also, he'd been on the rebound, fascinated by the novelty of being with a man... And of course, Sav was a celebrity, whereas Jani... Okay, maybe he wasn't sober enough to think clearly, but it made a lot of sense to him that whatever they'd shared had never had a real chance. He'd write the whole thing off as an interesting and extremely hot experience. Thank goodness, he was drunk enough to ignore his heart that was crying out for his lost love.

Although he'd more or less promised Sav, he didn't convey Sav's greetings to Henkka and Tommy: Some hidden protective instinct in the back of his mind seemed to know that speaking about Sav would be too much for him. He was grateful that neither of his friends asked how things had gone that day...

Was it only a week ago? It sure felt like a lifetime, and in a way it was.

* * *

Still nothing from Jani by the time Sav landed at Heathrow. Well, he was going to a festival, he'd be back with his band. It would be a good opportunity to forget sadness for a day or two.

On Sav's side, he was going to have to deal with making a living again all too soon. Starting tomorrow, there'd be interviews and appearances and all that crap. He'd ignored his physio, hadn't reached his acupuncturist, still had a pile of dirty clothes probably rotting by now in his tour luggage.

The car service was on time but the traffic, for whatever reason, was murder. Sav was glad not to be in the driver's seat. He fiddled with his mobile, had another round of write, delete while he lost himself in recent memory again. This was beginning to become a pattern, which he should break straight away if he knew what was good for him. He had best think very carefully about how he worded this, Jani didn't always get his sense of humour.

_Hi Jani, landed at LHR an hour ago, stuck in traffic. How's the festival? Good luck with your show, when it's time._

OK, that was generic as hell. Sav didn't want to be mushy, but he also didn't want Jani to think that what they had was somehow finished. If it was, it wasn't because Sav wanted it so.

_What you said at Vantaa. Me too. All of it. You caused a not so little problem with that news, I'll have you know. Call me when/if you want me to return the favour. -Sav_

For better or worse, he hit Send and put the phone down.

If he'd expected an immediate response, well, that didn't happen. After trying the book again and not making it past page 3 in half an hour, Sav decided to take a nap. He didn't really need one but he was bored, twitchy, and needed some way to pass the time besides staring out the window and stressing. The bench seat was long enough he could stretch out almost all the way. Sleep did not come, though. After counting backwards from 100 twice with no success, he supposed he should bite the bullet and deal with things. Rick would be asleep by now, and Joe would probably bite his head off and keep him busy for a long time. Wanting to keep the phone free, Sav did what he'd planned earlier: took out his laptop and started to weed through his inbox.

* * *

The sky had been a little cloudy in the morning but it had cleared up and now the sun was burning down on them. Jani couldn't have cared less, but Henkka, the eternal band mum, pointed out that Jani, who had the fairest skin of all of them, should put on sun screen. Eventually, Jani had enough of the nagging and followed Henkka to their van so that the keyboarder could slather him in...

Jani's thoughts screeched to a halt. He was still covered in Sav's and his own spunk. Of course, he wouldn't take his shirt off but the thought of Henkka adding to the mix was...

"Thank you, I can take care of it myself," he laughed Henkka off. His friend gave him another sharp look but nodded and left him alone after he was convinced that Jani would indeed use the sun screen. While applying the milky substance, Jani wished it were Sav's hands on him instead of his own. From there, it was only a short step to ignoring his resolve to not check his messages and he dug out his phone.

He didn't know if he was more afraid of having a message than of not having one, and when Sav's name appeared on the display Jani wondered if he should throw the phone away. Or delete the text unread. Until now, although he'd kept telling himself that it was over between them, a part of him could pretend that this was only his perception. Now that Sav had sent a message, though, that option would no longer be valid once he read it.

His heart was beating fast when he opened the message, and...

_...stuck in traffic..._

_How's the festival?_

_Good luck with the show?_

Mitä vittua?!

About to close the phone and throw it against the nearest wall, Jani forced himself to continue reading. Then he read it again, and a third time. After a fourth time, he still wasn't sure if he understood right.

 _What you said at Vantaa._ Jani had said a lot of things at Vantaa. How could he be sure that Sav was referring to _the_ thing he'd said? That Sav wrote Jani had caused a problem, however, indicated that it could very well be that Sav was writing about _that._ Jani cringed. Why couldn't he have kept his stupid mouth shut? And then Sav offered to _return the favour._ Meaning what? Mess up Jani's life? It didn't make sense.

Everything in him was screaming to call Sav, but he was too afraid. Also, Henkka was outside the van waiting for him...

Jani decided to stall for the time being. Maybe later... For now, he typed, _Festival is great. Wish you were here. TTYS!_ After hesitating, he added, partially out of spite because Sav hadn't said it, but also because it was true, regardless of what was happening between them, _Love, Jani_

He hit send, then returned to join Henkka and find more drinks.

* * *

They were almost home already when Sav's phone buzzed again, and he'd been getting worried. What if he'd said something wrong again? He'd been trying to use 'code' in case anyone saw Jani's phone. Maybe he should can it with the cryptic messages and save any real communication for the phone, as in speaking.

Jani's text was short. About all he said was that the festival was good, he wished Sav was there, and talk soon. He ended with "Love Jani". Earlier in the summer, Sav would have been thrilled, possibly even aroused by that. Now it came through as almost sarcastic. It was mean of him, but Sav had to wonder if he'd written that with a groupie's head in his lap, it was so generic. Did he really wish Sav was there? His friends at least might start to wonder, no matter how sneaky they thought they were. Sav didn't give a fuck but he was all too aware that Jani didn't want anyone to know about them. Also, there'd been no acknowledgement of the other... stuff.

Well, he wasn't going to agonise over it. People shouldn't try to communicate their innermost feelings by text, anyway, he knew that. Even email was iffy in that regard. Still, he felt like if he didn't respond, Jani would take that wrong, too.

 _Cool, have fun! Don't get to the point where you :o= :o=_ – Sav wasn't sure if Jani would know that emoji – _in your hair. I'm almost home, wish you were here, too. Every room of this house will be empty without you. -Love Sav_

Might as well use a like sign-off. Another couple minutes and they were in front of his house. Sav instructed the driver to go around to the garage. He'd let himself in through the back gate. Tipping the man, then reflexively checking for the crazy chicks before getting out of the car, he was soon inside his kitchen, then upstairs in his room. Jesus, the bed, even stripped of sheets, still smelled of Jani, of them. Sav was going to sleep now, here, before it faded. Too bad it was daytime and he was being a lazy arse not to mention a total slob not to put on new sheets, he didn't care.

* * *

They drank and laughed, watched and listened to the bands, drank more. Someone brought food and they ate, ravenous. The sun warmed them and although it got considerably cooler when it set, it was a great night. Jani was sad that the Finnish summer that he loved so much was nearing its end already, but right now it was good to be back in his home country.

He was still insecure as hell about himself and Sav, wasn't sure what to make out of Sav's short message, but if Sav hated his guts he wouldn't have sent the message, right? Jani told himself that they needed to talk, but that wasn't going to happen any time soon. There was no privacy to be had on the festival site, nor at the hotel they were booked in for tonight where he'd share a room with Henkka. He didn't consider it likely that he'd have a chance during the day tomorrow either as it was festival again, then their gig, and afterward he'd be on the bus as they'd drive straight back to Kemi. Finally, by the time Jani would be back home on Monday, Sav would already be on a flight to the US.

Unless he could sneak away somehow, it could therefore be days before he got a chance to speak with Sav. A part of him was relieved because he was scared that Sav would break up with him after all, but mostly Jani was impatient and nervous; he wanted to know what his chances were that his confession hadn't ruined everything.

His attempts at being alone for even a minute were futile, though: If he announced that he was going to get them more beer, Henkka would come along and help carry it. When he went for a pee, Tommy needed to go, too. Eventually, he succeeded in getting rid of his bandmates but he found himself surrounded by a group of fans who didn't get the message that he wanted to be on his own. When he fled to the van, Antti was there fixing something on Make's bass. It was hopeless.

However, now that he was in the van he could at least check his messages. As soon as he'd read Sav's new reply – and laughed at the puking emojis – hope that their relationship wasn't over yet rose in Jani's heart again. Sav missed him, sent his love. And he hadn't lost his humour – or was he expressing his worry? He couldn't call Sav, but he could let him know that he was okay.

_Having fun, a little drunk, hair's fine. ;-) Can't call, no privacy. Thinking of you. <3 J._

After sending the text, he stashed the phone in his luggage again. He'd learned that lesson in Milan. In hindsight, if he hadn't lost his phone there he wouldn't have spent the night with Sav. Now, however, losing it would mean being out of contact with Sav, and Jani wasn't going to let that happen.

He nodded at Antti and checked the time. Almost midnight. Helloween were up next, tonight's headliners. After that, they'd turn in at their hotel. If he could manage to stay awake until Henkka was out, he could sneak off and call Sav. It would be the middle of the night in England, though...

Frowning, Jani returned to the van once more and sent another SMS: _How long are you going to be up tonight?_

That taken care of, he made his way back to the main festival site.

* * *

It was past mid-day when Sav woke, gradually and unable to deny the light. The day must have been very hot, the air in his room was humid and his clothes were sticking to him. Half his clothes. He'd kicked off his shoes and wiggled out of his jeans and socks in his sleep. And he had to pee like a racehorse. After a moment of panic over where his mobile might be, he squinted around and spotted it on the bare mattress near his knee. The light was blinking. Sav grabbed it, set it on the bedside table out of the way and padded into the bathroom, yawning.

Bladder emptied, he splashed cold water on his face. It was almost reflexive to turn on the shower but he stopped himself. The dried, crusty semen coating his skin wasn't too ripe yet. Give it another day and... right.

Had Jani replied to his last text, that was the question. No, nothing from him yet. Management, ugh. Suddenly, Sav had the desire to be outdoors. When Jani'd been here, they'd spent 90 percent or more of the time inside, and of course he knew the reasons why. His back yard had a high privacy fence all the way around and he didn't have any plans to get up to anything that would be at all interesting to the tabloids on the highly unlikely chance he was being spied on. Maybe a barbecue? By himself wasn't the most entertaining, but it was better than nothing and he was hungry. Some kind of meat, and a salad. He hadn't had anything green in days.

First, he put on some loose, light-weight cotton trousers. Hanging around in his underwear was tempting fate. Then he went downstairs to the kitchen, mobile in hand. Déjà vu. After he tossed a couple of chicken breasts from the freezer into the microwave on defrost, Sav made himself a coffee. Pumpkin spice. More memories. He was almost relieved to go outside to get the grill fired up. Maybe, for now, getting back on the road would be for the best.

The sun was going down when Sav finished preparing his dinner. He sat on one of the deck chairs, plate balanced on his knee, a beer on the table beside him. He felt like toasting to the northeast, but that would be silly. The days were already getting shorter, it would be later and darker where Jani was. Then his phone, also on the table, vibrated.

Sav felt a little more lighthearted when he saw it was a text from his lover. Another short missive, this time including the symbols for a wink and a heart. No privacy, yeah, that would become Sav's life again soon. He was glad for Jani's sake that he was having a good time. They'd talked ahead of time and Sav knew Jani would drink there. If he could keep it to a few beers or even a few shots and not a few bottles, that would be progress.

Since he'd just fucked up his circadian rhythm with the extra-long nap, he would probably be awake long into the night. It didn't matter that much. He'd have to be on US time – which in itself had four time zones – within days.

_Sitting in my back yard, thinking you, too. Woke up from a long nap a while ago. Will be awake till very late, no doubt. Call if you can. Want to hear your voice. TTYS, luv u. -Sav_

* * *

Helloween were great, but the combined members of Sonata Arctica made a pact to one-up them the following night. Since this was their home turf, Jani didn't think it would cost them too much of an effort to reach their goal, besides, they always gave their best. He was in a good mood when they left the venue, and it improved even further when he read Sav's reply that he'd be up till very late.

To his immense relief, Henkka was knackered and when Jani returned from the bathroom – where he'd cleaned his teeth but not washed otherwise – he found the keyboarder already snoring. Not to be accused of being anti-social, Jani asked in a whisper whether Henkka wanted to join him outside for a smoke. Unsurprisingly, there wasn't an answer.

Jani pocketed his phone and, feeling guilty for lying to Henkka otherwise, cigarettes. He'd smoked a few during the day, far less than he normally would have, though, and one more wouldn't kill him. At least not tonight, he told himself dryly.

The hotel lobby was still crowded with drunk festival-goers, but Jani managed to escape unrecognised. He found a quiet space a few streets from the hotel and dialled Sav's number.

* * *

Till the sun was all the way down, Sav sat outside with his face to the light, enjoying the last rays. Then he made himself clean up the cooking mess, unloading the dishwasher and tossing in tonight's few utensils and plate haphazardly.

As he'd thought earlier in the car, time to face the music. For real this time. Upstairs again, he sent the emails he'd drafted earlier, gathered up the tour clothes to go to the cleaners – tomorrow – stuffed those he could wash himself down the laundry chute, wandered down to the music room but only looked. Fuck it. He finally scrolled through the list of missed calls on his mobile and hit the Call button upon finding the last of Joe's.

Well, that was two hours of his life. Really, he shouldn't begrudge the time. They had a common interest to say the least. If they were to keep on after all these years, it had to be all of them giving their best, not just Joe. He received the expected "where have you been... why so out of touch..." with good enough grace. Then there were set lists to discuss, travel plans, and Joe had more than a handful of new song ideas. All of that was normal. So normal. Normal and boring. Joe was a fair enough guitar player when it came to acoustic strumming... and suddenly that was just too rudimentary.

Growing more and more conscious of the time, Sav attempted to end the call a few times before butting in with, "Talk later, Joe, pizza's here," a lie and even so it was a bad excuse. He had call waiting and if Jani'd called he'd have heard a beep; he checked anyway to make sure he hadn't missed him. No. Maybe he should ring Rick, too, but no, later, not till after he'd spoken to Jani or satisfied himself he wasn't calling tonight. Music festivals being what they were, it could be unpredictable.

To kill more time, and also because he had been extremely lazy about practicing, Sav returned to the music room, tuned the red Washburn he hadn't touched for a while and ran through a couple of songs they always performed on the road. One had to give the fans all the hits. Sometimes he wondered why bother to put out full albums of 10 or 12 songs when people only remembered the ones with the heaviest radio rotation. Who cared if they ever played songs like On Through the Night or Excitable or Pearl of Euphoria ever again? Maybe those who preferred to listed to the entirety of a disc for its own value, but what sort of dwindling numbers was that? Every so often, a fan would tell him they liked such-and-such best, one of the so-called deep cuts, and he found more satisfaction in that than even the most model-perfect, salivating fangirl raving on and on about Sugar or Photograph. He should not bitch, he should not, they'd been so lucky... Most of those, he could play in his sleep thanks to how many thousand repetitions, and he was looking forward to more challenging parts when Jani sent him Sonata's tabs. He felt like writing, but nothing came to him.

Really, he'd just been in a holding pattern, waiting for Jani's call. His mobile buzzed late; it would be later still in Finland. Sav turned off his amp and took the call.

"Hey, Jani... how are you?"

* * *

There was the ring sound from the other end of the line, and then Sav's voice came on, asking him how he felt.

 _Scared shitless,_ Jani thought. What he said was, "A little buzzed, tired. Probably have a sunburn tomorrow. How about you? Have a good trip?"

* * *

"Well... uneventful. No drug dogs. Boring is probably better than something going wrong. Where are you, anyway? Hotel?" Sav was fishing for how open he could be. Jani could temper his responses well enough if there were people around, but better if he didn't have to.

* * *

Jani's heart sank when Sav replied with small talk, but a few seconds later he understood why, when Sav asked where he was. Right, making sure they weren't overheard.

"On a street corner in Imatra, a few minutes out from our hotel. I'm sharing with Henkka, so I couldn't call you from the room. I'm alone right now and hope it'll stay that way."

* * *

"Good... I'm alone here, too." Of course Jani knew that. Sav had the feeling that since Jani had made this call, it was up to him to open the conversation about what Jani had told him and then run from. In case they had little time, he decided to get to the point. "What I said about what you said, as in, 'me too'. I love you, Jani. Nothing will change that. We're both adults; our love is physical as well as emotional... If you want it, that includes you inside me." Just saying it was a turn-on. "You have no idea how much I want that," Sav rasped.

* * *

It took him a moment to understand, but when he did, Jani had to lean against the nearest wall: he was suddenly feeling dizzy and no longer sure if his legs would carry him. "Vittu," he gasped. "Thank you. Thank you. I thought... I'd thought I'd... insulted you with my... confession."

His heart was racing. Had Sav really just told him that he wanted this, too? Jani could hardly believe what he was hearing. "You never said anything, so I'd assumed..." He swallowed. "I love you." The words were inadequate, Sav would get it, though.

Suddenly, relief after the day full of anxiety hit him and made him laugh. "I guess our reunion is going to be even more spectacular than we thought it would be already. Man, I can't wait for September!" They should have the green light from their STD tests by then, too...

What with Sav's schedule it would be six weeks before they'd see each other again, though. Unless... An idea was forming in Jani's mind. What if...?

* * *

"Insulted me?" Seriously? "Not at all. If you'd stayed put, I'd have dragged you into the loo and demanded you bend me over," Sav snorted. "So maybe it's just as well. Public toilets aren't exactly..." He'd been about to say 'romantic'. That might be the wrong idea. They loved each other, their sex was HOT, but it wasn't romantic in the sense of candle-lit dinners and bubble baths. "... a good place for any sort of first times," he finished.

Why hadn't he just asked? There were worse things than being told no about one thing in the midst of all the yeses. Now he knew Jani wouldn't have said no. "Six or seven weeks is going to feel like six centuries," he groaned. "Jani, it's like I told you... if you want something, say it. And I'll do the same from now on. I made assumptions, too, that maybe you wouldn't see me as a man who was strong enough to be your – older, more experienced – partner any longer if I asked you to take me. That toy I was fucking myself on? I wished it was you."

* * *

"This shows me once again, and painfully I may add, how little I know you," Jani admitted. "You're so... in control of your life. Compared to me, my life is such a mess. I admire you so much for, well, being on top of things. I was afraid you'd think I wanted to upset this... balance by asking you to, well, some would probably call it submitting. I don't," he said defiantly.

He thought for a moment. "It's actually ironic that you say you were afraid that I wouldn't see you as a strong man if you let me take you. In a way we were both scared of the same thing... Sav, I don't consider myself inferior to you because I let you fuck me. I love it when you do that and it doesn't make me unmanly. The opposite, actually, if I weren't a man I couldn't enjoy it that much, as I'd lack a prostate. If you let me fuck you," his voice sank to a whisper, "and I plan to do that, I never thought it would make you any less of a man, but I was afraid you might see it that way." He took a deep breath and tried in vain to ignore his erection: regardless of how much the thought of being in Sav turned him on, there was no way he'd indulge the thought by beating off in the bathroom to the background soundtrack of snoring Henkka.

"I guess we just learned another lesson," he said quietly. "I thought I trusted you, with everything. I was wrong. I'll try to be more open from now on. And if I have something to say in the future I'll say it and wait for your answer instead of running away."

* * *

For once, Sav only listened and didn't try to interject. It was a lot. They had had the same fears, kind of the opposite of what each man thought the other would think and feel. It hurt a little, although it was true, to hear Jani state out loud that they didn't know each other well, and that he hadn't entirely trusted Sav. It was honest. Now they knew a little more – that was something. Sav never expected Jani to reveal all of his secrets and hang-ups all at once, or even at all. It was ironic, though.

When he was sure Jani was done speaking, Sav began his own response. "There's no way I think you're inferior to me or anyone, nor somehow emasculated by letting me... in. It was a long time ago, the world was different in some ways, but I do recall what it takes to... let that happen, even when you want it. What it feels like having another bloke touch you, kiss you, be on you, against you and... well, I don't need to explain the mechanics. Jani, it takes strength, courage, especially when you've always thought you were totally straight. It's a natural progression to turn the tables; not everyone feels the same about that, though. Me, I think it's fair play, and to be blunt, I... 'like' doesn't scratch the surface. Since the first time it happened to me, I crave being fucked. Being taken, and taken care of. Sometimes, not every time. I have the same anatomy as you so believe me, I get what you mean." He let out a breath. It didn't seem like a good enough answer, even now.

"Don't forget, I've had a lot of years to get my life balanced. It wasn't always. Fame and money fucks with your head. Steve died. Lost my dad. Bell's. Drugs, to some degree, enough to make me apathetic for a while. And shit happens. I mean, falling off the stage like some idiot and not for the first time was only a minor bump in the road. Meeting you took me by surprise. In a good way. Back at the beginning of June, I figured," here Sav feigned extreme boredom, "oh yay, here we are again, another summer on the road. Living the dream and not thrilled." He spoke normally again, "And then, there you were and life is new again."

But it wasn't all about him. It was more, really, about Jani and 'them'. "I'm not a shrink or a social worker or even all that wise, but something in me wants to listen to you, know you, help you if and when I can. Whatever you can allow and accept. You've been so... forgiving of my quirks, and at the same time not putting up with any bullshit. No one else could have got me doing old cover songs and even a little improv. You're good for me, and I want to be good for you. I... need to trust you, too. Rather than waiting for you to read my mind, I should have told you what I wanted, asked how you felt about it, taken a chance which we now know was exactly what you want, too." If they'd been in the same room, Sav would have taken Jani's hands here, maybe kissed him. "Now, we wait. It'll be worth it, I'm sure of it."

* * *

Listening intently, Jani nodded a few times although Sav couldn't see him. Now that his fear of having – literally, if only in words – fucked up things between them had been proved unjustified, he felt calm and clear-headed. What Sav had said made a lot of sense. Regarding the sex, in hindsight Jani wondered why he'd ever assumed that Sav would not like having his prostate played with. Sav had even shown him that night with the toys that he liked it. How could he have been so blind? Blinded by his fear of ruining relationships. Well, that lesson had been learned now. Also, he'd once again gained confirmation that talking could actually be a good thing.

Then Sav elaborated on balance. It too made sense that it had taken time and Jani felt better when he had it pointed out to him again that it hadn't always been this way. He'd known this before, of course, yet sometimes he seemed to lose perspective when confronted with his own shortcomings. That Sav offered to help him also wasn't new, and it never failed to give him a warm feeling in his belly. Still, if there was one thing he'd learned it was that if he wanted to change, it had to be done by him, and he'd have to work for it, hard. He'd taken a first step, cut down on drinking and smoking – not stopped altogether, he wasn't sure if he could do that – and not being alone in this had made it a lot easier than he'd feared.

"You are good for me," Jani replied. "And you're helping me. Not only with all you're doing for me, but also because you're _there._ What you just said you want to do for me, listening to me, knowing me, you're doing that already. When you encourage me to speak my mind it helps me kind of sort my thoughts, so I can see clearer what it is that I really want. You make me pull my head out of the sand, make me see that there's more to the world than my sometimes insignificant issues. And that I'm not alone with them. If you get something out of this, too, it makes me very happy," he added shyly.

The need to feel Sav's body, his warmth, not even in the sexual sense – although that would undoubtedly follow – was overwhelming, yet it wouldn't happen, not for a long time. "This is how the story goes," Jani sighed. He hesitated as a melody formed in his mind... _"This is how the story goes,"_ he repeated, singing, _"Never close to our home in this line of work..._ How about this for our first song?"

* * *

Sav mm-hm'd a couple of times but let Jani talk again. At the end, he sang a couple of lines. "Did you just come up with that, just now? That does sound like us. And even when we're close to our respective homes, that's still far away," Sav answered. "I have a feeling we're going to be at home where ever we are, when we're together, though. Yeah... work on it, I'd like to collaborate, very much. So, uh... you were at a metal show all day but you don't sound trashed. Something must be working. I had a beer with dinner. Just one."

Shifting in his chair, Sav thought for a moment. "I'm glad we talked. Maybe it's easier on the phone, huh? But it's really late there now... Too bad you're sharing a room, we could try phone sex. Not to tempt you or anything," he chuckled. "We probably should let our bodies recover a little."

* * *

"Well, I'm not trashed but I had several beers over the day," Jani admitted. "Not as many as I'd have had, like, a month ago, though, so, yeah, working on it." He didn't bring up the fact again that he'd probably drink more the following night when he had to go on stage; Sav knew that already.

"You may be right that talking on the phone is easier," Jani continued. "I actually had the same thought earlier. Maybe that's because we're not always distracted by the physical attraction... I'm sure I'd have jumped you by now if you were here. And no," he chuckled, too, "you don't need to tempt me. I can do that very well on my own. All I have to do is think of you. But you also have a point that we should rest." The thought of sleeping made him yawn.

"My body appears to agree. Just... I don't want to end the call. I'm not sure if and when I can sneak away again to call you. There's people everywhere, and tomorrow night I'll be sleeping in our van on the long way back to Kemi. I'll email, but it isn't the same as hearing your voice."

He hesitated. "When are you going to leave for the US?"

* * *

When Jani mentioned their strong mutual attraction, Sav, despite what he'd said, felt a rush of heat between his legs. "Jump me, huh? One of my favourite things. Especially by you. I dunno, Jani. I dunno why everything about you is so bloody appealing to me, or why simple aesthetics and admiration of your talent carries over into wanting to fuck your brains out or likewise make love sweetly... it just is."

Sav didn't want to hang up either. As long as they were both awake and had things to talk about, he would stay on the phone. "I'm leaving on the 14th, day after tomorrow! Time has flown so fast, I totally lost track. As it is, I'll already be a day later than the rest of the band. Joe's not happy but I told him it was unavoidable. Tomorrow is going to be insane. If you can't call, it's a good day for that, I have two interviews and two appointments and a couple of errands. Need to pack my clothes and stuff. Guess I'll sleep on the flight, direct from London to Denver. Then the fun begins," he added. Jani, Sav hoped, understood him using a bit of sarcasm about it.

"Anyway, email me if you can't call, if you want. I'll answer when I have time to put together a few coherent sentences. Sometimes it's hard for me to think when there's a lot of people around, telling you that now so you don't think I'm avoiding you. Before, we communicated what, once or twice a week maybe on average? But that was then. Now that I'm not worried about scaring you off, it'll be a lot more."

* * *

"That sounds as if it's possible that I won't be able to speak to you until, what, Tuesday, unless I manage to call tomorrow," Jani groaned. "See, it's an eight hour drive from Imatra to Kemi, so even though we plan to leave right after the gig, I doubt that'll be much earlier than, say, three in the morning. By the time we're in Kemi, you'll be on your flight or on the road to the airport. So I'll better find some privacy tomorrow."

He thought for a moment. "Maybe on the van during daytime," Jani mused. "I tried that earlier today but Antti, my tech, was fiddling around with some gear. I should have kicked him out, told him that I needed to beat off. Which wouldn't have been far from the truth, I guess. Or claim I'm hungover and need to nap. I'll think of something. Two days without hearing your voice, that's not gonna happen."

* * *

"Tuesday... that's our first show of the second leg. Could also be very busy for me. The time difference will work in our favour, I'll be nine hours earlier than you there in Mountain Time." Based on past experience, Sav knew it wasn't going to be easy to get any time alone. He'd manage. Milan had been the first date of the first leg and no one had stopped him from taking a break when they saw he needed it. He'd call Jani back if he had to let his go to voice mail. There'd be a lot of that sort of thing in the next few months.

Jani's proposed method of getting some alone time... Sav laughed. "Oh man, now that's desperation! I can't even imagine what my tech would do... drop dead out of shock, mumble something about 'unprofessional'... and then go whack it behind the crates, probably. He's closer to your age than mine. Sometimes you gotta... like me in the airport this morning after your little proclamation. Bloody hell!" Jani couldn't see him, but Sav rolled his eyes extravagantly. "How bad is that?"

* * *

"That's very bad," Jani replied seriously. "Extremely bad, actually, because how in fuck am I supposed to sleep tonight with..." He looked around himself and made sure there still wasn't anyone near.

"So, go on, then. Torture me. What exactly did you do?"

* * *

At first, Sav's belly sank as wondered if he was being chastised, till he realised Jani was kidding. Ah, okay. "Torture you?" Sav grinned. "Got a boner, hm? Well, let me tell you, I got wood like... one of those American redwood trees. After you took off, I gimped over to the nearest chairs. It wouldn't go down. I had nothing to cover it up. No way was I going through security like that, they'd think I was trying to smuggle something, ha." Sav didn't say it, but there was always the possibility of being recognised, which he had been not long afterwards.

"Anyway... I ended up in the nearest loo, dick in hand. Gawd, Jani, I couldn't help it... closed my eyes and imagined it, you touching me there, your fingers, pushing into me the first time, how it's gonna feel when your dick rubs over my spot... that was enough to..." Gulping, Sav let out a quick, short breath. "You know what. Me and a handful of spunk." He laughed shakily.

* * *

"Fuck, Sav, I..." Jani had to swallow as the mental image made him literally drool. "I'd have loved to see that. No, wait, if I'd have been there, I'd have... sucked you off," he corrected himself. "I was going to say I'd have taken you but not in a toilet at the airport. Seriously, when we do that for the first time, I want it to be special. Maybe not on a bed full of rose petals special, but just you and me, and a lot of time." He swallowed again.

"Special enough to wait for it for six weeks. By then we'll have figured out if I'll be waiting for you in Sheffield – unless we meet at Heathrow – or I'll have my own place and pick you up in Helsinki. Man," Jani sighed, "that thought is going to keep me alive and wanting until we're back together."

* * *

Sav's hand clenched in the fabric of the light trousers he was wearing. Even without explicit details of how they would actually do the deed, it was enough to send another rush of endorphins through him. He was half-hard, no more. Without Jani's physical presence right there, his age seemed have caught up with him. "Me, too. I seem to have reached my limit, physically, for now but wanting...? Definitely." He sighed. "I suppose I shouldn't admit that to my younger lover."

"Jani, I... maybe it's good you left when you did. Maybe I'm just old and jaded, but I wouldn't have had any problem with you fucking me in the loo. Frankly, I'd have asked you to. Since that's not your idea of a good time, it might have ended things on a sour note. That's the last thing I'd ever want. I... I'm going to try not to obsess over it because when it happens, I want it to be as spontaneous and and natural as possible, not overkill, know what I mean? I mean, it's not going to be the actual first time, like teenagers and being hard for three days then prematurely ejaculating the second it's in but... " What was he trying to say anyway? "I suppose we'll find ways to manage the anticipation. Since we cleared the air earlier, I'm not leery of telling you that."

* * *

"Oh, I'll be happy to have sex with you in a loo at the airport," Jani hurried to assure Sav, "just not the first time when I'm on top. Also, like with everything so far that was a first for me I'll value your, um, instructions..." He laughed. "Which I'm sure the persons in the adjacent stalls would enjoy hearing. I mean, sex in a public toilet is one thing, but... Well. Just not the first time."

He added dryly, "Although by the time we see each other again, I can't promise I won't be desperate enough to get you to do me in an airport loo. We may both need a little rest and recovery right now, but I'm sure the urge will return, also for you – or maybe especially for you. I don't know how long I could have continued keeping up with you. I was already beginning to think that I could only do it so often because I didn't have any sex for a long time before I met you. But as we agreed, we reverted to thirteen-year-olds." Jani yawned.

"Sorry about that," he muttered, "apparently my body is trying to tell me that it's bed time – and not in the good sense – for thirteen-year-olds."

* * *

"That does sound kinda sexy – and dirty as fuck – me holding you against the door to a stall, giving it to you fast and hard, our fingers curled around the top of the door..." Sav had to check himself or he'd probably have played out that fantasy in words, too.

"Your reason for being able to keep up with me, as you put it, makes sense. Just like people need to catch up on lost sleep, not having sex for a long time and then suddenly wanting it again would mean there's a reserve of, uh, energy. What my excuse is, well, I have none."

When Sav heard the sound meaning Jani was yawning, he couldn't help doing so, himself. Even after his long nap, he felt drained, and not only his balls. "No need to apologise. It's very late there. We both have full days tomorrow. I don't want to, but it's probably time we do the sensible thing and ring off."

* * *

"Not long ago, sensible would have been one of the most unlikely terms to describe me," Jani admitted, "but that, too, is something I'm trying to learn to change. I don't want to ring off, though," he said, annoyed with himself for feeling like a petulant child. "So, um, could you, maybe, be the man between the two of us and do it? I'm afraid that if we leave it up to me we'll still be on the phone when the sun comes up again here. Or until our batteries run out, whichever happens first."

* * *

"It must be an untapped quality in you, then. It's developing. I get that you're different around me than with your band or your other friends," Sav expounded on Jani's new-found trait. "That's to be expected, till it finds a place in your identity."

"Now as far as established gender roles, I'm a man, you're a man, end of story," he snorted. "Being musicians, we're somewhat chameleons, though. But, if you can't hang up, I can do it... barely." Pausing, Sav gathered himself. He didn't want to, but he knew for both their sakes they needed to get some rest. He took a deep breath and let most of it out. "Good night, Jani. I love you, and I miss you, and you'll be with me in my thoughts every day and every night."

* * *

Jani smiled. "Thanks, Sav. I'll show you my manliness in another way soon, promise. As for now, good night to you, too. I'm thinking of you all the time. My love. My Sav." He swallowed. "I... you can hang up now."

* * *

"Yeah, okay... and your song. I love you," Save repeated. "Good night." Before it became even more protracted, he held the phone away from his ear, waiting for a second to make sure Jani didn't speak again, and pushed the End key.

Sav's day was not over – his laundry needed attending to. He hauled himself to his feet and trotted down to the cellar, trying not to dwell too long on events that had occurred there less than two days before. Then it was back upstairs, a basket of clean clothes and linens under his arm. Before he knew it, he'd spent two hours sorting, unpacking and re-packing his suitcase for the road as much as he could, making another trip downstairs, and finally putting a sheet on the bed.

No one was around to help make a mess of it, and Sav was too tired, not in the mood, or both. Jani's remark about keeping up with him, though humorous, stuck in his mind. All of his band had taken everything they could get back in the day, or for sure, if they wanted a piece, there was no problem finding it. Since their heyday was over, he really hadn't paid much attention to what the others got up to with groupies – or each other for that matter. That... thing between himself and Joe had happened. If he was honest with himself, he knew there was unfinished business but he'd never wanted to get into it before meeting Jani and now? No. It kind of icked him out to think about. Was he oversexed, though? If someone twenty years younger brought it up in that manner? Three, four, five times a day wasn't normal for him either. Maybe that much in a week if he was on tour and super-horny, or conversely, as the summer had proved, sometimes he went weeks or months without.

Well, as long as Jani didn't complain about it, Sav wouldn't worry about it, much. He should concern himself with staying out of trouble – namely groupies – till they could be together again. No, they'd specifically not promised not to do that, other than no other men.

It might be different in a month. Tonight, Sav would sleep with Jani's spunk still on him. He liked to think that it was bonding with him, into him, on some level. He'd have to wash it off in the morning. To that end, he picked out clothes that would suit the various appointments, and then went to clean his teeth and – days belatedly – take out his contacts. The piece of hair Jani had given him was tucked away where he'd left it. Taking a minute to look at it, stroke the long red strands with a fingertip, Sav stopped and looked around; it felt as if someone was watching him. Impossible. He put it away again and fell into bed.

* * *

Even after Sav had hung up, it took Jani a long time until he finally forced himself to hit the 'end call' button. On his way back to the hotel, he noticed how tired he really was. He resisted the temptation to smoke a last cigarette before turning in – and immediately had to fight the urge to call Sav and tell him about it. How on earth was he supposed to last a night without Sav, let alone weeks? There was no way he was going to live through six weeks without Sav... Jani would somehow travel there – he had no fucking clue how, but he'd somehow make it happen.

After that decision, he was even smiling a little when he unlocked the door to their room. Henkka was still snoring and apparently hadn't noticed that Jani had been gone. Yawning widely when his eyes fell on the clock and saw that it was past three already, Jani was glad they didn't have to get up early. Despite the emptiness in the bed beside him, he fell asleep almost instantly.

* * *


	2. Sunday, 13 August 2006

* * *

Sav's alarm went off at 9:00AM, which was still too early, but he'd had six hours and the long nap the day before. Rolling out of bed, squinting in the daylight, he knew that a shower was inevitable. His earlier comments about 'ripe' were coming to fruition. It was a different stink than just being sweaty from effort, more... fermented. Skunky. Sav scrubbed himself twice with shower gel in case it lingered.

His first appointment – an interview – was at 10:30 and he wanted to be a little bit early to field the questions. It was rare these days that anyone surprised him, but it had been a few weeks and he had better have his answers down pat. In the kitchen, he took a minute to make a coffee, sighing over the connotations. His and Jani's first cups from it together, after he'd bent Jani over the car, which had also been the first time he'd taken his yet-inexperienced lover from behind. Jani arriving – naked – beside his bed, breakfast tray of food and coffee in hand...

Enough. His 'new relationship' excuse for procrastinating his responsibilities was over. He and Jani were now established, or as established as they could be. Time to get on with it. Tossing his dry-clean-only clothes into a carry-all and that into the passenger seat, Sav drove to the radio station. His – female – interviewer was young, cute other than over-large ears and kind of awestruck, which was by no means unusual. Sav found it charming rather than annoying, that she got tongue-tied and he had no problem guiding the flow of it. If she hadn't been someone quite as ingenuous, his patience might not have been so vast. That was something he needed to work on. Def Leppard's fans and other followers couldn't stay 18 or 25 or even 40 forever.

From there, to the cleaners. It was rare for Sav to deliberately make use of his celebrity, he found it tacky. Today he did it just to get his clothes tended to same-day, as well as paying a hefty charge for the expedited weekend service.

Then to his GP. His doc must have had some future favour in mind to accommodate him on a Sunday for non-urgent care. There, he got the expected earful about not doing his physio and did he really think he would heal any faster by ignoring it. The bruising had all but faded; the musculature was still a bit sore with some movements. Sav knew he could perform on stage no problem, but was still at greater risk for reinjury. He took the lecture and promised – himself – to do better. Jani wasn't the only one who needed to make a few changes. A few weeks of physio was nothing like kicking a 10-year drinking habit, he was certainly aware.

His other – and actually, main – reason for seeing his GP was taken care of, as well: STI screening. He asked for every conceivable test and would have the results in a few days, in other words, when he could find the time and privacy to call them back once the results were in. Though he had no reason to be, he was still a little anxious, and would be till he had answers.

Lunch... skip it, no time. He still had to give the second interview and then see his acupuncturist.

* * *

Jani woke to the sound of someone taking a leak in the adjoining bathroom and he smiled. Sav would return to him in a minute and then they'd...

He blinked and sat up. It wasn't Sav in the bathroom, it was Henkka. Sav was in Sheffield, preparing for tomorrow's flight to the US where Def Leppard's tour was about to start. Reaching for his mobile phone on the nightstand, Jani saw that it was already noon. There was no message from Sav, and Jani hoped that he was still sleeping, not only because he reckoned that Sav wouldn't get much sleep during the upcoming weeks, but also so the first thing he'd see when he woke up would be the text Jani was about to send. The thought made him smile.

_Hei Sav, just woke up after sleeping well. Breakfast now, then festival site. Miss you. Love you. J._

He hit send and laid down again, closing his eyes just for another moment until Henkka would vacate the bathroom.

* * *

Around the time he'd left the house, Sav had had a text from Jani but hadn't answered, thinking that if he started in he'd find himself texting and driving, or they'd want to talk and he didn't have much time for that. Hopefully Jani hadn't been too tired or drunk to remember Sav telling him that he'd be very busy today.

By the time the GP appointment was over, his mobile was burning a hole in his pocket. Sav returned to his car, got in, rolled the windows all the way down because it was broiling hot inside, but didn't start it. He was kind of kicking himself for not answering before. It had been a long time since he'd been in a relationship, years. If he was going to keep it, he needed to be more considerate of the other person, namely Jani. Hurriedly, he sent a text:

_Hey Jani, sorry about the late reply, had appointments, taking a short break now. What r u doing? Do u have time to talk?_

It was possible Jani had returned to the festival already, in which case it would be texts only, if that. Well, he'd know soon.

* * *

When Henkka returned from the bathroom he gave Jani a sharp look and asked, "You okay?"

"Huh?" Jani's eyebrows went up. "Sure. Why are you asking?"

"Never seen you with pills other than the anti-hangover kind."

"Yeah, well." Jani usually ignored this kind of question, so he was a little surprised that Henkka asked about his health. He was even more surprised by himself that he considered answering it. Maybe that he'd decided to open up to Sav was bleeding into his other relationships. Then again, he shouldn't have left the pills out in the open in the bathroom. "They're kind of a leftover from the infection I had after my surgery. To make sure it doesn't return. I'm good now and intend to stay that way, and in order to achieve that, the docs told me to continue medication for a while."

Henkka looked satisfied, so Jani got up and went to the bathroom himself. As he didn't want to obliterate all traces of Sav on him by showering, he slathered his armpits with deodorant, then shaved and cleaned his teeth. Considering washing his hair, he decided against it: the craving for coffee was too strong. He'd postpone it till after breakfast. Or until after the show, it was going to be another warm day and he'd sweat like a pig anyway.

After breakfast and several litres of coffee, Sonata and their crew returned to the festival site at around two o'clock in the afternoon. There'd be a brief soundcheck right before their show and other than that they were free to enjoy the day. In theory. In practice, Jani's hands began to shake as soon as he looked at the stage. It was going to be a long day, they weren't up until midnight. He'd warned Sav that he'd probably need to get very drunk by the time their show started, but he hadn't expected to be so nervous already this early. If he drank too much now he wouldn't be in a good place later on when he had to play. It sucked. Why couldn't he just get over his fucking stage fright?

Marko brought beer and although they didn't overdo it, soon Marko, Henkka, and Jani were tipsy enough for Jani to forget about the fact that he'd have to perform tonight. It was warm, the bands were good, and life in general was good, with the obvious exception that he was missing Sav.

At some point, his phone announced a message. Jani's heart leaped when he opened it – it was from Sav. According to the looks he received from his bandmates when he replied, he must have had a huge smile plastered all over his face, but he didn't care, nor did he care about the ribbing he knew he was going to receive the moment he put his phone down.

_Hei Sav, good to 'hear' from you. Back at the site, sitting in the sun, drinking beer with Make and Henkka. Can't talk, but keep texting. xxx Jani_

"So who's your new girlfriend?" Marko grinned and Henkka chimed in. "We wanna know all about her."

Jani rolled his eyes and opened another beer.

* * *

_Ah, OK. Hope you got some sleep. Enjoy summer while it lasts. Just took care of my side of what we agreed on, BTW._

Okay, that wasn't all that subtle. Not very clear, either. How could he say 'I just got tested' in code, anyway? He added,

_I'll know in a few days. I'm confident there won't be any barriers, our next meeting._

Sav declined to say anything about drinking beer. Jani probably wasn't even feeling a buzz on that. He debated asking about their show, since Jani's stage fright was of epic proportions, and decided not to bring it up unless Jani did so.

_Anyone ask where you were these last few days?_

Sav had no idea how up in each others' business Sonata members were, day to day. Sav didn't pry into his bandmates' off-time activities unless they invited it, but when they were Jani's age it was the opposite, always sharing their drinking stories, bragging about getting laid and what other trouble they could get into.

* * *

"No girlfriend," Jani raised his hands. "Actually, the break-up was one of the reasons I needed to get away for a few days." He grinned. "Oh, and I bought a guitar at a second-hand shop, nice instrument. Maybe she's my new girlfriend. Only I don't think Henkka would have appreciated it if I'd bedded her last night."

"Oh, you needn't have suppressed your urges," Henkka grinned back. "I was dead to the world, sorry to have ruined your hot date."

They all laughed and the topic of a potential new girlfriend was off the table. Also, Jani now had a convenient explanation as to why he'd brought another instrument – all members of Sonata except Tommy could play guitar to a degree, and they'd be curious where this new one had come from.

His phone buzzed again and he wasn't going to read the message that he hoped was from Sav again with the band around. Jani got up and excused himself, claiming that he needed the loo. Marko had to go, too – of course! – so Jani had to actually go to the restrooms. Thank goodness, their backstage passes permitted them to use the facilities reserved for the artists that would be less vile than the public ones. As he entered one of the cyan-coloured stalls, he mused briefly why these things were called bajamaja – they were manufactured by a Swedish company, but the Swedish classes he'd had to take at school didn't help with the name. Not that it mattered. What mattered was that there were indeed three text messages from Sav.

After reading them, Jani thought he should have peed first because that was now impossible thanks to the erection that immediately sprang to life when he deciphered what Sav had just taken care of. Holding the phone in his hand, he was sorely tempted to call Sav, but the walls of the cubicle he was in were thin and he didn't want to risk being overheard.

 _Miss hearing your voice,_ he texted instead, _and feeling you. They asked, I said I needed a time-out. Texting from a portable toilet, only privacy available. One day we'll laugh about this... Jani_

He hit send and then noticed that the smell of the place had helped with his boner, so he could piss after all. After washing his hands, he rejoined Marko, who was waiting for him, snickering. "So, no girlfriend, huh? And sharing with Henkka, don't tell me what you just did. I mean you really took your time in there."

"Shut up, fucker," Jani rolled his eyes and punched Marko's arm. "While we're here, how about more beer?"

The distraction worked. Marko didn't mention girls or sex while they returned to Henkka, who greeted them with enthusiasm. Or maybe he didn't welcome them as much as the fresh supplies? They clinked bottles and the party continued.

* * *

As Sav had expected, Jani couldn't get away to talk. Texting from the loo... at least he wouldn't be relegated to that. Phone sex, if they really did that, he'd have to be in his own hotel room or locked in somewhere soundproof. It wouldn't do for a group of middle-aged men to sit around in the tour bus listening to one of them babbling porn dialogue while beating off. Sav had to laugh at that. If he knew the rest of them, he – hypothetically – wouldn't be the only one with his dick in his hand for long.

_Miss u, too. Ur voice and more. Portable toilet at a metal festival w/1000s of drunk fans? Nasty! Ha, ur right, we'll laugh. I need coffee, they'll probably be looking for u. Don't want to but need to get on with it. More appts. TTYS. -Sav_

* * *

Afternoon became evening, which would eventually turn into night. The later it got, the more nervous Jani became. Despite his shaking hands, he was proud of himself of being – reasonably – sober. He intended to keep it that way but wasn't sure if he could.

When it was time to repair to the backstage region, Jani checked his phone again, in dire need of a distraction. He got lucky: there was another message from Sav. Everybody was busy talking to their techs and getting ready for the show, so for once nobody was watching him. The others would soon be looking for him but he thought he had a minute, and he found a space behind a stack of crates to write a reply.

_We're up soon. Nervous. Somewhat glad you don't have to see me like this, sorry. Dunno if I can text again later as we plan to leave right after the show and, well, van, not even a proper tour bus. So don't wait up. Love you. Jani_

He sent it and found his way to their wardrobe. By the time he'd changed into his stage clothes – not his regular ones but a black shirt from Sav under a short-sleeved jacket – his nerves reached a state where he was sure he wouldn't be able to play. His whole body was shaking, he was in a cold sweat and felt nauseous. Funny enough, he noted that this actually wasn't much worse compared to when he was about to go on stage drunk. The thought made him feel better for a second before his fright kicked in again.

Then Tony slung an arm around his shoulders and nudged him, gently, but with determination, toward the stage ramp. Antti held out his Destroyer to him, and...

* * *

Sav gave the second interview and then saw his acupuncturist. It was only a cancellation and luck that had allowed for the treatment today, Sunday, as she'd always kept non-standard hours. By the time he'd finished both, he was getting a headache from lack of food and not enough caffeine. There were no pain killers in his car. It was odd he'd have a headache now, usually having acupuncture would clear that right up. Sav decided he'd grab a coffee out somewhere, and a snack. His clothes couldn't be done for another two hours, if they were on time. Maybe they could deliver them to his house. He'd call.

The second he took out his phone, he knew something was wrong. There was that feeling of heaviness, or maybe more accurately, lack of feeling. He was blinking, well, trying to blink, like crazy, his eye felt so dry all of a sudden. Dreading what he'd see, Sav checked his reflection in the rearview mirror.

Not good. It reminded him of the night he'd met Jani, with the corner of his mouth sagging and the eye on that side all... weird. He wouldn't be able to close it till the symptoms alleviated. Sitting there in his car again, Sav wondered if he should even drive like that. Traffic was light, but it would pick up soon. Parking his car on the street was inadvisable. He had to leave early in the morning with no time to get it, no one to send for it – his mum couldn't drive that beast – and eventually it would be towed away. No, he'd have to chance it.

Before even putting the car in gear, Sav knew he couldn't do it with his vision all wonky. He'd need to MacGyver an eyepatch of some sort. There had to be a first aid kit in here somewhere, hadn't there? Not in the glove box. Not under the driver's seat. Sav had to get out to check under the passenger seat, but he was glad he had. There was a box under there, which miraculously contained gauze squares and a roll of medical tape that was still good.

If Sav wasn't so distressed, like he always was when this hit though it was hardly life-threatening, he might have laughed at his remedial 'bandaging'. He just needed to get home! The drive was a teeth gritting, sweaty, nervous business. Lack of peripheral vision didn't help. He drove under the speed limit and mentally apologised to the cars around him who honked and passed. By the time he pulled into the garage, his hands were shaking so badly he had to sit for a good five minutes before they stopped.

This was stupid. Once inside the house, he peeled the gauze from his face and tossed it angrily in the trash. He refused to be a prisoner of his own health and body. Yeah, the recent stress of him and Jani having to go separate ways hadn't helped, but he'd certainly invited it by pursuing him in the first place. Sav dragged himself into the kitchen. Coffee first, before anything else. He called the cleaners while he waited. No, they didn't deliver, sorry. No, not even for him. Sav knew he had enough clothes to get by for several shows but he liked to be dressed a certain way on stage. Denver was a big enough city, he should be able to find something.

It had been a while and Jani hadn't replied. Sav actually took it as a good sign that he was still having a good time. He wouldn't disturb whatever zone Jani needed to get into, only hoping the guitarist didn't do anything he'd regret later but that was life. Sav went upstairs and – again – revised his travelling wardrobe. When he'd done what he could, he wandered down to the music room. It was strangely empty without Jani, but he still managed to lose himself for a while.

Quite a while. He'd been practicing playing with his eyes closed, easier said than done when he had to move up and down more than a few frets, not to mention his one eye didn't want to close at all. Sav's fingers slipped on the strings when his mobile buzzed. Surprised at the time on the wall clock, he realised he'd been in here for more than two hours. Checking the phone display, Sav saw it was Jani. Pre-show jitters, from the sound of it. Even he still got them.

_Best of luck with the show, and the journey home if you're not able to text/talk. I have to be up early, flight to the US leaves at 11-ish. Was just practicing. Wish u were here to play with. Love, Sav_

And then they'd be on two continents. He'd leave it at that, he decided: Sav wouldn't bother Jani with whatever was going on with his face. He had more feeling than earlier. Most likely it was only temporary and he'd be okay again in a day or two. For certain, he didn't want to have to perform live like this but he'd done it before. Maybe he should consider growing his fringe out.

* * *

That Jani thought he'd die from a heart attack on the stage ramp wasn't a new experience. Neither was it surprising that he made it on stage. He didn't have time to dwell on this, though, as Black Sheep was the first song of their set and he immediately became painfully aware how much neglecting practice for a few days affected his skill. He somehow made it through the intro without screwing up but the looks Henkka threw him suggested that the keyboarder noticed he was off.

The rhythm parts, mostly power chords, were no problem, but his solo brought him close to his limits, and the night was only just beginning. Already, he dreaded the next song, Victoria's Secret, afraid that he wouldn't be able to handle the unison parts he had with Henkka. His pinkie was hurting, and...

Jani told himself it was mostly nerves. He'd played most of the songs on their setlist already after he'd broken his finger and had done okay. Even in Tuska when he'd only had the wires removed right before the festival he thought he'd had less difficulties playing. Of course, he'd been drunk then, just like during every other gig he could remember. Today was probably the first time he was sober enough to question his playing, and he didn't like it. Still, although Sonata's crew had lined up his usual ration of rum and coke right by his stack he told himself he'd try and continue without resorting to it.

He struggled through the outro, which went a little smoother than the intro, then they launched into Victoria's Secret. A look to the audience suggested that they hadn't noticed anything wrong with him, which helped him relax a little and he even managed a brittle smile.

Somehow he'd get through this gig without drinking himself into a stupor. And the good feeling he'd have afterward, especially when he could tell Sav about it, would be reward enough for his suffering.

* * *

No reply from Jani, but he'd expected that. Sav knew he'd be lucky to hear back at all for at least a full day. He decided to have something to eat, then try to rest. If not for the hunger pangs from not eating all day, he'd have skipped that part, too.

In the kitchen, Sav stood in front of the fridge too long, trying to decide. Finally he just made a sandwich and grabbed an apple. As he ate, standing at the counter, he tried to visualise the Sonata set based on what he'd seen in live and on youtube. Damn, he wished he could have gone. There was no way for him to attend their last gig in Jani's home town, either. Nor for Jani to see him live, but after the display of musical flash and skill he'd become familiar with, it was also something of a relief. Sav didn't knock any of his bandmates' skills. It was just that they didn't go for speed or virtuosity, but for the hook, the feel, and of course the harmonies.

And he had to wonder... how many more years would they get by on that? No more Def Leppard was... unthinkable, even with all the wankers online who thought they should have disbanded after High'n'dry, or for sure, Pyromania. Fuck them. Maybe for the first time in a long time, Sav felt like he had something more to give than the same twenty songs, over and over, year after year. Now if he could just do it without looking like he was melting. To that end, he went upstairs and prepared to sleep alone.

* * *

When soloing with Henkka went better than expected, Jani not only relaxed a lot more but he actually began to enjoy the gig. The setlist was still challenging, to say the least, but now Jani decided to face this challenge and come out as a winner. The looks he received from his bandmates from there on showed him that he was succeeding. There were a few times he came close to botching things up but he didn't think anyone noticed. Altogether, he told himself, he was doing a good job.

They ended the regular set with the medley and went off stage for a moment. Tommy and Marko shared a quick smoke while Jani gulped down a bottle of – water! – and towelled his hair. He reeked and although he'd promised himself he'd wear Sav's scent as long as possible, there was no chance his bandmates would let him on the bus later without a shower. Then Antti gave him back his freshly tuned RG and they were ready for the encore.

Don't Say A Word put the audience in a screaming frenzy, and The Cage gave them a final opportunity to show their skills. Jani's finger was hurting badly by now, but he didn't let it stop him. The mood was high and he was now drunk on endorphins. When Tony initiated their classic outro, the vodka song, and held out an according bottle to him, Jani reached for it, frowning when he missed and it fell to the floor. Tony raised his eyebrows and Jani shrugged. Maybe it was the equivalent of a Freudian slip, his body emphasising that it didn't want the booze.

But then things went... awry. Jani joined the song with chords, wondering if his IEM had died or the tech had dialled him out when he couldn't hear the guitar. Looking at his hand, he found that he'd dropped the pick, which happened from time to time, but what shouldn't have happened was that he hadn't noticed it. Strange. Antti had glued a handful of picks on a piece of gaffer tape on his microphone stand, but when Jani reached for them he missed because his hand wouldn't cooperate. Mitä vittua?

Still frowning at his hand, he became aware that his legs were shaking, too. This wasn't stage fright, this was... something was wrong and it felt like... the night before... Suddenly, Tony was at his side, holding him up while he finished the song. They bowed to the audience just once, then Tony dragged him off the stage before Tommy was done throwing his sticks.

"...and here I was thinking you'd decided to grow up when I saw you drinking water. What are you into now, drugs?" Tony hissed, not bothering to hide his disappointment.

"Tony, I don't think..." Henkka.

It was last night all over again. Jani couldn't focus. He was dizzy and felt that his knees were about to give out. "Help..." his voice came out weak, sounding as if it were far away, far and farther...

* * *

Dreams kept disturbing Sav again. All he could remember was storms, like a hurricane but no water. It seemed like he woke up every hour. His mind was trying to burn off unresolved issues, he knew that. By three AM, he was ready to scream none-the-less. Sav punched his pillows, tossed and turned, got up and peed though he really didn't have to go. Checking his reflection, he noted some improvement but the discrepancy was still noticeable. When he laid down again, his dick didn't respond to his touch, which only frustrated him more.

_Jani... can't sleep. Bad dreams or something. On the outside chance you get this, where r u now? Text me when you can. -S._

* * *

The light was so bright that it hurt his eyes. Jani moaned and tried to turn his head away when the glare was switched off. "Sav?" His voice still sounded off, garbled. He wasn't that drunk, or was he? A blond man was looking at him. Jani had never seen him before – or had he? His heart began to race as panic set in. Last night he hadn't recognised Sav. Was this Sav? What was wrong with him that he couldn't recognise the man he loved?

"Please try to stay calm," the man said. "I'm a paramedic and we're taking you to the hospital. Your friends are right behind us. They'll be with you again in a minute."

Jani didn't know what friends the man was speaking of, but since he wasn't Sav, Jani could only hope that Sav would be with him again soon.

The man asked him something but Jani couldn't focus on it. All he wanted was Sav...

* * *


	3. Monday, 14 August 2006

* * *

About the time he finally fell into a deep sleep, his alarm started blaring. Sav groaned and hit the snooze button. He had to be better at sleeping when he was supposed to than this. It had been so much easier when he was younger, to drop off.

When the alarm went off a second time, he forced himself to get out of bed. The first thing he did was check his phone. Nothing, from Jani, but if he was lucky he'd be sleeping. Deliberately, he hadn't left himself much time to get ready this morning; the car would be here in half an hour. A look in the mirror while he was cleaning his teeth told him to leave his contacts out and bring extra eyedrops.

After a quick shower, Sav took all of his luggage downstairs, clumsy business because his main suitcase was huge. Then he remembered – Jani's hair. He needed it with him. Running back up, Sav grabbed it. Close call. He wouldn't have been happy if he'd left it behind. Maybe it would bring him luck, like a rabbit's foot, not that he was superstitious. He'd already locked the case and the driver was now outside, honking, so it went into an outside zipper pocket of his backpack. Then he went through the ritual of rechecking that he had his wallet, keys, passport, got his stuff outside, and set the security alarm. Then they were off.

* * *

When Jani woke up, it didn't take him long to figure out that he was in a hospital. How he'd ended up here, he didn't have a clue: the last thing he remembered was going on stage the night before – or rather what he thought was the night before. He'd been nervous as hell because he hadn't got drunk enough to deal with his stage fright, and there'd been a few close misses in his solos, but that was it. He didn't remember finishing the gig – if he hadn't played it through, Tony would castrate him. He chuckled dryly as he moved a hand down to make sure his balls were still intact – not because he really feared that Tony would have emasculated him, but it could never hurt to make sure, right?

His family jewels were where they were supposed to be, but a tug on his other hand revealed that he had a clip on his index finger, one of these things to measure his pulse. Right, so why was he here... Maybe he'd had another episode like the short blackout he'd suffered on the way from the airport to their hotel with Sav...

Jani flinched hard. Had he texted Sav the night before? His lover would be worried if he hadn't heard from him after the gig. Or worse, if Jani had texted him in a state he had no memory of, Sav would probably be even more worried than if he hadn't heard anything at all. Looking around, Jani located his backpack in a corner of the small room he was in.

When he sat up and made to leave the bed, he noticed that there were wires stuck to his chest, which he tore off, just like the clip on his finger – he really needed his phone. Trust his luck, the wires must belong to some sort of monitor as a series of shrill beeps erupted immediately. Before he could decide what to do, a nurse entered the room.

"You're awake."

So much for stating the obvious. Jani was reluctant to admit that he'd got up because he wanted his phone, but he had another excuse ready that wasn't even a lie. "I need the bathroom." The woman gave him a funny look and he added, "And then could you please tell me what's going on?" He managed a weak smile.

She shut off the noise and pointed to a door. "Please don't lock yourself in and call out if you're not feeling well. I'll let the doctor know that you're awake."

Jani went to the small cubicle and took care of business. When he returned to the room, the nurse was still there, apparently making sure that he didn't faint or whatever. He thought this was ridiculous, but then he remembered that he didn't know what had happened to him, so she probably had a point. On his way back to the bed he grabbed his phone, then let her attach the wires to his chest again. Once she'd satisfied herself that he was properly hooked up to the monitors, she left him alone.

Now that he had his phone and was on his own again, Jani wasn't sure what to do. A look at the time suggested that Sav was either still at home or on his way to the airport. In both cases there was a good chance that he could talk, and Jani wanted nothing more than to hear his voice. However, he couldn't call him, at least not until he knew what was wrong with him. And then... once he'd found out, it would depend on what the doctor told him whether he could burden Sav by sharing it. He'd vowed to himself to not keep secrets from Sav, but, well, he couldn't tell his lover anything he didn't know himself, right?

For now, calling Sav wasn't an option. maybe after he'd spoken with a doctor, then, but the least he should do was send Sav a short text that he was okay – after thinking about this for a moment, Jani decided that it wasn't a lie, right now he was okay. No more but no less either.

_Hei Sav, sorry for the silence. I conked out last night. Still not home yet and I only have a moment on my own, so I'm just letting you know that I'm alive. And that I love you. J._

After sending the text, he laid back and waited.

* * *

The day was cloudy, misty. Sav watched out the window for a while, saying silent goodbyes to his house and recent memories made there, his neighbourhood, and his home town. Just as he wasn't superstitious, he wasn't what he considered overly sentimental. Sometimes he had to shake his head at fans who would scream themselves hoarse or openly weep at their shows. Now that he wasn't moving around much but safely belted into the back seat, a series of yawns caught up to him. He asked the driver to go through a drive-through coffee joint close to the main road and paid for both of them.

Tomorrow already. Time change not withstanding, tomorrow night he'd be on stage again. There was nothing he needed to change with his instruments or rig; his tech took care of restringing and general maintenance. Perhaps as he started to play more – which he was resolved to do – he'd adjust his sound a bit. Or, they'd write new music that would require... something.

They hadn't been on the road long when his mobile buzzed. At this point, it could be anyone, but Sav was hoping it was Jani. He wasn't disappointed. Things seemed to be alright with him.

_I'm alive too LOL! On the way to Heathrow, most of the way to go. How was the gig last night? Get home safely! I love u too. -Sav_

Since Jani couldn't talk, Sav put his mobile aside and pulled out his laptop. The other Def Leppard band members and most of their crew had already been in Denver for most of a day and were gearing up. Seemed like they all felt his absence. There were seven emails between the four of them, kind of strange they were doing that rather than texting. Well, Viv's had attachments that were likely recordings. Maybe the international SMS rates had gone sky-high enough they'd been told to avoid it. Well, whoever signed their cheques could take it out of Sav's share, for whatever texting he did to Jani. For the moment, he settled in, resolved to tackle the correspondence.

* * *

Eventually, a doctor entered with the nurse in tow. He introduced himself, then asked Jani how he felt.

"Okay, I guess, but I'd feel better if I knew why I'm here." His usual reaction if anyone had asked how he felt would have been denial that anything was wrong, but Jani sensed that he was suffering from more than a blackout from drinking too much, and although he didn't have to admit it to the doctor, he was scared. What he remembered was that he'd taken to the stage sober as never before in his life, so one thing he was reasonably sure of was that whatever this was hadn't been caused by drinking. A second thing he assumed was that it had to do with the blackout on Friday night...

Wait, what if it was the opposite of being caused by too much alcohol? Wasn't there a condition, delirium tremens, that alcoholics could develop if they stopped drinking? Jani broke into a sweat. Did this mean he was physically addicted to alcohol? But he'd cut down weeks ago already, so why would this manifest now? Why hadn't he researched this matter before – the answer to that question was easy: he hadn't wanted to know and he'd refused to consider that he had a drinking problem...

"You're here because you collapsed last night. From the tests we ran as well as what your colleagues reported, we think you had what we call a transient ischaemic attack. That's a temporary obstruction of blood circulation in a part of the brain, which can cause all kinds of symptoms. Your friends said you were confused and had difficulties walking and speaking. Such attacks are often precursors to a stroke, however, when we asked if you're on any medication, one of your colleagues told us that you are. He looked in your luggage – he said to give you his apology but we think it's good that he did it – and you're indeed taking a specific anti-inflammatory medication that can cause TIA's as a side effect. We're giving you something to treat this side effect and there are other anti-inflammatories available that won't cause this kind of problem." The doctor smiled reassuringly, then continued. "We decided to keep you in for observation overnight. Since you were, not surprisingly, a little agitated, we also gave you something to relax, and that is still affecting your system."

Jani nodded. That they'd drugged him would also explain his lack of freaking out and that he was so tired...

"Why don't you rest some more," the doctor suggested. "I'll explain the details of your condition to you later when you're more alert. Your friends said to let you know that they decided to stay in town overnight and if you're well enough to be discharged today, of which I'm confident, they'll pick you up so you can travel home with them."

Again, Jani nodded. More sleep sounded good, and home even better. He should probably be more worried, but as the doctor had said they'd talk more later. Right now... His eyes closed...

* * *

Sav still hadn't had a reply from Jani when he arrived at the airport, nor when he made it through the usual hassle of security and to his gate. He tried not to worry. Jani's phone might well have died, not having been charged for over a day unless there was one of those hook-ups to the cigarette lighter in their van.

Before he was ready, they called the start of boarding to his flight. The ticket was first class, and he was practically the first person onto the flight. It would take somewhere around an hour to load 400+ passengers on this transatlantic jumbo jet. He decided to let Jani know he'd be out of reach for a long time.

_Jani, just boarded my flight, won't take off for a little while. I'm bored, wish you were sitting beside me now._

They were already handing out drinks but Sav declined and asked for water instead. Jani would be proud of him.

Luck was with him again, as far as seat mate. Somehow he was alone in his aisle, and he preferred it. He could tell they'd take off soon.

_They'll shut us down any minute. I guess this is it. I'll text you from Denver. -S_

* * *

He didn't know how long he'd slept, but when Jani woke up, the first thing he did was reach for his phone. Blinking when he saw that it was afternoon already, he also noticed he had a message from Sav – no, two, actually. One had arrived only minutes ago: Sav letting him know that his flight was about to take off.

Jani hurried to type a quick reply: _Safe trip! love, Jani_ He hoped that Sav could still read it before he had to turn his phone off.

He needed to pee again. Although he hadn't drunk anything in hours, he guessed they'd given him enough fluids to keep him from getting thirsty; a bruise on his wrist suggested there'd been an IV line. He was, however, hungry by now. When he pondered whether he should call a nurse as to not raise an alarm again when he disconnected what he now guessed were EKG pads, he found it surprising that they'd let him sleep for hours: the last time he'd been in the hospital with the sepsis, he remembered that he'd been poked and prodded all the time, a blood sample had to be drawn, time for meds, this test, then that, change of sheets, anti-thrombosis shot, he hadn't been left alone for as much as half an hour. He wasn't complaining, though, as he felt refreshed now and his head was much clearer than earlier. The drugs he'd been given must have faded by now.

Feeling better or not didn't change that he had to go, so he pressed the call button. A minute later a – male this time – nurse removed the wires. It was only when the man lifted his hospital gown that Jani realised that he was still covered in dry spunk. As he fled to the loo moments later, he told himself that if he'd still be attached to the monitor, an alarm would have certainly sounded because the embarrassment – there was no way the nurse, and before him the emergency personnel from the night before, could have missed what the flaky substance on his chest was – would have made his heart rate spike. He groaned – inwardly, catching himself before he could give the nurse the impression that he needed help – at the thought whether the other Sonata had seen it, too...

He splashed cold water on his face before leaving the toilet. This time, nobody was waiting for him, so he probably was no longer considered to be in immediate danger of keeling over. Good. Jani had no intention of spending even a minute longer here than he had to. He'd probably have to speak with his doctor again, but maybe the process could be sped up if a bunch of metalheads were waiting for him. The remaining members of Sonata were very nice and friendly people – ironically, if there was a not-so-nice band member, it was probably him – but Tommy looked mean when he was worried, which he probably was, and hungover Make and Henkka... Jani doubted the hospital staff would be too enthusiastic to have them there for a longer period. Especially not after a festival weekend.

Reaching for his phone again, Jani decided to call Sonata and tell them to spring him loose. Even they had to be up by now, he thought, but he'd still better call Tony rather than said hungover Make or Henkka...

* * *

The flight attendants went through the safety ritual and Sav buckled himself in. He stowed his laptop in his backpack again and that, under the seat in front of him. The announcement was made to shut off all electronic devices. They taxied down the runway... and then nothing.

The wait drew out longer; people were looking around at each other. Then the captain's voice came through the intercom to say there were mechanical problems with part of the landing gear and they would need to wait for repairs. Twenty minutes became thirty, then forty. The cabin was getting noticeably stuffy. Sav, too was overly warm and starting to sweat. Not how he wanted to start this journey. Why hadn't he thought to include a change of clothes in his hand luggage? Or a stick of deodorant? Yuck.

He'd drunk his bottle of water and asked for another when a stewardess made rounds. So far, they'd been asked to remain seated and keep their mobiles etc. turned off. An older man a few rows behind him, American Midwest by the accent, was harassing the stewardess for not having grapefruit juice. Sav rolled his eyes. He felt sympathy for the airline employee, but didn't turn around. A few passengers had given him the once over already. Almost thirty years in the same band had given him the ability to lip-read the name of said band as well as his own name and he'd seen that, passing between the two women to his right and up a row; they looked like sisters or cousins. Inviting any of that sort of thing wouldn't help matters. He'd been about to recline his seat when he remembered they weren't supposed to do that, either.

A series of thumps vibrated the floor. Some woman actually screamed. What the fuck? After another twenty hours, no, minutes, they got the announcement that the repairs needed were too extensive to complete today and they'd have to deplane. Since this was by no means the first time something similar had happened on a flight, Sav didn't panic – yet. Now for the question of how long they'd be stranded in the airport.

* * *

Of course, his phone's battery had run out, but not before Tony had told him they'd be on their way to pick him up shortly – provided that he was being released. Jani had been about to reply that he was fine and that the doctor he'd spoken to in the morning had already suggested that they'd let him go, but, well, Tony and the others would find out when they arrived.

Shortly after the interrupted phone call, another doctor had shown up. She – this one was a woman – had tested his grip strength, whether his eyes were tracking, and a few more things, then smiled at him and declared him fit to go home. She'd told him again that he'd had a temporary blockage in his brain, very likely caused by his medication. He was advised to take an anti-platelet agent – whatever that was – for another few days and see his doctors as soon as he was back home, so they could put him on a different anti-inflammatory drug. Also, if he noticed even a hint of any of the symptoms he'd experienced, he was to seek emergency medical treatment immediately, as it could indicate an imminent stroke. She thought that the risk was low as long as he discontinued the etori... whatever and took the ASA they prescribed, but he was to watch himself closely. Also, she strongly advised against any kind of stress, and once he was back home, travelling. In particular, air travel should be avoided at all cost.

Jani had nodded through all this. He was due to see his doc in Kemi anyway, and by now, the only thing he was interested in was leaving this place as soon as possible. Man, he hated hospitals! The one good thing about all this was that Sav was now on his flight and Jani needn't think how to tell him what was going on with him. Ten hours to Denver, Sav had said, by which time Jani would have found a way to recharge his phone and figure out what to write.

Shortly after, Sonata had picked him up. He was treated to the best seat on the bus – actually, he had the entire back row for himself, which he loved the guys for – a sandwich and coffee. It was decaf and he pulled a face, but the doctor had recommended he avoid anything that could raise his blood pressure, so decaf it was.

Once he'd eaten and reassured his bandmates that he was okay, he promptly conked out again.

* * *

The VIP lounge, Sav decided, was the best place to wait – and hide out. He arrived back in the terminal with the rest of the herd and then, hat and shades in place again or not, a truly outrageous offer that made him blink and maybe drop his jaw was muttered to him over a standard autograph signing. The woman claimed to have been under the stage in '87. With a daughter and twin sons in tow, all of them barely legal, she claimed access to a whatever the airport version of backstage was, and would he also like to enjoy some young... take his pick... He wouldn't have repeated most of what she said even to Jani. Sav recalled one particular rumour that might have led her to believe this sort of thing was normal for him, which it wasn't and the story was completely false, but even so, almost 20 years ago! He fled, not even bothering to check which way he was going.

It must be his age showing again, he mused as he sat in a corner of the lounge and swirled ice in his glass, that he was disgusted by it. What sort of parent uses her kids to try to relive... he didn't want to know. None of them had blinked, which said this was hardly the first time. Fine, he'd had a shot on the rocks, and made it a double. He'd have made it a triple had there been such a thing.

By the time he was able to put it behind him, he remembered that he'd texted last; maybe Jani had replied. Yes, he had, wishing him a safe trip.

_Flight delayed, "technical difficulties". Waiting for a replacement plane. I have time to talk if you do._

Sav kept his phone out and ordered lunch. As they'd all been warned, it would be a minimum of 90 minutes, which probably meant at least three hours. Having his nose in a book wouldn't hurt in terms of warding people off. Now it was just a matter of hurry up and wait.

* * *

Some three hours after leaving Imatra, they paused their journey somewhere near Kuopio. Everyone had junk food and beer, except their driver, of course, and Jani, who picked a salad with water to drink. His choice got him a few raised eyebrows but where on any other day he'd expected to be ribbed about it, today, he got approving nods. It shouldn't have mattered, Jani was taking care of himself for himself, but the unvoiced support from his friends made him feel good.

Sav would be on the plane for another seven hours. According to the others, who'd travelled from Kemi to Imatra by the same route, they should reach their home town in four or five hours, so Jani would have enough time to recharge his phone there before Sav would land.

They ended their late lunch break and returned to the van to continue their journey.

* * *

After he'd waited the minimum 90 minutes, Sav checked the board for any information on his flight. They'd switched gates, no surprise there. But so far, there was no stated ETA. He walked to the new gate, about ten minutes, and straight up to the desk to ask for any updates. There, he was told it would be at least another hour. At this rate, the only rehearsal Sav was going to get was sound check the next day, which didn't make him happy at all. Well, he'd made his bed and all that. Oh yes he had.

If he started thinking about 'bed' and Jani in those terms, he was going to have another problem to deal with. Bad idea. But how to distract himself? He could do a bit of shopping. Not duty-free, which would be crawling with bargain seekers and he didn't want to chance running into that woman again. It was snobbish of him, but he could tell by her clothes that she was far from rich. Probably a single mum. That alone would garner his sympathy for most women but other than in a larger sense, not so much with her. Airport boutiques were beyond ridiculous as far as price, he knew that, and would make those who couldn't afford their products feel unwelcome. No one said he had to buy anything. First though...

_Hi Jani, Stuck in the airport as expected. Gonna kill time shopping. Might be an hour, might be longer. TTYS, S._

Watching the people around him, Sav wandered store to store for a while. He looked at all kinds of high-end clothes, jewelry, luggage, electronic gadgets, on and on. The next store was toys. He told himself that Phil had kids, whatever, as an excuse to go in. Somehow, Jani's... bonding... to the guitar, Rakas as he called it, extended to taking it to bed with him, which, even now, Sav wasn't sure whether to take that seriously or not. Such a claim had led to Jani's recounting how he'd insisted on taking his favourite toys to bed. He hadn't said what toys those were, and Sav hadn't asked. Now he strolled up and down the aisles, bemused, just to see if anything caught his eye.

* * *

The trip was endless. At some point Jani had borrowed Tommy's phone to call the hospital in Kemi and postpone his appointment to the following day. After that, he'd slept for another hour. They'd stopped for coffee – more decaf; was that the reason why he was so tired? – then played poker for a while. They'd just passed Oulu, so with any luck he'd be at home an hour from now. Unless they drove by Veitsiluoto on their way to Kemi and unpacked their gear...

Jani hoped fervently that this wasn't the plan, but he didn't dare to ask. He'd find out soon enough.

* * *

Sav stared at it a long time. Too long. He couldn't have said what kind it was, but a little red plush bird with black-tipped floppy wings. And it chirped. Jani had his guitar as a surrogate. What did Sav have? Finally he bought the plushie and left. 'What a sap!' he told himself.

An further check on his flight showed another gate change and a boarding time in thirty minutes. Good, if the wait had been several more hours, he would have been at wits end. Sav took a seat near the doors, which he hoped would give the flight attendants the idea to let him board early, if such a thing was going to happen. Out the windows, he saw the jet pulling up slowly. Since he hadn't had a response from Jani yet, he decided not to trouble him till he was about to take off, hopefully for real this time. Why was he tired? It was so exhausting to do nothing...

* * *

They finally arrived in Kemi around eleven – after detouring to their rehearsal pad and unloading. Of course, Jani had only remembered that he could have charged his phone there when they'd been about to leave. Sav must have landed in Denver an hour ago, by now he'd expect news from Jani. Although the first thing Jani did when he entered his flat was plug the thing in, it would take another while for the phone to have enough power for a call. Assuming that Sav would check his mails if he didn't find a text on his mobile, Jani booted up his computer and typed a quick message.

 _Hei Sav,_  
_sorry for being out of touch, my phone died. I hope you had a good flight. We just came in, stayed in Imatra for the night after all, and then everything took muuuuuch longer than planned. I'll tell you more about it later, in person: now that I'm back home I'm sure we can find time and privacy to talk now and then._  
_I'm still wearing 'you', by the way, and will keep it that way overnight, but tomorrow it'll have to go before I see my doctor – I reek. Thankfully, there's no one here to notice now, although I'd love for you to be here, of course, in which case I'd head for the shower NOW. Guess why!_  
_On my way from the hospital I also plan to buy a new phone, one with a better battery life than the cheap replacement I bought after losing mine in Milan._  
_Rakas made it here safely, she sends her love, as do I._  
_Jani_

He read it again before sending it, worried that someone might look over Sav's shoulder, but then the thought hit him that Def Leppard probably didn't have to share rooms. Besides, Sav would know that emails from him were meant to be read in private.

Jani hit send and pondered what to do next. He hadn't lied that he was exhausted although it didn't make sense after sitting in the van the entire day. Still, he'd learned during touring that doing nothing tended to wear him out, and he planned to lead a healthier life altogether, which included regular sleeping hours.

He went to the kitchen while he waited for his phone to return to working order. Pouring himself a glass of milk, he saw that Anni had baked Karjalanpiirakat and he helped himself to a couple of those before washing down his antibiotics with the milk. The food made him even more tired and he returned to his bedroom where he stripped down to briefs and tee-shirt – although he preferred to sleep naked, wearing Sav's clothes would make him feel less alone. He'd have liked to take Rakas to bed, but there wasn't enough space and he was afraid of damaging her. He had a side table that he'd move closer to the bed so he could put her on it but it would have to wait until tomorrow...

Jani was asleep the moment his head touched the pillow.

* * *

This time, Sav was allowed to board with the other first class passengers, not before. He knew not to expect it. The plane was not identical to the first, so there was some scuttling around as to seating. Inside the cabin, the crew were extra-nice to him, every one of them, it seemed, offering drinks, extra pillows, pretzels, water, any- and everything in their limited range. All planes had the overhead light, the left-over no smoking signs, and the call button. He wished there was also a "fuck off" indicator.

He couldn't assume they'd get in the air this time either, but he sure as hell hoped so; he needed to get to the States. He wondered why Jani hadn't answered yet, it had to be late afternoon there already. Probably busy. Just before the doors closed, he sent one more text:

_Round two, taking off in a few. Once again, ten hours till I have access to mobile or comp. Said everything earlier, thinking of u, though. Will txt when I land. -S._

This time they really did take off, and were at cruising altitude in half an hour. Sav sort of wished he had sleeping pills or Xanax or something. Anything to kill time or make him not care. He wasn't going to drink, but he could make use of the extra pillows and blanket. Pushing his seat back as far as it would go, he feigned sleep and eventually it became real. His only thoughts were of relief in escaping his surroundings, and the hope he wouldn't drool or develop a noticeable erection in his sleep.

* * *


	4. Tuesday, 15 August 2006

* * *

It was morning when Jani opened his eyes again, and the first thing he did was check his messages. There were several and he cursed when he learned that Sav's flight had been delayed: It meant that Sav wouldn't have received his mail telling him that Jani was at home now. Sav must have been airborne when Jani had sent it, not at his hotel like Jani had expected. Then he calculated times and time zones and relaxed a little. According to the time this text was sent, Sav had landed hours ago, and there hadn't been a message about the flight being cancelled, so Jani assumed that this time Sav had made it.

Only... Sav had written that he'd text when he'd land, which he hadn't. So had something gone wrong after all? Or had Sav read that Jani's phone was down and therefore replied by email? Jani smiled to himself. That must be it. He opened his computer to check his mail, and went to take a leak while it booted.

* * *

Dinner was served somewhere over the North Atlantic, after which there was no point in trying to sleep again. Sav watched the blinking light on the screen in front of him, willing it to go faster. Other than taking what seemed like forever, it was a typical flight. Immigration in Denver took another aeon, then he was outside with his trolley of luggage and it was night. Scanning through his texts, he was happy to find information as to who was picking him up, where. The case of lightheadedness, he chalked up to the altitude. His eye was still acting up somewhat; all those hours in the arid cabin hadn't done it any favours.

What time was it in Finland? Early morning for a metal musician, no doubt. Sav decided not to text now so he wouldn't risk waking Jani. Besides having been at the festival recently, he'd been recovering from a bad infection, something Sav was late in knowing. And, he was supposed to go to his local hospital to get looked at today, too. Maybe he'd emailed.

Denver was a stop for Def Leppard every tour, meaning Sav was familiar with the landmarks and the skyline. It still took almost an hour to get downtown. DIA was miles outside of the suburbs, and they went through several on the motorway judging by the signs, the industrial district as well, then finally into downtown.

When he was dropped off at the front door of his hotel, Joe and Rick were there to greet him. He hugged each of them one-armed, quickly and, though he didn't show it, somewhat reluctantly, begging off anything more affectionate by holding his shirt out from his skin in pinched fingers and saying, "I wouldn't... long flight." The pleasantries – or not – went on and on. Joe kept prodding him about being out of touch; Sav got the idea that Rick had taken it upon himself to prevent... he wasn't sure what.

At last, he was in his room. Alone. The first thing he did was throw off his clothes and indulge in a 20-minute hot shower. Wrapped in one of the hotel's pristine white waffle-weave bathrobes he plugged in his phone and his laptop to charge, opening his email. Jani had written to him, and the tension built up in his body eased a little.

 _Dear Jani,_  
_Just got to my hotel half an hour ago. Had a long shower and wished you were with me in there, even though, as I keep telling myself, 'Jani doesn't like shower sex'. That's some opening line, huh?_  
_Being it's late in local time, I'm not going to get any sort of rehearsal – my own fault – but I should probably spend whatever time left awake going over my parts. In my head, at least. The minibar is tempting right now. Don't worry. I won't._  
_Wish I had something interesting to report but I really don't. By tomorrow night, it'll be one less show till I can see you again, and we'll be on the road. Ugh, tour buses!_  
_Take care, I love you, and I miss you, your warmth and your scent, the sound of your voice, everything. That goes without saying, even if I don't always in future mails to avoid getting repetitious. Still catching up, I haven't even... you know... but feel free to tell me all about it when you do. :D Okay, maybe now I might._  
_Talk to you soon, I hope. I'll be up – ha – for a little while in case you get this in the next few minutes. Likewise, in case not, good luck with your check-up and when it's done, have fun doing... whatever you want._  
_Love,_  
_Sav_

Once he hit Send, Sav made sure his mobile was within reach and took the book he'd bought in Vantaa and the little red bird plushie out of his backpack. He'd been planning to read. Going to the window, he looked out, across the street at another large hotel. Most rooms had the curtains drawn. Three that didn't were empty. Two more, he thought people were sleeping – he could never do that with the possibility of strangers staring at him. There was the inevitable couple – a man and a woman he thought – having sex against the glass. Wow. That took some balls, or supreme horniness.

But he couldn't watch longer than a few off-guard seconds. It reminded him of what he'd be doing without. Sav crawled into bed and lay there, not sleeping, trying to go over his basslines in order of the set list. Good luck with that. They really needed a new opening number, in his opinion. He should write it.

* * *

Jani already had one foot in the shower when his impatience made him return to his bedroom. When he saw that there was an email in his inbox he congratulated himself for postponing the shower. A wide smile spread on his face when he read what Sav had written. About to reply, he stopped himself: he wanted to tell Sav that he'd had another episode... a TIA, now that he knew what it was called. However, it would be better if he could include an update from his doctor, so he closed the computer again – reckoning that Sav would be sleeping for another few hours – and went to have his shower after all.

The hospital wasn't far from where he lived, and the fresh air felt good although it was only a short walk. Maybe he should take up jogging, Jani mused, at least until the end of summer...

At the reception, he handed over the paperwork from the hospital in Imatra. He didn't have to wait long before his name was called. His physician told him pretty much the same as Jani had already learned in Imatra, that the attacks were very likely related to his medication and that flying may have played a role, too. She suggested he go without the anti-inflammatories for a while and see how it went: Depending on whether he was still in pain, they could prescribe another drug. Discontinuing the antibiotics wasn't up for discussion, and they'd keep monitoring him to make sure the infection didn't flare up again.

Then Jani asked to be tested for STI's. A nurse drew what felt like litres of his blood and he had to pee in a cup. Following that, a – thankfully male – doctor scraped his urethra with a cotton-bud-like stick. This part he hated most because it hurt and he was always sore for hours afterward. Then the guy stuck a finger up his arse. In earlier times, Jani had considered the mandatory prostate exam for STI testing no more than a nuisance, but when the doctor put on a latex glove, he was suddenly nervous: until Sav had shown him, Jani hadn't known how incredibly pleasant it was to have the gland touched. What if...?

He needn't have worried. The brief exam felt as weird as it always had, but it was nothing like Sav's fingers playing with him and he didn't get hard from it either. He was told that he'd receive the results the following week when he came in for the next check-up for his finger, and then he was free to go.

Jani's initial plan had been to shop for a new phone, but he changed his mind. On his way home, he detoured via the K-market and bought fruit and greens in addition to more milk, bread, and cheese, making sure to give the beer aisle a wide berth. Back at home, he noticed that he'd forgotten to buy decaf coffee, but he decided that a single cup of regular coffee would probably be okay. Maybe he'd buy decaf later when he went out again for a phone.

He took the mug with him to his room and opened the mail programme.

 _Dear Sav,_  
_good to hear that you made it alright. I wish I were there with you, but it's probably good I'm not. Because, see, I had a repeat of what happened when we walked to our hotel and flying may have aggravated that. I kind of blacked out at the end of our show. Saw a doctor and they said it's because of some of the pills I've been taking for my hand. Just spoke with my doctor here in Kemi, and she's taken me off those now. They're confident that it won't happen again. I'm still on antibiotics._  
_Had the 'other' tests as well. I guess I needn't tell you that I like your fingers far more than the ones of the doc who did those exams. And the chlamydia test, well, ouch._  
_Anyway, I'm home now, about to have breakfast. Bought some healthy food but no beer and I'm a little proud of that. We'll see how long this lasts. After breakfast I'll see to some laundry, then practice a little. I should be at home most of the day, so feel free to call whenever you like. Can't wait to hear your voice again!_  
_Love, Jani_

* * *

This time change thing was going to take some getting used to. At 8:00 am sharp, local time, the phone rang next to Sav's head and jolted him awake. People always said it was easier to travel west than east. As far as he was concerned, it was a wash. One advantage was that it was already early evening in Finland. As soon as he'd stretched and and got up to piss, Sav put on his glasses and fired up his laptop. Sure enough, Jani had emailed him.

Reading with increasing concern, Sav learned Jani had had another... attack? Recurrence? Being it was two nights ago – Finnish time – and this was the first he was hearing about it, it was obvious that Jani had omitted mention of something he considered important to spare Sav from worrying. Not that it worked, since he now knew there had been a second incident. But hadn't they agreed to be completely honest? Sav wasn't sure what to think. Rather than call when his body was buzzing with adrenaline from being worried, he picked clothes for the gig later, assuming he wouldn't have time to go shopping, dressed, took care of shaving, his hair, contacts, etcetera, and packed up what little he'd unpacked.

Then he picked up his mobile. Jani's name wasn't far down his recent call history. It rang a few times. The tone of the email was that Jani was in good spirits, even joking about the unpleasantries of STI testing, and Sav would keep from being cloyingly concerned... if he could. Finally he heard Jani's voice and he brightened for real. "Hi, Jani! Got your email. Couldn't _not_ call you when I had a few minutes."

* * *

After breakfast and taking care of laundry, Jani checked the time. It was only one o'clock, meaning that Sav would still be sound asleep. At least Jani hoped so for Sav's sake. Def Leppard would have their first show tonight, and although the time difference to England was two hours earlier than Finland, Sav wouldn't get used to the new zone by tonight. Remembering only too well what it felt like to play a show in the US when his body still insisted it was in Finland, he wished Sav that he'd sleep as late as possible.

Denver was nine hours ahead of Finland, meaning it was four in the morning there. Jani made a decision. He intended to spend a lot of time on the phone, so maybe he should not only get a new phone but also a headset – he'd want his hands free at some point when he and Sav spoke. Well, not only spoke...

Jani didn't think Sav would be up for another while, so he left the house and went to check the mobile phone selection at Expert. He quickly found what he was looking for. The salesman gave him a funny look when he paid cash, and Jani smiled at the thought of telling Sav about this later.

On his way back he passed by Kemin Musiikki to buy strings and fretboard oil for Rakas as he suddenly couldn't remember whether his supplies were at home or at the rehearsal pad – of course they were at home as he discovered as soon as he'd returned there.

He was making himself another cup of coffee – cursing himself because he'd again forgotten to buy decaf – when his phone rang. Sav's name appeared on the display and Jani was so eager to answer the call that he almost dropped the phone before his shaking fingers found the right button.

"Hei Sav," he greeted his lover. "How are you?" It was five in the afternoon, so it'd be eight in the morning in Denver. "Did you get some sleep at least?"

* * *

"Yeah, I did finally... morning came too fast. Jetlag. They'll send someone to get me soon but I have a few minutes." Sav took a deep breath. He tried to picture Jani, what he might be doing. Feeling. "It's been... it feels endless, not seeing you. Sounds as if you took the long way round to get home. Are you really alright then?"

* * *

"Well, when I wasn't feeling so good Sunday after the show, it was decided that we'd stay in Imatra for the night and return to Kemi on Monday. We arrived late last night, unloaded our gear on the way here as well, as our rehearsal pad is close to but not in Kemi. So yeah, the long way round describes it pretty well," Jani elaborated.

"As for am I really alright..." He thought for a moment. "Yes, no, and maybe, depending on what exactly you mean. I'm not alright because I miss you. I am alright in so far that, according to my doctor, it's unlikely that I'll have another of these... things. I'm maybe alright, well, my general health isn't as good as it should be, what with too much drinking, smoking, eating fast food, and the infection I had didn't make it any better either. But I'm still working on it. Actually bought salad stuff instead of beer today."

* * *

Jani wouldn't know anything more until his test results were in, so Sav resisted the urge to question him further about whatever had happened to him after the show. "Yeah, ouch. I wish they'd invent a better method of, uh, collecting specimens." He didn't like the swab either. The remembrance was cringe-worthy. "You're doing better than me already, eating healthy, although we have a chef on tour with us so I'll be forced to eat what's served or go hungry," he joked. That wasn't entirely true, but with three among them being vegan or vegetarian, finding a restaurant on the road to suit everyone could be quite a challenge. "It'll be farmers' market organic everything."

Then Sav changed the subject back to Jani's health, couldn't seem to stay off it. "I have to admit that reading that you'd been ill, or blacked out again was a bit of a shock. I mean, when that happened before, it freaked me out but I guess maybe I was in denial it might recur. I'm glad they seem to have pinpointed what caused it, and switched your meds." He swallowed hard. "It's probably overdramatic but I imagined you in a hospital bed, hooked up to machines, unconscious and alone. But you're better now, so that's what counts," he summed up again.

"Um, I had a bit of an episode, too. Nothing serious," he rushed to say, "kind of like the night in Milan. It was after my appointments were done. The scary thing was driving home with my face out of whack. My eye not closing or blinking, all of that. But I made it. It seems to be almost normal again." Here Sav paused. "I didn't tell you by text or email before because it's minor and there was no point in worrying you. But I did want to be honest and let you know – now – in case I happen to look weird on any media that hits the 'Net in the next couple of days."

* * *

"We'll see how long this eating healthy thing lasts. New beginnings and all." Jani was determined to turn his life around but he also considered himself a realist. "Right now I'm all enthusiastic about it, which will wear off eventually; I'm not delusional. Still, I like to think that I'll be able to keep up some of it in the long run. As for you... having your own chef on tour, man," he chuckled. "And I always thought we had it all. I'd love to see that. Maybe one day I could sneak into your entourage. Sure you don't need another bass tech?" Jani laughed.

Then he turned serious again. "So it appears we both had some fallout. I guess stress isn't so good for your face, wish there was something I could do to help. As for me, well, I _was_ in the hospital," he admitted belatedly, "and they had some wires on me, but not hooked up to machines to keep me alive." That had been the case when he'd come down with the infection but he wasn't going to tell it to Sav now. Maybe another day.

"As for alone and unconscious, they gave me something to help me sleep, and the band left – thank goodness, I'd have hated for them to stay up all night while I was peacefully conked out. But as both the doctors in Imatra as well as mine in Kemi said, I should be fine. I'll take it easy for a while in any event. Our next gig is in two weeks, and until then I plan to not do anything more demanding than playing with Rakas."

Jani grinned although Sav couldn't see him. "And with myself, of course."

* * *

Some bands, Sav was more than aware since they'd been on the road with them or played festivals with them, really did allow extensive hangers-on to travel with them. They'd never done so. Family was allowed, and occasionally, girlfriends. Everyone else had a job to do. "Entourage... we have a lot of crew, we have to with the shows we put on, not bragging or anything. The chef is a luxury, I can admit to that. It is nice to have the option to eat healthy, not just fast food, diners, or crap from gas stations like when we were getting started. I've been happy with my tech but I'll keep you on the short list in case I ever need a replacement. So, uh, what experience do you have?" He wasn't serious, and went on before Jani felt like he was asking for a verbal CV, "Just kidding, but it sure would be nice to have an excuse for you to be on the road with me. No one would even blink."

Jani was right that stress was the most determining factor in Sav's flare-ups; otherwise, they were unpredictable. "I'll try not to let my worry-wart tendencies get away from me, and yeah, do take it easy, please."

He'd been expecting something like this to come up: Jani's mention of anything sexual had Sav's dick twitching. Unfortunately, he had very limited time, and the thought of not being able to finish made him hesitant to start. "Good plan, playing with Rakas and yourself. That sounds, uh, relaxing. So... how about now? They're gonna knock on my door any minute, but I can text whoever that I'm in the bathroom or something if they come round before we're... done. If you feel like it, that is."

* * *

He'd meant it as a joke when he'd mentioned playing with himself, but now that Sav was suggesting to take him up on it Jani's dick began to swell immediately.

"Do I feel like it or what?" He cleared his throat. "How do you want to do this?"

* * *

'How'? Sav snorted. "Take it out and touch yourself...? How about... I'll tell you what I'd do to your junk with my mouth if I was there, on my knees between your legs, and you can tell me what you're doing with your hands, imagining it." That was somewhere to start anyway.

* * *

"Fuck, yes," Jani blurted out. He transferred the phone to his other hand and worked his jeans open. Thank goodness he wasn't wearing one of his usual tight pairs today because of the STI tests earlier. He pushed them down to his knees and took himself in hand, smearing the fluid that had seeped out already around the head.

"Touching myself, but, well, I think, could you, um, only if that's okay with you, of course, but could you maybe use your hands instead of your mouth? That'd make it more, um realistic."

* * *

"Okay, sure..." He should have done it before, but Sav lowered his voice. No need for whatever unsuspecting employee they sent after him to get an earful of that. "Always happy to have my hands on you. I can help you beat off, Jani. Wrapping my fingers around you now, so I can feel you getting hard inside my hand. It happens fast, and I squeeze just a little against the hot blood making me loosen my grip."

Hot blood was right, most of Sav's had decided to pool between his thighs but he was resolved to keep it in his pants. "I know how good it feels to have the foreskin played with, up and back, but should I do that to you already? How bad do you need it? Swiping my thumb across your little slit, Jani... are you wet for me?"

* * *

"I'm hard... in your hand," Jani moaned as he squeezed his hand tight around his swelling shaft. He bit his lip when Sav mentioned playing with his foreskin and he nodded. Waiting for Sav's reaction, it took him a moment to realise that Sav couldn't see him.

"Yes, please," he said. "M-my foreskin, love it when you play with it. I'm so hard that it's half-way down already, and I'm leaking like a sieve. For you," he groaned. "What about you?" Jani asked. "Are you wet for me, too?"

* * *

"I..." Sav realised he was. "Uh-huh. Just leaked a little... and it's gonna be noticeable in a minute if I don't do something." He stood – to his feet – unbuttoned his light blue jeans and carefully unzipped. "I was just gonna get you off. Better get rid of this wood or it'll be popping up all day. So then yeah... I know how you get, it's like your heartbeat pounding in iron but the skin is so silky when it gets stretched," Sav hoped Jani didn't mind the adjective, which most would consider feminine. "It's sexy as hell... I move it over the ridge, and back, but soon I can hardly move it at all and I just keep stroking, using your juices to slick my hand. Gawd, I love the feel of you throbbing for me."

Somehow, he managed to take himself out before he left a big spot in his pants. "Working myself now... like I said I'd do you."

* * *

Confused by Sav's statement that apparently he didn't want to get off himself, Jani refrained from asking: What with Sav being on the road, who knew if they'd find time to do this again soon? Also, he didn't want to spoil the mood. Besides, he had better things to do than worry...

"Playing with my foreskin now," he pressed out as he slowly slid the already tightening sheath of skin down over the ridge and up again. "Feels so good! I love your hand on me! Tell me... how it feels... for you..."

* * *

"It feels... so good... the way you play with me!" The description 'good' was far from adequate. It'd been only a couple of days but already it was like he hadn't been touched in months. Sav let out a gasp as he pulled a little at the looser skin, slid it up and back. His nerves sang and his balls tingled and he wondered at his earlier thought that withholding his own pleasure would be good for him. Not so!

"If I close my eyes, I can picture you here, let this be your hand. The perfect rhythm and pressure. It feels so much better when you touch me. I can't hold still, wanna slide myself through your fingers, ride your fist, mmph!" Sav's hips did the involuntary dance, jabbing forward through his own hand.

He could picture Jani as well, facing him, their bodies aligned. "At the same time, while I keep playing with you till you can't help it and move with me to get more sensation, I reach down with my other hand to handle your balls, just hold them secure. They're already tight, heavy." Sav groaned, and murmured, "Like mine, I'd bet, full and aching."

* * *

"I'm lying on my bed, on my back with my head propped up against a pillow," Jani described. "I'm about to untie my hair with my left hand, it's getting kinda hot here," he laughed.

"Still playing with my foreskin, imagining it's your hand. Strong and confident when you'll stroke me to the peak later, careful and gentle now. Feels so good, sliding it up and down over the rim, that's where I'm most sensitive. I'm using only my fingertips for it, going slow although I want to speed up, it takes all my patience and self-control but it's so good that I want it to last a little longer. But now, as you said, I'm beginning to thrust into my hand because I can't help it."

He moaned. "Foreskin is tight but I'm so wet that it's still smooth. I... wanna tighten my hand and make longer strokes, can I? And now my other hand, reaching down. My balls are tight and dense, so heavy that there's a pulling sensation from them hanging. So when you say to hold them secure, I lift them up. They're still aching because they're so full, close to bursting. I haven't got off since Saturday morning, which makes it three and a half days. So I need it really bad..."

* * *

Three days? Sav added it up; Jani was right. Even his airport adventure had been on Saturday morning. "I guess it has been that long, huh? I can feel how bad you need it, Jani. Hurts, but its gonna be that much better when you let go. Using my fingertips, surrounding the head, to make sure you get every needy piece of skin loved. Keep it easy for now till you're close, so close and yeah, you can use longer strokes. Lick your hand if you need more slick."

It felt like his mouth had all dried up, despite how it was watering. Sav swallowed the fluid and went on softly, "I'm getting there already... if we were together, I'd ask you to come on my dick, and let me come on yours. Your hot cream spurting on _my_ most sensitive parts, the head, the ridge, into my tiny hole, nnngg!" Again, his balls twinged, wanting to unload. Not quite yet...

* * *

"How long's it been for you?" Jani asked. "Have you... after the airport loo? Thinking of you, stroking yourself with one hand while your other hand touches lower, rubs behind your balls. I wish I'd come all over you already, so you'd swipe your fingers through my mess, slick them up so you could fuck yourself on them."

He was struggling hard to keep his strokes slow although he now made them longer. "Sav, getting close here. Keep talking, wanna hear your voice when I come."

* * *

"No, not since then, in the loo, when what you said... that's gonna be burned in my mind forever," Sav moaned. "Time since was endless, and fast. You want me to keep talking? Try and shut me up! Alright, I was standing but I've gotta lay back on the bed now, 'cuz if you want me to touch there, I gotta have more room. I-I... just hiked my foot up on the mattress and now I gave my balls a squeeze, god they're swollen, Jani, they're so full. How was it I never noticed till I heard your voice? Fuuuuuck! I think I just milked them a little, there was a big drop of slick... Now under them, and I'm pressing down on that spongy spot back there," he let out a high whine, and dropped his volume further. What if someone was standing outside his door, hand poised to knock, listening in? It shouldn't but it made his gut dive-bomb in the way that only meant turn-on.

"I think you _know_ what else wants to be touched, it's throbbing so hard for you, clenching, wants to be opened and filled... but now you're coating me in your slippery mess, so much of it; Jani, you needed to come so bad didn't you? Let it out for me, till your stones are dry, get it all on me so I can beat off with your jizz. It's the best lube, the best, warm and gooey, your love, ooooohh... gonna come, gonna...!"

Just then, as his body flooded with endorphins and his balls broke and Sav shot the first jet onto his belly, three sharp knocks sounded on his door. He gritted his teeth and whispered Jani's name and closed his eyes, still shooting, milking out of himself with both hands. He could only hope his dirty talk and Jani's imagination had truly pushed his lover over the edge as the pained moans in his ear would indicate, because his time was up.

Moving his mouth away from the mobile, he shouted, "I'm coming!" to whoever was out in the corridor. "Uh... give me five!"

Whispering again, Sav said into the phone, "I'm so sorry, they're here. I love you, Jani... gotta have to do the world's fastest clean-up now." There was a streak of his own come on his chin, probably in his hair, and he'd definitely have to change shirts.

* * *

Jani listened to Sav's description and became more and more breathless while he worked himself harder, too. Then Sav told him to let it out and while Sav continued to speak, Jani could hear him losing it. Jani wasn't far behind either, but his head thrashed on the pillow and, of course, he dislodged the phone. He'd reached the stage where he couldn't fetch it back, and a second later he was coming, coming, spraying his tee shirt with warm goo, imagining it was Sav's and that he was bathing Sav's chest in his own spunk.

"Yes, Sav, oh Sav," he kept moaning, hoping that Sav could hear him although he had no idea where his phone had gone. Vittu, he should have set up the new one with the headset earlier. Well, from now on, this wouldn't happen again.

After wiping his hand on the shirt, Jani found his phone, but when he asked, "Sav? You still there?" all he got was static. Huh?

However, in that moment, he heard the front door being unlocked: Anni was coming home from work. Maybe Sav had been interrupted as well; he'd said he didn't have much time. Jani laughed, feeling relieved: apparently, they'd both just about made it without being caught.

Anni would hog the bathroom for a while, so Jani had time to send Sav a quick text: _Sorry, I dropped my phone. In case you didn't hear me, this was great, we should do it again!!! <3 J_

* * *

Now that it was over, Sav lay there for a few seconds, panting. "Fuck..." That, and he was giggling. Dropping his mobile from where he'd wedged it between his ear and shoulder, he saw "Call Ended". Jani must have thought he meant he was about to be walked in on. That could still happen if he didn't hurry – he didn't know who had a master key. Not daring to touch the phone buttons with his sticky hands, Sav levered himself up to his feet and shuffled into the bathroom to wash. Damn, he was a sight. Well, they had hair and make-up people for later. Till then, he was only worried about not having spunk dripping from his hair. After this, he might have to consider putting it in a ponytail for phone sex.

Once sure he had removed any unwanted 'products' from his hair, Sav tossed his now inside-out shirt into the outside pocket of his suitcase. He had to unzip the damned thing to get a clean one. It was the short-sleeved black one Jani hadn't worn the other day, slightly wrinkled but not too bad. Grabbing his mobile again, he saw Jani had texted, but he needed to move it – he'd answer over breakfast or coffee or whatever was planned.

The – intern, he assumed – young woman standing outside his door with a clipboard blinked and widened her eyes and he hurried past. 'Here we go again,' was the best he could do, taking the lanyard she held out and dropping it over his head. He had to admit, his stride felt loose and... slutty. Hopefully no one smelled it on him, what he'd just done, but he had washed.

The remainder of the band were in the lobby, Rick posing with some fans, Phil and Viv looking at the screen of a laptop Viv was holding, and no surprise, Joe giving him the hairy eyeball over his aviator shades. "Cheers, mates," he said by way of greeting. The girl who'd knocked on his door trotted up behind them, and then they all proceeded to the bus.

* * *

As he'd expected, Anni was in the bathroom, so Jani wiped his dick on the shirt, too, then pulled on a fresh one and went to the kitchen. He took the greens he'd bought earlier from the fridge and started washing them – beginning with his hands, of course. When he was half-way through chopping them up – the greens, not his hands – Anni joined him and asked if he wanted help with the food.

While they prepared the salad together, Jani wondered once again how it was possible that after the months of fighting he really enjoyed her company, and so, apparently, did she. It was probably better not to bring it up, though, so he kept his mouth shut.

"So how did the gig go? And your holiday?" Anni asked after they'd finished their meal and she'd made coffee.

Strongly tempted to tell her about Sav, Jani hesitated then decided against it. One day. If he'd be ready one day, Anni would probably the first person he'd tell, even before Risto. But that time hadn't come yet. Still, why not give her an edited version of the truth? The other Sonata already knew that Sav had 'saved' him in Milan, so why not tell Anni, too? He made up his mind and spoke.

"I stayed with a friend. We met in Milan when I broke my finger, and he helped me. I'd lost my phone so I couldn't call the guys, and I was a bit... beside myself, in shock. So he took care of me. He's a bassist with another band that were on that night. Name's Sav and we kept in contact. When I needed to get out of here, Sonata, everything, he invited me to stay at his place for a few days."

Anni was a metalhead but Jani knew that Def Leppard wasn't on her radar, so she wouldn't recognise the name – and if she did, it wouldn't make a difference.

* * *

Breakfast was uneventful, which suited Sav fine. He recalled Jani telling him he'd picked up fresh veggies and so on, and decided to skip the bacon and sausages. He'd indulged himself enough during break. Strong coffee, he did want that. He was mostly quiet, listening to the comments flying back and forth between the others about the venue, the set list, and so on. Denver was one of those cities that they felt Steve's absence most, even Viv if for different reasons than the rest of them. It was just a city in the middle of their extensive Hysteria tour, but so much of their video footage for the later compilation videos like Armageddon It had been shot there, and even now different fan vids of it would show up on youtube from time to time. At this late date, whatever his own feelings, he knew, hell anyone could see how Phil and Steve were made for each other, but they hadn't worked out either. He'd do what he could, if presented with the opportunity, to make sure Phil didn't fall off the wagon again. The guitarist hadn't remembered much but, Sav could tell, was deeply disgusted with himself afterward, in Minneapolis, for drinking.

At the end of the quick meal, he sent a text to answer Jani:

_Dropped ur phone huh? Dunno if that's better than being interrupted by a nervous little intern or what?! LMAO!! Yes, we will be doing that again. Try and stop us, right? Have a good night w/your healthy new diet. No really, good on you. Missing you! -Sav_

* * *

Jani kept talking with Anni for a long time, surprised how easy it was between them now that they were no longer a couple. When she remarked that he looked tired, he admitted that he'd had a reaction to his medication, omitting, of course, how bad it could have got. He still didn't want anyone to know, not even Sav. Or especially not Sav, maybe, at least not right now when he was on tour.

Then Anni told him a little about her work, and before Jani knew it, he started to yawn and he excused himself. It wasn't very late yet, but he _was_ tired. So he'd spent a lot of time sleeping when he'd visited Sav, but they'd more than exhausted each other with sex. He'd been all keyed up during the festival weekend, and now it felt as if the past weeks were catching up with him. Since the next big event on his agenda was the gig in Kemi at the end of the month, Jani decided that this was a good time to take it easy and look after himself. Eat healthy, smoke and drink as little as possible, maybe go for a walk now and then.

And practice guitar, of course. He'd set up Rakas properly the following day and spend as much time playing her as he could. Not only would she help him get his pinkie really back into working shape, but she'd also help him miss Sav less...

Sav. While speaking with Anni, Jani had thought of him all the time, but he hadn't felt Sav's absence as acutely as he did now that he was alone. Sav was likely busy preparing for tonight's gig, but Jani's face lit up in a big smile when he saw that he had a text message. He typed a short reply: _Salad was great. I could get used to it. Not as good as your cooking, though. :-) I'll email more. TTYS hopefully! J_

After hitting 'send', he opened his computer and started a mail.

 _Dear Sav,_  
_I'm happy to hear that you, too, say that we'll be doing that again. As for what 'that' exactly encompasses, I hope dropping the phone isn't part of it: I bought a new one today, one that comes not only with a better battery life but also with a head set. With any luck, we won't miss hearing each others' moans and gasps the next time we're on the phone when we're alone. (And yes, call me oversexed, I'm totally blaming you for it!)_  
_I had the salad with Anni. We're not fighting any longer and sharing the place isn't a problem at the moment. I told her I was visiting you but introduced you 'only' as a friend. That should also explain why I'm going to listen to a lot of DL in the near future to feel closer to you._  
_I also bought strings for Rakas today. She's up for some serious TLC from me tomorrow, which she'll receive in your place. I haven't forgotten that I promised you bass tabs for Sonata songs. My five-string will probably need some work as well as I haven't played it in a long time, so that's on the agenda for tomorrow, too. I'll probably spam you with emails about every tiny detail so I'll be in some form of communication with you._  
_Still tired, I'm trying to make it an early night. Hopefully I'll dream of you!_  
_Love, Jani_

* * *

How was it with so 'little' time away, and his parts were not that difficult, that Sav felt so rusty? No one glared at him or anything, but he did go off by himself for a while to practice his solo – why had he thought that was a good idea? – and the intro to Rock On. This was not acceptable. He was going to find a music store as soon as possible and set himself up with some sort of tiny amp. He had his acoustic bass but it felt different, he only ever used it for one song.

Then there was lunch, after which they had to do the usual promotional stuff, radio interviews, talk to reporters, blah, blah, blah. Phil and Joe were paired up with each other today, and Rick as per usual did these appearances by himself, so Sav was with Viv. That was okay but since they hadn't had time to get their stories straight, they ended up talking over each other or making each other laugh a couple of times. Maybe it was more... natural that way. Somewhere in the middle of that, he noticed he had a text from Jani, but decided to wait to read it in case his expression gave something away. Jani was probably in bed by now anyway.

It was becoming obvious to Sav that he wasn't going to have time to find a music store nor one with the sort of clothes he'd wear on stage. The plan was to load onto the bus and hit the road as soon as the show and all the 'after' events were finished. That was something he'd probably have to wait for a day off to do. If only he'd had enough self-discipline to deal with it back home.

Dinner was light, and mostly vegan cuisine. The three non-meat-eaters referred to him and Joe as "the carnivores" these days. Sav had to force his mind away from thinking about what meat he'd eaten recently. Or more accurately, whose.

They headed back to the venue and the ritual began. Two hours, give or take, and counting. Sav waited his turn while their two hairdressers fussed over Joe and Viv. They'd all have to be primped again at the last second. Funny, he mused, how he took all this as a matter of course. Jani and his lot probably threw on whatever was reasonably clean and maybe combed their hair – or not, if they were Henkka. The thought of the keyboardist's wild hairstyle made him smile.

Soon enough, it was his turn. Jani had said something about his hair: blond curls. In the heat, his natural texture always came through, no amount of flat-ironing could keep it straight for long. Feeling like someone's prized pet, he sat still and let the woman tame and burnish the mass into what the fans expected. Sav, the pretty one. Fuck, how had he fallen into that?

He had little time to consider it. Time to get dressed. Then to go backstage and talk to his tech. Joe was back there, handing out shots from a bottle of single malt. After hesitating a moment, Sav held out his hand and took one. Tradition.

* * *

After sending the mail to Sav, Jani settled with Rakas. Just a few minutes before he'd go to bed, he told himself: He really needed the practice.

To his surprise, it was two hours later when he put her down. He hadn't enjoyed playing guitar so much in a while; what was supposed to be fun had become something of a day job, a duty. Not that he didn't love his RG and Destroyer – and his other instruments – but this was different. It wasn't only the instrument itself and her connection to Sav but also that he realised that it was the first time in months that he'd played for himself, and not for Sonata, for work.

Jani had dreaded to be alone again after Sav had left. As it was, he missed Sav dearly, but he still felt good when he went to bed. As before with eating salad rather than junk food and not having a couple of beers and cigarettes before turning in – hours earlier than his usual bedtime – he had the sense that he was on a good track.

He fell asleep with a smile on his lips when he thought of telling Sav about it later.

* * *

This, Sav supposed, was why they still did it: the screaming and dancing and crowding the walls, all of the... appreciation. Well, that, and making a living. No one could say he wasn't doing his job; he got into it after the first few bars and rode the adrenaline high for the duration. In this, the five of them were totally matched, totally suited to work together. He stopped caring about whether it was about the music or the performance and gave himself over to it, all of it.

He found himself backstage, drenched in sweat and dehydrated. Sucking down about a litre of water, he hit the showers with the rest. Suddenly, he was a little self-conscious. He'd left bruises on Jani; he hadn't even bothered with checking for any on his own person. He couldn't remember any hard suction – other than to his dick – or biting or pinching. His lover was more conscious of leaving marks than Sav, or it just wasn't his thing. Fuck if it was anyone's business anyway.

They all finished and got dressed again. No one made any comments so Sav figured he was safe. Then there was the backstage meet-and-greet, which seemed to go on for hours. Sav could barely see a thing by the end, what with all the flashes popping in his eyes. A few of the fans looked familiar, but it wasn't 'him' to play favourites. He did his job, end of story.

At very long last, they made it back out and to the bus. Before they rolled out, while they still had WiFi, Sav opened his email. There was one from Jani, which was the only one he cared about at the moment. Seemed like he was happy to be home, and that things were going well enough with his ex, and his plans to improve his life. Rakas would get the guitar equivalent of a spa day – Sav had suspected that Jani would take extra-special care of... her. The driver started the engine, and Sav wrote back quickly:

 _Dear Jani,_  
_First show is done and we're driving all night. I just have a minute. Thanks for your email, it sounds like home is treating you well._  
_I had a shot of whiskey before the show, but just one. I'm happy that you're happy... with the changes in your life. I feel like an outsider right now, I don't know why. Maybe it's because I don't want to get too close with anyone where they'd even suspect something is different. It's kind of strange, since this band is pretty much my life and has been since I was 16 or 17. Well, you know how that is._  
_Regarding your new phone (cheers!), we will break that in soon, with all kinds of noises and words not fit for general consumption :D_  
_Bleh, I gotta go before I lose my signal. I love you, can't wait to see you again though I know we have weeks to go._  
_Love,_  
_Sav_

The email went through, and not a second too soon. They were moving.

* * *


	5. Wednesday, 16 August 2006

* * *

Jani groaned as he rubbed his aching erection against Sav's hip... until he opened his eyes and found to his utter disappointment that he was humping his mattress. His bladder was killing him but there was no way he'd be able to pee, not with the hard-on of the millennium. As he rolled on his back, he closed his eyes again and began to stroke.

Calling up the image of Sav's face when he came and pretending that it was Sav's dick he was pumping ensured it didn't take long for Jani's balls to draw up. His hips made rhythmic, thrusting motions and for a moment he imagined what it would be like to be inside Sav, dragging his cock over Sav's sweet spot and... Jani's head reared up when his balls spasmed and he shot all over his chest and belly in long ropes.

He remained lying on his bed panting for a minute, then his bladder insisted he get up and take care of it, which he did. On his way back to his room he passed by the kitchen and filled the kettle for the first coffee of the morning. They had a French press and he made a mental note to search the 'Net for a machine such as Sav's. Also, he should really go buy decaf today.

The water wouldn't take long to boil and Jani was too impatient to wait for the coffee to be ready before checking if he had a text or a mail from Sav. The latter was the case, and he read it quickly – the first of many times he'd read it, he guessed. The kettle clicked off and he returned to the kitchen with his laptop. After pouring the water, he set the timer, knowing that as soon as he began typing his reply he'd forget all about the coffee, which wasn't really an option.

 _Dear Sav,_  
_I trust that you'll settle into tour routine in a few days, be that as it may. I'm going to look for reviews later like a good little fanboy. ;-)_  
_Just got up, kinda way too early for me, but I was, well, you can probably guess what state I woke in. Here's a hint: thinking of you... I took care of 'it' and imagined I was... But I'll tell you all about that later on my (finally new !) phone._  
_For now, coffee is waiting. I'll write more later, let you know (read: bore you to death with) how I'm spending my days here._  
_Love, Jani_

* * *

In spite of having spent a good chunk of his life in buses like this and many not as nice, and also being really tired from the gig, the long day, and the continuing jetlag, Sav couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned in his bunk. He wished he'd been able to write a longer email to Jani. Really, he should sleep... it was probably the middle of the night by now, and soon the day would be on repeat in a different city. Then, he remembered, a day off, then a show, another the night after, then a three-day break. He wondered if they could return so they could enjoy Vegas. Sav loved Vegas, but would he this time? Somehow the prospect of gambling and the glitzy shows – and showgirls – held a lot less appeal than in past years. No doubt his mates would drag him to strip clubs and expect him to drink like a fish, that was their usual, other than two of them didn't drink now. After whatever form of decadence they got up to in Vegas, they'd hit it hard after the short break, with a gig every night or every other night till this leg was over.

Either the water he'd chugged or the rocking of the bus eventually caught up with Sav, and he got up to piss. The only person up was Wolfie; he'd swear the man never slept. Sav exchanged nods with him but didn't linger to talk. He got a bottle of water out of the fridge on the way back and found his phone, both of which he took back to his bunk with him.

No texts from Jani. Probably meant he'd emailed. Another thing Sav decided he was going do ASAP was get a new smartphone that he could access his email on. The technology allowed for it, he'd been hearing. He really couldn't abide by this having to wait for a signal to use his laptop business, not anymore. Granted, they were in the middle of fucking nowhere right now, but that wasn't always so.

Did he really want to wank now, first night on the road during this leg? Talk about needy. He hemmed and hawed about it, but by the time he decided to slide his hand down his pyjama pants to see if he could even get into it here with Joe snoring across the aisle, the lingering haze of Rick burning incense earlier and he didn't want to know what Phil was doing rooting around like that, Sav dropped off.

All too soon, it was morning and someone yanked his curtain aside. Bright light – how? – spilled across his face. Sav squinted and turned his head away. Dammit, morning wood. He told whoever to give him a couple of minutes and pulled the curtain closed again. He couldn't sit up in here. Beating off lying down... he knew it would take too long unless he humped the mattress as well. No. Any relief was going to have to wait. The urgency between his legs now was only the urge to pee. They were forty miles out of Salt Lake. All he could think, if unkindly, he shouldn't make generalisations about people's religions, was, he hoped they didn't think that the Internet was a sin there. Because lord knew, what he'd do with it and other telecommunication signals, was going to be.

* * *

Resisting the temptation of a second mug of coffee, Jani poured himself a glass of milk with his late breakfast, rye bread and cheese. He smiled when he remembered introducing Sav to this Finnish 'speciality' and he wished Sav were there with him. One day, Jani would show Sav his home town, but it wasn't going to happen any time soon. First he needed to get a new place – regardless of how well he got on with Anni, even if she may not mind Jani having a male partner now, he wouldn't want anybody to listen in when he and Sav had sex. His dick gave a tired twitch at the thought, but that was it. Good. Maybe he only felt as oversexed as a thirteen-year-old in Sav's immediate vicinity. Jani hoped that was the case.

After rinsing the dishes he'd used and putting them in the drying closet, Jani went back to his room: It was time for his latest toy, the new mobile phone. He didn't bother reading the instructions as it was a Nokia, a newer model than the one he'd lost in Milan, but he expected the handling to be the same. Unfortunately, there was no way to automatically transfer all of his contacts, so he spent some time typing in the most important numbers, beginning with Sav's – and ending with it, too: as soon as he'd assigned Sav the first speed dial space, he just had to send him a text.

_Hi Sav, I'm typing this on my new phone. I'll try the headset in a moment, not calling you, though, as to not wake you, but next time we speak I can have my hands free. You get my meaning. Love, Jani._

True to his word, Jani put in Risto's number next and called him. The headset functioned as it should, but Risto was at work and so they agreed to meet for a beer at Ramona on Friday. When he ended the call, he wanted more coffee and decided to go out and finally stock up on decaf.

* * *

Jani must have either sent his IM the second after Sav finally fell asleep, or it had found his phone later. They had driven first through a mountain range and then an area of... he didn't even know what it was called. Semi-arid? Certainly one of major isolation. Reading the message a couple of times, Sav sat on the edge of his bunk with his lower legs and head out in the aisle, ignoring everyone else. It was a struggle to keep his facial expression neutral. Jani was so animated in person, and it carried into his texts. Without even thinking about it, Sav wanted to smile at him. But, Jani couldn't see that, so he did the next best thing available.

_Good morning, or afternoon to you. Just woke up. I got your meaning, and I plan to locate my headset as well. I think it's been hiding in one of my backpack pockets since I got this mobile. And then... hands free! We have a show tonight, driving again tomorrow but it will be a day off. Maybe then?_

Sav sent that, but it felt incomplete. He added: _We'll be in Las Vegas after that. Now that is a city we need to visit together sometime. Although, knowing us, we probably wouldn't leave the hotel room, ha. All that preceding as another "wish you were here". TTYS, -S._

After locating where they'd stashed his suitcase, Sav dressed in jeans and a sleeveless tee standing in the aisle by the bunks, then joined everyone in the kitchen area. Viv was making himself a coffee and offered to make one for Sav as well, but he waved him off and found a clean cup. No flavoured kinds here. As long as it was caffeinated, it would do. There was milk in the fridge and when no one was paying attention he threw in three spoonfuls of whatever non-sugar sweetener they had on hand in the cupboard above the stove.

It was time, he supposed, to stop being so antisocial. He didn't care to field any comments about his state of mental health nor inane orders to "turn his frown upside down". Taking a seat at the table, across from Joe, he was surprised to have missed the easy camaraderie as they rolled into Salt Lake City.

* * *

A coffeemaker such as Sav's wasn't available in any of the local shops. Jani tried to order one online but those he found were from sites that didn't ship to Finland. Nor was it possible to buy pods. He'd have to live with their French press for another while. Maybe he'd give coffee a break altogether, he thought, at least until his Doc declared it safe for him to drink regular coffee again. Besides, there was always tea.

Time had passed quickly. Once he was back from shopping and had taken care of the laundry he'd washed the day before, Jani found that it was early afternoon already. He helped himself to a couple more of Anni's piirakat, then decided it was time to look after Rakas.

He took the strings off and carefully cleaned the fretboard, then applied lemon oil. After restringing her, he tuned her to E flat. Her intonation would need some work, but before he turned to that, he took a closer look at her neck when he noticed some minor fret buzz. Maybe Sav had kept her tuned at E and the lower tuning and resulting lower tension introduced just about enough back-bow to cause the buzzing, so Jani gave her neck a little more relief, then saw about adjusting string action to the way he liked it best. Not surprisingly, her intonation was completely messed-up after that, so he went to work on that next. It took him a seemingly endless time until he was finally satisfied, but once he considered her all set up and he began to play in earnest, he wished that Sav was here so he could hear how she was now singing and purring under Jani's hands.

Meanwhile, it was early evening and Jani was starving. Since he didn't know how to cook, he planned to make another salad. Maybe he should call his mum and ask her to teach him a few simple recipes. Although she and his sister would have a good laugh at that, he knew that she'd be happy to help. He hadn't seen her since he'd returned home from the hospital, so he decided to give her a call later.

Before tackling the kitchen again, Jani checked his messages and was delighted to find two from Sav. Still, his stomach was making angry demands, and apparently Sav had no Internet access, so Jani just typed a short message in reply.

_Hei, Sav! Getting off on your day off sounds like a plan. Vegas, definitely. Got some memories of the place. I'll mail later, need food first. Rakas sends her love, and I mine. Jani_

* * *

Jani replied about the time they were casing the arena, and Sav wasn't able to reply just then. He'd try for lunchtime to send a response. There'd been some delay with one of their tractor-trailer haulers, so the stage was in the very beginning phase of set-up, and the crew was stressed, hurrying.

They got back on the bus and drove to a radio station for an interview. Sav found the locals to be so nice it creeped him out. They were polite and attentive, smiling, jumped to get them coffee or tea or snacks or chairs to sit on, told them of the local tourist sites, on and on. He wondered if any of them understood such concepts as snark and sarcasm as part of humour. As it turned out, he didn't have to speak more than a couple of times – they took turns answering the interview questions.

When it was time to have lunch, he was ready to go – and hungry, having passed on the biscuits and croissants. Having been advised by the radio staff where to find a cafe catering to vegans, they decided not to walk even though it was only about a half a mile away. If they got stuck in the middle of an over-enthusiastic crowd of fans, it might take a long time to break free.

Parking a bus downtown was another matter. After circling the block a few times, they disembarked and walked a few doors up the sidewalk. They were able to get a table in a room off the main dining area so no one bothered them much, only enough to refill their drinks and make sure they were satisfied with their meals. The food was good, he supposed, for vegan. After resisting the basket of crisps and salsa for half an hour, Sav had a few, then pushed them away from himself and pulled out his phone. This time he couldn't help a grin, or more likely, a leer.

_Jani – so you have some Vegas stories too, huh? I'll ask some other time. ;) We're just finishing lunch, the stage was just going up before and things are a bit delayed. Not much new to report. I'll try to get a signal for my comp later. Rakas... I'm sure she's getting the best possible treatment at your place, I might even be a bit jealous of her. Can't talk now but have a good night. Love, Sav_

Everyone else had stood to leave, so Sav sent the message and followed them outside. Apparently word had got out and they spent twenty minutes doing the autographs and pictures thing. When their bus pulled around the corner at last, they all escaped to the sanctuary inside.

"Sav," Joe said, snapping his fingers, meaning he'd already tried to get his attention a few times.

Turning away from the window, Sav saw curious faces, some more blatant about it than others, gawking at him. "Hm? What?"

A sly grin spread on the singer's face. "So... who is she? You can tell us."

Sav darted a look at Rick, who met his gaze but gave nothing away. "Huh? What are you talking about?"

"Fine, be that way..." Joe huffed, but dropped it.

Shit. Two days in and this already. Wonderful.

* * *

After dinner, Jani did the dishes. Anni was out with friends and he pondered watching a movie, but decided against it in favour of more guitar practice. Their very own festival in their home town, the Sonata Arctica Open Air, was less than two weeks from now and he wanted it to be his best performance ever. Considering how he'd stumbled through their gig in Imatra, he'd have to put in some serious work in order to achieve his goal.

It turned out to be serious fun rather than serious work, he thought two hours later. The fingertips of his fret hand were slightly sore as his callouses had softened during the past weeks with only a little playing. Smiling fondly at memories of his teenaged self back in the day when he'd sometimes practiced up to eight hours a day, he once again felt that he was beginning to enjoy playing guitar again.

After wiping Rakas' strings he set her aside and mentally apologised to her because he still hadn't moved his side table closer to the bed for her. Then he opened his computer. There was no email from Sav, but he had another SMS on his phone. Apparently Sav still didn't have an Internet connection, so Jani texted back instead of emailing as he'd intended originally.

_No real Vegas story, just good memories of getting buzzed with Henkka and Make, including girls and gambling. Make is quite the card shark. Watching him at the casinos was great fun but he got us all nekkid the next night during strip poker on the tour bus... Have a great show and sleep well after. Miss you. Love you. Jani_

Cursing the character limit when he had to break the message down into chunks, Jani thought that maybe he should have sent an email after all, but with the text message he knew that Sav would receive it instantly or at least whenever he had time to use his phone.

It was almost midnight, so he'd call it a day. Jani brushed his teeth, took his meds and went to bed.

* * *

The second Sav could extract himself from the zoo backstage, he did. It seemed like hours later now, and checking his watch, Sav was surprised to see it was. How had it grown so late? It had been quite a show in and of itself. When these otherwise buttoned-up, conservative religious girls cut loose, they went wild. He'd seen that before. Tonight, he'd seen some things he'd rather not. Even distancing himself down the long corridors to the designated side entrance, he didn't know if he was aroused or disgusted or both.

Furthermore, he didn't know if attempting to communicate with Jani would make it better or worse. The bus driver let him in and he retreated to his bunk with his phone and computer, leaving all of his clothes but his underwear in a messy heap on the floor. Jani had texted him, and, once he'd finally picked up a signal, not even caring it was unsecured, Sav also found a new email. He decided to answer that first.

 _Dear Jani,_  
_You wouldn't believe the antics of some of these SLC fans. You'd think it was the '80s again, with better tech and different slang. Did you really look for concert reviews like a good little fanboy? They mustn't be too awful or we'd have heard._  
_I'd planned on a longer email, but my thoughts are scattered at the moment. It's a wonder I found my way out to the bus on my own. I'm in my bunk stripped down to my skivvies and wanting something, someone – you. The others are still 'backstage'. Maybe I'll try calling you in a little while, if they don't come back._  
_Love,_  
_Sav_

From there, Sav caught up on news and checked for reviews, himself. It was too early for anything from tonight; the two he could dig up for the Denver show were OK. That was all he had the patience for. Powering down and closing the laptop, he picked up his mobile, found Jani in his contacts, and let it ring.

* * *

When his phone started to ring, Jani's first thought was a curse – why hadn't he set the thing to another ringtone? Anything but the defaults would do! Well, later...

Wait a minute, later, what time was it anyway? It was light outside, which didn't really help considering where he lived. It sure felt like three in the morning. Who the hell would call at such a time?

Someone from another time zone! Suddenly, Jani was wide awake. This could only be Sav! A look at the display confirmed it. Smiling widely, Jani answered the call.

"Hei there."

* * *

"Hi!" Jani's voice caressed Sav's ear with a sleep-roughened rasp. Why was that so sexy? "Did I wake you? Sorry about that. I'm about to go to bed, well actually I'm already in bed, in my bunk. Naked except for black briefs, some like the kind I first gave you." Sav sighed and rolled on to his front, arching his back a little. Now that he wasn't consciously controlling himself, his dick swelled, and he reached underneath himself for a more comfortable... position.

"The rest are still at the venue. It's been... quite a night. Sent you an email a couple minutes ago, I know you haven't read it yet. Long story short... I could really use your help in some mental palate-clearing. Backstage tonight, not me, the fans, holy fuck no one should do that with their own breast milk..."

Suddenly, Sav got a grip on what he sounded like and cut off his verbal barrage. "Sorry," he repeated. "All worked up and nowhere to go, but never mind. How are you?"

* * *

Jani listened, enjoying hearing Sav's voice. "How am I?" he replied. "Funny enough, I'm in my bed, naked except for a pair of black briefs I got from you." He snickered. "And I guess I'm, well, working on getting worked up. Although I'd rather not learn more about what some people do with their breast milk. So, tell me. How can I help with mental palate-clearing?"

* * *

"You abso-fucking-lutely do not want to hear about what that girl did with..." Sav sputtered. But then the imagery of Jani almost nude and lolling in bed won out, as he'd been hopeful of in the first place. "It's rather presumptuous of me to call when I... I need... but if you're offering..."

Taking a cleansing breath, Sav tried to slow down. "I would love your help. Can't wait to feel you under my hands again," he moaned. Jani's voice had been laced with that lilting, leading tone that meant he was horny. Stuffing a pillow under his crotch, Sav waited to make sure that Jani was into another session right now, and that he didn't need to get up for a pee or a drink or something first.

* * *

Apparently it was too early for morning wood, but when Jani moved his hand into the afore-mentioned black briefs, at least his still limp dick twitched and indicated that it could be roused. "So, what would you do if you had me under your hands again?" he asked.

"Although, if this is going where I think – make that I hope – it is, give me a minute so I can put my headset on. I have a feeling I may soon need _my_ hands, too," he chortled.

* * *

"Oh, unfair! I was just about to ask you the same thing," Sav chuckled. "You're smarter than me, I can't believe I forgot my headset, but I'm not gonna go get it now." Walking around the bus in his underwear? Not when he was already more than half hard.

Next he heard some rustling and scratchy noises while Jani found his headset and plugged in. "Can you hear me alright?" he asked, keeping his voice lowered. Between the two of them, they got their respective volumes adjusted so they could both hear and be heard. Funny how much these practicalities took the edge off. Sav was even feeling a little strange about verbalising, now that it came to it. He'd had no trouble in his hotel room in Denver. Must be the bus.

"So to answer you... if you were with me now, I wanna start with spooning, me as the big spoon, laying on our left sides so I can get at you with my right hand. Would run my fingers over innocent areas first, your arm, down to your hand, then up the side of your body. I need to put my lips on you, the side of your neck, your shoulder. Your body, I love how it feels against mine, warm, solid, your mostly naked skin... Gonna centre my hand on your chest now, so I can play with your tits, your nipples, just brushing over them again and again till they're stiff. Shall I keep doing that? Pinch a little? Or should I move lower?"

Whatever momentary reservations Sav had felt were gone now. He was rutting into the pillow, eyes squeezed closed and trembling as he made himself go slow, so slow.

* * *

"Yes, I can hear you," Jani confirmed, "And I'm moving on my left side. I can feel you behind me, your lips on me and your hand..." He moaned. "My nipples, yeah, go on, pinch a little... So good! Sav!" Jani's dick was no longer limp but definitely interested now. Suddenly, he wanted more.

"I love it when you're behind me, rubbing your erection against my arse, but I'm turning around to face you now. I'm going to kiss you until you're out of breath, then kiss my way down your chest, pinch your nipples, too, until they sting like mine, before continuing to lick a wet trail to the tip of your erection. I grab your arse cheeks with my hands and pull you closer to my mouth..."

While speaking, Jani had stroked himself to full hardness. "I'm leaking all over your sheets. You have no idea how much I want to fuck you. Would you like that?" He gasped.

* * *

"Mmm... that arse of yours, can't resist rubbing up on it, into the crack, gonna slide inside later... so into you!" Jani wasn't the only one with wet seeping from him. The front of Sav's briefs was growing damper by the second, and he got a perverse pleasure from the amount of slick he was producing.

Someone was impatient... besides him. Sav smiled at Jani responding and asserting control. "Yeah... pinch my nipples, you know how to do it so good. I'm pinching yours, too... harder than before with a little twist, using my fingernails, scratching down your abs."

If Sav thought this would be all about what he'd do to Jani, he was mistaken. The words in his ear turned into urgency in his groin. The imagery of Jani moving lower, a trail of saliva down, down his belly, teasing where he was throbbing... "Lick me, please Jani, lick my dick till it's so hard it hurts. Lick my balls 'cuz you know I'm a freak that way." By now, Sav was steadily, stealthily humping the pillow, but when Jani mentioned fucking him, he went from fully erect to wildly needy. "Yes, yes!! Jani yes! You know I want that... tell me how you're gonna do me... get your slick on me and then...?!"

* * *

"First, I'm going to lick your dick until it's so hard it hurts, as you said." Jani's voice was hoarse and he had to force himself to slow his strokes or this would be over too soon. "You're begging me to let you come but I won't let you. Not yet. I turn you on your back and make you spread your thighs for me so I can lie between them. I'm fucking the mattress while I lick the inside of your thighs, circling with my tongue until it reaches your balls. I lick all over them and then draw first one, then the other into my mouth, very gently, and suck on them, making slurping noises because I'm so horny it makes me drool."

Jani had to swallow here; the part about drooling was true. "I... We've got," he swallowed again as he continued, "we've each got a clean bill of health by now. I'm so wet that we need only my slick as lube. Unless you need more, then I'd turn you over on your front and stroke myself to completion on your hole. I'd come all over your crack and my juices run down it, drip on your balls. I'd still be coming but while continuing to milk out the last drops, I'd use my free hand to wiggle my fingers inside you, make sure you're slick and opened up for me. Then I'd spread you even wider with my raging dick and fuck you through an orgasm. I'd stay hard for long enough because even though I'd just come all over your hole I'll come again but it'll take a while..."

He was stroking himself faster now, and it was definitely _not_ going to take a while. "God, Sav, I need to come _now!"_

* * *

This kid was going to kill him. Jani wasn't reading his mind, per se, but he took every hint Sav handed him, and turned it around ten times hotter. "Yesss, I can hardly stand it and yet I don't want it end, your tongue squirms everywhere, feels so good. And then when you suck on my balls, you're so careful with them, so nice..." Sav pushed his hand under himself, then into his briefs, wiggling his arse to push them halfway down.

"I'm already face down, can almost feel you behind me here, dripping all over me. Coming on me... so much juice, you don't need any more lube, yours is enough." In a hoarse, raspy whisper, Sav pleaded, "Open me up for you, Jani, and take me. Wanna feel your dick slide in and fill me, I know you're gonna hit my spot and drive me mad, gonna get off on it so hard..." He thrust into his fist, arching and bending his back, legs spreading out to the side. "Oh... uh, ungh, ungh," he grunted. "I'm gonna come in my pants, gonna, want me to send 'em to you? Jani oh gawd...! With me, with me shoot it now!"

The subtle shaking that meant someone was boarding the bus registered, but Sav couldn't stop now. Warm cream burst from him, and he groaned as it spread through his fingers and into the thin cotton.

* * *

"Yeah, gonna shoot, with you, now," Jani panted. He hadn't lied when he'd told Sav that he needed to come now. The pressure in his balls was about to boil over and if Sav had asked him to hold back, Jani would have had a problem as there was no way he was not going to come. But Sav was close, too, and his moans, then his plea that they come together tipped Jani over the edge. Two, three firm strokes and he was there, biting his lip to keep his moans down when a last remaining shred of consciousness suggested that Anni might not appreciate being woken up by his sex noises.

"Sav," he whispered, "Sav, so good!"

* * *

The sounds in his ear quieted to whispers but Sav could hear the orgasm in Jani's voice and hitching breaths anyway. This was the opposite of his usual – their usual – screeches and yowls. Suspecting Jani had concerns with being overheard, too, Sav made out "so good" and his name. He'd thought his orgasm was over; the words brought on another spasm and somehow, another weak surge of seed.

"I love you, Jani," he whispered, "coming with you... so fucking good... we're gonna make such messes of each other, even more than before. Outside and inside." And it would be, without having to use condoms. The load in his pants was kind of nasty, but it proved his point. At such time as Jani was ready to be filled to the point of leaking, Sav would provide every drop he had and more. And then he'd gladly ask Jani to do the same to him.

Footsteps – inside the bus now, so far not by the bunks but it was only a matter of time. Would they be able to smell the distinct funk of semen emanating from under his curtain? Maybe he should clean up before anyone else turned up. "I... um... someone else just got on the bus. Probably more of them, very soon. Thanks for indulging me, in more ways than one. I needed that, and the things you said..." there weren't even words! "...that you wanna do, I can't even begin to tell you..."

"Sav? Sav, are you in here?"

"Dammit!" he hissed. Then he croaked out, as if he'd been asleep, "Yeah... 'm here. Wazzat?" He didn't close the call, instead dropped his voice again and whispered to Jani to hang on.

* * *

Hearing Sav tell him again that he loved him while Jani rode out his climax brought his emotions to a peak as well. He was just about to reply that he loved Sav, too – they kept saying it, but Jani could never get enough of it – when Sav told him to hang on as he wasn't alone any longer.

While he waited for Sav to resume their... conversation, Jani found that his new head set was very useful also after sex, not only during it. Fumbling around for something to wipe first his hands, then his belly and dick with, he found the shirt he'd worn the day before. It was, of course, one of Sav's, which made him smile when he cleaned himself up.

* * *

It was Joe, of course it was. The footsteps neared. "No one saw you leave. Did you sneak a groupie in here?" Sav could tell by the tone that Joe thought he was being clever. No one had bus sex with fans anymore. Based on the sound, Joe had stopped in the aisle next to him. Sav hurriedly pulled the covers higher but otherwise didn't change position. He hoped all the singer wanted was to confirm his whereabouts and not some long conversation, and that he wouldn't be so invasive as to pull the curtain back.

"I'm here," Sav repeated. "Sleeping. Can I get back to it, now that what was lost has been found?"

"'Was blind but now I see'," Joe finished, followed by a long pause during which he shuffled on his feet, the soles on his trainers squeaking a little against the floor. "Alright then. Good night, Sav."

Hearing the drawn-out sigh that followed, Sav answered shortly, "Mm-hm. 'Night."

When Joe had retreated away from the sleeping area, Sav held the mobile to his mouth and ear again. "You still there? Sorry about that, knew it'd be cutting it close." That was for sure! Thirty seconds earlier and Sav, at least, would have had to grit his teeth and hold off.

* * *

There were muffled voices but Jani couldn't understand what they were saying. Eventually, Sav's voice asked if he was still there. "Still here," Jani confirmed. "Not going anywhere. Especially not when I'm so nicely relaxed now and there's nobody forcing me to get up. I don't even have to get up to wash as I just soaked another one of your shirts," he snickered.

"So you've got tonight off, right? Any plans yet? I'm assuming that you're driving to Vegas through the night, so you can spend the day – and of course the night, too – there? Since you had a close call yesterday already and now again and you rich guys don't need to share hotel rooms, how about some fun tomorrow night without constantly fearing interruptions? If it's late in Vegas when you go to bed, there's a chance that Anni will have left for work already, so I wouldn't have to suppress my yowling," he laughed. "You like that, I mean when I make a lot of noise, don't you?"

* * *

"Yeah, driving all night, playing in Vegas night after tomorrow. Another show the next night, in California so another night of driving. Then we'll have three days off, after which, back to the grind. If I'm not dead on my feet, let's plan for what you said. Your ex is at home now? So that's why you had to keep it down. No wonder!" Sav, as noisy as he could get during sex, tried not to do that in others' hearing. Not when he knew them. An anonymous hotel room like in Helsinki was another matter entirely.

"Oh fuck yes, I like your screeching, your words, the bold things you do with your body," Sav told Jan quietly. "And knowing your spunk is on my clothes. But you knew that, right? I mean, your manner when we're doing other things is... guarded. Restrained. Sometimes you're like that in bed, too, and when you are, I get a lot out of being able to take care of your needs. It's almost a surprise – in a good way – when you drop your walls. I mean, there's some degree of ego involved for me, that I got you to scream like that or whatever. I find it... enhances the experience when I get really vocal."

Blowing out a breath, he giggled, "I'd better stop that or it'll be round two and no, I gotta ring off, I can hear people outside the bus, the cargo hold doors slamming down. I'm gonna have to wait to clean up till they're sleeping now, my fault."

* * *

"I think she's at home unless she stayed with friends last night," Jani said when asked about Anni. "I prefer to keep it down just in case. I mean she obviously knows my, um, sex voice, well, from long ago. But I've never been like..." He was glad that Sav couldn't see his face, which Jani was sure had turned beet red again.

"Feel free to tell me to shut up if this is TMI, but I've never been as loud with a woman as I am with you, and when I'm doing myself I'm usually quiet. But we can talk about that another time – if you want to hear it at all," Jani added, a little embarrassed. "Better make sure you're not overheard right now. So, sleep well. I'll be thinking of you."

* * *

"It's not TMI. Sorry if it's pervy but I don't mind at all. Hearing about your past... adventures. If you were pining over your ex while sleeping with me unbeknownst to her, that would bother me. I know you're over her, so it's cool." The confession that Jani only yelled like that with him put a huge dopey grin on Sav's face. He could hear shyness returning to his lover's voice over that admission. It was... cute. Breaking down those walls was half the fun. He hummed acknowledgement, but said no more.

And now.. he'd told Joe that he was sleeping but it was possible others could hear him whispering, if not what he said. They would leave any moment, which meant all five band members plus Mal and their techs would be on board. "Gotta go, but I'll talk to you – at length – tomorrow night. Morning for you. And Jani, uh, thanks again. That was... you are... really incredible."

* * *

"You mean _we_ are incredible," Jani suggested, "because you definitely are, too." He yawned. "I think I'll sleep a little longer. How late is it anyway – no, actually, I don't want to know." He yawned again. "I love you, Sav. Looking forward to talking to you again. And... more... So, should I be the man this time and end the call?"

Jani laughed. "Hanging up in three... two..."

* * *

"I love you, too, Jani. I mean it. And now you can be the man and hang up on me," Sav said quickly. The bus engine cranked and turned over, seemingly his signal to ring off. Someone else was headed his way, up the aisle. "G'night."

The call ended. Putting the mobile face-down under his pillow, Sav also put his face, the side of it, in the pillow. The other that he'd used as a replacement for Jani's arse, he pulled out from under himself and shoved it against the wall next to his shin. Tomorrow was soon enough to worry about how to get the stain out.

From the front of the bus came the sound of talking and occasional laughter, all muffled. He stayed awake long enough to feel the series of stops, starts, and turns, and speeding up when they hit the motorway that was almost like muscle memory, synonymous with life on the road.

* * *

Jani was still laughing when he pressed the 'end call' button, but the laugh quickly turned into another yawn. After rooting around for a comfortable position, he promptly fell asleep again.

* * *


	6. Thursday, 17 August 2006

* * *

When Jani opened his eyes again, it was noon and there was a noise at the door that he recognised as coming from the mail slot. Rubbing his eyes, he got up and padded to the kitchen to set water to boil for coffee – first things first. There wasn't any mail for him, but he picked up the newspaper and some advertisements. He looked longingly at the Hesburger coupons. Well, living healthier didn't mean he'd never eat junk food again; the occasional burger or fries wouldn't kill him.

The thought of food reminded him that he intended to ask his mum if she could teach him a few things to cook. He'd call her after breakfast... okay, lunch. Right now, he'd take his time, enjoy the coffee and read the paper.

* * *

Sav slept hard. Maybe this sleeping on the bus thing wasn't so bad after all. When he woke, his phone was trying to settle on whether it was 6:13AM or 5:13AM – they must be close to where the time zone changed. He yawned, then grimaced at the tugging around his groin and below his navel thanks to drying spooge. Teenager indeed. He hadn't had this problem since then, other than a few wet dreams. If anyone noticed, he would use that as an excuse; better that and get laughed at than admit it had been deliberate and really get the piss taken out of him.

No one was awake, a miracle, when Sav slid cautiously out of his bunk. The floor was cold, thanks to the A/C. All their luggage was underneath, in the hold, so he grabbed his after-show clothes from the night before off the floor where he'd dropped them.

In the loo, he cleaned up as best he could. It would be gross if someone reused his washcloth, but other than throw it on the floor or away, Sav wasn't sure how to designate it as biohazard. All of them had grown up learning from a very young age not to waste things; it was still deeply ingrained and came out at odd times despite all his 'filthy rich' bullshit lately when it came to travel arrangements. He'd spare no expense where Jani was concerned. The washcloth in his hand, which he was still wondering what to do with, must only cost a few American dollars. He'd pay more for a drink or cigarettes. Shaking his head, he final hung it over the curved 'pipe' or whatever they called the plastic drain hose under the minuscule sink.

Estimating it would be another four hours or more to Vegas, Sav went back to bed. He tossed his clothes, which he'd decided not to sleep in, into the back of his bunk, checked his phone again, and dozed off.

* * *

After the late breakfast and playing guitar for an hour, Jani called his mum, who, of course, immediately invited him for supper. He could literally hear her raising her eyebrows when he asked if she'd show him how to cook whatever she'd planned for tonight, but she was happy to indulge him. It was clear that she'd want to know what was behind his sudden urge to learn to cook when he'd done his best to avoid such tasks in the past. Well, as Jani would eventually have to move out of the flat he shared with Anni now that they'd broken up, it made sense that he learned to cook.

As he had some time left before he had to leave, he decided to start working on the tablature he'd promised Sav. A quick look at his bass strongly recommended that another trip to Kemin Musiikki was in order. Before going out, however, he'd let Sav know what he was doing, so he picked up his phone and sent a quick text.

_Good 'morning', my Säv. I'm about to go buy strings for my LTD B-55. Guess I won't forget make and model again now that I'm in love with a bassist. ;-) <3 Jani_

* * *

He must have been at the end of an REM cycle. Sav jumped awake when his phone buzzed under his pillow. Remembering where he was at the last second and thus avoiding sitting up and bumping his head, he squinted at the display. A text message from Jani. He read it a couple of times. 'In love with...' Jani had expressed that he loved Sav, but not, that Sav recalled, that he was in love. It had been implied, but unspoken. This must be another of those things that was easier when they weren't in the same room. Whichever, it gave him a happy glow inside.

_Jani, that was a nice message to wake up to, referring to the 'in love with a bassist' part. Likewise, guitarist. According to the buzz I'm hearing around me, we'll be in Vegas within the hour. Since u had some experience(s) there, the gig tomorrow night is in Mandalay Bay & we're staying there, too. Have fun with ur instrument, haha. TTYL -Love, Sav_

Pulling on the clothes he'd thrown in, in the middle of the night, Sav exited his bunk and took his turn in the loo. He could see Phil and Viv playing cards at the table toward the front – 21, most likely. Joe was making himself a cuppa, Rick must still be sleeping. Sav approached the galley kitchen area and nodded his good morning.

He got the once-over, stopped himself from rolling his eyes, and made himself a coffee. The machine in here was the same brand as his at home, but a mini version. "Sleep well?" Joe asked.

"Aye, well enough. Think I'm over the jetlag for now."

"Good. We want our show here to be brilliant."

What was Joe implying, he wondered. That he'd been sub-par the last two nights? If he'd been one to blush, Sav might have. "Yes, obviously."

"Get much practice in during break? How's your physio going?"

"What are you, my mum?" Sav snapped. Several heads swivelled in his direction. After a pause, he narrowed his eyes. "Some, and fine. Thanks for your concern."

Moving away, he pointedly went to talk to his tech. Actually, they had a lot to talk about, and not just band-related things. Before Sav knew it, they were on the outskirts of Vegas. They were coming in from the north but avoided the Strip till the last second. It took some time to check in, apparently there'd been some booking error. To apologise for the wait, they were all given free chips to the casino in the hotel and some drink vouchers. It always amazed Sav, how people like themselves who could afford it got free stuff and swag thrown at them all the time, where-as if they'd been Joe Blow from Idaho, they'd be lucky to not be turned out on the street.

When at last they were escorted to their suites, Sav was a bit disconcerted to see he'd be sharing a wall with Joe. Viv was directly across the hall, Rick was three doors past that, and Phil at the end. The second they got into their rooms, Sav walked down to Phil's, knocked, and asked him point blank if he'd switch. Besides the key card, he held out his pocketful of chips as well. Phil shrugged but agreed. There might be hell to pay, but he didn't care. Retrieving his suitcase, the first thing on his mind was shower.

* * *

When Jani returned from buying strings, he decided that giving his bass a complete once-over wouldn't hurt: If he was going to write down Sonata tablature, he'd spend some time familiarising himself with Marko's lines. Setting his instrument up properly was the least he could do for that. As a bassist, Sav would find it easy to figure out Marko's playing himself, but Jani had promised and every moment he spent doing something that had to do with Sav made him miss him less. Also, keeping busy would speed up the passage of time in his perception.

First, however, he made himself another cup of coffee. He'd never become a fan of decaf, but it was better than nothing and a necessary evil for the time being. On his way back from the music store, he'd also passed by a pharmacy and bought more nicotine patches. He'd considered trying a weaker dosage but had thought better of it in the end: He'd smoked for a decade and it was safer to stay with the strong ones for a few days more rather than succumbing to the craving he feared he'd develop otherwise. He'd slap the thing on after the shower he'd take before visiting his mum.

Coffee finished, Jani rinsed his cup and returned to his room. While he took the old strings off the bass, he made a mental note to buy a bass string winder tool from Musamaailma next time he was in Helsinki as he hadn't been able to buy one in Kemi. Or, he supposed, he could order one. Or two: Although Sav surely had a dozen of these, it was an inconspicuous present Jani could get him. The thought made him smile.

He cleaned and oiled the fretboard, then put on the new strings. A quick check of intonation and string action yielded a satisfactory result – Jani was less fussy with a bass than he was with his guitars. Besides, pitch perception at lower frequencies was less sensitive, and, finally, he wouldn't play the instrument on stage.

It was only when he was done restringing that he realised that he didn't have tablature paper. He'd have to print some from his computer and guitar staves would have to do as that was the only file he had. Unless he typed it in Logic, but he figured that Sav might like handwritten – personalised – tabs better. The thought made him smile.

As he opened his computer, he also checked his phone. To his delight, he found several texts from Sav. Okay, they were parts of a single message, but still.

_Sav, exactly which of my instruments are you wishing me fun with? :-P_

Jani grinned when he hit 'send.'

_I finished restringing it, about to print tab sheets, but writing stuff will have to wait as I'm visiting my mum soon. She'll teach me a meal so I can cook for you one day. Love, J_

* * *

After he'd showered, opened his suitcase and looked through all his clothes, Sav's mood improved. There were plenty of stores here in the casino-resorts up and down the Strip that sold the sort of clothes he wanted. There were also two guitar shops within walking distance. He had better wear comfortable shoes today. Before heading out, he texted Phil and Viv to see if they were interested in checking out the music stores. They said yes, but maybe later. Fine, he'd hang by himself. It was embarrassing to think of asking other blokes to go clothes shopping with him. Stupid, sexist attitude, but it still smacked of being a 'female' activity.

Then he suddenly remembered himself and Jani shopping for clothes – underwear! – in Sheffield. It hadn't seemed girly. More like... titillating. Of course, buying coffee in a supermarket with Jani turned into more of that, too. Neither of them were great at keeping their thoughts or words to themselves. It was great fun, till they almost got caught. Or was that just part of the fun? Sav was convinced it was the latter.

Taking another few minutes before venturing out into the hot, dry desert air, he texted Jani:

_Hi, luv, sounds as if you've had a productive day. Next break I should really do some maintenance on my instruments at home. Which instrument you play, 5-string, 6-string or no strings (the skin flute!), is up to you. I'm interested in them all._

Sav supposed he'd tell Jani what he planned for the next few hours. It wasn't like they were all trekking out to one of the 'ranches' or something. _Going shopping along the Strip now. I'll say it again, wish you were here, tho we might get into trouble as I need to buy leathers. Long story. Any requests, you know what to do. Don't destroy your mum's kitchen. :P I know you'll do fine. -Sav_

So, key card, wallet, shades, he was off. There was a train that got him as far north as the corner of Las Vegas Boulevard and Tropicana. From there, he set off on foot. It was, as expected, hot out already, sunny, not a cloud in the sky.

* * *

"So you chop the potatoes into chunks and fry them in oil. I usually don't peel them and boil them the night before..."

Jani was listening to his mum's instructions but he got distracted when his phone vibrated. He had it in his front pocket: The one he'd lost in Milan had fallen from his back pocket. That was a mistake he wasn't going to make again, especially not with all of Sav's messages stored in the new one. Although... the vibration so close to his dick together with the knowledge that it had to be a text from Sav gave him an erection, not something he was too keen on sporting while having cooking lessons with his mother.

"Sorry, I'll be right back, gotta... you know..." he excused himself and headed for the bathroom.

It was a good thing that he wasn't in the kitchen when he read Sav's first SMS with the response to Jani's instruments. Not only did it make him laugh, but it also sent more blood downward where he didn't want his mum to see it... He knew it was stupid, of course. If his parents hadn't had sex, he wouldn't exist, but still.

_I'll keep you updated on my 5-, 6-, and no-strings -- taikahuilu, the Magic Flute. That's one I especially like playing with you! I'm @ my mum's, gotta go. TTYL_

Sav's reference to five or six strings reminded him of the negotiation with Ibanez he'd had months ago and all but forgotten about. He should follow up on this but that, too, would have to wait until later.

After waiting until his erection went down, he returned to the kitchen.

* * *

After some chain store coffee, which were everywhere, and a muffin, Sav continued up the Strip. He checked the Google equivalent of the phone book and soaked up the atmosphere along the way. Possibly even more-so than New York, this place never slept. The casino floors were busy and noisy, the outdoor sidewalks, too.

An hour later, he had followed his nose and the scent of leather into of one of the stores in the shopping gallery of the most upscale resort. These goods were very fine, Sav could admit to that. The prices made even his eyes widen. Trying on a few items didn't mean he had to buy them all, or any for that matter. The salesgirl – she probably had some fancy job title like fashion concierge – was nice enough, but after the first three pairs of leather trousers she actually followed him into the dressing room and that's when things got weird.

Sav hadn't been paying much attention, other than to accept her help with sizing and noting that she didn't hover, which he generally appreciated. Now he caught the scent of French milled soap, sage and lemon. This woman was about his height – without heels – and she wore a short skirt and boots sold in this place. In other words, she smelled expensive. Sav had rather liked the pants – to use the American term – he had on, till she came up behind him as he was unzipping them and slid her hands around his waist. They could alter their clothes overnight, for a price of course, and wouldn't he rather that these rode lower on his hips? Cool fingers demonstrated exactly where they might want to sit. Sav flinched. He hadn't touched a woman in a long time other than that one blow job, and it was decidedly strange. Not what he wanted. Carefully extracting himself, Sav pointedly said no thank you, and left soon after.

Who should he meet out in the gallery but Joe? Of course, naturally, who else? The singer took a look at his face and burst into laughter. "Oi, mate, did she grope you, too?"

Sav nodded and Joe explained further, "I heard about her online somewhere, she's kind of known for it, had to find out for meself," he leered. "Saw you go in, figured I'd stick around to see if you ran away screaming or, uh, sauntered out cross-eyed."

"Neither. Too bad about her, they had some nice things for sale. The clothes, I mean," Sav replied.

"Indeed." Joe smirked and held up a bag with the store's logo embossed on it. "I have a list of other shops with... what are you looking for? Stage clothes? Wanna check it out?"

"Sure." Sav decided that perhaps there was safety in numbers, and nodded.

"Alright, well the next one is in this same mall, up on the next floor..." Joe was already hustling off.

* * *

This wasn't as complicated as he remembered: Dice the potatoes and fry them. Then dice the sausage and fry the pieces. Then the same with onions, where his mum used red onions. Finally, eggs. The original recipe – if there was such a thing – called for scrambled eggs over the potatoes, onions, and sausage, but his mum had changed it to hard-boiled and diced eggs that were then fried, too.

They hadn't talked much other than when she was explaining the next step in the recipe to him. It was something he appreciated about his family, that they left him in peace. Jani's mum and Anni were friends, so Jani knew that his mother knew that they'd split up, but she didn't comment on it and didn't ask him about it. If he brought it up she'd be happy to find out more, but she accepted his reluctance to open up.

The food was surprisingly good, better than he remembered: "It always tastes better when you've done it yourself" – Mum had a point there. Although she didn't comment on his announcement that he didn't have to go out on the balcony for a smoke after the meal, Jani could tell that she was pleased. They had coffee and she told him what his sister had been up to.

It was nice to be home.

* * *

The contrasts between outside and inside air became more extreme as the day wore on. Surprisingly, Sav found a level of comfort hanging with Joe today, like he'd not in a while. It could have been the shared memories of the place, which they didn't talk about, nor did Joe make any inferences that made Sav uneasy. People left them alone. Everywhere were signs, billboards and advertising for big-name shows. They were hardly the only – nor the biggest – musicians in town. At some point they stopped for lunch in an Asian fusion restaurant, where it was kind of a relief to order food and not have to take being messed with about their non-vegan diets. Sav dug into his pepper beef and pea pods with relish. Before it got too late, Sav decided he'd text Jani. Thankfully, Joe left him alone and didn't even raise an eyebrow.

_Hey, Jani, just having lunch. Vegas is Vegas. How did it go at your mum's? There's something to be said about comfort food. Now is a bad time (for me) to dream about playing your magic flute but later... have a good night! -Sav_

The shopping had been a success, and though he was now carrying a few bags with new clothes, Sav decided he would walk to the music store he was familiar with a few blocks off the Strip now rather than drop them off at the hotel first. He called Viv, then Phil, got voice mail, and offered Joe that he needn't accompany him if he had other things to do, but no, the singer followed him gamely enough. The staff, owner, not to mention other patrons were all happy to welcome them. Sav walked out with a tiny amp not much bigger than his two closed fists, for practicing. Now he was set.

He was also wilting in the heat and eager to get back to his room to relax a while. No doubt the other Leppard members would want some kind of group activities tonight, and he'd need to psych himself up for that. Maybe a bit of casino action first. They were here. Might as well.

* * *

He'd stayed longer than planned. It was still light outside when Jani left – of course it was – but it was late and his mother offered to drive him home. When he declined and explained that the walk and fresh air would do him good, she raised her eyebrows. "Who are you and what have you done with my son?" They laughed for a moment, but she quickly turned serious again.

"It's good to see that you're looking after yourself," his mother said. "I needn't tell you that we were very worried when you were in the hospital. You know we're always there for you. Call if you need anything." She smiled. "You've always loved pyttipannu, but I'll be happy to teach you something else, too."

"I will," Jani promised. "Call. And learn more recipes."

They hugged, with him holding on to her a little longer than usual, then he left. To his surprise, he enjoyed the walk. Before things had gone south with Anni, they'd often taken walks, sometimes spending an entire day hiking, but during the past year he'd mostly hid out in his room, drinking. That had become less after he'd met Sav, but recently, after his illness, he'd felt too weak to go out much. Maybe he was finally regaining his strength now. Jani promised himself that he'd go for a walk every day in the future.

He'd almost reached his and Anni's flat when his phone vibrated. This time he didn't mind that his dick reacted although he couldn't take care of it right now. Still, he read the message immediately and decided to reply before he got home in case Anni was still up and they'd talk.

_Hei Sav, just coming home from Mum's. Food was great and I learned a recipe. Bad time for you, bed time for me soon. Next time we speak I'll tell you more about my magic flute. ;-) Love, Jani_

* * *

Back in his room, Sav set his new tiny amp on the desk, laid the bags of clothes next to it, and then crossed to the king-sized bed and flopped down. Having sneaked a look earlier, he knew there was a text from Jani but hadn't read it yet. Now he did, kicking his shoes off the end of the bed but leaving his socks on.

Another magic flute reference. Sav laughed. He was more than aware that some blokes gave their penises nicknames, or had them bestowed. He never had. Would the reference stick? It was kind of silly, although as far as he was concerned, everything about Jani – including his dick – was magical somehow. One of his first impressions of his lover had been 'fey'. Sav now knew that Jani was very real, and human.

_'Bad time', huh? Bad as in naughty? I'll try to control myself. And you... save some of that for me! But of course there's always more... music. Spent hours wandering up and down the Strip. Mission accomplished. Also got a practice amp for when u send me tabs. Again, no rush. Sleep well, if ur not already. Luv u, Sav_

After that, since his suite featured an in-room jacuzzi, Sav shucked off his sweaty clothes and climbed in. At first, it was nice just too cool off, but he was soon shivering as his core temperature dropped so he cranked the water heater. As soon as it was hot, he turned the jets on, too. This was another thing he should consider installing in his house. True, he had his bathtub upstairs. If he had to pick between one of these and a sauna, the sauna would win.

An hour later he was still in there, floating, deeply relaxed, almost asleep. He jerked and his body tensed when someone pounded on his door. "Just a minute," he yelled, annoyed and grateful at the same time. What was with him lately? All he wanted to do was sleep.

It was Rick, who had a lively bounce and was fully dressed to go out... unlike Sav, standing at the door dripping all over the carpet, probably looking like something the cat dragged in. "Can I help you?" Sav asked dryly. He stood aside to let Rick in, however. They'd learned early on not to linger in hotel hallways and doorways.

"Yeah, fucker, get dressed. This is Vegas, baby! We're gonna go out and you're coming with us. I swear to god, we'll have your morose arse hanging off a stripper pole before dawn."

"Now that sounds truly off-putting," Sav played along. "And I am not morose. Besides, it's you who secretly wants to dance on one of those things, poor baby always has to stay behind his kit..." he snorted. "Don't quit your day job, Rick."

"Oh fuck you, I am quite talented." When Rick said talented, he meant something else. The thing nearly all men were braggerts about.

"I don't wanna see you in a thong, either!" Sav shuddered. It was only somewhat put on.

"Well that makes one of us." Rick giggled like a pre-teen. "But if the dick, fits... now what did I say about getting dressed?"

"Get out of my room, then."

"Modest?"

Sav snorted. "Me? You've got to be kidding me."

"Gotta call your boyfriend?"

Sav's mouth dropped halfway open and stopped. He could feel his face turning red but couldn't do anything besides turn away and mutter some more profanity.

"Don't worry," Rick bounced on his bed. "I won't tell anyone. And if you ever need help sneaking him into your room, whoever he is..." he tapped his chest. Sav knew Rick's word was good, but he wasn't going to share any details. Not till Jani was ready, if that ever happened.

"How did you know?"

"Well, it was someone. Had to be. You're different... you're glowing, when you're not being a grumpy bitch. Hey, are you pregnant?" Rick laughed.

"Shut the fuck up."

"Is that Sav for no?"

Finally, since Rick showed no signs of leaving him alone, Sav took one of the new pairs of leathers and the lightest-weight dress shirt he owned into the bathroom, along with socks and pants and his case of jewelry. He'd already taken toiletries and grooming stuff in there earlier. When he was ready, Rick nodded but didn't hassle him further. Sav guessed he'd accomplished what he'd set out to do: jolly Sav into coming out with them. They met the others at one of the hotel's many bars.

* * *

Jani woke up from the pressure on his bladder. Squinting at the clock on his nightstand he found that it was three in the morning. Usually, he'd still be up at this time, but nowadays... Yawning widely as he padded over to the bathroom, he shook his head at himself. When he'd returned from visiting his mum, he'd gone straight to bed instead of doing, well, whatever he used to do at that time of day. Getting drunk, playing video games, doing nothing. He'd meant to play more guitar, but that would have to wait until tomorrow... actually, today.

Checking his phone had become a reflex, and there was indeed another message from Sav. Jani was too tired for the email he'd intended to write, but he typed a quick reply on his mobile.

_Sleeping well, now I know it's thanks to your wishes. ;-) Enjoy your amp, can't wait to hear more about it. Gonna work on tabs tomorrow/today. Love, Jani_

* * *

They killed some time, having drinks or in Phil and Rick's case, some kind of juice concoction the waitress didn't bat an eye over; Sav limited himself to one beer. Mostly they just talked about the upcoming show. By the time he got to the bottom of the bottle, it was warm, not his favourite. Management had made dinner reservations for them for 7:00PM, which was early on a free night but more in keeping with their tour schedule. Sav had raised his eyebrows at hearing they were at some restaurant in Excalibur, the older casino two doors – make that city blocks – away. It was quite good, however, tucked away in an upstairs gallery that he assumed didn't see heavy traffic.

From there, they moved up the Strip and across the street for some cards. Sav wasn't an expert, but he'd been here, played here before. He couldn't count cards, not like a professional, probably a good thing if he wanted his kneecaps and other important parts to remain undamaged. Of course a person can't believe everything they see on TV; he didn't want to learn the hard way. Even so he had a run of good luck and actually had the sense to step away when it ran out. Joe and Viv were still playing; he doubted they'd be convinced to leave for a while. Waiting around, Sav cashed in his chips, then went for a piss.

In the loo, he checked his phone. Jani must have texted shortly after he and Rick had left his room, he wasn't sure how he'd missed it. He sent a quick reply:

_Out with the band, in a casino. I actually won a bit. Last I checked, Joe and Viv were losing their shirts. And yeah, I'm sure I'll get dragged to a strip bar yet tonight. No worries, "look but don't touch!" TTYS, -Sav_

Sav was right, sooner than he thought. He exited the restroom to find the others waiting, and a pair of taxis out front once they'd navigated through the warren of casino floors and restaurants to an actual outside door. Titty bars it was, three of them – bars – and so many tits. These girls were professionals. Dancers of course. They gave nothing away for free. Each place had a two-drink minimum. For the first time, he had to consciously choose – and defend his choice – not to drink. He paid for them, but passed after the first and stuck to water which didn't exactly earn him any favours.

Unlike in previous years, Sav didn't really enjoy it. Oh, he appreciated women and their bodies well enough. If he had to pick one body part, he was definitely a boob man, or had been. Some of those girls, their moves would give a dead man wood. It was just not what he wanted. He'd been with Jani last less than a week ago in person; he was nowhere near desperate enough for a substitute and hoped that he'd never get to that point.

It was amusing to watch his mates ogling the merchandise, though. For a non-drinker, Phil sure got drunk on life, or something. He had one dancer after another in his lap all night. How he could stand to be worked up for so long, Sav couldn't fathom, but did he really want to know? No, he did not. Despite keeping his wallet in his pocket, he got his fair share of females gyrating in his face and on his crotch and so on. It wasn't as if he was rude to them, but Sav refrained from any sort of touching, and no they weren't supposed to but if money changed hands, his band could do whatever they wanted. No doubt the women who 'served' them were vetted to not put the brakes on if the price was right.

Rick did get up on the stage, but thank goodness that didn't involve him taking his clothes off or dancing. Viv was always in the farthest, darkest back corner, and Sav pointedly didn't look. As for Joe, as per usual, he was the consummate frontman, with girls hanging all over him and Joe enjoying the fuck – possibly literally – out of it.

Needless to say, Sav was definitely glad when it was over and they got dropped off back at their hotel. All he could thinking about was shaking himself loose from the group, locking himself in his suite and calling Jani.

Before he called, though, Sav wanted to be better prepared. The last two times, they'd had to be quick and furtive and there were clothes in the way. He didn't want to deal with that tonight, wanted freedom and range of motion, the thought of which made him swell already. And, to be able to clean up essentially without having to move later. To that end, he completely undressed and went into the bathroom for a washcloth, which he made as hot as he could stand knowing it would cool before long, and hand towel.

Retrieving his headphones, Sav plugged them in – to his mobile and his ears – dialled Jani.

* * *


	7. Friday, 18 August 2006

* * *

Jani had already had two cups of coffee and was busy with the newspaper when his phone rang. A quick look at the display confirmed that it was Sav. He smiled widely when he answered the call.

"Hei, Sav," he greeted his lover. "How's things? Or wait, give me a sec so I can go to my bedroom – I'm in the kitchen – and put my headset on. I have a feeling I may want to have my hands free."

* * *

"'Morning and good idea," Sav replied to Jani asking him to hold on while he plugged in his headset. "I've got mine, too." He had the type that was earbuds with the mic built into a piece of plastic where the two wires joined. It would be more stable if he were laying down so he crawled under the covers of his bed, kept the sheet up and pushed the comforter down or it would get too hot.

"OK, I'm in bed now. On my back. Naked. And... missing you. Wanting you, Jani." He paused. "What about you? Sleep naked?"

* * *

"OK, me too. On my bed rather than in it as it's pretty warm here and I expect that it's going to be quite hot in a moment according to what you just said," Jani laughed. "And yes, I slept naked. Between naked and wearing your briefs it was a _hard_ decision if you get my meaning. And I miss you and I want you." He laughed again. "Any idea what we could do about that?"

* * *

Sav slid one hand down his belly. No, not yet. He trailed his fingers up to his chest, toying with one nipple like he would, to Jani. "A hard decision. So were you hard last night already? Or trying to stop that, to wait, by not wrapping your junk in my pants? What we can do... we can do ourselves, and each other by proxy. I'm gonna touch meself, Jani, but it's you I'm touching. Where... where do you want my hands?"

* * *

"I... last night I was tired," Jani admitted. "And hard, but I decided to wait." He snickered. "You're in for a huge load from me... As for where do I want your hands? That'd be everywhere..."

In that moment, Jani discovered a flaw in his plan: He was still fully dressed. So he had his hands free and could get out of his pants, but any attempt to take his shirt off would dislodge the head set. Pondering for a second whether to tell Sav to wait until he'd taken care of that, Jani decided against it. The shirt was one of Sav's and he'd enjoy coming while wearing it. He pushed it up, though, so that his chest was bare.

"But most of all," he resumed, "I want them on my chest. On my nipples... Please touch my nipples, Sav..."

* * *

Oh yes, that was one area Sav had been hoping Jani would want attention to. It still fascinated him, how incredibly aroused Jani could become by it. Using both hands on himself, he pinched his own into tiny erect peaks. "You know how much I like to play with your nipples, to see how strongly you react to being stimulated on those forbidden nerve endings. Forbidden only because who would think a man would be so sensitive there? I never thought... But you showed me, didn't you? Can't believe I never realised it till you used your mouth on mine, so hot!"

"Gonna do what you asked me for, start by circling each of your little buds with my fingertips, the index finger on each hand. Pinching them now, simultaneously. They harden, pulling tight. I pinch a little harder, with a twist. Then flick with my fingernails. Can feel your dick jump when I do that, still wanna make you come just from playing with your tiny tits some day."

So far, that was the one act he hadn't accomplished. It would stay on his – their – bucket list till he succeeded. Sav was fully hard already, from his own words and desire. It had been kind of sexy, feeling himself fill and lift against the cool, soft sheet, which still lay over him where his shaft pulsed with trapped blood. "Need them in my mouth, Jani, between my lips and under my tongue. Let me suck on them!" he hissed.

* * *

Mirroring what Sav told him he was doing, Jani moaned when he stroked his nipples lightly, then gave them a first gentle pinch. "Yeah, I showed you," he groaned. "I needed to show you how good it feels to have them played with, just like you're doing it with mine right now." He twisted them a little and gasped, "That night in Milan – nnh! That night, I was... I didn't know... Your finger on my nipple, that's what started things for me. I knew I liked them touched but hadn't dared to ask my girlfriend – any of them – to do it because I thought it was unmanly. Never had a man touch me, of course, and then you..."

He moaned again. "My dick is so hard. Leaking on my belly, so wet for you. Wanna smear my slick on my nipples so you can lick it off of them, then suck them so good that I'll have bruises from it."

* * *

"Fuck yeah..." Sav groaned. "Mouth is watering, drooling," he had to swallow the rush of saliva, "to taste your slick, and lick the sweet wet of it off the salt of your nipples, mmmph!" He swallowed again, found with a sly exploration that he had leaked a drop or two, and ran his finger through it, bringing it up to his own nipple. Already stiff, it hardened further at the touch of cooling air. "I'll give it to you rough like you want it, till I bruise your chest again... keep sucking one side then the other till you can't take it."

What Jani described about that night in Milan was far up the list of Sav's favourite fantasies, too. Both at the time and in retrospect, Jani's reaction to the random touch and what followed it was one of the most erotic things he'd ever experienced. "I'll always remember that night, and how you let me hold you. It was so... delicate. Fragile, but so good. Perfect." Sav could have stroked himself to completion then and there, awash in the remembrance. They'd done so much more, and he needed to keep pushing. Maybe another day they could get off to the memory.

"If I was there, I'd roll on top of you, trap your hard-on between us and grind against your leg while I keep torturing your nipples. I'd bite a little, lick your collarbones, that little hollow at your throat. Right now, I've got one hand tight around my cock and the other rolling my balls, so heavy..." He did, too, finally giving in to the need. This announcement came out in a breathy moan. "Starting to sweat, need to move my hips. Wanna be in you this time, Jani... wanna fuck you and do you so good. It's been days now. You need to be prepped, just a little. Touch yourself, like I taught you. Touch your little hole and open it up for me."

* * *

Jani moistened his suddenly dry lips with his tongue. "I..." He'd always known it would come to this one day. Deep inside, he'd also known that he wouldn't go there on his own, that regardless of how much he craved to be touched there, he wouldn't do it unless it was under Sav's guidance. Or maybe under Sav's order...

_Touch yourself, like I taught you. Touch your little hole and open it up for me._

His hole twitched in anticipation and his dick drooled a happy string of slick as Jani swallowed and moved a – shaking – hand down to his balls, then further behind. He held his breath as he let his index finger inch down until he felt the rim. Swallowing again, he pressed the pad gently against the tiny pucker, blurting out "Fuck!" when a wave of pleasure surged through his body.

Despite having been taught by Sav, Jani was still terrified to slide the finger in... Slick! He needed slick! He never used hand lotion when he brought himself off and he obviously didn't own lubricant, but there was the puddle under the tip of his dick, so he swiped up some of it and smeared it on his scared little entrance.

"I... I'm going in..." Jani bit his lip as he forced himself to push a little. "Now..." There was resistance at first, so he pressed harder until the stubborn muscle suddenly relaxed and he slid in.

_"Sav! Oh god, Sav!"_

His back arched as his hips thrust instinctively although he hadn't even found the spot yet that, if his reaction so far was any indication, would slingshot him to heaven the second he touched it.

* * *

Had he gone too far? Jani sputtered and swore, a second of static suggested he was shifting around. Breathing hard, Sav waited, slowly sliding his hand up and down, not really stroking so much as just moving the skin, which was increasingly impossible. Back in Sheffield, Sav had – he'd thought – given Jani an education in fingering himself. And more, which reminded him: get online and order Jani a toy. It wouldn't do for his lover to go without being touched how he needed it most.

After a long moment, Jani announced he was 'going in'. Almost as a reflex, Sav spread his thighs wide, as if it were he who was about to be treated to that. "Yes, good... imagine that it's me, my fingers," Sav murmured. "I wanna love you that way, make you squirm. By now you know where your spot is, sometimes you wiggle around trying to get me to touch it faster, that's so hot, how your body demands being stroked on the inside. Want me to suck you, too? I'm right there, breathin' on yeh."

Even if not, that's what he was thinking about, himself. Sav wasn't bragging in saying that he blew Jani's mind when he sucked him off. Back when he was initiated, he'd decided that if he was going to perform the act at all, anything less than perfection wasn't worth his time. And yet Jani had improved his skill by showing him that tongue trick of slipping it under the foreskin, which Sav would have learned twenty years ago had anyone ever done it to him. And, he could also admit that it was the use of his fingers on Jani's prostate that made him erupt so forcefully. The things Sav could provide were all extras for Jani's pleasure: squeezing the head with the back of his throat, whipping his tongue everywhere including around the edge of the ridge, and carefully milking his balls till they spasmed and heaved.

"Feels so good, doesn't it?" he answered when Jani called out his name. "You're never gonna be the same, you're always gonna want this, want me, feel me. God, I wish I could be there, I need you... never gonna forget the feel of you!"

* * *

Now that he'd had the courage to breach himself, Jani relaxed a little. He suddenly realised that Sav had no idea what he'd been doing except for his announcement that he was about to penetrate himself. Well, it wasn't too late for that.

"I... My finger is all slippery, I'm using my precome. What with my... your hands on my nipples, I've drooled so much you may not even need additional lube. And you're right, I'm always gonna want this, want you, feel you, deep in me. Spreading me wide with your erection, pushing me open. Yes, suck me, while I'm opening myself up for you."

He hadn't touched his prostate yet: As tempted as he was to do it, he knew that once he had his finger on that spot he wouldn't be able to stop prodding it. Yet Sav had asked him to open himself up, to prepare to receive Sav's cock, so he slid his finger in and out of his tight hole until it softened a little, then gathered up more fluid from his belly.

"I'm... second finger. Tell me when you think I'm ready for a third, and please suck me, my dick, my balls, my..." Sav licking his hole had been so overwhelming that Jani couldn't even say it without fearing he'd come from the thought alone. "My... index and middle finger... now..." he groaned as he wiggled both fingers through the tense ring of muscle. "Feels so good! Need you so bad! Sav, I need you to be in me!"

* * *

"Oh bloody Christ, Jani...! Can see you if I try, opening yourself on your fingers, using your own drool where it's almost running from your slit. You've got two of them inside now, you're doing so good." Sav tossed his hair off his face, could imagine Jani's red mane being thrown this way and that as he thrashed with his own efforts. But he'd wanted to suck him off and he still wanted that. It was a struggle to verbalise, he just wanted to come. The longer he could wait, the better it would feel, Sav knew that. Somehow, he went on, now scratching lightly along the insides of his thighs.

"Wouldn't it be nice if I could fuck you and blow you at the same time, hm? Gonna do what I said, though... need that dick in my mouth, to swallow you down till you hit my tonsils. You're like steel, like a rock, but the skin over it is soft, thin. Tightening my lips around you, I move them up and down, up and down your shaft, sucking hard. When I draw back, I lick into your slit, run my tongue all around the head, the ridge, the dip underneath where that thin thread connects. Then I ease your foreskin up as far is I can without hurting you, it's stretched tight from how you've swollen. Can tell you're close, your balls have pulled up on their cords and and your sac is adhered to them closely, I move my mouth to them and lick them mercilessly, one of them then [the] other, suck them in, wash the sweat from them with my spit and tongue, tickle all the little wrinkles... oh, they want to spew, don't they Jani, they're full, tense, ready."

He wanted things too, or in this case, to express them in words, only words. He'd get back to Jani's blow job in a moment. "I can barely hold off, want to push into you, all the way till you're squeezing around the base of my... erection, I'm so hard for you, it's purple, shiny-wet..." Sav had no idea why but Jani using the word 'erection' instead of the vernacular brought him close to the edge. "I can feel it, can feel how you're stretching that band of muscle, but that's not enough yet, is it?" Not for him, either. Sav rasped, "You know what's up there, Baby. Go on, nudge your spot. It needs to release, too, so sensitive, your g-spot, please Jani show me how you come...! Gotta suck on you again, fill my mouth with your juice!"

Now there was no keeping still or keeping his hands from pleasuring himself. The muscles in his thighs, butt, lower back and belly all clenched and his balls contracted painfully; he could hear the urgency in his own voice. "Jani, fuck, oh gawd, gonna...."

* * *

"Not... not ready yet," Jani pressed out. "I need another finger – gnnnhh!" He withdrew the first two and lined his ring finger up along with the middle and index, then slowly pushed in again. The band of muscle around them felt impossibly tight although Jani knew he'd easily taken Sav's dick not long ago, which was thicker. His fingers were strong, so he forced them apart a little, stretching his sphincter. It would have to do. Judging from the sounds Sav was making, he didn't have much time left before the thickening seed in his balls boiled over – not that Jani was far behind.

"I'm... got the third in now, stretching..." he groaned. "And stroking..." Jani finally moved his other hand from his chest, where it had been pulling at his nipples, down to his dick. The swollen organ almost jumped in his hand when he curled his fingers around it. Then he angled for that spot inside... and...

...found it...

"Now... Unnghh... Oh yes... Fuck, Sav! Oh yes! Oh yes! Need... God, Sav, please...!"

* * *

"'Kay..." Sav panted. It was almost impossible to stop, but he somehow managed to hold on, shaking and shuddering and clenching his teeth. "Waiting for you... go off together... if we can..."

Jani telling him he'd penetrated himself with a third digit almost set Sav off again. "Jani gawd please..." Sav had a feeling that if he tried to order Jani to touch his spot, his lover would find a way to delay, just to see which of them had the stronger will. That was a contest Sav had no desire to participate in, because right now, he would lose. People would say their eyeballs were swimming when they really had to piss. At the moment, Sav felt like his eyeballs were swimming in his own come, running over till he let it go.

His wait was over. Right in his ears, Jani was begging too, begging him please. He had to have found his pleasure gland; Sav could hear rhythmic movements. "Yes, yesss! Whatever you need! Can feel your heat, every little clench, bare inside you...!" Sav's hips jerked hard: he jerked himself furiously, riding his own hand from below. It was the sweetest torture for a few seconds, then his orgasm slammed into him. "Oh fuck Jani, I'm filling you so full," a jet of creamy white hit his chin, the next, his lips, "all of me, all of it, hot and sticky, here it is... here... _Jani!"_ Sav's wails took over as more and more fountained all over his chest. He relished it. Every millisecond, every shot, every drop of seed.

* * *

Jani bent his knees and planted his feet on the mattress so he could lift his butt, imagining that Sav could thrust deeper into him that way. When Sav announced that he was bare inside him, told him about filling him so full of him, hot and sticky, then wailed his completion, Jani's balls contracted and he joined Sav's wails. His body jackknifed as the pleasure took over, coming in waves, cresting every time his balls pumped out another jet of boiling seed.

"Sav, Sav!" he screeched-sobbed, repeating his lover's name over and over. When the spasms grew weaker he pressed harder on the pulsing gland inside him, trying to prolong his climax and succeeding in massaging out another thin trickle of liquid, but eventually his balls were drained, emptied, and his entire lower body became oversensitive. Jani pulled his fingers out of his arse and let go of his dick, telling himself that the way it felt he wouldn't want to be touched for at least a week... OK, a couple of hours maybe.

Too breathless to even whisper Sav's name again, Jani panted into the headset, waiting for his heartrate to come down.

* * *

For a good minute, neither of them spoke, too out of it to do anything but lay decorated in cooling spunk. Well, presumably 'both'; Sav certainly was. He started snickering. The post-orgasm endorphin high made him a little loopy. "Oh, man... That was... good... um, spectacular," he rasped as he reached for the washcloth that he'd left on the bedside table, missed, and tried again. "Made a huge mess on meself again. You?"

* * *

Jani snorted. "Need you ask?" He sighed happily. "That was... wow. I could get used to this. Well, almost. I'm of course speaking of the variant where we're both on the same continent. Same country. Same bed."

There was the tiny fly in the soup that he wanted a cigarette, which reminded him that he'd intended to slap on a new nicotine patch prior to visiting his mum the night before. He'd better take care of it soon. Wondering for a moment if he should share this with Sav, Jani decided to be open about it.

"I want a smoke," he admitted, "but I won't have one. Still, good thing I stocked up on nicotine patches. How are you getting on with that?"

* * *

"You know how it is... I always crave one after sex, or after a meal, and especially if I'm drinking. This is a non-smoking room, so I can't in here." Sav decided he might as well be up front. "This patch I stuck on at home will probably fall off in my next shower. I was thinking about... not replacing it. Phil and Viv quit. The rest of us and the crew, though... I dunno. We don't get much time for anything on tour, anyway. Sometimes I wonder if they'd let us take bathroom breaks if not for the need for catheter bags, which are not the right sort of bulges to _not_ hide under tight clothes." He laughed. "Sorry, that was kind of crude. I used to get annoyed about fans looking at us like prime pieces of meat. I don't even care anymore; probably in a few more years, I'll be glad if anyone finds me worth looking at. Not fishing, by the way."

He paused for a moment. "Don't be influenced by me, Jani. I've been smoking for almost 30 years. It's gonna be tough... but tell you what, I'll get another patch. Okay? If we're going to be together, I should take care of myself... for myself but also to not trip you up."

Having cleaned the sticky traces from his face, neck, chest and lower, Sav tossed the washcloth across the room and sat up in bed. "I'm really proud of you, I mean it. Don't lose sight of that. But what else is new? How's Rakas play after some TLC?"

* * *

"Lucky you, I guess," Jani said, "for keeping busy on tour. See, my problem is always that we have too much time on our hands and nothing to do with it. Well, other than getting drunk, I mean." He sighed. "I love my job. I can't imagine I could ever do anything but music, but even though it's been months since we were on the road for longer, I don't think I ever want to tour again. Anyway, that isn't going to be of concern for me for at least another year. Maybe I should be grateful to Finland for enforcing conscription."

He thought for a moment. "So when you say you're thinking about not replacing the patch, you mean you can continue not smoking without wearing a patch? I envy you. No, that's not true. I'm happy for you, just wishing that'd work for me. I shouldn't complain, though. Except for the gig last weekend I'm doing pretty well smoking- and drinking-wise all things considered – not doing it, I mean. As for you being proud of me, I'm meeting a friend tomorrow night who, well, drinks by Finnish standards. I'll try to keep it down to no more than a couple of beers and once I tell him it's about my hand and general health he won't taunt me into getting hammered or the likes, but it's hard to tell how it'll go. Self-discipline never having been my forte," he laughed nervously.

Then Sav asked about Rakas and Jani's mood that had darkened for a moment improved. "She's wonderful," he said warmly. "Not that I don't like my other instruments," they were technically of higher quality, "but she's so special. I haven't enjoyed playing in a long time as much as I do now. My Destroyer and even more the RG, I'm very attached to them, but they're, I dunno how to describe it, they're work and playing Rakas is just for fun. And then there are the memories of course. It's more, though. I cleaned her as part of setting her up, worked on her intonation and all that, made her fit to my... call it needs," he laughed.

"Just wondering, how many instruments do you take on tour? You play guitar, too, right?"

* * *

"No, you're right, it's always hurry up and wait. Maybe not as much with us, seems like there's always interviews, meetings, production stuff, the whole pre-show circus takes hours, but yeah, sitting around, too." To Sav, it was more how one viewed it. If he was inclined to be bored, he probably would be more-so on tour. "The worst thing for me is the whole airport, airplane song and dance. A bus is almost relief after that. But we have it cushy, I'm more than aware. Maybe you'll miss it – touring – after a while." This was the first time Jani had mentioned his mandatory conscription on a phone call. Not wanting to focus on the looming cloud of it on the horizon, Sav was relieved when Jani changed topics.

Since he'd already decided that he would get a new nicotine patch after all, he didn't renege on it. "I know without a doubt I couldn't go cold turkey as far as not smoking. I've tried before, didn't work. I want to quit. Or for sure, I should, before the bad things that can happen, happen. Now that I've found you, I want to be around a long time. If your mate is any kind of friend, he'll support you. But good luck, anyway, if you're worried about how it will go. Your band was supportive of you eating right, yeah?"

The guitar was a good topic. Jani's voice reflected his love of it... her... Sav listened, smiling to himself, to the rundown of her care. She had a good home there. "Good... she's seeing to your needs like you're seeing to hers. I'd be jealous if not for the knowledge I can give you things she can't..." Sav chuckled. "Even if you take her to bed with you."

Then Jani asked him about what instruments he took on the road. "I bring... four basses, I mean the electric kind, all 5-string, and all Jackson customs. They all get played every show. Officially I am still endorsing Washburn but I think probably that contract will end soon. I like the Jackson model, the fretboard and the neck, it's easier to play. I have an acoustic bass, also 5-string, which is a Gibson, as is the acoustic guitar I bring along. I started on guitar, it was my first love, you could say. Even before football or girls. I was never great at it but yes I still play for fun. Seems like there's less and less time for that. After this tour's over, that's going to change."

Jani had talked about his guitars, the RG and Destroyer. Sav had seen several others on youtube. Rather than asking about them, which he probably wouldn't remember accurately without seeing them in person, he asked, "If you don't want to tour anymore, what would you do instead? Studio musician?"

* * *

"Airports," Jani groaned when Sav brought them up. "I'm actively trying to forget every minute I ever spent in one. Except when we were there together, of course. Even that becomes bearable with you, but they're another thing I'm not going to miss while I'm stuck in Finland."

Sav elaborated on giving up smoking and Jani felt a little lighter when he heard that Sav wouldn't go cold turkey either. As for going out later... "Risto is one of my best drinking buddies, right along with Henkka and Make. We went to school together, even played in the same sandbox. He's a nice guy. Drummer, too, we sometimes jam together. The plan for tonight is to meet at a, well, officially it's a night club but think bar. Maybe go sing karaoke later, but I'd have to be drunk for that, which isn't on my agenda. I don't think Risto will have a problem with that. Or he can drink for two," Jani laughed. "Either way I haven't seen him in a while and it'll be fun. Also good to socialise a little, " he added. "I've spent too much time hammered and withdrawn in my room. I'll tell you how it was."

They talked about their instruments for a while, then Sav asked what Jani would do if he gave up touring. A while ago, Jani had almost panicked when Sav had asked what he'd do if he were no longer a musician, but this was different.

"Studio musician is an option, but not exclusively. Don't get me wrong, I have this thing with stage fright, but I also like playing live. If we were touring in Finland only, I could live with that. But I also want to work on my own songs. I have ideas but, well, Tony has very specific ideas about what suits the band in his opinion and he's made sure that they're adhered to. He's top dog and I don't want to fight. It's hard enough as it is. But I also have songs that I like and want to work more on them. With Sonata, I don't have time for a solo project and I'd still like it more in terms of a band, but who knows? You and I, find a drummer and a singer, that's something I'd like. Very much. Interested?" Could Sav 'see' the wide grin on Jani's face?

* * *

"Yes, I'm very interested, especially if we're doing originals." Sav replied enthusiastically. Jani's plans – musically – including him made him happy, immediately and in the sense of long term. "I've never wanted anything outside of Def Leppard before. I mean, if you have a successful band, why would you need it? I'm the odd man out, with that opinion, though. I get what you're saying, about not having much of a say in what direction your band's music takes. We play mostly the same songs every show now and if it got to the point where I couldn't stand them, or if all my ideas got shot down... yeah..."

He spaced out for a second. They were probably due for a new album within a year or two. Yeah was all covers, and had been their own self-indulgence; they needed to put out new material, too. "After this tour's over, we should try for that. When I come to Finland. I was thinking right after Christmas, since we'll have family obligations. In other words, centuries from now." If he wasn't careful, he'd start whining about it, and that wasn't how Sav wanted Jani to think of him.

"I know you do backing vocals, same for me... no offence to you but neither of us are lead singer material. I wonder who we could even ask. Well, food for thought, unless you know of someone. Or there's auditioning." That was something else Sav had never had to do. He and Pete started their original incarnation, then he'd switched to bass when they couldn't find anyone; they'd put up with his learning process, and that was that.

Sav yawned. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be so tired. Did you wanna hear about the strip joints? Just kidding, but I was good. Nothing was even vaguely tempting."

* * *

Sav intended to come to Finland after Christmas? Depending on how things went according to – Tony's – plan, there was a strong possibility that Jani would be busy recording Sonata's next album. Jani decided to not bring this up, not now. A lot could happen by December.

As for putting together a band, Jani had a few ideas. "I can think of a drummer, two actually, one being Risto whom I'm meeting with tonight, and another Jani. We all went to school together. Or we could ask your Rick. Depending on where we'd want it to go, I'm sure Henkka would be happy to join us for some jamming, too. He can growl, by the way," Jani laughed. "We recorded some... well, I got some stuff up on a Finnish site. I can send you the link if you want to listen in. I should warn you, though. We tried our hands at Death Metal. Some would call it noise. We had great fun with it." He snickered.

"For starters I'd want to play only with you, though. I want us to find each other also in music and we'd probably need to catch up on, um, other things, things we'd better be alone for. You get my meaning. As for singing, I'm not generally as bad as in Milan. There I couldn't hear anything thanks to the moron FOH. Well, at least I like to think that I'm better than that day. I haven't got much experience as lead, though, as you said. The last time was that eighties thing for the local football club... Another one of these great fun events, as for quality, well, nobody had us arrested... Hey, I could practice tonight if we do karaoke with Risto," Jani laughed again. He was relaxed after the sex and it felt good to chat with Sav.

"And of course I want to know about the strip joints!"

* * *

"Right, maybe I'm jumping the gun. Rick lives in California so Finland would be a long way for him to go to jam, but I wouldn't rule him out entirely, like, eventually. He has side projects, too... different stuff, though: a PTSD support network for former soldiers and amputees, and he started painting... I can't imagine that won't take off, people wanting his art. Well, our project is hypothetical for now, anyway."

Sav might have to eat his words again, about singing. Being a backing vocalist had its own challenges; some people could not 'hear' much less sing harmony. In past years, Sav had spent a lot of time, so much time, ripping his hair out over that. His voice always wanted to drift into the lead part, which wasn't his. It had got easier when Viv had joined; his voice blended with everyone's, and was a kind of buffer between Sav's part and Joe's. This also allowed Rick to concentrate solely on drumming. "Milan... their sound system was a train wreck! At this point, I'm not sure whose vocals I was hearing... more like overpowering keyboards and... Tony, I guess. Finally, your guitar came through and... I was on my way to the loo at the time, but it... sorry this is cheesy, but it gave me shivers or something. I had to meet the person responsible. Death metal, huh? Well, I should get some amusement from Henkka's growling, at least." He had to laugh again, walking to the window, which had a view of the pyramid of the Luxor next door.

"Yeah, strippers... they're all different, and they're all the same. Know what I mean? Phil probably had the best time, I've never seen so many 5-dollar notes go into g-strings in one night. Oh my god, the birds trying to, um, get my business. With their business you might say. There was this one, dusky skin but bleached blond, big fake tits, my height with her stripper heels, she wanted me to, er, what's it they call it? Motorboat. I kept shaking my head, and eventually someone paid her so she just climbed on me and... you could say she quite heartily slapped my face." Though Jani couldn't see him, Sav grinned. "That's what I get for being an uncooperative customer."

* * *

Jani listened to Sav's adventures at the strip club and chuckled. "We never played in Vegas, but we made a detour on a day off," he explained. "Since we spent most of the time in the casinos and had no real money anyway – except for Make, of course, our king of gamblers – I'm afraid we got stamped uncooperative customers, too. But please enlighten me, what's a Motorboat?"

* * *

"Well..." Now that Sav had to describe it, it sounded even more ridiculous. "That's when you stick your face between her boobs and do like..." Sav approximated the noise and lip vibration people made against babies' bellies to make them laugh, "and shake your head real fast. Uh... some blokes must get off on it, since it's a thing," he finished, feeling a bit flustered.

"By now you've noticed, other than where you lead, I'm not very... playful...? Probably too much in my own head. It's good that you bring some humour into the bedroom," not just bedroom! "or, y'know... car, stairs, laundry room... and in general. I've never had that with anyone in a relationship before. With groupies, well, Def Leppard does not attract the goth crowd but if there's one surly bitch – and I only mean attitude problem, not saying women are bitches – in the lot who got dragged to our show by friends, that's who I end up with." Huffing out a laugh, Sav had to admit he had a weak spot for those women hiding in the corner wishing they were anywhere else. "Jeez, how did I get on that subject?!"

* * *

"Now that doesn't sound as if I'd get off on it," Jani remarked dryly after laughing for a while. "So far I got off, and spectacularly so, with everything the two of us did together. As for being playful, if you mean having sex in all these places in your house that aren't the bed, I'd say it has a lot to do with me being very impatient. Like, wanting sex here and now, not two flights of stairs up, if you get my meaning. With my girlfriends, well, our place is small, so it was bed or couch. I never considered the kitchen table, which is probably a good thing because it would likely have collapsed under us. Not the kind of adventurous sex I'd like to have," he chuckled.

* * *

"No thanks, ow!" Sav agreed. "Sex on the kitchen table, we haven't done that yet... I'd rather not find out the hard way if it's sturdy enough or not. The one in my dining room would be, it's huge and heavy. I meant more the joking, banter... that sort of thing. But anyway, I can only chime again about the quantity and quality, with you. Maybe we were both fucked out by the time we got back to Finland but it was memorable getting to that point." His dick twitched. Sav looked down at it. Really? Then he looked out through the small gap in the curtains in front of him and took a step back. Supposedly their room numbers were kept secure but he'd never entirely trusted that money couldn't change hands for information. Or that people weren't trying to see into his room, whether they knew who he was – or maybe Phil since this was supposed to be his suite. He drew the curtains all the way closed.

"So what sort of adventurous sex might you want to try some day... besides those already on the agenda?" Sav referred to doing it without condoms, and to Jani doing him. "In Denver, some people in the hotel across the street were shagging against their window. That's another no thanks. I'd suggest my back yard but, well, the crazy chicks. If I'm in your part of the world, hm, the blueberry patch?" he laughed, "I'm imagining us rolling around, covered in squished berries and juice. Blueberry juice. Well, our own, too."

* * *

"Well, we already agreed on the juice and berries in Finland earlier. Depending on how far north we are, we might be up for a speed challenge, though, getting the deed done before the vampires eat us alive. However, considering that it's you and me we're talking about I don't see a problem there," Jani giggled.

"Adventurous, hm," he mused, "Haven't really thought about it that way. What we've done so far I'd rate more as spontaneous than adventurous. I like that, a lot, but if I ever happen to have an adventurous idea you'll be the first to find out. It won't be along the lines of collapsing kitchen tables, and pretty sure it won't involve either of our arses against a window pane. Your garden, I'd like to see more of that, but the crazy chicks... OK, not suggesting we do that, but do you think there's a chance that might actually scare them off? How far does their disrespect of your privacy carry? Or maybe we don't want to know." Jani shuddered.

"All this sex talk has me wanting more, by the way, but I must be getting old. Fucked out you said, I believe it. So how about other vices – pleasures, I mean, of course. What's the food like in Las Vegas? Do you go out to a restaurant now and then, even though you have your own chef around?"

* * *

"Sorry, I suppose sometimes I'm the king of rehash. Can't seem to help it when it's an interesting topic. Like you naked in the blueberry patch, or anywhere," Sav chuckled. Yes, they'd talked about it before. Maybe this was Jani's way of telling him to leave the sex talk for when they were horny – and able to get it up. "Okay, okay, I'll give it a rest."

The next turn of conversation was enough to bring his endorphin high to a screeching halt. "I... hm, I mean, those women seem fairly harmless, just... overenthusiastic. Not to sound naive, but I'm not sure what they want," he rolled his eyes. "Like, if I seriously invited them into my house for a drink followed by a shag, would they accept, and then would they think they were my girlfriends...? I've no idea. You know how it is: Real groupies want to hang around and party, fuck you or blow you, and then you're done. These two... They've been coming around ever since I moved in, every week or every day, it varies. To my knowledge, they've never tried to climb the fence. What you saw when you visited, that's the most extreme it's ever been."

"'Vices'... hm, like the seven deadly sins? Seems I've given up most of mine, although there's this redhead I can't seem to get enough of. So that's lust. Moving on to gluttony... yes, we go out to eat sometimes. I for one am not a huge fan of a meat-free diet full-time. Here, Vegas, it's really its own world. Every casino is almost like its own village, in some very skewed manner. Each has its own hotel built in; shopping; restaurants; pubs, or bars like they call them here; clubs, as in dance clubs; the casino itself with thousands of slot machines, tables for cards, dice, roulette, and then huge meeting rooms. Our venue tomorrow night is in one, it's hard to believe till you see it. There's just no way to generalise. Tonight for dinner, we all got together. I have a feeling that the place we went to is obscure, for Vegas: it's in one of the older casinos and almost quiet after the cacophony of flash and noise that is this place. Did you find the time to eat out, on tour in the States? You almost always get enough food for two people. What I had was very nice, actually, basic steak and potato, salad and bread, tasty. I had lunch at a restaurant, too, today. Joe and I ran into each other, out shopping and ate at an Asian fusion place along the Strip. It was okay but I think, more for tourists based on the atmosphere. By that, I mean hectic and loud. Okay food but you can tell they make it in bulk."

By now, Sav felt like he was rambling on and on. The hour and the sex – at his own hands of course other than in thought and speech – must have loosened his lips. "Oh, and I mentioned the practice amp, right? Orange, that's a brand name, you probably know that, they're actually a company out of the UK, have come up with a micro mini model this year. Not my usual GKs but I had to have one. It's... cute. Sounds okay, and you can run it in to other amps or cabs."

* * *

"Don't apologise," Jani said. "I like to rehash our good ideas. Also... Every time we talk about such plans... Sometimes I still can't believe that you exist, that you and I are together. Talking about our future together... makes me very happy."

He listened to what Sav said about the 'crazy chicks.' Once again, he appreciated that Sonata Arctica's fans appeared to be more reasonable. He was aware that they, too, had fans that could be rated as crazy, especially in Japan and South America, but it was an entirely different type of crazy. However, when Sav changed the topic, Jani didn't point this out; he had no desire to sour the atmosphere by discussing Sav's stalkers. Instead, he noted with delight that Sav was having an overall good time, food-wise, and that he'd bought himself a small practice amp.

"Sure, I know Orange. Probably even tried one but I can't remember details. It's much easier to find a small practice amp for guitar than for bass I'd think, so what's it sound like? Does it work for a five string, too? You know, I've got a little Marshall for practice at home but it really can't handle a bass, not even a four-string, and mine has five. So if you can recommend that amp, I'd be interested in the specifics as I might actually get one myself."

Belatedly, Jani remembered that Sav had also asked him about eating on tour – music always came first with him. "As for Sonata tour catering, well, there aren't many decent fast food joints in Kemi, except Hesburger of course, so we made the best out of junk food on tour. We usually went for McDonald's, Taco Bell, KFC, and the likes. Tony likes breakfast at IHOP but I was most often too hungover for breakfast... Had to drink myself back into working shape on most days, if you know what I mean. The only sometimes healthy – more or less, that is – food we got was what was on our rider. I was never involved with that, all I needed was enough beer and whisky, sometimes vodka, but for example Tommy always makes sure he gets a pile of bananas. Something to do with magnesium and cramps. Well, he's got the most physically demanding job among us musicians so he gets to indulge himself with something healthy." Jani grinned. "But he also insists on a large bottle of Jägermeister."

* * *

"Jäger...uuungh!" groaned Sav. "That's the worst hangover I ever had! No wonder he needs an anti-cramp remedy, if that's what he's drinking. I've never puked like that and... you do NOT wanna know." No, no one needed to hear about the gastro pyrotechnics that shite induced. Thank god he'd been alone that particular morning. Sav shook his head and rounded on the topic of gear.

"So far, I only played through the Orange amp at the store, and not with my own basses. I borrowed one of their 5-strings to try it, and it seemed fine, sound-wise. It doesn't need to be loud, I just wanted something super-tiny. I asked for something where I don't need to worry about frying the bottom end. Tried a Marshall and a Blackstar, too, liked this best. I'll have to get back to you on how it checks out, over time." He offered to send the specs in a future email. Jani was sure to have his own preferences, and he'd mentioned a local music store. If he was really interested, he could easily check it out.

"Tommy doesn't drink much, he can't, not with the job he has to do – have you noticed what our little blond does with the double-kick pedal? No wonder his muscles cramp! – but he makes sure that the little he does drink is what he considers the good stuff. And yes, I've had that hangover, too, way too many times," Jani groaned.

"I play Marshall stacks, and Blackstar are decent, but neither would be the first name that springs to my mind when I think of bass amps. I'm not even sure if Blackstar has any. I'll look into Orange, though. Getting one of these would also come in useful when you visit. I want to play more with you – music, I mean, the, um, rest goes without saying. I've never seen Orange gear here at our local music shop, nor at Musamaailma, big place in Helsinki where I order what I can't find here. They'll get one for me if I ask them, but it'll be easier if I know which model I'm after. So, yeah, please send me the specs. And of course, I'm always curious to hear more about your playing."

* * *

As he spoke, Sav wandered back over to the bed and sat down on it again. "Ditto for you... your music. Your playing. Anything that you want to talk about. What you said before, that it hardly seems true that you're real and that we're together... for me, too sometimes. I might have a slight advantage in that, um, it was me who went after you in the beginning. It's not easy, being on different continents like this. But the more we stay in contact and talk – about everything – the more concrete we keep it. I just hope that when you start your service, that you will be able to stay in contact..." Maybe he shouldn't bring that up. It was another thing they'd have to live through, very soon. Jani's birthday was next month and while Sav was fuzzy on the details of exactly where he'd be, for how long, doing what, he could only assume that the conscription duties would be very much the ruler of Jani's life for some months. He paused, then moved on.

"My playing... if you do start listening to more of our music... I would rather you make your own impressions. Getting started, we were part of the British New Wave of Heavy Metal, like Iron Maiden and Saxon, not because we considered ourselves that, but we got categorised by the music business. They were happy to turn on us when we started working with Mutt Lange and things changed... a lot. If not for touring, playing live, I might have quit. It's weird: not on Yeah, the album of covers we're promoting this tour but on the last two before it, we were still using some music we wrote fifteen, almost twenty years ago. I want to write all new songs without all the excess baggage, go back to the harder sound. Do you have a similar vision, if you can describe it?" Laying down on his back, Sav pulled the sheet up over himself. The bed was super comfortable, maybe more than his at home. Once again, he wanted so badly to feel Jani there against him. It wasn't even sexual, the desire for touch, contact. He closed his eyes at the intense yearning. Not to sleep, just to not see his huge bed and fancy suite with himself in them alone.

* * *

"Anything I want to talk about," Jani said slowly. "You know, I never was the talking kind. It's a Finnish stereotype, I know, but in my case it fits. I learned small talk to survive on the road but I never liked it much. Talking shop, that's fine, but not all the time if you know what I mean. Other than that, I've stopped counting how many people including in particular girlfriends, actual and potential, have complained about me not talking and not opening up. With you, I dunno, it just feels right. To tell you what I'm doing, what I think, everything. Starting back in Milan already the moment we met." He smiled at the memory.

"My service, that's something I need to look into these days. There's no way I'm going for military and there's a lot of different _opportunities,"_ he was sure Sav would catch the sarcasm, "so I don't know what I'll do exactly, but I shouldn't be out of touch other than during my actual working hours. Mobile coverage in Finland is so good that nobody uses landlines any longer, so we'll be able to communicate. I may not take time off in the beginning but conscripts have a right to holidays, at least I think so. No worries, we'll stay in touch."

Then Sav returned to music, which Jani was always happy to discuss – with Sav. "Trust me, I'm working on catching up with everything Def Leppard. About what I want to play myself, and write... I'm not sure. I mean I have ideas, but there's a thousand ways to flesh them out. I've always tried to get Sonata more into prog – one of my greatest influences is Petrucci, so yeah, Dream Theatre – but ironically, now that Tony has shared a few ideas concerning what he'd like on our next album, I'm not so sure I'm into that. I dunno," Jani sighed.

"Playing with you was so... refreshing. Maybe I need to get the whole Sonata out of my head for a while. Start afresh. Straight rock, maybe some power metal – except for the ridiculous dragons and knights lyrics – sounds very good to me at the moment. But with you, I might even come to enjoy stuff like, Final Countdown, you know, by a mid-eighties Swedish band called Europe. You couldn't go anywhere without hearing that riff... Okay, so maybe not that actual song, we'd laugh our arses off every time we attempted to play it, but you get the idea."

* * *

"Till I met you, I didn't know anything about the Finnish stereotype, or even that there was such a thing. British... stiff upper lip and all that. Keep going no matter what. Don't fuss about it. Not so different. Although putting one's feelings into music is more acceptable. Love songs, heartbreak songs, let's get drunk and fuck songs... political statements, biographical, and then there's country. Lord almighty. All about hunting dogs, trucks, cowboy boots, getting one's farm repo'd, those folks are more miserable than bluesmen. Hello death metal, huh?"

"If not military, what might you choose. I just can't see you fitting into the army. Taking orders, running for miles, wearing a uniform...? I would not have been anything but rebellious about that. Not helpful. You at least have the sense to deal with it now, before it's too late." Sav was somewhat assuaged upon learning they wouldn't have to be out of touch for weeks on end. Even had Jani not had this conscription, they wouldn't be able to talk every single day, what with Sav's schedule. But a long hiatus from hearing his lover's voice was too much.

Sav too went back to music rather than dwell on circumstances beyond his control. "Oh yeah, Dream Theatre, they do some incredible work. There's that 'prog' sound... my band has never touched it other than one song very early on, not even when shit got weird with Slang. I need to listen to them again, just for enjoyment if not research. Sometimes I find myself listening to old favourites over and over. Don't want to fall into a rut, though. When we jammed together, that felt like new even though it was old covers, way different than with Leppard, where I never cut loose. If I could use that in a new song..." It was stupid, but the idea of doing that with Jani was so compelling Sav's eyes were watering and he was getting choked up.

Then he heard Jani mention the band Europe and he cleared his throat, snorting rudely. "I remember that one, yeah. That guy sings more through his nose than I do when my voice gets hashed. Sorry, are they like your idols? Or like, your whipping boys...?" Jani said 'we' laughed, which Sav took to mean his band or other friends. When had that song been popular? Jani must have been very early teens if not younger.

* * *

"My issue with the military is simple: weapons. Orders, running, uniforms, I wouldn't like that – just like most other Finnish men, I guess – but if that were all I'd still decide to suck it up for six months. There's more to it, though. It's against my conscience to carry arms. It isn't going to happen. Many civilian service jobs are regular nine to five, Monday to Friday. Like, driving handicapped or old folks around, wheels on meals, but also nature stuff, forestry, park maintenance. Various office jobs. I spoke with a city counsellor and they made a few suggestions. I don't think I want to do anything that involves working with people and they pointed out a few options. But as I'm also considering moving away from Kemi, I need to figure out first where I want to go and then what I want to do. This is going to take some time. Then there's the band..."

Jani didn't really want to think about his situation with Sonata regarding his conscription. Of course, the others knew that he was running out of time to perform his service and it was going to blow up eventually, but he wasn't going to let it ruin his good mood while talking with Sav. Thankfully, Sav returned the discussion to music.

"That band, they're okay musicians," Jani replied when asked about Europe. "Rock rather than metal, but I think one of them used to play with Yngwie, so there's some skill. No, they're not my idols but they aren't my whipping boys either. I was a child when they got famous and that stuff was on the radio all the time. You couldn't miss it." He shrugged. "Before Make asked me and Tommy to join what was to eventually become Sonata, I played with Tommy from time to time, mostly covers. Final Countdown wasn't one of them, though. I never thought about it but it could actually be fun to come up with a guitar version of it."

* * *

There were enough people who felt as Jani did about carrying arms, they'd have to make allowances or end up with a noticeable percentage of Finnish young adults in jail, or whatever they did with them. Sav found it counterintuitive to punish a person for refusing to threaten life. He didn't own any firearms and had no desire to, partially because of the necessary paperwork and hoop-jumping involved. If it came down to kill or be killed, his survival instinct would kick in. Or so he thought. Fortunately for him, he'd never been forced to make a stand on the subject and the last thing he wanted was to cause Jani any further distress, so he mm-hm'd a couple of times and let it go at that.

"Acoustic or electric... or both?" Sav asked. Jani sounded determined to play that song. If they could... fix it up was the phrase that came to Sav's mind... the end result might be worth it. Remakes could be totally different than the original. Although he had to cringe over the idea of listening to it over and over, he could compromise. And... find the tabs online somewhere to work on learning the bassline. "I think I can kinda hear it being done as acoustic." That would take care of the overpowering keyboards.

* * *

"If we want to do that song, you'd have to play the acoustic," Jani explained and laughed. "At least, unlike me, you've got an acoustic guitar. I may have played one now and again but I don't even own one. Well, in any event it'll be a while, so who knows, I might get one by that time. Or we could just get it over with and ask Henkka to do the keys part."

* * *

"Oh, poor Henkka!" Sav giggled. "I am so sorry for him...!" He was bullshitting, of course, and added, "Kidding." Stretching out further, he reached down for a scratch. There might be more than one itch that needed tending. Later, though. Alone, if need be. "I'm certain I could arrange an acoustic part, when I find the time. It's hard to believe you don't own one. Well, that's not your usual kind of music."

Sav laid there for a moment, not saying anything. He tried to think of another topic without resorting to twenty questions, but he drew a blank. "I'm drifting a bit. It's not even very late. If you were in bed with me here, we'd probably be starting round two about now," he chuckled. "Unless we conked out already. Hey, I had this strange dream about you... it was post-apocalypse or something. No cars, it was dark other than the moon. You were running around, showing people to their seats in a stadium. Even though it was night, you could see fine, like you were part wolf. When you looked at me, your eyes glowed orange."

* * *

"You wouldn't have to feel sorry for Henkka," Jani laughed. "He'd probably even enjoy it, guy has a weird sense of humour. But you'd have to explain to him why you'd want to play that song in the first place."

Then Sav mentioned a strange dream and Jani's eyebrows rose. "I was a half-wolf, huh? Don't read too much into it. Tony has this thing about wolves, so every Sonata album has a wolf song. Maybe your subconscious got caught on that."

* * *

"Me? I think it was your idea, that one! You weaselled me into it." At this rate, Sav was going to have to stay on his toes or next thing he knew, he be covering Weird Al or whatever the Northern Europe version of that might be.

"Dreams... mostly I don't remember... didn't with that one either, something one of us said must have set if off. So Tony didn't turn you all into a pack of werewolves or anything...? Again, just messing with you." It seemed to Sav, the more he heard about it, that Jani needed a break from their control-freak leader. If Toni was without Jani's services for a while, he might come to understand what a treasure he had, musically speaking.

* * *

"What?" Jani was confused. "No, it wasn't my... I was joking, That wasn't a serious suggestion. I didn't... weasel... I thought you wanted to play it... Never mind. We'll find another song. Songs. That we both want to play."

Sav returned to the wolf dream and cracked a joke about Tony turning them into a pack of werewolves. "Well, one of the wolf songs, Full Moon, actually is about a werewolf, but I think generally Sonata and wolves, it's more about being a pack. You know, we're supposed to be a close-knit group and all that. Maybe some of our weirder fans actually believe that we're werewolves, you never know what some people come up with."

* * *

"Oh, whoops, I thought you were serious... I conceded about putting it on our fictional set list. Don't worry, Henkka's not the only one with a weird sense of humour, referring to myself now." Sav hoped Jani got the message. Now. He wasn't perfect at reading Jani, either.

"Sounds like it could be the subject of some bizarre fanfiction," Sav said dryly. "Nothing's too weird for that lot." After what they'd been given to read at their management's office, Sav didn't care if he ever wandered into that again. The state of disbelief it left him in never really faded. "Maybe we should write some triple-X rated fiction – or nonfiction – about ourselves and post it somewhere." He started snickering; it was so out there that Sav was literally rolling in the bed with laughter a moment later. Between breaths, he gasped out, "Really am... kidding."

* * *

"You know, since we were both joking... Maybe we should do the song after all, for shits and giggles. It's really asking to be played as a parody," Jani laughed.

"As for triple-X rated fic featuring the two of us in bed – on the stairs, in your laundry room, across the bonnet of the Porsche – we could write down our fantasies and read them to each other on the phone. But I don't think we should post it. The crazy chicks and their types, the last thing they need is fuel for their imagination."

* * *

"Like they need any more fodder, huh?" Sav was still thoroughly amused by himself. "We've done that stuff... and no doubt will do it again. Now fantasy, hm. Against my cabs? Think of all that thudding, throbbing power." Already, Sav could see that, no matter that realistically, it would never happen, and he went on to stop himself from totally devolving. "Of course, I can't play – bass – and fuck you at the same time, and that maneuver usually works better when one party is a lot smaller than the other."

* * *

"Well, I'm a little less tall than you," Jani pointed out – using 'taller' rather than 'smaller' as the latter would also imply dick size and he didn't need the reminder that Sav was larger there as well. "I can play guitar even when I'm too hammered to stand on my feet – if the rumours are true – so maybe it's time to find out if I can play while fucking you. How's that for fodder for the crazies?" He snickered. "Except that even if we wrote that, nobody would believe we'd actually pull it off."

* * *

"Only by what, an inch maybe? We could just rub our 'instruments' together, if neither of us possesses the hero-level strength required to hold the other one up for long enough to get the job done. And I don't mean our guitars... not scratching my custom paint!" laughed Sav. "Although the day may come that I'm desperate enough for you, who knows." He moved his hand away from his junk and tucked it under the back of his head to avoid further temptation.

"I suppose now you have a new – old – guitar, you don't need another new axe for a while." Since Jani had taken an interest, suddenly that old guitar Sav had cared so little about was such a focal point. "Or are you like most musicians and always have an eye out for more gear?"

* * *

Jani meant to reply to the suggestion of 'rubbing their instruments together' but then Sav asked him about gear and he remembered that he'd planned to send an email to Ibanez the night before. "There's actually one piece of, not gear, but I've been thinking about another axe for a while. I get custom guitars from my endorsement and a while ago I discussed the possibility of a very special one with Ibanez. A seven-string Destroyer."

* * *

"Oh, nice! That would be impressive. Phil would get string envy!" Sav replied, and hoped his voice conveyed his enthusiasm. Such an instrument would be even more of a custom job than most, with the extra string meaning another key and peg, wider neck, and all the accompanying hardware and electronics would have to be specially made. "I have enough to do with five strings, seven would be a major challenge. I'm sure you're up to it, though. Have you played a 7-string before?"

* * *

Laughing happily, Jani replied, "Oh, I bet he'd be envious. That axe should make anyone's face green with envy if they know the least bit about guitars. It won't, um, dethrone Rakas, but yeah, dream guitar. And, yes, I've played a 7-string before. I even own one, an RG1527. I used her on some songs on our Reckoning Night album, but haven't played her much since then. When Ibanez asked me this year if I had any specific wishes, I couldn't really think of anything."

He sighed. "Can you imagine that? They offered to make me whatever I could wish for in a guitar and I couldn't think of anything. I was so fed up with everything, I told them I'd be in touch and promptly forgot about it. When they contacted me a while later, I told them I'd like a seven-string Destroyer, same specs as my six-string. They said it would take some time, like mid-summer, I said yeah great, and never thought about it again until a few days ago. I meant to email them and ask if they'll have something for me soon but was too tired when I came home last night. I'll do that today."

* * *

"Midsummer's come and gone, better get on them." Sav put in. He was always impatient when he had something new on the way; now he was, on Jani's behalf. "So how do you handle it? It gives you one lower string, right? Do you use it much?"

When Jani mentioned he'd been too tired to contact Ibanez, Sav read again how he'd been too tired, fed up, probably depressed with life in general. That had been the guitarist's demeanour when Sav had first met him. It wasn't that he didn't still have his moments, but overall he was so much more upbeat now. Sav would have said "young love", but he wasn't young. But, their love was. And he couldn't take credit. Jani was one highly capable person, when he wanted to be. He didn't go there, though. "No, I can't imagine! When Jackson made me my dream guitar – bass – I asked them for more."

* * *

"Yes, it has a lower B string. Or, in my case, B flat, as Sonata's usual tuning is half a step down. The lower B string gives me a lot more potential for power chords while I can still shred on the higher ones. It's a perfect combination every guitarist would enthuse about. I can't believe that I'd become so indifferent that I more or less told Ibanez I wanted this particular one only to get them off my back. Sav," Jani swallowed. "I can't begin to tell you how glad I am that I'm no longer holed up and hiding in that dark place in my mind."

* * *

"When we met, I wouldn't have guessed how dark it was till the pain meds loosened your tongue, and then that night..." Sav was near choking, a combination of elation for Jani's current mindset, retrospective concern over the 'dark place', lust as always upon thinking about what had happened in his hotel room... "Just stay out of the dark, please Jani! Even if I'm not the one who can help you always, find someone. Don't go there..." he had to stop. The thought of Jani gone, either too depressed or drugged to function, or permanently was just too much.

Sav sat up in bed, trying to get his breathing under control. For Jani to read his distress over such a wildly morbid turn and translate that into thinking he had to carry both of them would be pathetic! 'C'mon Sav, get your shit together!'

"I'm sorry. Really this time. I just can't stand thinking about a world without you in it." Sav laughed weakly. "Shite! That line belongs in some tragic love song."

* * *

Sav's reaction made Jani cringe. Why hadn't he kept his mouth shut? Those times were past anyway, and he hurried to tell Sav. "Listen, I wasn't in a good place then, and I won't deny it. Emphasis on _wasn't._ It's in the past. Please don't worry, I'm good now."

How could he get them to change to a happier topic? "I'm looking forward to so many things, a lot of them have to do with you, of course, but also others, like that new axe, whenever I'll receive her. Do you want to hear more details?"

* * *

Sav hadn't been very successful in keeping his own darker thoughts from Jani. This definitely fell into 'don't even go there' territory. He mentally kicked himself, but followed Jani's lead. "Yes... yes of course I want to hear all the details. So it's another 'her', this guitar? How do you know?"

* * *

Relieved that Sav followed his change of topic, Jani laughed. "That's easy," he said. "My guitars have always been girls and that isn't going to change." He paused, then put as much pathos in his voice as he could when he continued, "You're the only man in my life." It didn't work, he broke into giggles.

"OK, now, about my future toy. She'll have a mahogany body with a quilted maple top in my favourite red. The neck is a bolt-on, maple with an ebony fretboard and 22 frets. I'm still thinking about having the highest ones scalloped, but it may be too late for that. She has a 25.5 inch scale, so, on the long side... Are you hard yet? Wanna hear more?"

* * *

His basses were extensions of himself, and Sav would consider them male if he was one to get into such semantics. Having named four of them seemed fanciful enough. He wasn't about to criticise anyone else for that, though, and especially not his lover. If anything it added to what Sav was coming to think of as his "Jani-ness", those quirks that were uniquely him.

'Was he hard yet?' Sav had to squirm a bit over that, mentally as well as physically. "Well... I've been trying to avoid getting hard – again – pretty much since the last time around. If your new axe gives me an excuse... go for it. Please! No really, it sounds sweet. Ebony fretboard, huh? Do you find it very different than rosewood? I'd think it would be, uh, harder. That's assuming you've already played or own one with ebony."

* * *

"Oh yes, I own guitars with both. Ebony is, well, rosewood isn't really soft, but yes, ebony feels harder, also smoother. It requires more care than rosewood, but it's worth it – not that I don't like my instruments with a rosewood fretboard any less. I wouldn't say one is better than the other, more like, they feel a bit different but equally nice." Jani smiled.

"Don't ask me about the potential difference in sound, though," he continued. "My guitars do sound different, of course, but they also have different pick-ups, body shapes, what-not, so I can't really make a comparison here. If you read up on the topic in forums, some people seem to consider it a holy war that ebony sounds sharper and rosewood warmer," he chuckled. "What about your basses?"

* * *

"I like ebony, all my newer basses have that. The Hamers were rosewood. Of course, Hamer went out of business so I can't get any new customs from them," Sav reported regretfully. That had been a sad day. What had he been thinking, giving the black one away? From what he heard, Mutt didn't even own it anymore. He could only hope it went to a good cause.

"Holy war, huh? I never really concerned myself with brand wars or what anyone else was doing, other than I wanted to be different. Maybe since I started on guitar, I wanted my basses to look more like that. Oh, the longer, thicker neck is fine, ha, but otherwise I don't want to be playing a big, ungainly boat, know what I mean?" He struggled to keep the disdain out of his voice. A lot of his contemporaries who were considered much better musicians played the traditional style. "What guitars of yours I've seen are all... slick. But what matters is... sound, style, skill."

* * *

Was that a compliment? Jani didn't like being praised, but as much as he disagreed with Sav's perception of his looks, his guitar skills were a fact. Okay, not compared to players like Malmsteen or Petrucci, but he wasn't entirely useless on his instruments. Still, he didn't know what to say, so he ignored the comment on sound, style, skill.

"There are some fairly ugly guitars out there; I hear you. Mine are pretty cool, though," he laughed. "I mean, my Destroyer is badass, so are my Streetwise and JPM. The one that's still my main axe may look like just another ordinary RG, but she's custom, too. And that 7-string Destroyer should make a few jaws drop." He should really get in touch with Ibanez soon.

* * *

"Fucking right, it will! Now that you've remembered..." Sav grinned to himself; he trailed off, suggesting, as they both already had, that Jani light a fire under a few arses at Ibanez.

"So uh, number of frets... my Jacksons all have 25. But you know... longer neck and all. Nothing fancy, no scallops or fanned frets, which I only heard of recently, and no one is manufacturing them. But I was wondering, and maybe it's not been ironed out yet, but will you have a Floyd Rose on the new one... can they do that with seven? Or should I say, on her. No matter how many 'ladies' you collect, I'm not gonna get jealous of your harem. There's a few features of my own none of them can offer, which could partially explain why I'm your only man." Sav hadn't forgotten that, but hadn't had a chance to address Jani's remark. The question of a floating bridge gave him the excuse.

* * *

Again, Jani laughed happily. Whereas he generally found it annoying if people wanted to talk gear all the time – especially over the past year when he'd become less and less interested in music altogether – discussing his instruments with Sav was different. After all, the first conversation they'd ever shared had been Sav's offer to show him his rig.

"You wouldn't have any reason to be jealous of my harem, as you so eloquently put it. I might even offer you to play with my ladies. As their pimp, so to speak, not as their eunuch, of course," he giggled.

"She'll have the Edge pro, so yes, they do trems on seven strings. Not that I use it overly much, but it's nice to have when you want to use it. And then, I quite like the fine tuners on the bridge, especially if I notice my tuning is off during playing. Also, maybe that's my perception only, but I find that the double locking mechanism keeps the overall tuning very stable. When I'm not on the road, sometimes I can go for a week without having to tune at all."

Jani thought for a moment. "You play a lot of slides. Have you ever considered a floating bridge on a bass? I don't think I've ever seen one, but you have an endorsement, right?"

* * *

"Nope, no eunuchs among us!" What a thought. Sav's hand darted protectively to his balls as he shuddered. This time it had nothing to do with any sort of play. Honestly, he'd rather die than be... less than whole. "Ugh! Thank god or whatever that we live in civilised times and places. Pimping your ladies, huh? Well, I may like a test drive or two some day, yeah."

A floating bridge on a bass... it was an idea he'd actually had, although to date, it had never come to fruition. "My endorsement through Washburn won't get me such a creation. I've asked. And actually I've looked into it with other companies, too, I don't mind paying for it. They've all said bass strings are too thick and heavy, same thing with the neck – which would need to be seriously reinforced, something about the balance, and it would have a perpetually fucked up intonation. The scale of the bridge itself would have to be redesigned and no one is willing to take all that on." He sighed. Even someone with the means couldn't always have everything, it went to show.

"Anyway, I'm always," he laughed, "banging on my instrument with the side of my hand. The pick-up knobs were always going out of whack. My tech rewired them so now they're only there for cosmetic value and he does all the pick-up control from my rig. Makes his job harder and mine easier. As for needing retuning and restringing, here we have just one more instance of spoiled rock star: on tour, anything that gets played on any given night gets new strings the next day."

Feeling warm and pleased that Jani had any impression at all about his playing – he didn't say he liked it but noticing it was enough – Sav went on, "Slides... something that evolved after Hysteria, which was the last album I recorded with four strings. It... I dunno, our music changed, it had to. There's a lot of online wank about how our best album was the second, released in '81, I might have mentioned it before. We don't sound anything like that now other than when we play some of those songs live. When we did Retrospective, which is half studio album and half rehash, that's when I started messing with them a lot. Makes heavy parts heavier, makes ballad-y stuff more soulful. If you do it right."

Rambling again. But Sav wasn't tired of it, he never got to discuss this kind of thing other than mid-recording occasionally, and then interviewers and fans who wanted to pick his brains, which for whatever reason he found invasive. "What about you, that... arpeggio thing you do? I know it has a name, you set your fingers and glide the pick across the strings...? Does it work better with one bridge type or another, or doesn't it matter?"

* * *

"Huh, I wouldn't have thought that fitting a trem on a bass was impossible. I mean, the principle should be the same as with a guitar and wouldn't the tension be of a similar magnitude for a guitar as for a bass? It's like 50 to 70 kilos for my guitars, and I vaguely remember something like 90 for a bass. If I think hard, I could try to remember the formula, but that'd be more out of curiosity," Jani admitted. "Anyway, if your endorser won't do it, it's a moot point... Have you tried a floating bridge on guitar? I don't necessarily mean for sweep picking – that's the name of the, um, technique you were asking for – but in general. It's like, well, you like slides, you'd _love_ the dive bombs you can do with these things." He snickered.

"I never noticed a difference with sweep picking," Jani resumed. "When I got my first locking trem, my palm muting technique didn't work very well with it, so I had to work on that, but that's long ago, and other than that I don't notice much of a difference at all. Except for the trem itself and that the setup if you move to a different string gauge is a bit of a hassle. All in all though, it's good to have one."

* * *

As much as he didn't like to admit it, Sav was a bit lost. "I'm afraid some of that's going over my head, how many kilos tension. Bottom line, I've probably been barking up the wrong trees as to how and where to ask for the kind of customs we're talking about. Perhaps I should approach Ibanez. That would surprise everyone."

"'Sweep picking'... I'll try to remember. No one in what I'd consider my scene does it. Like, Phil picks almost every note no matter how fast he's shredding, up-down. Viv uses a combination of his pick and his fret hand fingering, doesn't even use a tremolo anymore but you'd think so, the sounds he gets. Other old 80's bands still out there... a lot of the same, other than they have rhythm and lead, rather than two guitarists trading off both parts like we do."

Jani snickered about slides and more, but Sav was into it. "At the risk of sounding lame... Dive bombs, yeah definitely, I have a couple of songs in progress I wanna do that like, mid-bridge. I think of it as a bass drop – like in techno music – for rock or metal. Different placing in a song, too, done with a bass and fingers instead of a synth or computer." When Sav looked down, he saw his hands gone into something like an air guitar positioning, as he 'heard' it. "So are _you_ hard yet, waiting for your new 'bride' and dreaming of all the shiny, gleaming, well-made hardware?"

* * *

"When I heard Yngwie for the first time I got hit by the speed bug. I wanted to become a shredder and sweep picking is quicker than up-down, I find," Jani explained. "And yeah, I use my pick hand for tapping, too. Back then, we didn't have much Internet access, but I inhaled every book and DVD we had in the communal library in Kemi. I also had lessons for maybe a year, not much, 15 minutes per week, but my teacher introduced me to a lot of different techniques and styles."

He interrupted himself. "Man, I could go on rambling about guitar for hours with you. But maybe we should leave that for a time when I can actually show you, when we can play together again. As for your _other_ question, yes I'm hard. Not so much about the hardware's gleam and shine, but the extension of a 7-string to the lower frequencies gives me wood and, well," he laughed a little nervously, "makes my nipples hard. Is that... Do you find that weird?"

* * *

"Next time, or sometime, yeah, I'd be very interested in seeing you demonstrate sweep picking and all the things we've been discussing, in person. Talking about it is great, but I need to get my hands on it, get up to speed, and that's on me. Back in Sheffield, how many times did we say we were gonna play – music – before we got around to it? So many! I cannot and will not say we wasted the time and opportunity, though. Not hardly! Fuck," Sav groaned.

When Jani admitted to a sexual response thinly veiled as a 'side effect' of playing the low string B string, blood rushed to Sav's groin. There was no preventing it. Swallowing the Pavlovian in-rush of saliva that made the glands in his jaw sting, Sav, who'd still been sitting up in bed, flopped down on his back again, narrowly missing hitting his head on the headboard. A freak phone sex accident – unheard of! Best watch what he was doing. Speaking of...

"The lower, slower vibrations give you wood, huh? Oh yes, I understand. And uh, your hard nipples are totally distracting, the opposite of weird. More like... fascinating. I always want to play with them. You're gonna be so bruised and sensitive, Jani." Ah, hell. Sav might as well admit it... as if Jani couldn't guess what was going on with him, physically. "Several parts of me are hard, tight, tingling as well, or getting there. It feels so good already, and I haven't touched myself yet. Have you?"

* * *

"I can't believe I'm admitting this and I've never told anyone, not even my girlfriends, what the 7-string does to me. I don't think it's the vibrations," Jani mused. "Believe me otherwise I'd have switched to bass the first time I played one," he smirked. "But yeah, nipples. Let me add that what you just said you're going to do to them eventually isn't exactly, um, softening things. I'm not sure I have another round in me, but do I understand you right that you're not suggesting to end the call and have a cold shower?"

* * *

True, all of Sav's strings were lower, so his logic was flawed. It was par for the course. Chuckling to himself that he should stop thinking with his dick, Sav chimed in, "Right, you're still playing guitar... but have somehow become entangled, sometimes literally, with a bassist."

Having held his horniness in check till seconds ago, Sav said quietly, deliberately dropping his pitch, "Jani... if you're not up to it, you're not obligated. I mean, when we're together, it's like non-stop, the attraction is so strong. Unbelievable, really. Sex... perhaps I'm high-strung that way, not sure. No, I don't want a cold shower, I want to be as close to you as we can be, speaking in each other's ears and using our hands. I'd use my tongue, lick your hard little nips till you're..." He was being presumptuous again. "Should I continue, or do you want to save it for another time?"

* * *

"Oh, it isn't a question of _wanting,"_ Jani said. "I just can't promise I'll be able to finish a second time right now. I'm still working on this healthy living thing, sleeping at night instead of going to bed at five. So last night after I left my mother's place, I decided to walk home. It took me more than two hours, so I was at home really late but still managed to get up fairly early. Don't get me wrong, it felt great, only my body is still, well, it feels as if I'm still catching up from that infection. Or, more likely, from too much rock'n'roll life for a few years too many."

* * *

"That's a long walk home. I'm kind of jealous you can get outside on your own like that without being... approached," Sav said slowly. Okay, so this wasn't going to go away. Jani's day was only beginning and he'd already indulged Sav once. Having an unresolved boner wasn't going to kill him; he'd wait till they finished the call to take care of it. "There's usually a fitness centre of some sort in the hotels we stay at but it's not the same and... I'm lazy. As you may have noticed, none of the rooms in my house are set up as a home gym."

That might be more room – as it were – for improvement. If he wanted to keep middle-aged spread at bay, the day was fast approaching where Sav would need to accept some sort of exercise regimen. "I imagine it's lovely and peaceful there, and some of it might be in or near the countryside... but of course I don't know. Funny, almost my entire life has been in urban areas. I've never really thought about it before."

* * *

"Well, Finland with all its lakes – mostly in the southern part of the country – and forests is also endless roads," Jani chuckled, "which pretty much all look the same. It was beautiful, what with light even at one in the morning... As much as I hate winter here, I'd miss the summers in Lapland. The nights are already turning shorter but it was nice last night. Still endless. As for peaceful, that's true as long as you make sure you don't get run over by drunk drivers. There weren't any last night, and altogether there wasn't much traffic at all. The population density isn't as high as in England. Also, people try not to drive at night unless they have to, because of the moose and reindeer... You've got to come visit me," he sighed. "Not only because I miss you and we need to have that romp in the berries, but I really need to show you where I live."

* * *

The way Jani described his homeland, Sav wanted more than ever to see it. He 'mm-ed' in appreciation a couple of times but let Jani speak still he was done. "Being something of a night-owl, sunlight at 1:00 wouldn't bother me, but then there's the other side of it, have to sleep sometime. I suppose you get used to it."

The idea of moose and reindeer out wandering around... once in a great while, a deer or wild goat would find its way, or more like get lost, through Sheffield. "Moose are huge, aren't they? What if you'd come across one's path – do they leave humans alone or is it dangerous? Perhaps, and I'm joking, Finnish moose are like the stereotype you told me about and just want to be left to themselves...?" There were probably accepted techniques to surviving an encounter with wildlife safely that even small children knew of there, but Sav was ignorant of it.

* * *

"Oh yes, they're huge," Jani confirmed. "But they're only dangerous in a traffic collision. Otherwise they're shy. As you said, typical Finns." He laughed. "Reindeer are much smaller but you still don't want to meet one in the middle of the road at night. What else do we have, I read somewhere that there are people who don't travel to Finland because they're afraid they'd get attacked by a wolf or a bear. Now, bears and wolves do live in Finland, as do wolverines, but they don't like humans much, so it's rather unlikely you'll get to see one. I've lived in Lapland all my life – except for when we're on tour, of course – and the only bears and wolves I've ever seen were at the zoo in Ranua." He smiled. "I'll take you there when you visit, if you like."

* * *

It wouldn't be polite to say he'd never considered what sort of fauna was common in Finland. Reindeer, obviously. Wolves made sense. "Wolverines, huh? And not the kind with retractable adamantium claws," Sav quipped. "I haven't been to a zoo since I was in school. Or to a farm, for that matter," he revealed. "Maybe we could go, if it's one of those places everyone needs to see. We can add it to the bucket list. Watching you sing karaoke makes my list, too." He grinned to himself over the thought of that, or even more, him and Jani singing together in that setting. It had better be very remote, the pub Jani had told him he frequented, or there would probably be cameras in his face all night.

"And... what else could we get up to? Sledding if it's winter? Do you have snowmobiles? Forget teens, we're going to regress to our second childhoods, not that I mind. It sounds kind of perfect." It did. All of that, a hot, hot sauna and hotter sex later. Of course! Unless... "So do you really roll in snow or jump in icy water after sauna?"

* * *

"Oh no, thank goodness not those wolverines," Jani laughed. "From what I read the ordinary ones are nasty enough, not that I've ever seen one. Well, not in the wild at least. The place I mentioned, Ranua, in Finnish, it's called animal park or garden rather than zoo. They have mainly Arctic animals there, even polar bears. I dunno what the place looks like nowadays, though. It's been ages since I was there... You know what?" He suddenly had an idea.

"Maybe they'll send me to Ranua for my service... But no, even if they employ conscripts to shovel polar bear shit, that'd probably be a place where many would volunteer to go. Also, I don't think they'd take anyone who's allergic to cats... I've got the conscription thing on my agenda for next week, by the way. I'd better not mess with this any longer," Jani sighed.

"So, back to the nicer sides of Finland. If you visit in winter, yes, we do roll in the snow and jump into icy water after sauna. Not everybody, though, and nobody will force you to do it if you don't want to. Oh, and have I told you about the vihta? We tie together bundles of birch branches and, well, spank each other with them. It isn't as kinky as it sounds, it's... I really shouldn't talk so much but show you when you're here. Of course we won't be able to find fresh birch branches in winter, but they sell frozen ones at the supermarket... Now, that must sound crazy to a non-Finn, but it's true," Jani giggled.

"Sleds, yes. Snowmobiles, we could rent if you want. Then there's, I don't know how these are called in English. A pulkka is a type of sled mostly used by kids. It's a flat plastic thing and you sit on it to slide down a hill. I sometimes still do that with Risto, my childhood friend, the one I'm meeting with tonight. Only when we end up at pulkkamäki – that's pulkka hill – we usually tumble rather than slide downhill as we tend to do it in the middle of the night when we're hammered."

* * *

Jani didn't sound especially happy about his civil service, no surprise there, but he still found some humour in it. "Not to be pedantic or anything, it's good they have a safe place for some Arctic animals. Someone has to shovel their shit. Be glad humans have such luxuries as indoor plumbing, ha. How would they know you're allergic...?" It dawned on Sav. "Oh right, medical history. That's always far up on the list of questions. I'm trying to think of felines that far north. Snow leopard?" he giggled.

"Birch-branch spankings..." Sav's erection had flagged, but that perked it up again. He wasn't into pain, but anything to do with Jani's arse... "you said it's not kinky but... do you go for that? If it's not for sex and – assuming – not for punishment... what the actual fuck?" He was laughing again though, not making fun but just bemused.

"I've heard of that sort of round sled referred to as 'flying saucer' but that was in the States. No idea how I even know that!" He'd thought before that Jani knew how to have fun, here was another such example. "The snow-hills of Finland are a long way from Area 51 though. I prefer cold to hot – weather – if I have to choose. It sounds great."

* * *

"I'm not sure if they have snow leopards, I could look them up, but I remember lynx. They're cats, right? Not the type you'd want on your lap, though... Actually, you're what I want on my lap right now, not a cat that'd only make me sneeze," Jani laughed, but there was sadness mixed in the laughter. He missed Sav, but that would be mended by time whereas his cat allergy wouldn't go away.

"The vihta spanking, it isn't really spanking. We beat – or tap – each other or oneself with these for various reasons. Originally, it's supposed to stimulate circulation, I think, and also help with mozzie bites. If the leaves are fresh, you get a very nice scent out of them. It's very enjoyable, hard to explain, really, you'll find out for yourself when you're here. Note that I said 'when', not 'if.' You won't get out of this," Jani laughed again, happier this time.

"Oh, and if you prefer the cold, you should definitely visit in winter – I mean in winter, too, of course. There won't be berries, obviously, and it'll be too cold for outdoor sex, but if the sky is clear there's a good chance of revontulet. Northern lights."

* * *

Okay, lynx. Sav wondered if the famous Siberian tigers ever came so far west, but he didn't ask. No need for Jani to do research over a very much off-the-cuff question. "Well, when I said snow leopard I only meant me, as in L-E-P-P-A-R-D. Don't worry, I'll get to see when we tour the park. Ranua. Hell yeah, I'll get in your lap. I may even meow and purr... if you stroke me just right." Jani was more than capable, as he'd demonstrated several times by now. Those talented fingers...

What Jani called vihta, Sav couldn't seem to get his mind out of the gutter about it, although he understood full well that it wasn't an off-colour subject for Finns and he shouldn't make it into one with anyone else. "Oh yeah... beat me, tap this, make me smell like birch!" Using a cheesy porn voice, Sav was laughing again. "No, sorry, Jani. I can't seem to help myself. There used to be this little shop that sold Scandinavian products on that street near my GP, and they carried soaps and bath oil that was infused with birch and maybe some sort of pine? I agree, it smelled very nice. Fresh. They went out of business a while ago, unfortunately. Besides the soaps, I remember some wool jumpers and very elegant tableware, but I wasn't in the market for such things." He still wasn't but it always made him a little sad when stores he liked couldn't make a go of it.

"Well, if I have to choose, I prefer bundling up and getting warm later to sweating my arse off. That's just in general. But if I'm with you, it won't matter either way, winter or summer or in between, and there's no blueberries in winter anyway. The Northern Lights... I've only seen them twice in my life. They were beautiful. You're lucky..." To be able to see such natural phenomena regularly, Sav meant. It was his own choice, to live in the same city he'd grown up in. When not working, he could go anywhere in the world he wanted. "I imagine laying on a blanket in the clearing of a forest with you," he said a little wistfully, "staring up at the night sky, the stars and, what did you call it? Revontulet?" God, he was such a sap. A tear escaped his eye thanks to the strong emotion it invoked, even while his hand found himself once again. Sav told Jani neither of these things.

* * *

"Oh, you mean _that_ Leppard!" Jani broke into giggles. "Sorry, I never associated you with zoo. And yes, I promise I'll stroke you until you purr and meow, and then we can lick each other." He laughed. "I can't wait! As for sweating your arse off, first of all, don't sweat it, um, off. I like it very much and you should definitely keep it. If you're talking about the sauna, you don't have to join me if you don't want to. I'd recommend giving it a try, though, before saying you don't like it."

Here, Jani was a little confused: Hadn't Sav told him that he wanted to have a sauna built into his house in Sheffield? "Anyway, the northern lights, they're not as frequently visible as one would like. You need a clear sky and we don't have that too often. On the other hand, clear sky means cold, and at minus thirty, I for one would want more than a blanket to lie on. More like ten blankets to wrap myself up in, but I trust that the two of us will develop enough heat between us. Of course we shouldn't get too distracted, otherwise we'd miss the spectacle in the sky." Considering how passionate they both were, this might actually happen.

"Yes, revontulet is what we call them here. Repo is an old word for a fox and tuli is fire. Revon and tulet are, well, I'll skip the Finnish grammar lesson. Long story short, revontulet translates as the fox's fires. I believe that's somehow related to a mythical fox, pretty sure I learned more about it in school, but forgot. I'll look it up when you come visit. That and anything else I can think of that could be of interest. Or I'll take the easy way out and we'll invite Risto over for a beer. He's from Kemi, too, and he's a journalist for local radio, so he should know all these things. I want you to meet him anyway."

* * *

"Oh, I want to – join you in the sauna I mean. More like, if I had to choose between living full time somewhere very hot, like here in Vegas or the American South, where it's also very humid, or somewhere that's always cold, I'd take cold. But obviously neither of those will happen, and I'd probably grow to miss the other either way." Chances were that Sav wasn't being too clear. Between the hour and being right on the edge of full-blown hard, his brain was not exactly working at maximum efficiency.

It always gave Sav a jolt of excitement when Jani made remarks about his person. His arse seemed to be the drug of choice, so to speak. Yeah, he'd heard it a million times from fans but this was his lover, this was a man, and this man didn't 'do' either compliments or bullshit so Sav actually believed him. He wasn't immune to that sort of appreciation, either. And then... "Lick each other? Fuck yeah! Cats do that, and I think I've demonstrated that I'm willing to lick you _everywhere_ on your body." Sav groaned, he couldn't suppress it. "I can't wait to do that again..."

* * *

"Oh fuck!" Jani gasped. "You... licking me, oh god! I can't wait for you to do that again either! Well, now I'm hard as nails... Now I hope you weren't planning to end this call anytime soon so you can sleep. Unless you want to force me to have a long ice-cold shower!"

* * *

"Fuck!" Sav echoed, the arousal evident in Jani's voice seeming to connect directly with the dilating vessels in his dick as more blood tightened his skin. "Even if you decided to ring off and subject yourself to an icy deluge right now, I'm not. Gonna rub one out 'cuz it's been hard for a while now and I need it. Wanna lick your entire body, Jani, I'm drooling thinking about the different tastes and textures. You're salty, sweet, bitter and whatever taste describes come. Are you touching yourself yet? My tongue is ready to service you, delicate or rough, whatever you need."

* * *

"I am now," Jani replied to the question as to whether he was touching himself. His hand found its way to his swollen dick and squeezed a drop of pre-come from the leaking slit. "As for your tongue, I want it everywhere, beginning with my nipples, first soft and gentle, then harder as I grow – and I mean literally! – more and more aroused. Eventually, I'll beg you to lick my dick and..." He couldn't bring himself to say it; he was still too awed that Sav's tongue would go there, had actually gone there, and what it had done to him, to put it into words.

"And I want to lick you, too," Jani continued. Not _there_ , not yet, he'd need more time before he'd consider himself ready for that, and he wasn't going to pretend that he was, even though they were only licking each other in their imagination. "Your chest, your collarbones. Then my tongue finds a nipple and I suck on it. I may even bite a little, later. You like it when I do that, don't you?"

* * *

"Yeah I love it, so fuckin' much... when you use your mouth on me. First I'm gonna do it like that to you, Jani, teasing your nipples softly at first. Just licking quick and light, using my fingertip on the other side, till they're standing up in little peaks, tight with arousal, erect. Can't believe you got a reaction from mine, after all these years I thought they were for decoration only." Sav's free hand was on his chest, trying to imitate what Jani did on him. It wasn't the same, although it felt good when he pinched a little.

"Then when you're arching up and begging for it, I'll suck hard, pinch them till it hurts, till I leave bruises on you, new ones all over again, dark on your pale skin. Then I'll blow on them, wet from my tongue, till they're harder than ever... you're begging for me to go down on you, and I can't wait, drag my lips down your chest, your belly, till I can lick the tip where it's exposed and shiny with your juices. So sweet there, Jani, addictive, gotta swipe it all up, suck more out, too, mmmmm!" Yes, he was stroking himself. Sav struggled to not to speed up yet. His hands were steady and strong on his aching shaft, his balls twinging in a different way, too soon but full again. "I can't fucking stand this, Jani," he whined. "I need you so bad!"

* * *

They weren't going to last. Judging from Sav's voice, Jani wasn't the only one rushing toward completion – Sav had hinted a couple of times that he was touching himself, so he had a head-start, but listening to the silky-raspy voice of his lover, Jani for sure wasn't far behind.

"Yeah-uuh," he gasped. "You're pinching my nips now with your strong fingers." Jani may have enjoyed slow and gentle for a little longer as always for a second round, but his dick had other ideas: Patience was highly overrated. "Now I want to suck your dick, too, while you suck mine. I'll take you deep into my throat and swallow around the head. You're so ready to go that you're almost choking me. I want you to come, and the moment the first jet of your spunk hits the back of my throat, I'm going to fill your mouth with my cream, so much that you won't be able to swallow it all..."

* * *

"Sucking you off while you do me, long messy strokes up and down you with my lips tight, licking all your screaming nerves whenever I get to the head..." What the fuck had Jani said now? Fill his mouth with too much to swallow... Fucking hell, he knew how to push Sav's buttons!

Sav's breathing accelerated exponentially, and still he could barely gasp in and out enough to spit out, "Gimme your cream, Jani, your seed, please, all of it, choke me with it!" His mind could not override his body's reflex to release, not when he was riding his own fist again, wishing to whatever diety that it was Jani's hot mouth on him, or his hole clenching around him. "Nnnngh!! Unnngh, there now, right there, gaaaawwd Jaaannniiiii!"

His entire body, it seemed, cramped in orgasmic spasms and then he showered himself in his own white stickiness. "So much for you too..." Sav whispered. It was probably gross, how he liked to get it on himself. His balls heaved and he'd swear they trembled like soft-poached eggs on the insides, till he was dry-shooting and moaning from the pain and abject pleasure. He could only lie there and listen to the moans and other noises in his ears. Somehow his glands provided one more exhausted trickle, and he was done. At this rate, he wouldn't be able to get it up for a week. Well, that was a lie. Maybe two or three days instead of one. Sav lay there, totally boneless and giggling, light-headed.

* * *

"Yes, yes, oh Sav!" It was a good thing that Anni was at work as Jani couldn't keep his screeches down when his balls pressed out everything they had to give. Wave after wave of lustful joy flew up his spine, zinged through his body while his balls heaved fluid until they had no more. Still shaking with aftershocks, Jani eased down on his vigorous stroking and looked at the glorious mess on his chest and belly. "No way you could have swallowed this load," he groaned into the headset. "Man, where does it all come from? I don't remember ever shooting this much before."

* * *

"I dunno..." Sav replied slowly, his brain slogging through a sludge of post-sex endorphins. "Funny, I was just thinking the same thing. It must be our virility, uh, not competing but combining...? Since there's no chance of, um, fertilisation I can't think of any other reason." He paused again, running a finger through his own trails of spunk before reaching for the towel and laying it over his torso to absorb the worst of it. "So you really think there's that much? 'Cuz you know I'm quite good at that. Swallowing. When you said that, though, it was... like the opposite of being kicked in the balls, threw them into high gear."

Yes it had, and now he was paying the price. Sav groaned, as his relaxing jewels descended, more or less screaming at him. It would be some time, till morning since sleep was next on the agenda for him, till he could touch them even to wash. "After that _outpouring_ you probably need a nap, huh? Unless you're going to get up to research theories for a sudden marked increase in the production of semen in human males. My opinion? It's because we're in love and the associated hormones turbo-charge our pleasure and release."

* * *

"Maybe it isn't all that much, it could just be my memory," Jani mused. "I told you I haven't been interested in sex for a long time. Now that it's hitting me full force my perception is likely to be off. That'd explain it." It was an explanation that made sense, at least to him. "I like your theory better, though." He smiled.

"As for having a nap, maybe later. Even if I were to crash now, I should go wash first. The remains from the first round are crusted over already. As much as I enjoy wearing you, I'm not so keen on carrying around my own juices flaking off of my chest and belly. So you wanna sleep then?"

* * *

"Right, I'm cleaning up right now, myself. It does get itchy," Sav agreed, wrinkling his nose. "I'll need to sleep soon or be dragging my arse tomorrow, which I don't want. Joe already hinted he thinks there's something lacking in my performance this leg. Screw him, but I don't want anyone in the audience to think so."

"Is there anything else on your mind?" Sav wasn't that out of it yet. If Jani had put off something important, or even not-so-important as they talked about gear, Finnish wildlife, possible future visits, and of course, there was the phone sex, he shouldn't have to delay further because Sav's libido had taken over. "You can tell me..."

* * *

"Ignore Joe," Jani said. "Unless he wants to take over bass duties himself. He reminds me a little of Tony, good singer, good friend, but always needing to nag when on tour... When you say screw him, you don't literally mean that, right? If you do, I haven't worn you out enough yet," he teased.

"Is there anything else on my mind, let me think," he continued. "No, can't think of anything. Nothing on my mind, only the mess on my upper body. Also, pressure on my bladder, now that the tingling in my poor balls is fading." Jani laughed. "See, you saved me from the ice-cold shower, but I may yet have to ice my balls."

* * *

"He can play some guitar and piano, but not bass. And no, there'll be no literal screwing, no way," Sav returned, wincing for a combination of reasons. "You can use your ice pack remedy if your poor balls can take it, but as far as I know time is the only cure for shooting dust."

Pausing, Sav found he had nothing further to say for now. There was no denying his sleepiness, either. "It's my turn to be a man and ring off first. I'll get you the specs on the Orange micro, and order you a toy. Have a good day, Jani. I love you." He waited in case Jani had any final words.

* * *

They'd said it before, but Sav's declaration that he loved Jani still made his mouth dry and his eyes water. "Likewise," he replied, "as in have a good night instead of day, and I love you." He swallowed and Sav ended the call before Jani's emotions overwhelmed him. As he took the headset off, he yawned. Suddenly, a nap sounded like a good idea...

* * *

"'Bye, Jani." Pushing the End key on his mobile took all of Sav's willpower. He managed to set it on the bedside table, disconnect the headphones from it and set them safely out of the way. Whisking the towel away, Sav decided on a quick shower before bed, as he didn't want to stick to the sheets if he didn't have to.

Three minutes later, feeling better for being clean, he slid into the middle of the huge bed. In the short time Jani had visited him in his home, he'd grown used to having another person with him, wrapped around him all night. In Denver, he'd been too jetlagged to notice much. His bunk on the tour bus hardly qualified as a bed, compared to his standards these days. He had sectioned the concept off in his mind there, too. Not so, tonight. In spite of how tired he was, Sav tossed and turned and finally fell asleep laying on his side with the spare pillow hugged against his midsection.

* * *

It was early afternoon when Jani woke up. He felt refreshed and not guilty for sleeping so late – yes, in general he was aiming to get up early in the morning and find a 'normal' day-night rhythm, but since he was going out with Risto tonight he now stood a chance of not getting tired too early, which he considered a good thing: When he was very tired, his mood tended to plummet, which often... well, usually led to a lot of drinking. Tonight, Jani would have a beer or two, but he wasn't going to get drunk. He was going to enjoy the beer, for once not gulp it down, but savour the taste.

He got up, slipped into a shirt and sweat pants, then repaired to the kitchen and made himself a cup of coffee, still going for decaf. He'd allow himself a cup of 'real' coffee now and then, but he'd reserve it for special occasions. Maybe tomorrow if he had breakfast with Anni... Breakfast. Good point. Jani didn't feel like more bread and cheese, so he helped himself to a bowl of Anni's cereal, making a mental note to buy some more the next time he shopped for food.

After a quick call to Risto to confirm that they were still on, Jani returned to his room to start writing down some tabs for Sav, but when his eyes fell on Rakas, he changed his mind. For some reason he couldn't explain, he found it easy to switch to bass after playing guitar for a while, but it didn't work the other way round. He picked up Rakas and warmed up with a few stretching exercises, then he practiced scales. His pinkie was still a little stiff, so he focused on his fret hand for a while, running more exercises than he'd normally play, but he needed to get his finger back into working shape.

Once he was confident that he was on track to regaining the range of motion and speed he'd had before the accident, he played through all Sonata songs they'd performed recently, assuming that most of them would make it onto the setlist for the upcoming gig. Jani decided to not introduce major changes to his solos for the time being, but he practiced alternate versions that he'd played before.

As he was just about to set Rakas aside, he remembered the line he'd sung to Sav the first time they'd talked on the phone after Sav had left. _"This is how the story goes,"_ he hummed, then continued with _"na na naa la la la laa..."_ His fingers found their places on the fretboard. _"... in our line of work..."_ Jani tried a few variations, then sang the line again, hm-hmming where he didn't have an idea about potential lyrics. Yet.

He smiled at the thought that this little tune could indeed develop into the first song he and Sav would play together and continued playing with it.

* * *

Not surprisingly, Sav slept like a rock. When he awoke with a start, light was already filtering in from the crack between the curtains. Maybe thirty seconds later, his alarm went off. Sometimes that happened, where he woke just before the buzzer. He still hit the snooze button.

It was on ten-minute cycles, meaning that thirty minutes later he was jonesing for coffee and his bladder was screaming at him. With a sigh, Sav threw the blanket back and walked to the bathroom to take care of it. From there, he decided to get on with his morning routine.

Other than picking out what he'd wear for the show tonight, there wasn't much to do in regard to packing. Since he'd owed Jani an email reply for a while now, he sat down and booted up his laptop. Then he remembered: toys. Picking out a life-like vibrator took longer than he'd planned. Well, he wanted it to be perfect for Jani's needs. 'It' turned into 'them'. One was very close in size to the toy he'd used for Jani's introduction, about five inches and proportionately slim; the other the supposed average realistic male length of six inches, slightly curved. Both were made of silicon, with attached balls and varying speeds. He also selected lube. Ordered, paid, express shipping option, and he was done. While he certainly considered Jani trying these playthings on himself, Sav didn't get aroused like he would have if Jani had been in the room. Part of that, no doubt, had to do with the dual session the night before.

Although he had time to re-read the latest emails, Sav decided to wait till later to answer. For once, he owed Jani more than just a quick reply made without much thought. They'd had such a good talk the previous night, yet he was sure they had more to say. His mobile buzzed with text messages that the band were gearing up for the day, and that he needed to be ready in twenty. Maybe he could find a quiet corner later. Since the venue was inside the same resort, he left his luggage in the room; one of their assistants would get it along with the other band members'. Sav powered down the comp, made sure he had everything he'd need for the day on him, including his new tiny amp, and headed out.

* * *

By the time Jani set Rakas aside and picked up the bass, he was feeling elated. Not only did he notice that his hand was healing, he'd also developed more than only a rough idea of the song he wanted to write for Sav. It would be weeks before they'd be able to play it together, and Jani thought he'd surprise Sav with a demo of the song. Maybe he'd even come up with a bassline although Sav would beat him pants down writing one. Before attempting that, though, he decided he'd jot down tablature for some of Sonata's songs, like he'd promised, so that Sav would have something to practice if he had too much time to spare. Likewise, Jani thought once he'd sent these to Sav, he could figure out the guitar parts for some of Def Leppard's songs, then they'd have more to play together.

Right, Replica was the first song on his list. He tuned the 5-string and went to work.

* * *

They had a leisurely breakfast. The smell of bacon brought back recent memories, and Sav closed his eyes for a second as he stood at the buffet table. Bacon being bacon, he allowed himself one piece of it, several pieces of cut fruit and a banana, and some kind of muffin that looked like it was loaded with twigs and seeds and all the crap Phil favoured. Okay, correction, _roughage_. Then coffee. Who could live without it? He ignored the looks he got eating the banana, thinking evilly that perhaps he should go back for a peach and lick it. Thoroughly. No, that was just asking for it.

Next, they checked out the venue, which was a huge conference room – rather, rooms with the semi-permanent walls moved. The ceiling was at least forty feet high with its own scaffolding for hanging signage, but their own lighting techs were wrestling with something up there. Sav made sure to stay out from under their working area. The real sound-check wouldn't be till later, so they'd be at loose ends for a while. He didn't feel like any more gambling and none of the Cirque shows performing this early in the day at MGM sounded like his thing. Therefore, almost as a default, Sav wandered into the backstage-designated area and opened the crate that held his guitars. The inside of it was custom, although pretty standard for touring musicians. There were slots for each instrument with a clip, he didn't know what else to call it, to hold the neck, and padding so they wouldn't slide around. Other cubbies held each strap and wireless, miscellaneous gear, string packets, picks, and spare parts. He went for the St. George and, plunking his arse down on nearest chair, plugged into his new mini amp.

It was decent though it kind of got lost in the huge space. That was okay. It would be fine on the bus or in a hotel room. He made a mental note to stock up on 9-volt batteries. After playing with the settings for quite a while and fielding a few curious comments and questions from crew walking by, Sav ran through a few Leppard songs, trying, as he had at home, to play as much as he could without looking at the strings. Not for the first time, he wished they'd do more 'deep cuts'. Half the songs from the first two albums, he could barely remember their names, much less how to play them, sad but true. Let it Go was the only one that remained this tour. He fiddled around for a while, trying to remember his part for Diehard, off Pyro. Fans screamed for that one and its recording had been his most challenging sessions ever. Nope, he'd need his pedals to even begin to pull that off.

Out of nowhere, he 'heard' something new and ran for his acoustic. Good, they needed to record something new one of these days. Yeah was doing alright – probably on the strength of the original songs, not necessarily their versions – but X had been kind of a bomb. Sav tilted his head, closed his lids, and tried to make his hands find the internal sounds.

* * *

Replica was done. Jani was sure that Def Leppard would have a printer in the tour manager's office, so he took a picture of his scribblings and emailed it to Sav.

_Hei Sav,_  
_I hope you can read this: Here's 'Replica', what I can remember from Make's playing. Feel free to improvise and I can't wait to play it with you. Any other Sonata songs you want, let me know. (Anything else you want, let me know, too, of course. ;-))_  
_I'll have a shower now, then go buy some food. Probably have another nap before heading out to meet up with Risto, I'm still tired all the time. Other than that, Rakas is helping me to get back into good shape. Thank you for that. And thank you for so much more, too. You know what I mean._  
_Jani_

Dang, he never knew if it was safe to send 'his love' by email. It was unlikely that anyone would hack into Jani's email on purpose, but Sav was a celebrity. He'd ask him the next time they spoke on the phone. For now, Jani would do as he'd just announced and do something about the empty fridge.

* * *

Naturally, the second Sav sat down with the acoustic the song idea went up in smoke or the muse laughed and flipped him the bird, whatever. He played for a bit, other things he'd learned as a kid, and tuned it, thinking he'd tell his tech to put on lighter-weight strings next time. Deciding he'd attend to his email now, Sav quickly wiped down both instruments he'd used and put them away.

For whatever reason, they'd been communicating mostly by text for a few days and Sav had lost track of whose 'turn' it was. Either way, when he opened his email, Sav found a new message from Jani with an attachment: bass tabs for Replica. He grinned widely. Of course Jani had remembered his favourite Sonata song! Opening the file, he squinted and blinked. Shite, this was beyond his pay grade, so to speak, but he was up to the challenge. Saving the file to his C drive, he sent it in a fresh email to Robert asking him to print it out for him when he could.

_Dear Jani,_  
_Thanks very much for the bass tab. It's going to have me pulling my hair out, in other words, I'll have a lot of fun learning it. If I can return the favour in some way, let me know. There are more and more online sites with tabs, so you can probably find at least some of our songs if you want to learn them. The less-known or if you really want the specialised versions, I can go play 20 questions with Phil, he'd like that. LOL!! Which Sonata song I might like next: Black Sheep. Again, at your leisure._  
_The call last night was... "fun" isn't the right word but you know what I mean. All aspects of it, though, not just the first and last. Thanks for humouring me once again. When I see you next, I'm gonna_ humour _you so good..._  
_OK, I'd best lay off that train of thought for now. I'm somewhere in the bowels of Mandalay Bay, where the show is tonight, backstage. Played for a while, still have some time to kill. The new little amp seems to be fine, it's going to eat batteries like mad when I can't plug it in. Since it's American electronics, I'll need an adapter at home. That said, it's not very loud but that's not the intent. The sound quality gets a bit fuzzy on the low end which makes me a bit nervous in terms of its longevity, but I'll just keep the volume down to half or less. The specs, easier this way than me typing it out:_  
` http://www.orange.com/crush-mini.html`  
_If they ever make one that's truly a micro mini bass amp, I want to try it._  
_I was going to write more but my mobile's blowing up, gotta run,_  
_S._

* * *

By the time Jani woke up from his nap, he found to his delight that he had an email from Sav. His lover thanked him for the Replica tab and suggested there were lots of Leppard tabs on the 'Net. In Jani's experience online tabs rarely coincided with the way he read – and chose to play – a song, but he'd look them up anyway. Later.

What he did look up right now was the link to Sav's new practice amp. He couldn't even remember if he'd played an Orange amp before, but this one made a good impression. The low B of Sav's 5-strings would bring it to its knees, physics had limits, after all, but it would keep Sav busy. To help with that, Jani would provide more tabs, starting with Black Sheep as requested. That, too, would have to wait until tomorrow, though.

_Dear Sav,_  
_thanks for the info, that amp sounds like a good deal. Here's to happy playing. I'll get on the Black Sheep tab next. I'm about to leave the house to meet Risto and will write more later or tomorrow._  
_Have a great gig!_  
_XXX Jani_

After making sure he had his phone, wallet, and keys, Jani walked over to 'Ramona'. Risto was already waiting for him and greeted him with a one-armed hug.

"Hei Jani, how's it going? You look happy."

"I'm good," Jani replied with a smile, wishing he could tell Risto the reason for the wide smile on his face.

* * *

Sav had guessed that his mobile was buzzing itself into an early grave due to something gig-related. He was wrong. When he was made to understand that someone had broken into his suite, his heart skipped a beat while his guts dropped a few floors, but he recovered in time to say he'd be there shortly. Two hotel security staff walked up to him as he spoke, and insisted on escorting him the entire way. Sav had to admit that was probably good, the place was so fucking huge if he'd taken a wrong turn he'd have been lost for days.

The two guards didn't attempt conversation after the initial brief introductions and statements of intent, giving Sav time to consider what he might have lost if whoever it had stolen or ruined everything. He had his most important personal belongings with him, namely his computer, wallet, passport and phone. His guitars and other music-related equipment and gear were with the rest of the band's, so they were safe. So it was mainly clothes, shoes, jewelry, hair gunk and other toiletries, and a few miscellaneous items that were at risk. Dammit, he'd spent a huge chunk of change just the day before on clothes. Some of his necklaces were not replaceable and suffice it to say he was fond of them even though they were just material items. It creeped him out, some stranger pawing through his toothpaste, deodorant, shaving cream, not to mention his underwear and... sex toys. Shite. His heart rate picked up again.

There were four cops in his room, the hotel manager, Def Leppard's head of PR on the road. Sav could see clothing strewn everywhere. Good lord, did a man really need to own that much black leather? From the pattern, he'd have said that whoever had done this had sat down next to his suitcase and thrown things rapidfire behind them. What the hell...? The cops asked him to check for what was missing or damaged, the bloke who appeared to be the youngest writing a report on some sort of headheld device.

From where he stood, Sav could see his jewelry case was open and had been rifled. His silver bracelet from the Adrenalize days was missing, and some rings. After receiving permission to do so, he began to gather up his clothes. Then it dawned on him: no pants, as in underwear. Rather than be asked if he went commando full time, Sav reported that too, unable to keep from blushing. The two toys he'd brought but hadn't used were gone as well, but he couldn't bring himself to divulge this in a room full of strangers. His last thought on that matter was, "At least they were clean."

It took nearly an hour for that song and dance to be over. The manager apologised several times, till Sav tuned him out. He had to have repeated himself a half dozen times. By then, what seemed like the entire crew and his bandmates of course had all poked their noses into his room. They had to break for a very late lunch then, but Sav couldn't eat. Some people really where freaks. Well, as the police said, they'd flag ebay and other such sites with his name. Anyone trying to make money off his pants would have another thing coming. Somehow, it was even more disturbing to consider the alternative, that the culprit would keep them all for him- or herself.

* * *

_"Make love... like a man... I'm a man... That's what I am..."_

The crowd laughed cheered when Jani finished the song. On his way back to their table, a few people touched his shoulder, gave him the thumbs-up sign, and two girls kissed his cheek. Risto hugged him and giggled. "That's what not drinking does to me: I must be hallucinating – or did you really just sing Def Leppard?"

Jani grinned. As soon as he'd told Risto that he was cutting down his alcohol consumption on doctor's orders after his surgery, Risto had announced that he'd join him for tonight. They'd each had a beer at Ramona, then one more when they'd left the bar in favour of the karaoke parlour. To his surprise, he was enjoying himself although he was by his standards entirely sober.

"Seriously, what are you up to next?" Risto continued.

"Why don't you pick something for me?" Jani waggled his eyebrows.

Risto gave him a sly look. "Are you sure?"

Uh-oh, he probably was in trouble now, but Jani wouldn't back down. "Go for it."

* * *

Soon enough, they were backstage again, getting ready. Time always moved at a strange pace in these moments. Glad he'd already picked an outfit, Sav dressed in his stage clothes on autopilot and found his way to the hair station.

Since it was gone, all that he could think about was that silver bracelet. It had been a gift from the woman he'd been dating at the time, and had probably cost what amounted to a week's pay for her. The attachment wasn't sentimental, quite the opposite; he just liked the bracelet. Their on-and-off relationship had failed when she wanted marriage. That was a definite no, and not the first nor last time he would call things off on that account.

At least the memory served to reroute his thoughts. It seemed like, other than when they wanted a ring and his name, Sav's other girlfriends just left – refused to speak to him or see him – out of the blue with no explanation. That, he attributed to rumours of what went on after Def Leppard shows. It seemed to always follow them, regardless of it being much less and ever declining than in the 80's. The crazier goings-on weren't always their fault, either: case in point, Salt Lake City. No one had asked that woman to... he grimaced.

Seeing a man, that was a different game entirely. Oh yes; now he had to hide a smug little smile. While it wasn't all that straightforward – Jani was what Sav would call complicated and he was young – it was an adventure. And a lot of fun. Not to mention, any hotter and they'd need flame-retardant sheets. Though Jani was uncomfortable about anything positive directed at him about his person, one thing they could agree on was that he – Jani – was wildly talented. Sav considered himself lucky – personally as well as professionally – to be close to someone who, if he remained dedicated, could probably outstrip the established 'greats' someday.

Sav waited a moment to stand up after the woman was finished messing with his hair and then went to find his tech and warm up. It'd still be at least forty minutes. Their backing band was two songs into their encore and then there'd be all the between-acts stage adjustments. As was his custom, he wore Union Jack around, stayed near his rig, and let his hands and pick wander however they felt.

Sooner than he expected, the five-minute call circulated. Sav's nerves kicked in, which, after he'd played most of these songs three million times, why? Just another part of being alive, he mused, approaching the stage ramp and nodding to Viv. Rick would go on first, somewhere behind his drum set; Joe and Phil would be on the other side now. Ten seconds... 5-4-3-2-...

* * *

"Please tell me you're not serious!" Jani groaned as he looked at the piece of paper before him.

"Well, I thought you'd like it, given that you picked an eighties band for your first song," Risto grinned innocently.

Jani shook his head. He'd never hear the end of this, especially not since he'd discovered a number of familiar faces that, too, would bear witness to the upcoming performance: So far, he'd spotted Henkka and Hurtsi as well as – perkele! – his sister and her boyfriend, and he didn't even have the excuse that he was drunk off his arse.

"...our next artist is none other than our very own Jani Liimatainen, Sonata Arctica's guitarist, Kemi's finest with..." The guy who announced him did a double take and broke into laughter. Great, just great. "Well, hear for yourselves, this song doesn't need an introduction..."

He was doomed. Jani directed a grim smile at the audience as he climbed the stage.

* * *

By the time Photograph ended, they took their bows and accepted the usual screaming and cheering for a few minutes till they could escape the stage, Sav had forgotten the incident from earlier. Then he saw police waiting in the wings. They hadn't caught any suspects. The door to his room had not been forced, telling them it was an inside job. Currently, they were questioning all hotel employees past and present, but that would take time as there were several hundred for each shift. He nodded understanding and let himself be shuttled away to the locker room they were using for a dressing room. Really, he doubted they'd catch him or her. To have escaped being caught on the resort's CCTV and breaching the door without setting off any alarms indicated expertise, high level security access, or both. Really, Sav was glad they'd be leaving directly following the meet-and-greet and not staying another night.

As they tended to, the fan-mingle thing went on far longer than he would have liked. Sav was feeling a bit paranoid. What if the person who had broken into his suite was there in the room? He'd always made fun of Joe – behind his back – for having a stalker. Acquiring one was the last thing Sav needed. He starting hoping it was a local, the lesser of several evils. Every too-long stare, he got a little more tightly wound. The long line of photo-op seekers finally dwindled down to nothing, and he made his escape. Just as he reached the pre-arranged exit door to find the bus, Rick came through from the other side, and Sav jumped about five feet.

"Jeez, Rick, what the hell?! I nearly pissed myself!" Sav hadn't seen the drummer leave, much less have that much of a head start.

"I went on ahead, to make sure no nutters were hanging about," Rick replied, giggling at his super-flinch. "Jumpy much?"

"Yeah, rattled. Wouldn't you be?" God, he needed a cigarette. "And what if someone was waiting, what would you have done?"

Rick gave him a look, one that Sav hadn't had directed at him since '85. "What are you saying? I'd have punched them, head-butted them... hell, I'd have told them to fuck off or talked them down."

"No, I didn't mean...!" Sav – none of them – even noticed Rick's disability anymore.

"Ha, got you!" Rick cuffed him on the shoulder. "Huh? Not how your granny hits?"

"Wanker!"

"One hand's enough for that."

Sav groaned. "TMI, mate."

Together, they climbed on the bus. Once safely inside, Sav dropped into one of the swivelling armchairs, closed his eyes, and tried to let the tension in his spine dissipate.

A few minutes later Rick sat down on the floor not far from Sav's left foot. "Want to try a spot of yoga? Or just some relaxation techniques?"

Sav let out a huge sigh, but smiled. "Thanks, but no thanks. Maybe another time. You already helped, though."

Rick nodded but didn't push it, and Sav escaped to his bunk.

* * *

He'd never live this down. Jani had made a heroic effort not to break into giggles while singing but he hadn't succeeded. Not that anyone would have expected him to. Besides, he doubted there was a single patron of Ramona's that night who didn't join the chorus. And then...

"You should have told us you were into _that_ kind of 'Fuck it's the eighties' stuff," Hurtsi greeted him when he'd finally stepped off the small stage.

"Wouldn't have worked," Janne shook his head. "We didn't have a keyboarder and Jouni would have killed us if we'd have forced him to play that pesky riff."

"Yep," Hurtsi resumed, "he'd have used his axe as an axe, eliminating both his guitar and the other guitarist. You know, the redheaded guy with the weird taste in music."

"Well, you've got a keyboard volunteer now," Henkka chimed in. "Sunday afternoon at my place?"

The others howled with enthusiasm.

No, he was never going to live this down.

* * *

Once safely behind the curtain in his bunk, Sav's body finally worked itself out of its low-grade fight-or-flight mode. He thought about calling Jani, but decided against it. He'd gone out with his mate, and although he'd said he'd behave himself, Sav wondered which side of stubborn would win out: ten years of bad habits or Jani's new-found determination to live a cleaner life. He wished his lover the best, and decided he deserved rest after whatever his night had involved.

Soon, everyone else appeared by the sound of it and the bus began to move. Sav was just considering getting up and joining the others when someone walked up to his bunk. Viv. "Awake, Sav?"

"Aye. Can't sleep yet." Sav pulled the curtain back himself. "What's up?"

"We're going to have a bit of a meeting. Your presence is requested."

"Oh. Okay. You lot aren't gonna sack me or summat...?" He squinted up at Viv, who had the grace to look confused.

"No, no... about the... thing at the hotel. They're going to change things about when we hand-off our... I dunno! Just get your arse out of bed."

"Yeah, yeah. Be right there..."

Viv retreated, leaving Sav alone to gather himself. He didn't want to talk or think about it any longer, but everyone would be worried – justifiably – that the same thing might happen again. Why now? Random tour, random city, not the first or last or in celebration of anything. Phil had had things nicked, decades ago. Once, they'd had a whole truckload of sound and lighting equipment stolen and had to cancel a concert – also in the 80's. Viv's guitar got smashed; that was the airline's fault, though. If they were to be interfered with, he'd have expected it during the Freddie Mercury memorial, but nothing had happened then.

Everyone assigned to this bus was near the front, waiting. Sav felt strange, as they all stared at him. Then Robert started in, getting to business straight away. "Alright, we seem to have had a bit of a problem and hope it's a one-off, but from now on..." At least he wasn't all dramatic about it. The short meeting would have been over in 10 minutes but Joe took it upon himself to ask for additional security to be hired and demand they be accompanied at all times, with video surveillance during anything considered pre- or post-show.

"Not me, no thanks," Sav interrupted. "Don't want anyone holding my... hand when I go to the loo or watching me sleep!"

Phil agreed immediately and emphatically. "No cameras, either! Maybe you don't mind if someone films you taking a shit..." All these years later, he was still indignant about the violation of Steve's dignity.

"Gentlemen...!" The bus rolled on, headed west to California, as they ironed out details.

* * *

It was a long night filled with musical jokes at Jani's expense. By the time Ramona closed at 4 in the morning, he'd lost count of the number of songs he'd been made to sing. One thing was for sure, his friends had shown an incredible creativity in finding him more and more ridiculous pieces. In the end, he considered himself the winner in this challenge: he'd prevailed, had sung them all and done a fair job whereas his friends – opponents – had had to endure listening to anything they'd picked out for him. They'd had shitloads of fun, and although they agreed they wouldn't have a repeat performance anytime soon, they still planned to meet up on Sunday at Henkka's place to jam. Jani wanted to promise himself that Final Countdown wouldn't be played, but knowing Henkka, that was exactly what they were going to do. He could live with it. It wasn't his favourite song, but there were far worse. Besides, he was already looking forward to telling Sav about this.

Thank goodness, the walk from Ramona to his place took only ten minutes. Cleaning his teeth took a heroic effort, and minutes later, Jani fell asleep before he'd even fully undressed.

* * *


	8. Saturday, 19 August 2006

* * *

Sav woke up a few times to feelings of uneasiness but finally fell into a heavy sleep after a trip to the loo and a drink of water, somewhere close to morning. When he woke again, they were at their destination already, parked in some huge cement lot. He peered out the side windows and then the front, trying to figure out where everyone might be. Not on the bus, that was obvious. Sav wondered how long they'd been parked – the heat was fast encroaching. Kids and pets didn't get left in cars in the heat. What about Savs?

He pushed the door open from the inside and sat on the lowest step. Overall, it appeared to be the car park of a suburban shopping mall. There were a pair of restaurants toward the far corner. Had they really left him behind to go have breakfast? Wow, that was harsh. Even in the shade, it had to be around 32°C.

Then Sav heard voices, Viv's Irish lilt, the Sheffield still strong in Rick and Joe, and Phil who seemed to think he was Cockney but Sav never heard it unless Phil was making an effort. There were the various permutations of the techs and others, and soon Sav could hear their footsteps, too, even over traffic. "Oi!" he called out as the first of them rounded the corner, "Were you hoping for baked Sav to go with your brekkie?"

After a stunned instant, laughter broke out. Sav, too. The general consensus was he'd been sleeping so peacefully no one wanted to disturb him, and they'd be back in ten minutes. As things went, ten minutes turned into twenty, then thirty, but they figured he could fend for himself. That was true. Someone handed him a bag with some sort of sandwich inside, he could smell bacon and eggs, and an OJ and a coffee. He ate with relish, happy for company again, and soon they were pulling up to the venue.

* * *

It felt as if it was the middle of the night when Jani's phone started blaring. His first thought was that it was Sav, his second that it was a good thing he'd changed the ringtone... Only... The ringtone... wasn't Sav's. It was his mum.

"Good morning," she greeted him. "I didn't wake you, did I?"

It was almost noon and Jani hurried to lie that no, he'd been up for some time already.

"Great," she stated cheerfully. "I wanted to ask you if you're still interested in cooking lessons. I'm making reindeer stew tonight. Of course you're also invited to stay for sauna, Aino and Vesa are coming, too. I just spoke with them." She laughed.

It sounded as if the tale from last night's eighties songs had already spread. Still, reindeer stew and sauna with his family, why not. They agreed on a time and he hung up. After splashing some water on his face – he'd shower after sauna – he padded to the kitchen and made coffee. He really needed to again look into finding a coffee-maker like Sav's, but right now he was content with the cup he had before him. It was weird that he didn't even mind the decaf any longer.

Jani had a slice of bread, then returned to his room to check his messages. There wasn't one from Sav, but he had an email from Hurtsi asking if they were still on for some noise tomorrow, and suggesting he had a video to share. Great, Jani thought. He must have missed the camera last night. Well, they'd have a great laugh. Maybe he'd show it to Sav one day, provided that it wasn't too embarrassing.

Right, Sav. Jani wanted to tell him all about his night out but it was a tale better told in person – or on the phone in their case, so he only sent him a short text: _Moi, Sav, I had two beers and a lot of fun last night. I'll tell you the grisly details later. Dinner and sauna at Mum's tonight including another cooking lesson. Better not call naked. ;-) Love, Jani_

* * *

The site manager of the amphitheatre for the night's show was long-winded. Being bored, Sav pulled out his phone without thinking when it buzzed. Ah, a text from Jani. He'd survived his night out not too much worse for the wear. At the end, Sav snorted laughter, much too loud. Everyone turned to stare at him, and he forced himself to apologise. No way could he text back right now, although his mind was going 100 miles per hour with pithy 'replies'. No, no one wanted to get a hard-on in front of their mum, although, different standards. For Sav, just being naked in the same room with his mum would have ranked right up there.

After tonight's gig, there came the three-day break. Up till now, he hadn't given a thought about where they'd be spending it, and hadn't the slightest clue. Mainly, he wanted to get through today and tonight, then he'd worry about it. Sav kept to the back of the gaggle of people being shown every nook and cranny of the place, and tapped out a message to Jani a few words at a time.

_Hi, Jani! You (sing and pl) survived ur night out, LOL! I'm glad u had fun, whatever it is u got up to. I'm very curious now! Am I gonna see any crazy antics online? ;)_

Sav unintentionally hit the Send button there. Managing not to curse out loud, he started a new text:

_U did mention ur mum makes the best reindeer stew. I hope she'll hand down the family recipe to u, and that I'll benefit from it some day. Naked sauna texting... *shudders* Best leave the mobile out of the sauna! LMAO (not literally, ha). Trying to get through a well-intentioned but too damned long tour of the concert venue right now. TTYS, -S_

This time Sav hit the Send key deliberately. Finally they'd reached backstage and everyone scattered to familiarise themselves with their own spaces that were still in progress.

* * *

His mother had announced that she'd prepare the sauna for four o'clock. His sister and her partner would give him a ride, but it still meant that Jani didn't have too much time to spare. He replied to Hurtsi that, yes, if they insisted he continue making himself look like an idiot, he'd be happy to indulge them. Next, he finally composed the email to Ibanez' custom shop that he'd planned to send days ago. He didn't expect a reply before Monday – which he'd accept as his penance for not contacting them earlier.

Wondering what to do next, Jani was saved from having to decide whether to start writing down more bass tabs for Black Sheep – and risking getting so immersed in it that he'd forget about the time – by a text message from said bassist. As always, it made him smile. He still didn't know if Sav had figured out a way to go online while not in a hotel room, so he texted back.

_Apparently, somebody recorded my performance last night. I haven't seen it yet, but knowing who taped it, it's got to be bad. Prime blackmail material and they already 'invited' me for some jamming tomorrow. I'll keep you posted._

Damn the character limit...

_No sauna texting, I'll follow your advice and not melt my phone. At least not in the sauna, not sure it won't happen one day when we... talk... :-P On that note, can't wait to... talk... to you again soon! <3 Jani_

The moment he hit send, the phone rang in his hand. It was his sister telling him that they'd pick him up in twenty minutes. Right, time to pack clean clothes...

* * *

Only ten minutes, and they were on. The crowd was going wild with more shrieking females than usual, or they had higher-pitched voices, collectively, in this city. Sav grinned to himself. There was only a certain range of screeching he wanted to hear. Probably tomorrow. The time change was a bitch. While he had read Jani's messages, he would answer after the show and the following circus. Thus far, Jani had been very understanding of his schedule, and Sav was grateful.

They launched into Let's Get Rocked, Let it Go, then Promises. As they slowed the tempo with Bringing on the Heartache, an object flying through the air took Sav entirely off guard; something soft hit him in the face. Yes, women still threw their panties. What the purpose was, Sav, after almost 30 years of this, still hadn't figured out. They didn't choose groupies by matching them to their – missing – underpants and in fact, what with the world the way it was, didn't even touch the lacy, satiny, silky... whatever. This was what Sav was expecting. What he saw instead dropping to his feet, was a pair of pants just like his. Black. Designed for a male. There was no doubt in his mind they were his. He looked up in open-mouthed shock but there were more than ten thousand people in the audience and those behind the wall of the pit were all packed together, hands in the air. Of course he wasn't going to catch anyone mid-throw! Somehow he managed to keep playing without flubbing up.

Less than a quarter of the way through, but what could he do but go on? It was a blur, between worrying about a repeat if not worse, and unlike his usual persona, he stayed to the back areas of the stage as much as he could and off the runway. He wondered, too... if something happened to Viv or Phil, at least there were two of them. What if, well, his tech... no, there was security, they scanned people with metal detector wands these days, what could they do to him? Pelt him to death with his underwear? The one was a very lucky shot, he decided.

Finally it was over and he hit the showers with the rest of the band. Viv's voice filtered in. "I saw you take one in the face." He was trying to be funny.

"Yeah... did you get a good look? They were mine, I'm quite sure of it." Other than the running water, it went quiet.

Joe spoke. "I'll get Robert..."

"No, leave it. Don't make a fuss. I'll speak to him myself as soon as I'm not naked," Sav retorted.

He could hear a snort from Rick. "That wanker might like it..."

"And you don't?"

"Sod off!"

That served to lighten Sav's mood, but he'd have to do something, in the name of self-preservation, either long term, or the length of this leg of the tour, remained to be seen. He resolved to have two security goons stuck to him at the meet-and-greet tonight, though he hated having to resort to that.

Needing a few more minutes, he promised to be to the thing shortly and pulled out his mobile. Texting Jani seemed like a piece of comparative normalcy.

_Hey, Jani – you were probably there and back hours ago by now. Yeah, I can't wait to... talk... to you again soon, too, and actually talk. Listen to me, I'm adult-ing. Just finished the show, needed to clear my head. Well, on to the 'fun' part. -S._

Two yellow-tee-shirted blokes were posted outside the door to the dressing room, and the bigger one followed him to the area set up for the fans who were already queued up and drooling. OK, that wasn't nice. This bunch squealed, too, but stayed on their side of the rope to Sav's relief.

* * *

It had been a long evening. This time, Jani had gladly accepted a lift home, especially since Aino and Vesa had to return to Kemi anyway. He'd checked his messages a few times but hadn't heard from Sav. In a way this made it easy for him because he could leave telling Sav about his afternoon and evening until later without feeling guilty for it. Not that he had so much to tell in terms of adventure like the night before, but as Jani wanted to know everything about Sav's life... He wanted to share Sav's life was a better description. Since that wasn't possible, Jani was eager to hear about everything Sav did. Likewise, he was ready to tell Sav as much as Sav would want to know about his life, be it the every-day events like sauna and dinner with the family or the eighties karaoke... Okay, he might change his mind about the latter once he'd watched Hurtsi's video...

When he'd arrived at home, Jani had been very tired again, so he'd just sent Sav a brief text that he'd had a nice evening and suggesting, again, that he'd tell him more the next time they spoke on the phone. Once the message had been sent, he'd barely been able to keep his eyes open. Maybe he should ask his Doc if this was normal when he had his next check-up. So yes, he couldn't deny that he'd been quite sick, but that was weeks ago and they said the infection was healed, that he was only still on antibiotics to make sure it stayed that way. After taking his meds, he'd gone to bed and conked out the moment his head touched the pillow.

Some time later he was woken by an incoming text – a lot of time later as he found out when he squinted at the clock on his mobile. Sav had just finished his gig and Jani was tempted to call him, to hear his voice and talk for a while, but Sav also mentioned an upcoming 'fun part', likely a meet-and-greet, so he'd probably be too busy to talk. Pondering for a moment over whether to call him anyway, Jani decided that it wouldn't hurt. If Sav was already in a meeting he'd have his phone switched to silent mode and Jani would leave a message. Then Sav could at least hear his voice before he went to bed. And if Sav had a minute...

Jani smiled and pressed the shortcut call button.

* * *

Just as he was about to join the rest of Def Leppard, Sav's phone buzzed in his pocket. Other than a dire emergency from his family back home or one of his bandmates calling to harass him to hurry the hell up, and they could see him by now, it could only be one person: Jani. Screw it, he pulled his mobile out and looked. He'd guessed right. At least he could let his lover know what was going on, since he hadn't answered the texts yet, which he felt a little bit guilty about.

"Hello! I'm about to start one of these meet-and-greets, but I can talk for a minute or two. How are you?" A little breathless, Sav refrained from saying anything derogatory about these sessions or anything else within the hearing of their fans. He held up his index finger in the direction of the band, some of whom were looking at him like he'd just farted in church or something, and walked around behind them where they'd already lined up for photo ops.

* * *

Sav answered the call and Jani's smile widened. "Great, now that I'm hearing your voice. I got from your text that you don't have time to talk and especially that you can't, well, _talk,_ but I thought I'd just say hi quickly. Let me know when you've got to go. Until then... How's the tour going?"

* * *

The mention of talk that meant something else entirely, and of course it was Jani's voice in his ear, was enough to make Sav start to twitch and rise below the belt. He put his back to the roomful of people before they started think they'd snap pics of _that._

"Oh, you know. Tour's tour. It's going alright. Almost every show's sold out. This is the second night in a row now; I'm ready for a break. No bus tonight, or not for long." There, he'd told Jani that later, they could be free to get it on – verbally – if they wanted. He had a feeling Jani wanted, which really didn't help the situation in his pants.

"What about you? Stew, sauna, family all good?"

* * *

"Oh yeah, we had a good time. I'm not sure if I can manage to cook reindeer stew on my own yet but by the time you visit I'll have a few Finnish dishes down. Sauna was good, too, and I think it's the first time in a long while that my family aren't worried about me being stressed out from touring and drinking and whatever."

Jani hesitated, then continued in a softer voice, "I know that you're sometimes concerned about me. I'm good, really. I'd tell you if I wasn't. But I know you don't have much time, so just believe me that everything is fine. I didn't get drunk last night when we were going out and I stuck to water and milk today – unless decaf counts," he laughed.

"I'll be happy to tell you more about the, um, karaoke, later. You have a couple of days – and nights – off now, right? Any chance of a nice hotel room for you anytime soon?"

* * *

"Yeah, tonight nearby here. No one likes more than a night on the bus if we don't have to. Estimating 3, 4 hours to be done here and get there. After that, you'll have my full attention if you have no other plans till then. Should I call you later?"

Sav could sense more than hear someone approaching. He didn't want anyone touching him when he was speaking to Jani, and whipped around. At least it was Phil, who, whether he could kick Sav's arse or not these days, was totally non-threatening. Phil didn't have to say anything. Nodding at him, Sav went on, "I'm sorry, gotta go already."

* * *

Three to four hours... "I probably needn't tell you that I'll be very happy if you give me a call when you have some privacy," Jani replied. "I'm meeting with Henkka and a few others later for some jamming, but that's in the afternoon and I'm free until then."

He yawned. "Can't wait to hear you again. For now, take care and don't let the fans annoy you too much."

* * *

"I'll try... talk soon. 'Bye." That's all Sav had time for, and not even that, really. He pocketed his mobile and walked over to his customary place, first in line in terms of which direction the fans were let at them. As much as they were doing it to him, he eyed the merchandise as well. The line was long, all the way out the door.

Supposedly the most beautiful people lived in California. To Sav, this crowd was the usual mix. Some, around his age, give or take a few years. Scary. Some, probably their generation's kids, grown up listening to mum and dad's old cassettes or CDs. Strange to think they might have attracted a few at random, who never heard the old stuff till later if at all. A number of the women – blond, toned, vapid, were stereotypical beach bunnies. Far be it from him to criticise, and he'd seen it all before. It wasn't like in the Midwest, where a much larger percentage had never met a celebrity, their eyes lit with that whole "OMG, I can die happy now" thing. This crowd had seen it all before, too. One thing about the more blasé attitude: it took a lot less energy.

All in all, it was chill other than a few packs of shriekers and a few he recognised as super-fans. Those tended to be super-demanding, always pushing for one more... photo, hug, autograph, pick, on and on. Though he tried to be carefully aware, Sav could make out no excessive behaviour, no over-the-top eye or body language to say one of the people he met that night was his... No, he didn't want to use the word. When it was over, they left in a group, under orders not to go anywhere alone. Sav didn't like that either. He always looked forward to the feeling of breaking free of the herd.

At long last they arrived at the hotel. It was along the beach as he'd hoped, not fancy but nice enough. All that mattered to him was that he had privacy and relative quiet. He grabbed his luggage from the compartment under the bus, juggling it, his backpack, his little amp, and Union Jack in a hardshell case. His room was next to Joe's again with Phil's on the other side, but he couldn't make himself care. Maybe that little fact would divert unwanted attention to the others.

Inside his room, he parked his suitcase, set the other stuff down with proper care, and stripped. He eyed the bed, wondering if Joe's or Phil's would be on the other side of the wall. Well, he could keep his voice down. It wasn't like the old days, with free-standing bedframes and headboards smacking the wall when people got laid. Now, all the headboards were for looks only and tacked to the wall. And it was just phone sex. No, he shouldn't think of it like that. It wasn't 'just' anything when it involved Jani.

Mobile in hand, he stretched out on the bed. Speed dial was one button away. He thumbed over number 7, waiting for the call to go through.

* * *


	9. Sunday, 20 August 2006

* * *

When Jani had been woken up from Sav's text message, it had already been almost eight. Early for him on a Sunday morning, but once he'd peed, he'd decided he may as well get up. Dinner last night had been rich so that he wasn't hungry yet. Wondering what to do as he wasn't used to being up this early, Jani thought he'd take his plan toward a healthier lifestyle to the next level and go for a walk. He didn't feel like going far in case Sav called earlier than expected, but it would take only a few minutes to get to Kiikeli if he took the car. It had been a while since he'd last been there – going for a walk with Anni, which they'd done often but not during the last year – and the trails there were a good starting point for physical activity.

He returned home two hours later feeling refreshed and positive. His mood rose even further when he booted his computer and found an email from Ibanez, informing him that his new guitar had been completed a few days prior and was currently being prepared for shipping.

By the time his phone finally rang, Jani was bouncing with happiness. "Hei, Sav," he answered, wondering if Sav could hear his wide smile through the line.

* * *

The bright voice in his ear gave Sav hope that there were indeed good things ahead, a good... talk, too. He loved the way Jani said his name, especially now that he knew it meant something in his language, and more precisely, what it meant. Already, a delicious wave of tingles ran over his body. "Hi, Jani... how's it going? Is it a good time for you?" Just in case it wasn't, he gave Jani an easy escape with a yes or no answer.

* * *

"Sav." Jani had to swallow because already hearing his lover's voice sent a flurry of happiness through him. "It's a good time for me." He cleared his throat. "If you call it's always a good time for me. Am I assuming right that you're in a hotel room now and we're, um, kind of, on our own?"

* * *

"Yes, that's exactly right. No one's gonna bother me." They had better not, or suffer the consequences. Sav had put out the Do Not Disturb sign and triple-locked the door. His mobile was set to silent, so even if someone texted or called, it wouldn't buzz.

"Wanna tell me about your adventures in karaoke first, because I do want to hear about it... or should we take advantage of me being naked?" he asked, grinning. He was such a cliché, Sav knew it. "Just thought you'd like to know that."

* * *

Jani laughed out loud. "Would you consider me a pervert if I... took advantage of the latter? Actually, no, you needn't reply to this question. I'll be happy to take advantage of you being naked, pervert or not. As long as you give me a second to get into the same state and put on my headset, that is. I have a feeling I'm going to want to have my hands free in a moment's time."

* * *

"No, I don't think you're a perv, or no more than I am. Actually, I'll get my headphones, too." Sav rolled his eyes at himself, for forgetting them again. Well, he'd be in the habit soon, if his luck held. Rummaging through his backpack's outermost pocket, he soon was wired for hands-free, as Jani put it. These preparations had him half-hard already in anticipation. "Ready?" he asked presently, when the static noises ended.

* * *

"Ready. And hard," Jani, who'd meanwhile got his headset up, too, replied with a grin. "So, how d'you suggest I take advantage of you, any ideas in particular? Or should I just get my paws and mouth all over your body and have my wicked way with you?"

* * *

Sav swallowed his drool, and lay down on the bed, more carefully this time so as not to dislodge his headphones. "I wanna hear whatever you have in mind... what do you wanna do to my body, with your paws and mouth?" He had to laugh. "You animal..."

* * *

"Well, if I really were an animal, I'd probably sniff out where your pheromones are the strongest, so I'd go right for your crotch," Jani laughed. "However, since I'm – at least part – human, I think I'll leave that for last and enjoy teasing you a little instead. So, let me see, where do I begin... Maybe with your hands? I'd lick along your fingers, then take them into my mouth one after the other, suck on them and slurp around them as a promise for what I'm going to do to your dick later. How's that for a start?"

* * *

"Oh, that's good..." Sav groaned, "Your human form appeals to me. A lot. Surely you've noticed. Last time I kind of took over so tonight, I'm gonna lay here and let you do whatever you want for as long as you want. You know I'm enough of a freak I'd like your face in my crotch, but I'll wait till you're ready. Feeling your lips and tongue on my fingers, licking and sucking, just imagining it has me hard too."

It was a male thing, he supposed, the response known as erection being the measure of how good the sex was. And it just felt good, too, to be hard when it was appropriate to the situation. "I wanna touch you, too... what part of you needs me most, or wants it first. My lips are swollen with how bad I need to kiss you."

* * *

"Then I'll kiss you next, but before that I'm taking your fingers deeper into my mouth and I'm sucking harder. Listen to it, I'm doing it to my fingers here pretending they're yours," Jani said. One of his hands was circling his nipples and he now brought the other to his lips and sucked the middle finger into his mouth, moaning when he imagined it was Sav's mouth doing it to his swelling erection. "So good, Sav, so good!"

He went back to sucking and slurping for another few seconds, then panted, "And now I'm going to kiss you. My lips move slowly over yours, feel how soft they are, then I open my mouth and let my tongue trace them... Man, do you have any idea how hard this makes me?" Jani interrupted himself. "I'm playing with my nipples, but my dick will soon need some attention, too. What are you doing with your hands?"

* * *

Oh fuck yeah, Sav could hear the deliberate sucking noises clearly. Besides the obvious, the hot, wet suction and then seeing his dick disappearing between the lips of someone who loved doing that for him, Sav also got off on the sounds associated with the act. His ears picked up the smacking, sliding slurps of Jani fellating his finger; more blood rushed south. "So good, Jani," he echoed. "Yes... kiss me... slide your soft lips across mine, then more, deeper." Thank god Jani wasn't one of those men who thought such was below him, and he was damned good at it. So many times, including with women, or maybe more-so with them, strangely, it started awkward. Even the first few times they'd kissed, it was clear that Jani knew what he was doing.

Then he changed tracks and asked about Sav's hands. "Um... they're not touching anything yet, can you believe it? I've been just... waiting for it." It seemed silly now that he'd said it aloud, because Sav's body needed hands on him, _now._ "I wanna make you feel good... Gonna play with your nipple, get that hard little bead between my fingers and pinch a little, tug, pull it harder. My other hand is sliding down your stomach, you know where it's going, right?"

* * *

"I don't _know_ where it's going, but I _hope_ it's going to touch me... Can I touch myself? Is that where you want my hand?" Jani gasped as he gave his nipple a pinch. "Do you want me to touch you further down, too? I'd slide my fingertips up and down your dick, tease it, but not stroke. At least not yet. Actually, I'd let my fingers walk south and fondle your balls, avoiding your dick altogether for now. We aren't in a hurry, or are we?"

* * *

Okay, that was it. Sav's hands crawled from their resting places beside him and over his always-sensitive thighs, heading toward his crotch. "Mmm, yeah, touch yourself, I can see it, so hot! I'd do that if I was there, slide my fingers across your belly button, down your love line, through your pubes and all the way down – or rather, up – your dick to the tip. It's already a little wet for me there. Using my thumb and two fingers, I'd work your foreskin up and down a little, sliding it over the ridge..."

Belatedly, he answered, slowing his words, too, "Want you to put your fingers on me too, we can go as slow as you want, we have all night... got my hand on my balls now, like you said..."

* * *

"Your balls, I can feel how heavy they are. So needy. The skin was soft when my fingers reached them, but it's tightening under my touch and they're straining upward. I lift them gently and caress them to ease them into releasing their load. But of course that won't happen unless I touch your dick. Like you're touching mine."

Jani's hand wandered toward his erection and wrapped around it, squeezing out a droplet of silky fluid. "Your hand feels so good on me. My slit is a bit wet, like you said, and the way you're sliding my foreskin over the ridge... I'm pushing into your hand, need it so bad. Can you go a little faster? I'm stroking you now, too, speeding up because you're so hard and it just feels so good to have my hand around your dick, to feel it swell and harden even more."

* * *

Jani's words made Sav groan, low in his chest. It was unbelievable, how easily they'd got comfortable with this. Sav attributed it to their constant chatter and noises when they had sex in person, which allowed an even closer intimacy. "Moving your 'skin a bit faster, like you wanted. It glides smoothly, your own slick smearing underneath as I bring it up over the glans. Every nerve ending is screaming, I know exactly how that feels. When I stroke my hand down the shaft, it's rock hard, pulsing and alive, and I want you to push into my hand like you said, 'cuz I can't get enough of how bad you want it, need me, this is proof."

His thighs pushed apart as Sav arched his back. One hand snaked down between his legs to cup his balls. "You're right, Jani, my balls are heavy now, swollen with seed and hardened with the need to shoot." He finally let himself wank, keeping the pace slow. "I'm stroking myself now, here, and I've got my hand wrapped around you tightly, so you can use it however you need to. Push into it, Jani, fuck it, just like you'll do to me..."

* * *

"Fucking your hand," Jani groaned as he held his own hand still and thrust into it faster. "Just like you did... with mine... first time we were together..."

* * *

"Oh... oh gawd!" In just a few words, Jani had reduced him to a quivering mess. Milan was a mental g-spot, would always be. Sav whispered, thumbing his leaking little slit, "You were... in pain, in need, I spent all day and all night trying not to want you and then," he licked his lips, "you gave yourself into my hands, into my care, even for just part of a night... Jani!"

He was getting fairly close already. Sav couldn't deny the way his arse clenched, nor the emptiness. Next time, the toys would come out. "Still pinching your nipple, or both, switching side to side. But... I think you want my fingers elsewhere, sneaking down, then back. It's been a week already, and you haven't been taken. Your tight little hole wants to be teased open, yeah...?"

* * *

"I... It..." Jani was suddenly speechless. "Yes," he gasped breathlessly, "it needs to be spread wide open by your thick erection. It needs something bigger than my fingers the other day." His voice was shaking when he spoke again. "I'm moving them down to it, but they won't be enough. Oh god, Sav, I need you so bad! I..."

Gently rubbing the tight ring of muscle with the pad of his finger, Jani could feel it twitch. Why hadn't he bought some lube back in Helsinki? Or a toy? "Swiping up some slick on my finger, going in... Nnnhhh..."

This time, he was so desperate to have this secret spot deep inside him touched that he didn't even wait for Sav to instruct him. Jani slid his middle finger in and found the spot he was looking for, jolting when he tapped against it. "I... I... Sav! Oh god!"

* * *

_...needs to be spread wide open by your thick erection..._ Jani didn't say things he didn't mean. His need, and his description of Sav's dick sent hot bolts of lust through him. Not only lust, their relationship was far more, but lust definitely was foremost in this moment. "Yeah? You need it, Jani? Need my dick in you, that moment where you don't think you can take it, then so deep in you, stretching you around me, giving you exactly what you gotta have now that you know what it's like...? Fuck, wanna feel you so bad I can taste it, wanna see that look in your eyes when I hit your spot and don't let up, till you're screeching and shooting spunk everywhere, rapture on your face."

Forget restraint, Sav spit into his hand and stroked himself feverishly, long slides up and down while the other hand held his balls, both supportive and to keep him from exploding till he couldn't stand it any longer. His hips jabbed into the air, into his fist. The thick – yes it was, thank you very much – base of his cock swelled further. What was he, part dog? It felt so fucking good, on the edge like this, pre-come dribbling out of him and sweat springing up on his chest, behind his knees, at his temples. "I... I can't... I'm gonna come...! Let me come!"

* * *

Jani's eyes widened in – positive, but still – shock when Sav actually... Had he really just begged Jani to let him come? "Fuck," he pressed out as his swelling dick let him know in no uncertain terms that he was going to come, too. Now.

"Yes, please, Sav. Come for me. Come on me, all over me..." he moaned as the first climactic wave hit him. Hemmetti, he should have taken his shirt off, he was going to come all over it – maybe he should send it to Sav... The thought made him laugh along with his groans and grunts that he belatedly remembered he should keep down because he wasn't alone in the flat. It was probably too late, but still...

He continued to moan and sigh as pleasure washed over him again and again.

* * *

Permission, acknowledgement, Sav wasn't sure but he could let go now, pour out his seed and his love. His lower body cramped as he shot again and again. "Yes! Yes, Jani, coming for you," Sav howled, ripples of pleasure radiating outward from his groin and suffusing his body. "So much for you! Nnggh! Nnngh! Oh, feel me come on you, so warm and creamy..."

In his ears, Jani was moaning and grunting through his own orgasm, and he was also giggling. Sav knew the feeling, the sheer relief of... unloading. "So..." he asked presently, "did you make a big sticky mess?"

* * *

As the sensations slowly ebbed down, Sav's question filtered through the buzzing in his ears and made Jani laugh. "Need you ask?" he snorted. "Let me put it this way, I'd better do laundry soon. Unless you want me to keep the shirt I'm wearing right now until you return, so you can see for yourself!"

* * *

Sav laughed, too. "That's okay, I've got a souvenir already so no need to let all your clothes ferment." Looking down at himself, torso all sticky and shiny, he continued, "I've got to deal with this mess, too. That's one bad thing about having hired help for almost everything, they literally see your dirty underwear. At home, I do my own laundry but on tour..." he grimaced, "I'll just have to send you the result if I blow my load on any clothes. Eau de Sav, or is that Crème de Sav?" More like, make sure there were always towels and washcloths nearby. Hotel room housekeepers... likely they'd seen it all. What a job!

* * *

"Laundry it is, then," Jani decided. "As for now, hang on for a sec while I take my shirt off before I spread the gunk all over my place. You may love my cream, but I still don't want it everywhere. Just a moment..." He quickly shrugged out of his shirt and wiped the remaining traces off his body before putting on another he found lying around. It wasn't too fresh either, so he'd really have to wash clothes soon. "I should probably take care of this before I leave later... I told you I'm meeting Henkka and a few others later for an improvised jam session, did I?"

* * *

By now his breathing was back to normal, and Sav got up to find something to clean himself up. He had rarely been so impatient when he knew he'd be in for a date with his hand, alone. Hell, he might not even need his hands, as creative as Jani could get sometimes with his wordplay. Tonight had been a prime example.

Jani asked him a question, and Sav recalled their short conversation right after the gig. "Yeah you did, earlier when I wondered if you'd be around in a few hours. Henkka... and your friend Risto? Where will you set up, at someone's house, or this practice pad you've mentioned?" Crap, he was doing it again. "Or how about you tell me... and about your karaoke night too, while you're at it." That oughta be amusing. Setting his mobile on the edge of the bathroom sink, Sav soaked a cloth in warm water, wrung it out, and wiped the goo that was dripping downwards off himself.

* * *

"Risto has to work so he can't join today, but there's another drummer friend, Hurtsi, as well as Janne, bass. These two were with me in the infamous 80's band last year. Janne was actually Sonata's bass player for a while. After our first big tour he decided that although it was great fun this wasn't the life he wanted, so we asked Make to come back... I couldn't believe Janne was giving up when we were rising to fame. I'm beginning to see his point now. Anyway, the four of us are meeting over at Hurtsi's house. Hennka offered his place, but it's easier at Hurtsi's because he's set up his kit in his garage after sound-proofing it. Well, sound-damping describes it better but he has nice neighbours," Jani laughed.

"After the karaoke, I can make an educated guess as to what the first song will be, but let me start at the beginning. So, about last night. For some weird reason I'm sure neither of us will be able to figure out I chose Leppard for my first song. After that, my friends decided that my, um, taste, couldn't be trusted and they took over picking out songs for me for the remainder of the night. The first they chose was – remember each of us thought the other wanted to play it? – Final Countdown, and it didn't exactly get better after that."

He groaned. "My reputation is kind of ruined now, as you can guess – joking. I've received hints that there's a video, which I'm about to find out later today. The only excuse I have is that I wasn't drunk. Not that I'm not extremely talented in making a total idiot out of myself when I'm hammered, but at least I usually can't remember any of it the following day. Well," Jani resumed, "I'm not sure if they're just winding me up with the video, but if it exists, you'll probably get to watch it."

* * *

"Well, if Risto's unavailable, good thing you already rounded up a backing drummer. Hurtsi must have _very_ nice neighbours. Sorry, I have no idea what you lot would play, other than more cheesy '80s songs. Um...oh!" Light bulb. _"The Final Countdown..."_ he sang through his nose, dissolving into stifled laughter.

Later, after having known him for a while, Sav and everyone had heard about Phil's younger years, former bands, and that his mum had let them practice in her house. Unheard of! That was a no-go for all five early Leppards, and so, the old spoon factory. Jani, and presumably all his mates, were a bit past the garage band stage. Actually, he was bit envious they could jam for fun like that and be left to their own devices.

_"Not_ being drunk is an excuse?" Sav chuckled. "That's a new one, for me. So you sang a Def Leppard song, huh? That's too funny!" It also confirmed his suspicion that they were a total joke to the metal crowd. Well, not much he could do about it right now. "Let me guess... Sugar. That's everyone's go-to." That one, he did have good memories associated with now, from making coffee in his kitchen and he smiled. "One lump or two?" he added, unable to resist.

* * *

"Not being drunk may not be an excuse in most places, but in Finland it is when I'm concerned. I have a certain, um, reputation." Jani blushed a little. "For that reason also... it wasn't 'Sugar' I was singing. I picked 'Make Love Like a Man.'" OK, his cheeks were flushed beet-red now. "Actually, people seemed to like it. I got kissed by two girls when I left the stage. They're not you, though, so it doesn't count... You're not jealous, are you? Nothing happened."

* * *

Plunking his arse on the bed, Sav waited till Jani finished speaking, and then burst into laughter. "That song?" he chortled. "Oh my god, I cringe every time we perform it! I can just picture it, but I can't wait to see the video if it exists, eventually. No, I'm not jealous," he went on. "Kissed you on the way off the stage? No big. I get rubbed up on every meet-and-greet whether I like it or not. Besides, we have an agreement."

* * *

"Well, judging from the enthusiasm these girls displayed, you'd be worshipped here," Jani said. "You guys should come to Finland on your next European tour. Not that I have any selfish interest in seeing you here, of course," he laughed.

"So, I'm not sure what they taped me singing if they did it at all, but I'll tell you the moment I find out myself. If it's 'Make Love Like a Man,' maybe I could, um, train you to not cringe but gasp every time you perform it," Jani giggled. "How about I sing it as incentive for you to, well, make love like a man to me the next time?"

* * *

"If I'm up on stage moaning and gasping my way through songs... no doubt some of the fans would like it but I'm not so sure about my band. Especially Joe, all the moaning and groaning is his job, purportedly. And Phil handles any manly grunting and like, hoo-rah military-sounding stuff. Me and Viv, we kill our throats with the high harmonies." Sav found what he was saying ridiculous, and laughed again. "That's the business model," he tried to explain. "And anyway, what's the point here? You want to train me to pop wood and go speechless every time I hear the opening jangle? I've no doubt you, er, have it in you."

Then the end part of Jani's proposal hit him, and Sav gulped. "Fuck!" he hissed. "Don't need the riff... if we were physically capable, would we ever stop? Next European tour, I'll push for as many dates in Finland, Sweden, Norway as I can. And..." even to his own ears, which were burning, he was over the top, "I'mma make love to every part of your body, and more-over, make love to you, Jani, with everything that I am."

* * *

Jani laughed. "I wasn't even moaning and gasping my way through it when I sang it, but I'll definitely do that when I sing it for you, especially when you," he swallowed, "make love to every part of my body. And also when I return the favour – at least when my mouth and tongue aren't busy elsewhere..." He moaned. They'd just got off and he wasn't really interested in another round right now, but of course that didn't stop his dick from hardening again.

"So, um," Jani continued, switching topic to stop the current direction of their talk, "after that, Risto picked Final Countdown for me to sing, and from then on it was eighties night for me. Hurtsi got me Ramones, 'Somebody put Something in my Drink'. When I returned from that, I got offered a number of shots from the audience but I heroically turned them down and stayed with Coke. And then..." He rolled his eyes.

"That was when I was wondering if I shouldn't order some booze, not for me though, but for her. See, my sister was the exception to the 80s when she asked me to sing something from the Backstreet Boys. Being a good brother, I indulged her, of course, but, oh man..." Jani broke into giggles. "I hope they don't have _that_ on tape!"

* * *

Lucky for Sav, Jani neither egged him on nor ragged on him for his blurt. Sometimes things that sounded sexy and honest inside his head were totally inane, out loud. Instead, he went back to the retelling of his night out. The Ramones, Sav could admit, weren't so bad in terms of humiliation. But the Backstreet Boys? "Oh, that was so mean of her!" he laughed. "You poor thing! No way I could've done that without at least three shots.

* * *

"Yeah, well... You have brothers but you never mentioned a sister. I love mine, but she can be... Well. I'm sure she told Mum all about it in the sauna... Then again, another thing that's apparently typical for Finns is that they don't mind being made fun of. Be that as it may, If I had a problem with that I wouldn't have survived Friday night." Jani laughed. "Just wait until I take you out for karaoke night at Ramona one day, er, night..."

It suddenly occurred to him that he had a major piece of news that he hadn't shared yet. Jani's heartbeat picked up. "I haven't yet told you about the email I received from Ibanez," he said. "Normally, that would have been the first item on my agenda, but you and sex kind of, um, distracted me – not complaining! – and then my brain was too sluggish, apparently, to tell you right away. But long story short, my seven-string is ready to be shipped."

* * *

"My brothers are enough older they didn't mess with me too much. More like, keeping things out of reach, tickle-torture, that kind of thing. No sisters." Sav was somewhat grateful. With his luck, he'd have been the one stuck playing dress-up and getting his hair braided.

Jani's news turned the topic again. "Oh yeah? That's exciting! I bet you can hardly wait... well, she'll be in very attentive, loving hands, that's for sure. You've waited a long time already."

* * *

"Yes, I can't believe it, that she's ready," Jani exclaimed happily. "I'm going to be waiting for her almost as impatiently as for you. This is so... surreal. I'd all but forgotten about her, I told you, but now I can't wait to have her. And you'll be the first to hear her. Better prepare yourself, the moment she's delivered to me I don't think I'll be able to resist calling you and playing her for you."

* * *

"Do you have the tracking information?" Sav asked. He had no idea how long something like that might take. "I know I'd love to hear you play, as soon as you have her and she's ready. You'll be bouncing off the walls till then, huh?"

* * *

"Not yet. They said they're preparing her for shipping and unless they've changed the procedure they'll send me the shipping information as soon as she's on her way. Should be express but it'll still take a couple of days, so yeah, I may be bouncing a bit, but Rakas will help me with that," Jani laughed. "I'll consider it practice for when the current leg of your tour ends. I can't wait for that even less."

* * *

Oops, blond moment, or something. Still after-glowing, super tired blond moment. "Oh right, of course... it has to be shipped, to have shipping info. I'm not exactly patient, myself, on your behalf."

Then Sav recalled something else, and decided to mention it before it slipped his mind again. "Speaking of shipping, I ordered you something. Some _things._ They'll pale in comparison to a brand new custom-made axe but I'm telling you so you know to open that box in private."

He wasn't trying to start anything again, so Sav returned to the topic of music, in general. "Anyway, yeah, this leg can't be over fast enough." He sighed. "This feels like a jail sentence, not that I'd know. I'm really glad you keep indulging me, and that things are good on your side."

* * *

"Um, I hope this isn't my being fed up with touring turning into a contagion," Jani replied. "I know you miss me," he refrained from adding that he sometimes still wondered why, "but try to enjoy it. Touring, I mean. Not that this kind of encouragement ever worked for me," he muttered darkly, "but at least I promise I'll do my best to keep you entertained. As for..."

Jani gulped. There was only one possible explanation as to what _things_ Sav was referring to. "I'll make sure to be on my own for opening that box when it arrives... Maybe I should ask Hurtsi if I can have his garage for a while then – although I'm not sure his sound-proofing can handle that," he laughed.

* * *

"Hurtsi and his neighbours might want to clear out for a while," Sav agreed. "Maybe I should have ordered some kind of gag for you, but I don't like the idea of those things. You should be allowed to make as much noise as you want." He chuckled and stopped his thought process once again. "In a perfect world."

"Touring... I'm trying to enjoy it, although..." Sav had hemmed and hawed about telling Jani about the thing that had happened in Vegas. He didn't want him to worry, but if something hit the 'Net before Sav said anything, it could be taken as lying by omission. Jani had surely had the same dilemma when his TIA thing cropped up after the last festival. Rather than hide it, Sav decided to get it over with. "I may as well tell you, rather than you hear some other way. My room got broken into in Las Vegas, and some of my things were stolen. I wasn't there at the time; it was about when I was putting the Orange amp through its paces the first time, and we've beefed up security measures since, so don't worry, okay?" 

* * *

"No, I don't think I'd like a gag either," Jani admitted. "Not even if it came from you. I mean, I'd probably try it if you suggested it. You taught me things I didn't know about that I now wouldn't want to miss, but that was different. More like the thought had never occurred to me that I could enjoy, like, being with a guy. A gag feels more like I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like it, but I'd try it anyway to satisfy my curiosity. And make sure I don't miss anything, just in case." He was about to ask what else Sav was referring to as 'these things', but he didn't get that far when Sav told him about the break-in.

"OK, I'll try," he said, "but I can't promise I won't worry. Additional security sucks, I guess, does it mean you'll have even less alone time? I hope that whatever was stolen can be replaced." Jani never took more than a small suitcase with only the barest necessities – other than his instruments, of course – on tour. He understood, though, that Def Leppard on tour didn't have overly much in common with Sonata Arctica on tour.

* * *

Sav listened to Jani puzzle it out what he'd make of a gag, out loud. There were different styles, probably most people would picture either an old-fashioned piece of folded cloth or a ball gag. He himself didn't have much experience with hard-core kink, but Sav knew that either he didn't like being restrained or hadn't tried it with the right partner. Still, his preferences didn't have to be Jani's, and he wanted to encourage Jani to try anything he might be curious about, at least once. Mostly he just mm-hm'd with that.

"Less privacy, as in, more goons around. Someone always following or standing outside my door," he sighed. "They filched a few pieces of jewelry and – please don't laugh but I know you probably can't help it – all my pants. As in, underwear. Definitely someone with... prurient interests. If you're not familiar with that word, it means the opposite of pure."

Maybe he should put something on, at least a pair of pyjama bottoms or a robe. Suddenly Sav felt like the room had eyes, all of them staring at his naked body. He shuddered. "I mean, it's just stuff but urgh, it's invasive." Now that he thought about it, had he overlooked anything being gone? There was this nagging feeling... the little case that held his seldom-used manicure kit, and the piece of Jani's hair! He couldn't recall seeing it. Originally he'd stuffed it into one of his backpack pockets, but moved it into his large suitcase before checking his bags at Heathrow – that sort of thing, you didn't want to deal with when going through security. Dammit! He should have just dumped the clippers and files and scissors and kept it on him, shouldn't have trusted it would be safer in with his toiletries.

Sav couldn't take not knowing. An unpleasant stab of loss made him queasy. "Um, I'm checking for something now," he said to Jani, who probably wondered why the long pause and scuffling noises. Before he was really even conscious of it, Sav had emptied the suitcase including the inside and outside pockets and also the various pockets of smaller caddies inside. No, not there. Next he did the same to his backpack, heart thundering. 'Calm down,' he told himself. 'It'll turn up.'

It didn't. He'd check the bus, ask around, but Sav was sure it was gone. He was pissed. And sad. How could he tell Jani his most treasured keepsake was gone?

* * *

"They stole your underwear?" Had this happened to anyone from Sonata, Jani would have laughed his arse off – together with the person whose underwear had been stolen – but Sav didn't appear amused. Jani didn't find it funny either. Thinking of it, it wouldn't have been funny in Sonata either but laughing it off would have been their way of dealing when things went wrong. Still, having not only valuable jewelry taken but pants, maybe even worn ones as Jani didn't think Sav had an opportunity to do laundry every day, was not only annoying but scary. As Sav said, prurient. And invasive, a violation of personal space.

Before Jani could reply, Sav went quiet after announcing that he was checking for something. When he didn't say anything for a while, Jani grew concerned. "Everything okay?"

* * *

"Not really..." Sav answered, overdue. "I've pawed through everything, like they did. This really sucks. They seem to have made off with the piece of hair you gave me." He swallowed hard, as reality set in. His conscience was burning, that he hadn't noticed till just now. "It may turn up but... I doubt it. What the bloody hell could they want with that?!"

* * *

"Well, there's plenty more where that came from," Jani tried to joke, but despite Sav telling him not to worry, he was worried. Stealing Sav's underwear was weird, to say the least, but it being Sav's, whoever took it could sell it on ebay for profit, at least that was what Jani could have pretended to be the purpose of the break-in. The strand of hair, however, was clearly not Sav's as it matched neither in shape nor colour.

No, this was personal. Jani had now and then wondered what would happen if one of them – Sonata – acquired an obsessed fan, hoping it would never happen. They weren't really 'big' enough but you never knew. Sav on the other hand was famous on an entirely different scale. There was no need to point this out, so Jani didn't. Nor was there any answer, at least not one that would make sense to either of them, to the question as to what – the bloody hell indeed – could anyone other than Sav possibly want with a strand of Jani's hair?

"Do you know a few days in advance at which hotel you're going to stay? I'd be happy to send you a fresh strand, but even with express mail it'll take a couple of days."

* * *

They contemplated, on their respective ends of the airwaves. Sav had no answer to why. They, the band and their crew, hoped to keep it quiet, but the more he talked and thought about it, the less likely it seemed. He could only hope that whoever was responsible would make a misstep sooner than later and be caught.

"I have an itinerary in here somewhere," he replied to Jani's question about his likely where-abouts in a few days. "That'd be really nice of you, if you can stand to part with more of your hair. I kind of don't deserve it, since I lost the first." Sav knew it wasn't his fault, but he felt again – keenly – that he should have kept the strands closer to him. "I'll email you. Do you want a piece of mine, in return?"

* * *

"As I said, I can spare another strand," Jani said. "I'm fussy about my hair, but I won't think twice about it when its for you. Um, do you want me to... I mean, would you also like a strand of my... other... _hair?"_ Now why was he blushing again, especially since nobody could see him? "And yes, I'd love some of yours. I'll put it in Rakas' gigbag. I don't intend to go anywhere without her if I have to leave home overnight for whatever reason, so I'll carry as much of you around with me as I can."

* * *

"OK, that's settled then. I suppose it's time to, er, trim the bushes." Sav broke into helpless giggles. "Yeah, Jani... Send whatever you'd like me to have. I'll make sure to fish out any grey ones from what I clip," he snorted. " I guess you figured out by now I'm not a natural blond. Only on my chest, which I know is weird, and those hairs never grow long enough to actually cut." Well, he had a use for the little manicure scissors now. He should be able to get one of the interns or runners to find him an envelope, if there were none laying around.

"I feel better now... thanks for... making me laugh. I don't know what I'd do without you." He only hoped he could be as supportive, when Jani needed him again at some point.

* * *

Jani laughed. "I promise I won't trim anything, just cut a strand where it won't show too much." Not knowing how to respond to Sav thanking him, Jani decided to ignore the compliment. "Would you like me to send you some underwear, too?" he asked instead. "I could even send you, um, pre-worn ones. I was planning to do laundry today, so it wouldn't delay the shipping. Or I could go buy new ones tomorrow but if you want them soaked, you'd have to call me again soon. Which I hope you'll do anyway. Just saying, in case you weren't aware," he grinned.

* * *

The suggestion of Jani coming in his pants made Sav twitch. He wasn't up for another round; if he weren't on the phone he'd be out cold, but talking to his lover always gave him a boost of energy... and horniness. "Ha, yeah, I prefer them soaked, as you put it, but I'll call you either way. I'm gonna have to buy more of my own, too. The thief cleaned me out – all I have now are the ones I was wearing when it happened and, uh, that night I was on the bus...? That pair, buried in the pocket of shame in my backpack, I'm scared to look," Sav made light of it. "I'm hoping we'll stop somewhere with shopping nearby tomorrow or I'll have to go commando."

* * *

"Ah, if we hadn't been so horny when we started this call and I'd known you wanted a soaked pair, I could have obliged you already. Now I'm afraid we'll have to have more phone sex to get that done," Jani giggled. "What a hardship! Unless you want me to take care of it on my own later, but it'd be much more fun to do it together, of course. Just make sure you're not wearing your one remaining pair then."

The theft was anything but funny; it was scary. Yet Jani felt a little easier from joking about it, now understanding why Sav had thanked him a minute ago. "You're welcome," he said belatedly.

* * *

"A hardship, emphasis on hard, how true! We have a nice excuse to do this again, not that we need one." Sav wondered what the 'you're welcome' was for. He thought back... right, he'd said thank you to Jani for listening to his tale of absurd woe.

"I'd prefer to hear the, uh, soaking part, as in, the words and sounds coming from your mouth when you do it, but if you have a dire need, please take care of it," he snickered. "You can always tell me about it later, which is almost as good."

Before he got carried away with that, Sav paused. It would be early afternoon in Finland by now. Jani would need to clean up before his jam session, and Sav didn't know his mode of transportation to get there or how far away from Jani's place it was. Really all he knew was that Jani lived in an apartment, and his friend must have a house if it had a garage. "How are you getting to... Hurtsi's? Is it far? I don't want to make you late."

* * *

"Oh, don't worry, I will," Jani confirmed. "Look after my, um, needs, and tell you about it. Of course you should feel free to do the same and you won't hear me complaining if you let me know how it went," he snickered.

Then Sav brought up the jam Jani was going to join. "Henkka will pick me up. I live dead centre of Kemi and Hurtsi's place is, well, not really far away, but I don't want to lug my amp and axe over there nevertheless." He just remembered something. "I'm afraid I completely forgot to give him your regards at the festival. I'll make sure to do that tonight."

* * *

Even a medium-sized amp could weigh 40 or 50 pounds, or whatever that was in kilos. A ride was definitely in order, and Sav was relieved, hearing it wasn't exactly in walking distance loaded down like that, that Jani was sensible about it. He wasn't going to mention it, though.

He quickly recovered from a second of confusion as to who would be getting greetings. "Who, you mean Henkka? Definitely tell him hi from me, regards, etc. See what he makes of that. Even if they don't know the whole story, we can still be friends, mates." Having heard now a few times about Sonata Arctica being on the road with the band Stratovarius in the past, Sav assumed Jani had friends and acquaintances in different age groups. The members of Stratovarius were closer to his own age than Jani's, so it wouldn't be too weird if he and Jani kept in contact. Hard to believe it had only been weeks since they'd become a 'thing'. "Tell him to put that karaoke video on youtube so I can see it," he laughed.

* * *

"What, you'd really want me exposed like that? Sorry, but some things aren't meant for the public," Jani snorted.

* * *

"What!? No, I don't want you... exposed. Uh... um... that was a joke. Not a good one," Sav back-pedalled, his gut clenching. Another flip comment gone to shit. "I only meant... I was trying to think of something neutral to say to Henkka. Obviously that wasn't it. Forget it. Sorry!"

* * *

"I... um... didn't mean... didn't think you wanted to expose me, sorry," Jani felt bad for overreacting. "You'll get to see the vid, I already promised you. Well, provided that there's one in the first place. The guys could just be winding me up."

* * *

"Oh... okay..." Sav felt relieved but also confused. "My ability to speak clearly and to read human expression may have reached its limits tonight. I thought you were angry there. Glad you're not." Yes, Jani had said he could see the video, if there was one. Sav's brain must be on a loop at the moment. He couldn't think of anything else to say for now. "Maybe I should get some sleep... and you have your band thing." The power of suggestion made him yawn hugely.

* * *

He really shouldn't keep Sav up. "That sounds like a plan," Jani agreed. "I keep forgetting about the time zones, that you've not had a night's sleep after the gig. Not even mentioning the break-in. As for the youtube suggestion, no, I wasn't angry, just surprised." He sighed. "I'm still getting to know you, but I should have guessed that it was a joke. Still... with any of my exes, this would have probably turned into a huge fight, major drama, tears and what-not. With you... cleared up in a second that it was a misunderstanding."

Through the line, Jani heard Sav yawning. "So, who's the man today – make that tonight in your case – to end the call?" He laughed.

* * *

"Agreed, it's good to be able to deal with little miscommunications right away. No major drama. Believe me, I appreciate that, too." Sav yawned again, holding his hand over the mic part of his headphone set-up.

"In the morning, in my time zone, I'll email you a copy of our itinerary with addresses. It's your turn to do the man's job of hanging up today. Have fun with your friends later!"

* * *

"Okay," Jani replied. "I'll hang up in a moment. Just to avoid another potential misunderstanding here, if I hang up doesn't mean I don't think you're a man. You _are_ a man, and that's one of the things I like – make that love – in you. If anyone would have told me that, what, three months ago that I'd be in love and loved back by you, I'd have said they should be locked up, psych ward style. I don't mean the famous bass-player of this famous band but the person I've come to know a little and love a lot. Coincidentally, he's the famous bassist, but what I love about him... you..."

Jani swallowed, then laughed, a little embarrassedly. "Actually, no, if I started to elaborate you'd never get any sleep. So consider these my famous last words for tonight in your time zone. Sleep well, recover your energy, and I wish you sweet dreams, wet or not, whatever makes you wake up with a smile. With any luck, you'll also wake up to a link to a video that'll make you not only smile but pee your – last pair of – pants laughing, so better take care of, um, business, before opening your mail," he snickered.

"And now I'm really shutting up and letting you sleep. Can't wait to talk to you again. Sav. Säv. _My_ Säv. Hyvää yötä rakkaani. You might want to get used to me saying this, it means good night, my love."

Why was he still babbling? Sav needed to rest! "I love you."

* * *

Wow, Jani must have been saving up his affection. Sav was warmed by it, could feel a huge grin forming on his face as his lover's tongue got away from him.

"Since I've done the hanging up duties twice before, I think I've proven my manhood, besides that you've seen my actual..." he giggled. "I'll make sure to pee first before watching any video, if there is one. No seriously, I wouldn't have believed finding someone again now, especially someone as wonderful as you. I love you, too, Jani, so much. I _am_ yours. Can't wait till we can be together again."

* * *

"Right then, here's my very manly click," Jani laughed again and hit the 'end call' button. He took off his headset and pondered for a moment what to do. He should probably start with washing the dried gunk off his body, followed by more coffee. Or no, make coffee and take it to the shower. Maybe he had time to do the laundry before Henkka was supposed to pick him up – what time was it anyway?

But first things first. He slipped into a pair of sweat pants that couldn't really be called clean but at least didn't have fresh stains on them – although it was quiet in the kitchen from all he could hear he'd still prefer not to meet Anni with dried spunk all over himself. To his relief, he found the kitchen empty with a note on the table that she'd gone out. Jani made himself a cup of coffee, threw his clothes into the washing machine, then stepped into the shower, wishing Sav were there with him.

* * *

He knew it was coming, and then he heard the click. With a deep sigh, Sav removed the headset earbuds and set them and his mobile safely aside. Sleep hit him so fast, he didn't get the chance even to turn out the light.

* * *


	10. Monday, 21 August 2006

* * *

_Dear Sav,_

_so here's a report on last night at Hurtsi's. The 'good news' (for me ;-)) first: there's no video of my karaoke performance, but Hurtsi put some vids from our infamous eighties gig last year on youtube, so you can see and hear me singing[here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxEsFCRT04M) and [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_i5g8nxs1E)._

_Need I tell you that we had shitloads of fun? Hurtsi dug out a cowbell and added it to his kit – for me – so we could play 'Make love like a man'._ Of course, _Final Countdown was second on the set list the guys thought up. You should have seen Henkka's grin, I swear he actually enjoyed playing it._

_He sends his regards, too, and offers his shampoo and conditioner, even help with braids, should you decide to visit Lapland one day. The incentive being that he and you have nicer, thicker hair than my limp fur, and that makes you two natural allies. That's Henkka, always looking after his friends!_

_On our way back – he gave me a lift home as well – he told me, this time not by way of joking, that I looked better than he'd seen me in a year, and that he was happy for me, for whatever got me there. I don't think he knows about us, in the sense of certainty, but he's smart and maybe this was his way of letting me know that he has my back, regardless. Maybe the day when I'll be ready to tell a few select friends about us isn't as far as I thought. I really want to talk about you all the time..._

_It's past midnight here, we stopped 'early' as some of the other guys have to work tomorrow. I have another appointment at the hospital, but it's in the afternoon, so whenever you have time and feel like it, you're welcome to call._

_Love, Jani_

* * *

_Dear Jani,_

_Good, I'm glad you had fun! It's hilarious that_ that _song is going to be your DL selection. Is it our theme song now?? I'm very disappointed there's no video of your karaoke night, though. The one you did link... wow. We have a song called Wasted... That's okay, we have all been there, and that song would never have been written without a lot of firsthand experience._

_My return greetings for Henkka, whenever you happen to see him again. Tell him I respect him too much to infringe on his signature, er, style by imitation. No one else could ever carry off the twigs-and-braids look so well. But if I happen to forget my own hair gunk at such time as I visit, I'll be grateful for his kind offer._

_Whatever complaints you have about your hair, I have none. "Limp fur"... pfft? Do you want me to say I like the way it hangs? :P_

_Okay, all joking aside, it's been great on my end to have a couple days off. Last night and tonight we have a hotel right on the ocean, which is exactly what I was hoping for. I even went swimming in it. The next part of the tour starts in Phoenix, then it goes up the West Coast before heading across the country to the Midwest, then some East Coast dates. Well, you can follow it on the website, which I suppose you probably do... I've had time to shop for replacements of the items I lost. Still shaking my head over that one. Did I tell you one of them turned up in Irvine? I think I forgot to mention it. Chucked on stage, hit me in the face. No one claimed responsibility, though._

_Been practicing... I have not taken a bass along with me (bus/room) for years. Sad, huh? Sometimes the acoustic or the 6-string but it's not the same. Anyway, I'm really enjoying playing non-Leppard songs. What you said before on the phone, to the effect of "finding each other in music"... I can't seem to get that out of my head._

_I'll call in a little while, if you happen to check your email. First, coffee and breakfast._

_S._

* * *

_Dear Sav,_

_I'm actually a little relieved that the guys were just winding me up. I'll be happy to sing live karaoke for you when you visit (followed by making love like a man to you, of course). As for the Kooda gig you've apparently just watched, yes, wasted is the operative word._

_I'll see Henkka again soon, probably the night before our next gig, if not earlier. It's our 'own' festival in our home town and we'll use pyrotechnics for the first time. I'm a little nervous – not about the pyros but, well, you may have noticed that I have this thing with stage fright. It isn't only me this time, though, last I spoke to Tommy even he's not his usual calm. It's our last show this year. There's talk about a rehearsal retreat in September. Hopefully that won't coincide with the time you're in the UK._

_Today, I had another appointment at the hospital. Things are still looking good. All tests came back clean (yes, 'those', too). Not a big surprise but still good to know. I'm sure you'll agree. :-)_

_I also checked some sites online for potential civilian service jobs. I'm still less than enthusiastic, but there are a few places that don't look too bad._

_What else? Good to hear that you're having fun with practicing. I can't wait to play with you again, in any sense of the term, but also music. With any luck, I'll have the tab for Black Sheep for you in a day or so. If there's anything Leppard in particular that you'd like to do with me, please let me know._

_Also, I probably don't have to remind you of this, feel free to call anytime you like once you've had coffee and breakfast. I won't have another breakfast, but I think I'll 'join you' for a coffee now._

_Love, Jani_

* * *

_Dear Jani,_

_First order of business: September, we're off from the 24th with the 1st concert of the 3rd leg on 11 Oct. As you said, I hope there's not too bad a conflict._

_The slow song of Sonata's that I liked, Tallulah, if there's a bass part could I get that in tab when you can find the time? As far as you and DL songs... ha, whatever you can stand! If you're taking suggestions, if you like that older NWoBHM, there's Mirror, Mirror and/or On Through the Night off the album High'n'Dry. Pyro... that's a bit heavier, too. Hysteria era, NOT Sugar. Hysteria (the song) or Animal? You've probably heard most of them when you were little. Newer... IDK, I'd be scared of what you'd say about our last 2 studio albums._

_About all I can say about the conscription is best of luck. If it were me, I'd want the "no human interaction" jobs, too. Whatever they are, unless they're just data entry which would be really boring. Probably not good for your hands either._

_So far, nothing has come (not Freudian) of the whole "theft" business other than what I told you. No leads in Vegas, no hits on online selling sites, unless they're using something really obscure. It's a wait and see situation._

_We'll be here for tonight yet and then on to Phoenix. I plan to do absolutely nothing other than play, and talk to you. Okay, whatever that involves. Making love... to my hand? No, to you obviously, in any way I can. Speaking of, I'll call in a few minutes._

_Love, (and more to come!) S._

* * *


	11. Thursday, 24 August 2006

* * *

Over the past week, Jani's life had settled into something close to a routine. As it involved regular phone sex with Sav, he didn't mind at all; it proved that routine wasn't the same as 'boring.' When he wasn't on the phone with his lover or busy sending him emails or writing out bass tabs, Jani practiced guitar and went for long walks.

He also made an effort at eating healthier and found that he was beginning to feel less tired and lethargic all the time. Also, the cravings for a drink or a smoke had subsided a little. He wasn't ready to go without nicotine patches, but maybe it would soon be time to switch to a weaker dosage.

Life had been looking great, but then last night at the rehearsal for the Kemi gig, things had gone downhill again. Would this ever end?

* * *

24 Aug, 2006 San Diego, CA 1:30 am

_Dear Jani,_

_Just finished with the gig and all that. We'll be driving tonight. Since it'll be a bunk on the bus and not a hotel room, I think, unless I hear from you otherwise, I'll wait till tomorrow night (my zone) or the day after (afternoon here) for the usual festivities. The end result will be worth any discomfort in the meantime. But if you're very much in need, I can talk you through it :D Speaking of that, did your gift box arrive yet? I also sent a clipping of my hair from the hotel desk this morning. It's not express, they weren't set up for that, internationally. It's a regular letter, so it should still find you in not too much time._

_Besides doing nothing, Phil, Viv and I had an impromptu jam, too. They were playing in the room next to mine, so I wandered over and we worked on some new material. They seemed surprised to see me, but it was really... good, to be writing off the cuff, not confined to a studio or deadline. The micro amp was a hit._

_Something's going on, outside, more people around than usual, gawking in the direction of the stadium. Flashing lights. I'm going to check it out, more later. S._

* * *

_Dear Sav,_

_I love you. I'm beginning this mail with telling you this because I'm not sure where it'll go from here. I'm not in a good place today and your love is what's keeping me up. It's the only thing I'm actually sure about right now._

_Tony called an impromptu band meeting at our rehearsal pad last night. I didn't write you about it because I wanted – make that needed – to simmer down first and by telling you about it I'd have managed to keep myself upset, so I planned to sort it all out in my head and sleep on it, then let you know what's up. Only sleep didn't happen much and I'm apparently not succeeding in calming down either, so here it is._

_See, we have the Kemi gig in two days and I thought the meeting was about that. It was, but that was only a subtopic. First, we discussed the set list and Tony had a few ideas that we had to kick out again because although my hand is improving, I'm still not up to my old standards. That we had to alter our – his – plans for the gig on my behalf didn't go down too well with him, but he's not blaming me for that as he believes me that I'm practicing as much as I can._

_However, it confirmed his idea that we really need an extended rehearsal retreat. It's supposed to start on September 20th and last until October 22nd. But that's not all. He suggested we rent cottages from Lapponia Safari, an outfit some 50 km from here, and stay there the entire time. When Tommy and Henkka protested that they won't spend the weekends without their kids and wife respectively girlfriend, Tony said he'd considered that and the families should spend the weekends there as well. They like the idea but to me it sounds more like prison camp. I want to see you while you're in Europe, and although I of course didn't say that, I disagreed with being locked up with the band for weeks. If I were paranoid I'd suspect Tony knows about you and me, your tour schedule, and plans to throw a spanner in our reunion. I know that's not true, but... Well. Or not well._

_He and I got into a big fight over this. Last night I was seriously considering quitting altogether. I mean, recently, gigs are more work than fun to me and the upcoming recordings, well, Tony has started composing and he's sent us a few snippets. They don't do anything for me. So I've been thinking. If my name wasn't on the contract for another album I'm sure I'd have been sacked already. I'm obliged by contract to record one more album, but that doesn't mean I have to do it together with them. We all go to the studio individually for our parts anyway, or I could even do a lot of it at home._

_I know this must sound crazy, but right now I'm actually wondering if I could get a place on a civilian service preparatory course on very short notice, say, starting in September. I'd still be busy while you're in Europe, but I'd have at least the weekends off. Also, most of these courses take place near Kotka, in the south of Finland, about as far away from Kemi and Tony as possible. We could rent a place for a long weekend – for once I could make use of the fact that I come down with a cold all the time and have an excuse to skip class on a Monday or Friday._

_Sorry, all this kept me up all night and although I'm knackered, I'm also floundering for another reason here because I really want to get hammered and forget about the whole mess for a while._

_Maybe I'll get lucky today and your gifts will arrive. Or my Destroyer. Or both. Until then, I'll hide out in my room and hug Rakas. If not for her and you, I don't know how I'd manage to keep even borderline sane. I'm so sorry to bother you with all this but I promised I'd not keep secrets from you, and this is how things are at the moment._

_Sorry._

_I love you._

_Jani_

* * *

_Dear Jani,_

_I love you, too. No matter what. More than anything._

_When you said "September", I kind of got a sinking feeling that things might turn out like this, referring to Sonata's schedule for rehearsals. You're not bothering me, never think that. I told you about the shite that happened to me on tour recently. Though it's almost a parody of real life, it stressed me out, too. Your business there is serious. I needn't tell you that. It messes with us seeing each other which... I didn't even know the degree to which I was – am – looking forward to it till it was suddenly even more precarious._

_None of what follows is me trying to influence you. It's going to be scatter-shot because I'm too lazy to edit my stream of consciousness much; it's food for thought as only you can make the final decisions about your own life. But here goes:_

_If you didn't do the new album with them, which you're under contract for, what would happen? Will your label sue you? Will Tony (under the guise of Sonata)? They know you have to do your conscription. It's a fact. The rest have all completed it but I assume they had to take time off, whether it was during touring or recording, unless the band was inactive during those times. Your birthday is around the time that the 2nd leg (for me) is close to being over, and then this proposed 'encampment' starts... but don't you need to begin your service by then?_

_I like your idea of renting a cabin or flat or I don't care, as long as you're there... far away from Kemi and Sonata and distractions, if we have limited time. I can see your home town another visit. But I get that you're going to have to figure out the logistics first, if at all possible._

_What you said about recording for the album away from the rest, from home... I'm not serious about this (or am I?), but you could 1) play what YOU want on whatever tracks till they get fed up enough to fire you if they (read: Tony) don't feel it fits the bill; or 2) deliberately suck. Okay, now that I've said it, that might be a bad idea._

_Are you considering quitting Sonata for good? As in, doing so *now*? Since I've known you, it seems like you've had mixed feelings – liking your band mates as friends but fed up with the grind, touring, and frankly, Tony. Yes, they got you where you are now, or maybe vice-versa. You have a LOT of history with them, that's where you grew up. But the next thing, whatever that might be, musically, could be even bigger and/or better. That would be a gamble. It could be worth it._

_If you need to vent, or plan, or whatever, that's always fine. I'm here._

_Other news, the lights and sirens before was some poor sod having a heart attack. Bloke was my age. Sobering. I hope he makes it. It must be those damned alpha male lead singers, Joe's taken it upon himself, having seen the procession, to ride me about my non-existent fitness regime. He should talk!_

_We're in a hotel tonight after all. Last minute change of plans after the delay. I get that you're in no mood to... but call me later, say give it an hour, if you want to._

_Love, S._

* * *

Sav was there.

Sav had his back.

Sav loved him no matter what.

Jani read the mail over and over while he counted the seconds until the hour Sav had asked him to wait had passed. The second, literally, his computer clock showed exactly an hour since he'd received the mail, Jani pressed what he'd begun to call 'Sav's button' on his phone.

* * *

Why weren't they moving? The traffic crawled... at this hour on a Wednesday night, or early Thursday morning. The ambulance and other emergency vehicles must have held up the rush of concert-goers leaving the stadium. Sav's heart started thumping and he jittered with adrenaline, wanting to speak to Jani about whatever meltdown he was having, and fearing that his lover would call before they made it to the hotel. He'd talked to Jani before with people around, but this was probably going to get intense.

They arrived, they grabbed their luggage, they stood in the lobby... dammit. Sav set his guitar case and the Orange amp on the floor and checked his watch. It had been very close to an hour. Someone confirmed his identity and handed him a key card, and he immediately hightailed it to the lift ahead of the pack. His room was on the tenth floor, or that would be ninth in the UK, and probably there'd be a long hallway judging by the floor plan he'd seen downstairs. Hurry up, hurry up. Why was this lift so fucking slow?

* * *

The phone was ringing on the other side of the line but nobody was picking it up. Eventually, the call went to voice-mail. Startled, Jani hit the 'end call' button before he could leave a message. He called again and this time, it went straight to voice-mail. Vittu, what was going on? There must be some delay, this much was clear to him – Jani had spent enough time touring to know that things rarely went according to plan, but what if something had happened to Sav, something worse than being stuck in traffic or even falling from stage?

He'd been nervous to begin with and now panic was setting in. "Hei, it's me," he said, wondering why his voice sounded so thin and pressed. "Um, Jani, I mean. I'm uh..." Vittu, what was he supposed to say? "I guess I'll try again later," he finished. What he'd wanted to say was, _I'm not in a good place, please call back, I need you,_ but what if something had really happened to Sav and someone else picked up his messages?

Tempted to throw his phone against the wall, Jani stopped himself; if he broke the thing he wouldn't be able to talk to Sav at all. However... What if there were high-percentage alcoholic beverages in the fridge? All he had to do was...

_No._

Jani pressed the second button on his speed dial and sighed with relief when this call was answered almost instantly. "Risto, thank goodness you're there. Do you... Can we talk?"

* * *

His phone buzzed non-stop for a bit, it seemed. Had he not been so worried and keyed up in a different way, Sav might have grown half a stalk from that. Stepping out of the lift, he trudged down the corridor of doom. Any other day he'd be grateful for a room at the end but not today. Three missed calls, and one new voice mail. Sav wanted to curse – again – but held it in check. Of course it was between the lobby and his room that Jani had called.

He managed to wrestle all his stuff in through the door and turn on a light. Shutting the door and locking it, hopefully discouraging whoever was housed nearby, he speed-dialled 7 on his mobile and after a long, moment, it rang but after five, went to voice mail. The hell? "Uh... hi, Jani, it's Sav. I got your message. Sorry I couldn't pick up, I was in the lift with my hands full. Well, I'm here now, call me back."

It probably wouldn't be immediately, but just in case Jani rang him back straight away, Sav ducked into the bathroom for a pee. Fine, he took his mobile along, wouldn't be the first time, setting it on the counter. He finished and washed his hands. Still no Jani. Well, he may as well be comfortable. In the room, Sav kicked off his shoes and took off his shirt. No more than 10 minutes, he decided, and then he was calling again.

* * *

"Jani, what's up?"

Jani could almost hear Risto's concern and he cringed: Calling his friend and asking if they could talk would, of course, set off alarm bells. "Band trouble," he replied. "You know the guys and I could use an opinion."

"Sure, I'll be happy to help, only, I'm in Tervola today, about to interview a guy, and I won't be back in Kemi for another few hours. You want to me come by your place when I'm back? Or I could give you a call and you can come over to mine if that suits you better."

"Let's do that, either way." Jani hoped his disappointment wasn't evident in his voice. His nerves were shot and he'd hoped Risto would have time for him. Maybe they could at least talk a little right now... Apparently, that wasn't going to happen either as there seemed to be something wrong with the connection, some tapping noise suggesting the call might break up. "Ping me when you're back and we can discuss where to meet then." Hopefully, by that time Jani would have reached Sav or found out why he was out of touch. Maybe he should call Maija...

"I'll do that," Risto confirmed. "Talk to you later and... take care, okay?"

They ended the call. Jani put the phone down and went to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face. When he returned, he noticed the blinking message light on his mobile. After almost dropping the damn thing because his hands were shaking, Jani heaved a huge sigh of relief when he listened to the message and heard Sav's voice. Less than a second later, he dialled his lover again.

* * *

Sav paced, full of too much nervous energy to sit down. Why didn't Jani call him back? OK, maybe he had to pee, too. What a thought. Or he could need a drink, or maybe he'd decided to play guitar to burn off his emotions. Trying not to spiral, Sav looked out the window, prowled back to the door, the bed... his mobile buzzed in his hand and, after checking the display, he fumbled for the Answer button.

"Jani... thank god."

* * *

"Sav, thank god," Jani echoed when the call was answered. "And sorry for pestering you, but..." He forced himself to breathe deeply. "You said to call if I'm feeling troubled and I promised I'd do that. So here I am."

All the time since last night he'd been looking forward to speaking with Sav, and now that they could finally talk, Jani didn't know what to say. "Sorry," he repeated. "I... I'm not feeling so good."

* * *

"Right, I did say that, and I meant it," Sav answered. He finally was able to sit down now that the call had connected. "If you need to put your mobile down on short notice or something, I understand. Stress affects some people worse than others, physically." He ought to know, hadn't he been the one in the loo puking up his guts, the first time in Helsinki? This, for Jani right now, was far more serious.

Maybe Sav could ease him into the topic so troubling him by a circuitous route. If that was the wrong approach, Jani was sure to let him know. "Your email covered the basics. Having never been in your position, I can only imagine. If it's... too much, maybe... start with something easier like telling me all about your jam session. Or, um, you had mentioned a check-up at the hospital on Monday, did that go alright?"

* * *

"Yeah, all's good. All my tests came back clean." Including the STI ones, but Jani didn't feel like bringing that up now. "Doc suggested that me being tired all the time could be a side effect of the antibiotics but that it's also possible that I'm overworked. Well, I'm not exactly working my arse off at the moment, but... What if it isn't the amount of work as much as the... stress that comes with it? Right now, all I want is a large bottle of Finnish vodka. The 60 percent stuff."

* * *

It wasn't Sav's job to police Jani's drinking but he felt a small stab of alarm. Still, saying he wanted a drink – or a bottle – wasn't the same as actually doing it. "That's some strong stuff," he said cautiously. "And yeah, now that you mention it, the mini bar in my room here is looking rather... tempting."

Maybe it would be better to try to turn the conversation rather than reverse psychology. "It's good that your tests show you're well, though. And that your doc had an idea why you're tired a lot. You're going for walks and so forth, that should help in the long-run."

* * *

Sav returned the topic to the hospital visit, but Jani's acute problem lay with his cravings. "I'm sure it's going to help in the long run," he agreed, _but that doesn't solve anything right now._ If he started drinking and smoking again right now he wasn't sure if he'd be able to stop again, not with what was going on with the band and Tony. However, Sav had steered them away from the drinking topic, so Jani followed, deciding to elaborate on the test results after all.

"You asked about the jam session, but maybe I should tell you a bit more about my tests. Since you weren't asking... Some of them concern you as well. Maybe it was my use of English, so let me try to clear this up. When I wrote you on Monday that my tests came back _clean_ , including _those..._ It means that we no longer need rubbers. Assuming that you'll get the same result eventually, of course."

* * *

"Oh!" Sav felt stupid. "I was so concerned with trying to be respectful of your privacy it hadn't even occurred to me that you were referring to more than your infection... I mean, with your hand." Speaking of, where were his results? If he was awake for a while, the GP's office would be open and he'd call. He told Jani the same. They should have come back by now. "That's great news, thanks for explaining."

* * *

Jani nodded although Sav couldn't see it. "Another good reason to tell Tony to get stuffed when he insists on having me locked up rehearsing all the time you're in Europe," he said fiercely.

* * *

"I agree. That's what you do to teenagers who are out of control and raising hell. Whatever Tony thinks, you all aren't kids anymore." The more Sav heard, the less he liked Tony, though they hadn't met. What he'd seen of Henkka and Tommy wouldn't lead him to believe that they would enjoy that sort of regimented life, though they were serious about their music just as Jani was. Too, if they had family visiting them, it would be different. Jani didn't have anyone to ease the solitude, beyond his band, which he was already dubious about. Sav would trot his arse right up there if it was his call, but it wasn't. He knew it wasn't going to happen. Jani wasn't ready.

"It's too much, too long, a whole month with no breaks. Save the vodka for camp," Sav said it tongue-in-cheek, then wished he could take it back. "Or not at all," he quickly amended. "You don't have any booze in your house...?"

* * *

Jani cringed. "Tony isn't a bad guy," he said after a moment's silence. "He feels responsible for the band, and let's be honest. I've not exactly been a cooperative band member during the past year or so. The others aren't blind and I've lost count of how many times they've offered to help me, to listen, to... be there. Only I... couldn't." He laughed bitterly.

"How are they supposed to guess that I'm now working on it, after they've all given up on me apparently. I suppose that after a year of being nice Tony's patience ran thin and now he's exercising his power as, official or not, band leader and trying to force me into doing my job. From an outsider's point of view it makes sense what he's doing, only... Well, I needn't tell you, besides, you're an affected party in this now, too."

He sighed. "So what can I do? I'm sure that if I told Tony the reason why I can't stay all the time he'd understand. I'm sure he'd be happy for me, he's an old friend, after all. But... I'm not ready for that. I need to get my life in order first. I want to... come out, but it's too much right now. _Everything_ is too much right now. Sav..." Jani swallowed.

"I don't know if we have any booze in the house. Anni tries to not keep any around, I needn't tell you why, nor do I need to tell you it never worked. But even if we don't have any, the nearest Alko isn't far away – you know that there's a monopoly on the sale of hard liquor in Finland, right? Sav..." he sighed again.

"Can you... like... make me promise that I won't get hammered? I can't promise that I won't have a beer or two, but if I know you'll hold me to such a promise... I'm aware that I should tell myself that the reason or motivation that I should not drink should be my own wellbeing. I'm just not sure that's enough. Or... maybe... asking you is my way to achieve that on my behalf, only not by the direct way... I dunno. I'm a mess, probably not thinking too clearly. I... appreciate that you haven't hung up on me yet. Please stay. I really need your help."

Vittu, he was pathetic, but he'd reached a point where he didn't have the strength to see this through on his own. Yet he wasn't ready to give up.

"I love you."

* * *

For an endless moment, Jani said nothing. Fearing he'd gone too far, Sav held his breath and his tongue, not wanting to make it worse. He actually checked the display to make sure the call was still live. It was too quiet on the other end of the line.

Then Jani began to speak, and Sav held his tongue longer, this time because Jani was finally able to express a few of his tangled thoughts and he wouldn't interrupt his stream of consciousness. The first thing Jani said was in defence of Tony. While Sav had his own opinions on that subject, he knew there were two sides to every story, and that he hadn't been around the past ten years. From there, Jani repeated not being ready to tell anyone about them, how he didn't feel like he could keep from drinking without an order, and then it really spiralled. But Sav had known, or at least sensed it was going to and let Jani go on. Then came the hard part, knowing what to say, although the first part would be easy enough after Jani's declaration.

"No, I won't hang up – it'll be my turn this time – until we both agree. I love you, too. I want to help, if I can."

First of all, Tony. 'Again', Sav thought to himself. Being that Jani was quick to defend, he needed to be careful. Thank goodness the man wasn't likely to be a homophobe on top of controlling. Maybe there was another way round it. "Jani, you're not gay. You're probably bi... now. From what you've told me, other than when super-drunk, you'd never done anything with a bloke and even then it was still just silly joking around stuff. You'd never, um, fantasised about other men, and till me, you always loved – emotionally and sexually – women. Right? I understand that you mean coming out about seeing a man. Me. And that you need to settle it and other things first. It's nobody's business unless or until you decide you want it to be." Back in the day, Sav hadn't wanted people to know, either. His band mates weren't stupid, but they'd had other more important things to deal with. Once again, Sav resolved to keep it to himself, as much as he wanted to tell those in his life that were important to him, that he had found love and it was with Jani.

He paused, trying to figure out were to go with this next. Already there were several balls in the air, so to speak. "I wasn't aware of the monopoly on booze in Finland. But don't go. Honestly, would you even feel one or two beers? I probably wouldn't. So what's the point of that? Yes, not drinking is for your health, physical as well as mental. I've already lost someone I loved to alcoholism, he wasn't that much older than you. In the meantime, we all watched the darkness take him a little at a time. You're clean, and right now I'm referring to not drinking to get wasted. Do you really want to undo the progress you've made? If you can't do it for yourself, do it for me."

Sav closed his eyes. It was so heavy-handed. But Jani said he needed it that way.

* * *

"I... thank you." His mind was still in turmoil but Jani thought he was maybe beginning to feel a little grounded as he listened to Sav.

"About Tony... I'm not sure why I'm so reluctant to tell him... anyone... about you. It isn't as if I'd announce it to the world and invite gaybashers to have a go at me. And I agree with you, I don't consider myself gay. Not hetero, now that I've learned more about what I like and feel. But that isn't the point – although I'm not sure what the point is. Still, this coming-out or whatever is a rather minor issue compared to the band situation, namely the rehearsal retreat. I only brought up considering telling the others about you so they'd know why I'm so reluctant to join them."

Jani thought for a moment. "See, they already guessed that I'm not too keen on playing with them and they took my protest as proof of that. But although, yes, they're right that I'm anything but enthusiastic about Sonata right now, I think it's more that I need a break. Once I've dealt with my conscription I still think I want to return to them. Only, I'm not sure they'd believe me if I told them. And of course I could be wrong. maybe it's just wishful thinking." He sighed.

"Well, my life was a mess when we met and it still is, but I can't begin to tell you how much better I feel for not being alone any longer. And I'll try, I'll make an effort to keep from drinking and smoking. I'll try for myself, but if that isn't enough, I'm also doing it for you."

* * *

"Alright. For both of us, then. I'm here for you, as much as I can be," Sav restated. It was important to him that Jani knew and believed that.

"There's nothing wrong with needing a break. My other band members do it by having their side projects to give themselves other things to think about." Sav was aware, from Jani having told him, that the guitarist's own alternate band had fallen by the wayside as Sonata became all-consuming. He hurried on. "You've been with Sonata Arctica ten years or so, about 40 percent of your life give or take, and which is a long time to do any job. Most bands don't make it half that long. So now, when you need distance, to be told you must participate in this locked-down retreat...? Be straight – no pun intended – with them and they'll have to take it or leave it. The conscription can provide the needed space if you move to another part of Finland, and when it's over, you'll probably be ready to get back to it."

It was all conjecture, but Sav didn't find his suggestion unreasonable. The next one might be, but he'd throw it out there anyway. "What if you did the studio part – remotely, but didn't go on the road with them? Or vice versa? That's not common but I've heard of it."

* * *

"At least next year I won't be able to tour," Jani confirmed. "My guess is they'll ask Elias to step in. He's the guy they'd already designated as my replacement this summer, but on too short notice so they needed me back in the end."

In his email, Sav had asked what would happen if Jani refused to record another album and Jani hadn't replied to it. Now was an opportunity to answer the question. "I guess I could home-record some parts. Others would need to be done in a studio, but it wouldn't have to be in Kemi, nor would the rest of the band have to be there. However, not participating at all isn't an option for me. It isn't as much about the legal situation. I guess the company could sue me, but I wouldn't, couldn't do that to the band. I'm the one who let them down and they've been there for me all the time until recently and I can't blame them for that. No, I'll somehow manage to do my job. I may not enjoy it much, but I'll do it."

"My problem right now isn't the album. It really is the retreat thing. I don't mind the rehearsing itself, it could even be fun to play together without pressure, but, well." Jani laughed bitterly. "Maybe I should just get it over with. Call Tony and tell him to make sure one of the huts where we're supposed to bunk is set apart because my lover is going to visit me and we'll have lots of hot and loud sex."

He shook his head. "I can't see it happening. But what I'll do, today, is ask the authorities if they can get me on the next preparatory course I told you about. Maybe someone scheduled to go cancelled, got sick, whatever. They were supportive when I spoke to them recently. That, Tony would have to accept."

* * *

Why couldn't Sav remember the part about someone filling in for Jani, and then, not? It could have been early on, before he had heard much about how things were in that sphere. Didn't matter now, other than that there was someone on the back burner in case of an emergency within Sonata. Whoever the guy was, he must be very good.

Already, Jani had evolved a plan of sorts, at least something to start with. Sav was proud of how quickly his lover thought through things with a little prompting. He himself at that age had been likely to stew for weeks – months, years – over big, distressing issues. "Yeah, talk to the authorities about getting in now. It would mean I'd have less time to see you too, if you start your civic duties before my tour break or in the middle of it, but there'd be _some_ time for us versus none. Although if you change your mind and Tony books you an isolated cabin, you know who to call."

While he couldn't resist one small unsubtle innuendo, Jani had said already he couldn't see that happening and honestly, neither could Sav. He wouldn't do well cooped up in a small and likely hot little hut all day, and then Jani's friends would probably harass him non-stop to meet his new girlfriend... and who turns out to be a middle-aged man...? Regardless of the amount of hair products he used – Sav almost laughed, recalling Henkka's 'regards' – he wasn't a bird. Not happening.

"Kidding," he said. "I'm lucky in having been mostly spared having to write and/or perform music I intensely dislike. Have you had to manage playing material that's not to your taste before? How do you handle it?" He was asking Jani for his process, if he had one. One of these days, the three-million-and-first repetition of Sugar was bound to break him. Not really, but they could talk shop over it.

* * *

Sav was supportive of Jani's plan to get into the prep course, and then he changed the topic back to music. Whether Sav did that because he knew that it was a topic Jani felt comfortable with or not, it didn't matter: Jani was always happy to talk music. Maybe he'd get on a course. If not, he'd worry about that later. That was what he should have done right from the start, but he'd been blinded by panic. Now that Sav had helped ground him, Jani felt more confident that he'd somehow deal with the situation.

"Interesting question," he said. "I don't think there's actually any music I dislike so intensely, as you put it, that I wouldn't play it. Of course I have, um, preferences when it comes to style and all that, but even if it's something I wouldn't listen to because it's so awful, it can be a challenge to play different styles. And worst case, it's awful and too banal to be a challenge, it's probably good for a laugh. I mean I wouldn't start playing something like that on my own, but with Henkka around, we'd end up giggling like loons. And likely play whatever song it is better than the original," Jani laughed, resisting bringing 'Final Countdown' up again.

"You _must_ join us for a jam one day. I can't describe it, but me and Henkka... You'll have to see for yourself. One day, and I'm already looking forward to it."

* * *

Whatever Tony was writing that didn't thrill Jani, it wasn't basic, Sav was sure of that. "Back in school, when I was quite young, we had music class twice a week, where we had to play recorders and ukuleles. I can't imagine anything as boring as that. Point taken, though. I'll tell you what's challenging: Sonata basslines. When I saw you live and on youtube, there were so many times I thought, do they even have his amps on? And now I realise – he plays it so close to your parts it blends perfectly. But anyway, I can see you and Henkka, playing three chords, D-G-A or something, and turning it into the next heavy metal opera." OK, that might be a contradiction of terms, but if The Who could do it, those two could.

Oh lord. Sav cringed. Banal? He wasn't going to mention 16 measures of the same note on an open string so he could strut around, fling his hair and flirt with the audience. Then he laughed, too. He could 'out-banal' those two any day. "Yeah, I believe it, and I'd like that, too. You said it: we must. And maybe someday I can return the favour with Phil and Viv. I know I've said that before, but it'd be great."

* * *

"Right, our next D-G-A super hit. Millions of records will be sold," Jani giggled. "Me and Henkka, no, I don't think so. I wouldn't want that. Compose great music, yes, but not at the price of a lot of fame. I don't know how you manage to stay sane what with all the hype surrounding your band. Like, people breaking into your place and stealing your underwear... Any news regarding that?"

He hadn't intended to bring it up, but now that he had, Jani was anxious to find out if they'd caught the thief.

* * *

Was this Jani telling him without saying it, how seriously flawed he found the life of a 'famous rock star'? Sav couldn't blame him. How many times had he had the same thoughts?

"Sometimes I think that sanity is relative," Sav replied slowly. "And sometimes I have a more tenuous hold on it than others. The more famous you get, the harder it is to be a real person, or that's how it feels to me. You develop a select group of friends, certain circles you run in, a routine even while you tell yourself you can do and have anything. I panic sometimes, and feel caged, but usually get over it quickly... lots of practice. But on the subject of stolen underwear, they, both the pants and whoever took them, seem to have vanished into the woodwork."

* * *

Was it good news or bad news that they hadn't caught the thief? Jani decided not to ask. If Sav wanted to talk about it, Jani would give him another opportunity to remain on the topic. "By the way, I've sent a parcel to the address you gave me. Underwear, clean and, erm." There was no need to elaborate but he coughed. "Also, I put a strand of my hair and, uh, some, um, _hair_ in it. Let's hope it won't be opened by US customs." The thought alone was enough to make him blush.

* * *

"That'd probably be an average day in the life of government employees," Sav deadpanned. "But I don't think they do much of that unless they suspect bombs or drugs. Anyway, it's much appreciated by me, and it's not an average day in my life, to get such a, um, package. I only sent hair from my head. It you want any other, you'll have to take samples in person."

Quickly, before he started with the gutter-talk, Sav returned to the previous topic. "I was going to say, between the thief staying underground and enjoying their new possessions, and another appearance of him or her, I'd rather leave them to them. Like, not take another pair in the face, or worse, like, have whoever it is get in my face."

* * *

"I'll be happy to collect a sample," Jani promised. "One more thing to look forward to. I..."

He was interrupted by the door bell. "Hang on, that's our front door. I'd better get that. Do you want to wait or should I call you back?"

* * *

"I'll wait," Sav replied quickly. Unless whatever – or whoever – was bad news, he didn't think they were done talking yet.

* * *

"OK, it's probably the mail. Maybe Anni ordered some stuff online. Or..." Jani grinned. "Didn't you have something sent my way recently? I'll be right back with you."

* * *

"Yes, I did... toys." Sav grinned, wondering if Jani could hear the change in pitch in his voice. "Go get it." It could the new Ibanez, or something entirely unrelated. Now he was curious either way.

* * *

On his way to the door, Jani tried in vain to suppress his wide grin. When he'd called Sav he hadn't felt like sex, but the prospect of the toys Sav had ordered for him... He'd probably need some encouragement again, like when he'd fingered himself for the first time, but he didn't doubt that it would be more than worth the apprehension he was suffering right now.

However, when he looked through the peephole, his growing erection immediately shrunk again. Mitä vi-?!

"Hetkinen," he called out to his visitor and hurried to his bathroom. "It's Tony," he hissed into the phone. "I've no idea what he wants, but I have a feeling this may take a while. Should I call you back later? Or no, you'll want... need to sleep. I'll email, that okay with you?"

* * *

Tony? That's what Sav got for thinking badly about the man, it was like he'd conjured him to keep Jani and him from giving in to their base urges. Nothing he could do, though. And Jani had spoken aloud, something in Finnish, so Tony would know he was at home.

"Yeah, email me when you can. I'll reply, call, or something when I'm up in the morning." Chances were that Sav wouldn't sleep all that well, but he'd found in the past that he should at least rest his body, if not his mind. "I love you."

* * *

"I'll mail as soon as I know what's up, at the latest once he's left," Jani whispered. "Sorry, but I've got to go. Love you, too." He hesitated. "That's what will give me the strength to deal with whatever he's here for."

He ended the call and made a point of flushing the toilet, then washing his hands before opening the front door and letting Tony – followed by Tommy – in.

* * *

The mobile clicked off before Sav could disconnect. He wasn't worried, per se. They'd talked through it. Jani said himself, having talked would help him get through... whatever.

Sav undressed where he stood and slid into bed. He lay awake for what seemed like a long time, and couldn't have said when he drifted off.

* * *

When Jani opened the door the water that could be heard from the bathroom served as his excuse for the delay. He still held the towel in his hand and was glad about that as clutching at it helped him hide his nerves. Or so he thought: Did the smile on Tony's face look smug? Tommy was smiling, too, and Jani relaxed a little. If something bad were up, Jani would have read it in Tommy's face; the drummer was a terrible actor and his smile was genuine, full of warmth and affection. No, this looked like good news for him.

Jani offered coffee and made it when it was – of course – accepted. They sat at the kitchen table sipping the brew when Tony spoke.

"I've – we've been thinking," the singer began. "We heard that your army trouble runs a little deeper than we thought. Someone, it doesn't matter who, just told us you've even been arrested for it. Why didn't you tell us? Anyway, I've made a few calls and the authorities have agreed to let you finish the album with us before you have to start your service."

Jani's heart sank while Tony beamed at him. "All you need to do is come to the police station with us and sign a statement."

There went his plan to start his service earlier and escape from the pressure. Refusing wasn't an option. If he didn't go for it, his days in Sonata were definitely over. "I... don't know what to say," he finally pressed out. Ironically, it wasn't even a lie.

"Don't mention it," Tony said. "Take it as a chance to get your act together. We're there for each other, after all."

Jani nodded, not sure if he should read that statement as support or threat. Given their recent history, it was probably the latter, a final chance.

They finished their coffee and repaired to the police station with Tony and Tommy walking on either side of him. Were they afraid that he'd bolt? Why would they think that, they weren't aware of how fed up Jani was with the situation. However, even had he wanted to reject the 'lifeline' Tony had thrown him, Jani was feeling too numb to do anything other than let himself be walked to the station and sign his name where he was asked to.

It felt as he'd just signed his death warrant or agreed to being locked up indefinitely. As he walked back home, alone now although Tommy had invited him over to his place, it took all his self-control to not pass by the Alko. It was a good thing that he'd made Sav ask him to stay off the booze.

Sav.

As soon as he was home, Jani opened his laptop and composed the mail he'd promised.

_Dear Sav,_

_I don't know how to write this other than bluntly. They've got permission for me to postpone my service until we're done recording. I'm... I dunno. Not drunk at least._

_Please call when you're awake._

_Jani_

* * *

In the morning, Sav woke before his alarm, and, after the usual morning piss, immediately opened his laptop. It wasn't good news. Well, not for him; not for them. Jani wasn't going to jail, which he had to admit, he'd worried about. It still put a serious crimp in their plans. Postpone till they were done recording would mean Jani would have no choice but to attend the month-long practice 'camp'.

The date and time stamp was hours ago. Jani wanted him to call immediately. About to do so, Sav considered the morning rush on his side and, regretfully, jumped in the shower first. He completed that, and shaving in record time, then decided he could get dressed while talking. Picking up his mobile, he hit the 7 key and waited for the call to go through.

* * *

After returning home, Jani had spent most of the day doing nothing, staring at the wall in his bedroom. As much as he appreciated Tony's effort, it wasn't the type of help he thought he needed. Only, he couldn't explain why the service wasn't his main problem, but the rehearsal schedule was. At some point he'd called Risto again and they'd agreed to meet later; Risto would come over and they planned to play computer games. It would take his mind off overthinking the situation. Speaking with Sav had already helped him to calm down but he didn't trust himself to not panic again if, for example, Tony called again or sent an update on the rehearsal plan.

He'd just made himself a cup of tea when his phone announced a call from Sav. Jani picked it up before the second ring. "Hei," he greeted his lover. "So you read the news?"

* * *

Jani picked up, and Sav let out his breath in relief. He wasn't totally in his dark place or passed out drunk. That was something.

"Hi... yes, I read it. What happened, anyway? You said 'they' got permission... they who? Tony? I suppose this is supposed to help you and okay, I get it, but... now what?" God, he shouldn't be so selfish, Sav knew it, and bit his lip. He would do what he had to for his job, and even now, this was Jani doing the same. Or was it?

Keeping his tone as mild as he could, Sav went on, "Did 'they' just spring this on you? Tell me what happened."

* * *

If he wasn't so tightly wound, Jani would have laughed when Sav greeted him with a barrage of questions. "Whoa, slowly there. I wasn't going to withhold anything, but give me time to breathe here. So. In a nutshell, it's like I wrote. They – the authorities – agreed to let me postpone my service until we've finished recording Sonata's new album. Apparently, Tony convinced the mayor that it wouldn't be the best publicity to throw someone into prison who's about to receive, don't laugh, the spoons to the City of Kemi. They're something like the keys to the city or whatever, and we're supposed to receive them when we, model citizens, play our gig here in two days. OK, probably not model citizens, but famous sons of Kemi. Anyway. Tony and Tommy dragged me to the police station where they made me sign a statement that I'll take care of my service as soon as we're done recording, and they'll leave me in peace until then."

* * *

Yeah, twenty questions again. Sav shut up. He didn't think Jani would withhold information, he was just... perturbed. When he processed that information, he didn't have much to say. "Okay... so maybe you were closer to being arrested then you realised. But I don't know how things work there."

Def Leppard had been honoured that way in Sheffield a couple of different times; Jani didn't have to explain that it was a big deal, especially for the locals. "Well... um, congratulations, I guess," Sav said awkwardly. "Famous son. You can show me your spoon... sometime." That sounded vaguely dirty. He tempered it with, "We have a walk of fame star in Sheffield."

He was still standing there in nothing but a towel, and the A/C was blasting. Being covered in gooseflesh from cold wasn't his idea of fun. Sav walked over to his suitcase and tried to pick out something to wear. Something comfortable. He couldn't even concentrate on that. "It's good the authorities will leave you alone for now. My thoughts last night weren't too coherent. I started to wonder, and maybe wish other than the holy havoc it would cause, if I would be harbouring a fugitive soon."

* * *

"The irony is that I was just getting a little comfortable with the thought of starting my service soon, helped by that being the only option to see you in September. As much as I hate this whole situation, however, running away is not an option. I could never return to Finland and despite what she's doing to me, I love my country too much for that. No, I'll have to find another way to get out of Tony's rehearsal plan." Jani sighed.

"I could always call in sick, I guess. I mean, I'm down with a cold or something all the time, have been for years, but I don't want to lie. Maybe the whole thing won't happen like Tony plans it anyway. I've been thinking. See, Make is happy anywhere as long as there's beer and Internet for his online poker games and Tony thrives on nature, as does his family. But Tommy is a total family man and Henkka is, maybe not as much as Tommy, but at least to a degree, too. Tommy gets homesick for them on tour and he's made a stand more than once that he refuses to tour in winter because he misses his children too much. I don't think the small kids would enjoy the weekends at the safari place too much as there's no playgrounds. So I don't think we'll really end up locked in there for an entire month. Also the place is not on Kemi's outskirts, but within, say, an hour's drive. Tony may refuse to listen to me, but he'll listen to Tommy and Henkka when it concerns their children," he said grimly.

"I'm sorry for making such a major drama out of it earlier. I should have thought of all this before, but I was... panicking at the prospect at being separated from you even longer. All this time I've been looking forward, focusing on September. So much that it stopped me from switching my brain on, apparently. All the more thanks to you for indulging me and listening."

Sav more than deserved the thanks, Jani thought. Considering how much he'd said in the past few minutes since he'd answered the phone, he must still be in some kind of panic mode as he was positively babbling. "Sorry," he repeated.

* * *

Though much had been made of Tommy being a family man, Sav found it strange to think of Henkka as a dad. Apparently Tony had kids, too. Sav was old for not having reproduced, it would seem. He was both smug and a bit envious. The thought of himself trying to handle an infant or even a small child...? He doubted he had any instincts for it.

That, Sav kept to himself. With a male partner, it wouldn't be an issue. Jani needn't know his weird thoughts – he had his own problems. "Don't apologise, ramble as much as you need to. I have time right now. It's not drama, this is serious. It's too bad you don't have a car. I don't know what your money situation is – not asking – but is there any hope of buying or renting one so at least you're not stuck out in the middle of nowhere with no transportation, dependent on everyone else's whims?"

That gave Sav another idea. With something useful to say, he finally was able to do something useful, too, as in start to dress himself. "Or, if I were to visit, and stay not at the safari place but nearby or even in Kemi, _I_ could rent a car. Then if you could get some days off or, as you suggested, call in sick a couple of times, I could make sure you're feverish and gasping for air." So much for pants. He was getting an erection just considering it. Jani didn't need to know that either.

"So, if you hear your friends with families start in about why they can't be there 24/7, make sure to agree with them. ...It's one idea anyway," he finished, not wanting to make Jani feel like he had to agree. His lover had already been pressured enough for one day.

* * *

"Well, since you _weren't_ asking," Jani laughed, "my money situation is okay. I'm not as filthy rich as you are, but I'm not in danger of starvation. Until recently, I didn't need a car – my own car, that is. I used to have one, but when I moved in with Anni we decided that one is enough and hers was in better shape than mine, so we kept hers. I'm going to buy one eventually. It's on the list and as I can still drive hers it hasn't been urgent. However, I can't take it for the entire month. She may even let me have it, but her best friend lives in Keminmaa, with too infrequent bus service and it's too far by bike, especially with winter starting early here."

He thought for a moment. "If you were really thinking of coming over..." Jani swallowed. "I'd suggest we rent a mökki. Hotel walls may not be sound-proof enough and Kemi is a village when it comes to avoiding being observed, it's near impossible. I like that idea – you visiting, I mean, not being overheard. But you might end up spending a lot of time on your own and there isn't really much for sightseeing here, not that time of the year. Summer is nice and so is winter, but September and October are months you mostly want to be over quickly." He grimaced.

"Let me know if you're serious about visiting, though. In any event, I'll see what Tommy says about going home for the weekends. You'll be the first to know."

Jani took a deep breath. "I called Risto earlier and he'll come by tonight for some computer games. I thought it's a good idea in my current mood to have company who'll stop me from drinking when you're not available. So, what are you going to do today?"

* * *

The mention of filthy rich made Sav groan. Yeah, but he'd probably be on tour for the rest of his life to keep up with taxes, insurance, property maintenance, not to mention chasing his lover around internationally. He'd give up the house first, if it came to that.

"So there's really no autumn there, huh? I've seen snow fly – and then melt – in October but it's rare here. Well, since you live there, you know best, as far as accommodation, stuff to do, etcetera. You're known there, and me... well, you've seen." Jani couldn't see the eye-roll but probably got the idea. More discreet or not, Sav's luck would probably mean that even in Finland, he'd draw the – local – crazy chicks. If his and Jani's screeching and porn dialogue could be heard through the walls, so much more the magnet. "Maybe I should invest in one of these new e.reader devices and load up."

Sav put on a button down shirt so he didn't have to pull anything over his head. "Your plans... at least you'll for sure be doing something fun, with good company. I hadn't even thought about what to do with myself today. There's no show tonight, and the next three gigs are still in California. There'll be driving but not till later. Practice, for me, not everyone. I'll probably just see what the others are doing and tag along if it sounds interesting."

* * *

"There are different ways to look at the Finnish seasons," Jani said. "We have a brief nice summer, and a long winter. But there's also an even longer period – or two – when the weather is just ick. In that sense, we have a lot of autumn-ish weather with cold and dark of the kind that feels endless." He shuddered.

"These e-readers, I've thought about getting one before our tour last year. I needn't tell you about killing time on a tour bus where the air travel luggage limitation prohibits carrying books. I gave up on the plan, though, because there's only so much time I can spend reading. It's also a licence problem because technically, you don't really own the books you download. I heard that it can be a problem when you're in different countries. In the end I abandoned the plan. Maybe that's changed now, I haven't kept up. It's worth looking into if you plan to get one so you don't find access blocked once you're in Finland. Unless, of course, you want to spend your time hunting reindeer while I'm rehearsing," Jani snickered. "Should I ask my mum again for the stew recipe?"

* * *

"Well, I can't read for days, dry eyes, but it's been too long." Huh, seemed like Jani was again more up on the tech stuff. And Sav didn't even play video games like whatever Jani and Risto were doing later. Yeah, he'd better look into it before he got into trouble for unknowingly crossing borders with licensing conflicts.

Instead he chose to focus on the other, namely the last thing Jani had said. "Who am I, the great white hunter?" Sav giggled. "Maybe if it was that or starve, I'd take down a reindeer, or anything. Leave that to the professionals. The only thing I'm interested in hunting is the wild Jani!" He'd almost asked Jani if he hunted, but didn't, since his position on firearms was a definite no.

* * *

Jani laughed. "So you like the wild Jani, huh? Well, there's another reason for not letting Tony, um, tame me. Him." He lowered his voice. "I'd consider letting _you_ tame me, but even then I should warn you that deep inside I will always remain a child of the wild. I'll let you catch me, though, and I may let you, um, taste me if you like."

* * *

"Oh, I think I like him a bit wild... he needs to run free, to decide for himself when he's ready to be tamed." If Jani was willing to play along, Sav was going to see how far he'd go. His gave himself a furtive rub, thinking he shouldn't have dressed yet. "He tastes... mmmm. It's heady, I can't get enough. Sometimes my Jani is a bit skittish, so I have to give him time to catch my scent, and approach carefully. But sometimes, he's _hungry."_

* * *

A quick look at his mobile told Jani that he had another hour before Risto had said he'd be there. "Hungry, you say. I'd describe it more as ravenous. Starved, even, and too tired to run. If his mate were there to take care of his needs, I'm sure he'd let him."

* * *

"Oh realleh?" Sav was 'hungry', too. It seemed like it had been forever, though it had only been a few days. "So you're too tired to fight it, or you need sustenance, and to be... fed. Your mate," this too was a new way of referring to themselves, if Jani meant it as a pair and not 'friends' in the British manner, "may not be there, physically, but he's here for you. To serve your needs. If you'd like." Hopeful, Sav flicked open the button of his jeans.

* * *

In the morning Jani hadn't thought he'd be interested in sex again soon, not after the sleepless night following Tony's announcement. He'd already begun to fear that he might be facing another dry spell. However, now his dick was swelling and he knew he needn't have worried.

"He's here for me," Jani echoed. "Tell me, what will he do, how will he serve his wild Jani's needs?"

* * *

"Well... I would move in, move slow at first, in case he bites... hold out my hand, let him sniff me, stroke his hair gently. Or I could just pounce." Sav laughed softly. "I think I'll err on the side of caution. I wanna touch... him," he almost said 'you', "and run my hands all over him, getting closer and closer till our bodies are near enough to feel each other's heat. I'm gonna lick him, not for grooming but pure affection. Isn't that how wild animals, er, submit? Show their throat? I'll show you mine if you show me yours..."

It was a game and they were so far from each other, but Sav found himself tipping his head back, closing his eyes and imagining Jani licking him, too. "Can't help it, I want you... him..."

* * *

"I think you're right not to pounce," Jani agreed. "He's very... shy. He won't bite, never fear that, unless maybe when he's learned to trust you and you play with him, but he'll never hurt you. Right now, he's taking his time sniffing you, ready to bolt, but slowly relaxing when you pet his hair. He... likes that, I think. He also likes how warm you are although he's still a little wary of being so close."

Jani felt the tension of the day draining from him. "When you show him your throat, he slowly moves in and licks it, very tentatively at first, but with growing confidence. I think he's... is that... is he purring?" He laughed softly.

* * *

This tease... Sav was really into, more than he'd thought possible. "I think he might learn to trust me again, if I don't scare him. Is he really purring? I might hear some sounds of contentment. Quite sure I'm purring, too," yeah, between his legs, "and yeah, warm. Those tentative licks make me even warmer. He smells so good, his hair, his... skin," was he supposed to say fur? Sav would save that one for a bit. "I keep doing the same, petting just a tiny bit further each pass, down his back, watching to make sure I'm not going too far."

Okay that was it. Sav had been sitting on the floor next to his suitcase but he stretched out on his back and, wishing he'd had the foresight to dig out his headset, let his free hand wander. Even softer, he murmured, "I've laid on my back for him now, exposing not only my throat but my belly... lay next to me, or if he needs more time, let him scent me."

* * *

"He can't get enough of scenting you," Jani said softly. "He scents and licks all over your body, down your chest. He feels the warmth radiating off of your belly and moves closer, enjoying your hand on his back. Maybe he'll rub up against you. He's thinking of doing it but he's still shy. Maybe if you could find a way to encourage him..."

It was a weird little game they were playing, but to his surprise Jani found that he liked it a lot. He'd never done anything like this before – of course, he'd had phone sex with girlfriends before, but this was... different.

"If wild Jani would ever let anyone tame him, it would be you," he repeated.

* * *

It reminded Sav of that night in Milan, in a way, this shy and elusive side of Jani. "Mmm, that feels so good, having a warm, wet tongue all over me. Every time he swipes with his tongue, I get harder," Sav whispered that part. "I wonder what sort of encouragement the wild Jani needs... Wish I had a treat for him; I'm sure that he loves treats. What's his favourite, hm? Sweet? Salty?" Nuts, maybe? Sav didn't say that out loud either. "He's so shy, scared to come closer but I think he needs to feel his mate soon. Rolling to my side now, slowly, so he has time to consider if he's alright for more. I move my leg in his direction just a little, gonna see if he'll let me touch his chest..." More than kissing, that was their signal to each other.

* * *

"He loves treats. Life in the wild is sometimes harsh and he isn't always good at looking after himself," Jani cringed but smiled when he continued. "He also loves his mate's scent. It makes him feel safe. He's shy but he trusts his mate. He's been locked up in a cage before and it was his mate who sprang him free. But the people who locked him up intend to do so again and he's afraid that they'll hurt him and his mate. That's why it takes him so long to relax."

He remembered the night in Milan when he'd told Sav about 'The Cage' and that he felt locked behind bars that were of his own making. In hindsight, he realised that he'd been trapped not only by the high standards he'd set for himself but also by Tony's demands. Sav had helped him see that, in that sense he'd really freed Jani. But now Tony was about to, however unknowingly, lock him in again for the rehearsal retreat and the pressure, the need to be free, his very own call of the wild, was growing.

"He needs his mate," Jani resumed. "He needs to feel him. He wants you to touch his chest so he can feel safe again."

* * *

"We can both run free... with each other. The semi-domesticated Sav isn't always satisfied with his cushy life." Referring to Jani in third person was thing. Once was enough for Sav, about himself.

"Your mate... needs you, too. I'm sensing you're about to whine in distress without my touch and that's enough, I reach across and lay my hands on you, on your chest, can feel the heat and your heart pounding." Sav swallowed, running his tongue across his lips. "So is mine. Gonna go slow in case you need to stop me, you're trembling aren't you? Got both paws – hands – flat on your chest with the fingers spread out, moving outward so a fingertip brushes each of your little nips. Do you like that, sweetie?" he whispered.

* * *

"I... he's trembling," Jani whispered, "but he... I... I love it. I love it and I feel loved. God, Sav, my eyes are closed and I'm imagining your scent, your hands, your warmth. Your voice whispering in my ear, my hands on my nipples pretending they're yours caressing me while mine caress you. When I'm with you I'm free, we both are. Free to love, to feel, to touch regardless of being on different continents."

* * *

"You _are_ loved, Jani... so much. Feel my love for you. I'm there, even though I'm here. Leaning forward now, need to feel you... I kiss your closed eyelids so softly, then your cheek. I'm picking up your scent, too, and feel your breath against my face because your respirations are fast, shallow. Your eyes are still closed; your lips are parted a little and they're so tempting I gotta kiss you, just light and chaste, like it's your first kiss."

Sav wiggled his open jeans down over his hips, lifting his butt to slide them and his black briefs lower. Instead of touching the obvious, though, he slid his hand up his shirt. "Still keeping my hands on your chest, playing with the little pebbles that harden a bit more each time I brush over them, stroke them." As he said it, he did the same to himself one-handed, arching up. "Yes! You know just how to touch mine, too... please, when you're ready..."

* * *

"I'm touching yours now," Jani said. "No, actually, I'm sliding down along your side so I can reach them with my tongue. I'm licking around them, circling them, not yet touching the tip although I notice it's growing stiff. I'm savouring the taste, slightly salty and... uniquely Sav. Sav-y. That's what they taste like, savy. It's a word now." He laughed happily, then, "Keep touching mine, please..."

* * *

"Oh my gawd..." breathed Sav. Jani's choice of words suggested they were on their sides, facing, and he adjusted his fantasy accordingly. He'd have sworn that for a second, he could actually feel Jani's tongue. It was only his own fingers. He mimicked the action Jani described to the best of his ability, letting out a moan. "Following you down with my hands while you taste my... Savvy-ness. Saltiness. You wouldn't believe what that does to me, that the wild Jani likes my taste." He understood that concept; there were differences in tastes between various regions of Jani, too, not only the expected one.

"Touching your tiny stiff buds, circling inward then using my thumbs to not flick but pass over them. I can tell that it's not from cold or irritation but because of how excited you are. Can you... slide your knee between my thighs? Or is it too soon?"

* * *

"No, I..." Jani chuckled. "I think wild shy Jani just excused himself and left horny Jani – me – behind. My knee between your thighs it is. And I'm lying on top of you now so you can thrust against me and I can lick and suck your nipples. You'd like that wouldn't you? Go ahead and hump me and I'll see if I can get you off from playing with these little nubs. I love them, when they're soft and raised and then I have a go at them and they stiffen and go, like, diamond-hard."

* * *

"Oh yeah..." Sav was happy, very happy, for Jani to lay on top of him and let him writhe up on him. Somehow having Jani's leg near his balls was making him super horny. "So good... your body pressing down on mine like this. And your mouth... told you before but your tongue makes me crazy.

* * *

"You like my tongue? I almost wouldn't have noticed," Jani teased. "Tell me, then, how and where do you like it most? My guess is that you like it a lot on your nipples, but what else would you like me to do with it now?"

* * *

Oh good lord have mercy. "Where _don't_ I like it?" Sav gasped. He wouldn't request what he knew Jani wasn't ready for, but man, he wanted to. Instead, he focused on what he _could_ ask for. "I wanna hold you like this for a while, moving against you, arms around you. I'm hard against you, feel it?" He thrust his hips up like Jani had said before. "My neck is sensitive, too, especially once it's wet from your spit and you breathe on it. Save it for later but since you asked, my favourite, favourite thing you've done with your tongue so far was... oh, I can't decide!" Though Sav was tempted to say 'balls' it would be out of character after this long, delicate lead-up.

"Thighs!" he blurted, because even though it wouldn't get him off, he probably craved that even more. Sav had never asked a woman for that, which made it so rare. His balls were tightening just from thinking about it and he yanked them down. "When you kiss my thighs and run your tongue up and down the inner parts... just have to spread me legs for you to do whatever you feel."

* * *

"I want to lick you everywhere," Jani announced, "and I'll start with your thighs. I'm moving down till my mouth is at your knees. I kiss both knees and then let my tongue find its way to the insides of your thighs. The skin is so soft as I lick lines on it with my tongue tip..."

He'd done that in Sheffield after Sav had told him on the phone about the sensitive insides of his thighs and Jani couldn't wait to do it again.

"Mmmh, so soft..."

* * *

Sav's breath hitched as Jani described exactly how he'd lick the soft skin of his inner thighs, starting at his knees and trailing lines upward. That sounded like exactly what he wanted, but he couldn't reach there without pillows under his head or raising his legs, so he bent his knees and let his feet rest on the floor near his arse. Without conscious thought, Sav switched his mobile phone to his left hand and let the right trail down to his knee. Wiggling his jeans down to his ankles, he let his legs fall open. There, cool air and his own warm hand. "I... I-I love it... S-so much... when you go... higher and higher..." he stuttered.

Yes, those surfaces with muscles and ligaments below were softer than other areas, Sav was aware and attributed the sensitivity to it. He gave in to needing the touch for a couple of passes of his fingers up and down. They soon settled on kneading the raised tendons just south of his groin.

There seemed to be a reversal in who was attending to whom since the wild Jani had exited. "What can I do for you, though? You gotta let me..." Whatever that might be. It was phone sex, meaning that they didn't have to conform with what two bodies could do when they were physically present. Before Sav's brain shorted on 'thighs', he'd been playing with Jani's nipples. "... I wanna suck on something, Jani, your tiny tits, your balls, your dick or whatever you want." There, he'd said it, something explicit. No going back now.

* * *

"I... Let me continue this... a little longer..." Jani focused on Sav's inner thighs again. It was atypical for him – for any guy, he thought – but he didn't want Sav to suck on him anywhere right in this moment. As soon as Sav got his mouth on Jani's dick, balls, nipples, even if Jani was just imagining it, things would be over very soon. Too soon.

* * *

"Oh... okay..." If Jani said he wanted to indulge him, Sav would go with it. He continued squeezing and tracing the shifting structures under the skin, petting the lower curves of his sac each time up. That was a new level of hyper-sensitivity, which he knew he could only take so much of. "For now, I'll just enjoy it then... feeling so restless, and leaking now... without only barely touching my junk it's purple-ish, I can see the pulsing. It's like I can feel your tongue over every pore, I'm shivering, trying not to thrust."

Sav was so wrapped up in it, he was starting to lose track of time. "If you change your mind..." he moaned, unable to get out any more suggestions. Luckily, Jani wasn't shy about asking for what he wanted when he was horny.

* * *

"I'll let you know if... make that _when_ I change my mind and you let me know when you want my tongue and mouth elsewhere," Jani replied. He trained his hand down to his groin where it found his half-mast erection. The extended foreplay he was enjoying with Sav should have him hard and wanting, but for some reason Jani didn't feel as horny as he should have been. It was probably stress, fallout from the events of the past 24 hours, so he wasn't worried. He'd go easy on himself and take his time – and pleasure – bringing Sav off. Jani didn't doubt that hearing Sav's moans and grunts when he neared completion would fuel his own arousal later.

"I love your taste," he whispered into the phone.

* * *

"And I love how you... taste me," Sav groaned. Jani invited him to ask for a change in location, but he hesitated. "It feels so good, I'm on the floor with my kit around my ankles," he switched hands again, doing what he'd been doing to the other thigh, although he was starting to speed up, "pretending my fingers are your tongue, licking lines up and down. Don't even care this carpet is scratching my arse. Would you... lick higher now?"

* * *

"Scratching your..." Jani burst out laughing before he could stop himself. "Sorry. I mean, I'm sorry for your arse." He laughed again, then caught himself. "I'll be very happy to lick higher," he said. "But maybe you'd like to move to a more comfortable place like the bed – assuming that you have a bed, you're in a hotel room, right?"

Wondering if he should comment that his imaginary self would kneel on the scratchy carpet, Jani refrained from it. This exchange had been enough of an interruption already.

* * *

"Maybe you're right, although sometimes little irritations heighten the pleasure," Sav returned. The interruption slowed things down. It was strange, how one little thing could do that. "I'll take your advice, though. There's a bed just over there. Gimme a moment, sorry..."

Kicking off his jeans, he levered himself up and crossed the room. His headset in the pocket of his backpack was on the way and he plugged it in. Laying back on the bed, Sav got into roughly the same position as he'd been in on the floor and stuck his earbuds in. "Still there? Where were we? I have both hands free now."

* * *

"Two free hands," Jani echoed. "Then I think you should use one to fondle your balls and the other to begin stroking your dick. I'm sure it, too, wants some attention by now. Pretend it's my tongue on your balls, like you asked before the, um, scratchy carpet came up. And I think the time has now come for your wild Jani to be a little, well, wild," he grinned. "Tell me, what would you do to make him really wild, and I mean in good sense?"

* * *

"It's been begging for attention, you know how dicks are," Sav chuckled. "The short trip to the bed hasn't made it any less... demanding. Alright, touching," he hissed, then groaned. "Got one hand wrapped around it, the other cupping my balls. So heavy, Jani... how many days has it been? Don't answer that! Too many! I feel... so full, like I'm full of come, need to unload." It was going to be massive, messy. Sav looked around for something to clean up with or shoot into, but found nothing usable within reach. Well then, fuck it, he'd just have to clean up again after.

"Stroking now, yeah, and I wanna make you feel so good, too." Sav got a delightful rush from hearing his lover's alter ego had returned. "What I would do... wild Jani needs more direct contact now, I think, since he's back for more. I'm drooling in more than one way to get my mouth on him." The slick seeping from his slit ran over, and he moaned again, pushing up into his fist. "If he does it like an animal – maybe a wolf, hm? – then he's gonna want to mount something. How about my face? I can take it, get that dick up here and let me at it!"

* * *

"A wolf, huh?" Not one of Tony's Sonata pack, obviously, Jani thought but didn't voice it. He'd tell Sav later, they'd had enough distractions for now. "Yes I think I'd like that. Only, well, do you know about wolves' anatomy, their mating is, well, not sure that's what you had in mind if you know what I mean... Ah, let's not discuss this..." Too late, already his erection was flagging again. This just wasn't a good day for him sex-wise.

"I... Sav, can you do me a favour and ignore my... I don't seem to be all along. I want to get you off, but somehow I'm not really, well, _up_ for more apparently. So, I'm stroking you faster now and tightening my grip – not the hand on your balls, obviously..."

They'd had incredible phone sex almost every time they'd spoken in the past and they'd have more, Jani was sure of it, but today he was... _off_ somehow.

* * *

Apparently he'd called that one wrong. Sav groaned, this time in frustration over whatever he'd done or said wrong. He didn't want Jani to construe it as meaning honesty wasn't the best policy. "Sh, Jani stop, okay? I don't want to do this if you're not into it." If he were there, physically present with Jani, it would be different; Sav was confident he could have found a way around this little bump. "No one ever died from blueballs." Maybe wanted to! "I appreciate your offer, but it wouldn't be right."

He might as well ask, because if he didn't it was just going to eat at Sav till they talked about it. "Was it the wolf thing that threw you off? I guess they have... knots, they tie together, if that's what you meant about their matings. Never thought about that part." Obviously. Dammit, his boner wasn't going anywhere. Sav could hear people out in the hallway, walking up and down, up and down. That too should have made him wilt but no.

* * *

"I... um... okay, I guess..." Vittu, today really had it in for him, Jani thought. Not only that his sex drive had apparently suffered from the events with Tony, but now he'd ruined it for Sav as well. "You know, maybe things just weren't meant to go well today. Maybe we should just forget about all that and talk again tomorrow. With any luck, I'll have caught up on sleep by then and maybe even had a chance to speak with Henkka or Tommy about the weekend situation during the rehearsal thing. I'm sorry."

* * *

"Yeah... that's a good plan." Sav felt some relief that Jani didn't seem to be upset with him, at least. "It's – we're – not all about just sex. You've got other things to deal with, and isn't Risto expected soon?" If Jani was willing to tell his tech to clear out of their touring van so he could beat off, he wasn't too modest, but he still probably didn't want to meet his friend with his dick hanging out.

* * *

"Yes, he should be here in," Jani checked the time, "about 20 minutes. And then I plan to beat the pants off of him when we play whatever computer games he'll bring along. Actually, it's more likely that he'll wipe up the floor with me, but I won't go down without a fight." He hesitated.

"I hope it'll take my mind off this latest Sonata and Tony mess. I'm sorry I ruined our... talk, I can't seem to stop thinking about it, not even when we, well. You know."

* * *

Now, Sav thought, though it wasn't an exact science, Jani sounded relieved to leave off the sexual play. It had gone so well, it had been so erotic. But, real life, either Jani's band and conscription problems or Sav's scratchy carpet or wrong suggestion about wild Jani's next step had infringed. He'd made the right choice. "It's fine, Jani. We're certain to 'talk' another time. You and Risto have a good time. Sounds like fun, though I don't play myself. If it takes your mind off stuff, play till you pass out."

* * *

"Better passing out from playing than from drinking, I guess," Jani said. He wasn't happy with the situation, letting Sav down on top of everything else. "That's one reason I asked Ripe to come over. I called him before you and I talked earlier, not sure I could deal with Tony's crap on my own. Trying to look after myself." He hesitated. "I know you're busy and you can't always be there to watch over your idiot boyfriend, so I'm kind of enlisting all the help I can get."

* * *

"Boyfriend, eh?" Sav had never referred to anyone in his life in that manner. 'Girlfriend', sure. The term Jani used had totally different connotations when both parties were men. It seemed too casual; Jani was so much more. Sav considered him his partner, his lover. However, he wasn't about to split hairs, and no doubt the world at large would hang the label on them at such time as they... came out.

"That's a new one; I'll have to get used to it. Anyway, you're not an idiot. Taking steps to look after yourself proves it. Tony's crap," Sav snorted. "Yeah, don't get me started." He was more than aware of how domineering and hyper-focused frontmen could be.

"Run the situation by Risto, if it's... appropriate. He's known you most of your life, you said; his perspective can't hurt. I want to be there for you always, but on tour, it's hard." Any time now, someone would likely ping him to say, in so many words, get your arse moving. Before he showed his face outside his room, Sav still had a not-so-little problem to take care of. Not even the mention of Tony had 'helped'.

* * *

And wrong again, but this one Jani could blame on not being a native English speaker. Right now, he couldn't be bothered to ask for the correct term, though. "I know," he said, referring to being there for his significant other while on tour. "Touring and relationships, it doesn't always work out. At least you and I both know what it's like, so we can relate." He paused.

"I guess Risto may be in for a surprise," Jani continued after a moment. "Like, me, talking. If I know him, he'll be pleasantly surprised, but let's wait and see if I can do it. He isn't you. I mean, when we met and they gave me the good stuff at the hospital, I seem to remember that I couldn't stop talking, so maybe it was easier to keep opening up after that. Also, back then it was a little like confiding to a stranger I'd never see again but could trust he'd keep my secrets to himself. I'm glad that it hasn't ended that way, of course, but the situation with Risto is different as, well, this is my home and all... But here I am blabbing again when I'm sure you've got better things to do but listen to... well, whatever the right word is here."

* * *

Sav found himself nodding, as far as touring and relationships were concerned. Both of them had lost at least one ex to that. "I appreciate that you understand the whole gig, schedule, time zone thing."

"I dunno that I have anything 'better' to do, and I'd prefer to keep talking to you but, well, you said it. It won't be long, someone will be knocking at my door or texting. Maybe you talking to people, not just me... you kept it all in for so long that it's gotta keep flowing now, like a dam breaking. If Risto can handle it," which in Sav's opinion would include keeping Jani's confidence, "keep that conversation going."

Checking his mobile's display for new messages thanks to the power of suggestion, Sav noticed the time. Yes, for sure, any minute now. "I suppose I'd better ring off. Don't want to, but you know. It's my turn. You did it last time, in the end."

* * *

"Yeah," Jani sighed. "Better do it before they come get you. I'll let you know how it went with Risto. You take care, okay?"

* * *

"I will... you, too. I love you, Jani. Goodbye." Sav waited a moment to make sure Jani wasn't about to speak, then clicked the End key and sighed. Interesting beginning to the day, he could say that much.

* * *

Sav told him again that he loved him. Jani smiled and replied, "I love you, too," but Sav had already ended the call. Well, it fit in with the rest of the day. The lack of sleep, then when speaking with Sav in the morning had just succeeded to calm him down and make a plan, Tony had ruined the plan. Again, speaking with Sav had helped, but then Jani's stupidity had ruined the talk they'd had. Why hadn't he just lied and, well, faked it? Women supposedly did it all the time, and how hard could it be when it was phone sex? Unlike Jani, whose erection had kept wilting, Sav had been all there, as horny as they usually both were, and although Jani's dick refused to cooperate, he'd been looking forward to bringing Sav off; he could never get enough of making his lover come, and that was regardless of his own pleasure. Only Sav had rejected him. In a way, it felt worse than the whole Sonata drama. At least he was sure that Sav hadn't noticed, and if he'd noticed that Jani was glum, he'd attribute it to Tony's actions.

When he was about to put his phone down, Jani noticed that he had a text. It was from Risto, who'd called not long ago when the line had been busy. Jani's heart sank. If Risto cancelled, there'd be nobody to stop him from a trip to Alko. However, he breathed a relieved sigh when he read the message: his friend was merely suggesting he pass by Di Mare on his way to Jani's place. If Jani didn't reply in time, he'd bring the usual.

It made him immediately feel better. The usual was a family-sized pizza with sausage, jalapenos, chili, and lots of onions. It was synonymous for home with friends.

* * *

Since the phone call hadn't resulted in a happy ending, Sav took care of that first. Jani, without even intending it, had trained him to get the most out of it, if not being with him physically, then hearing his voice while Sav brought himself off. He did it more out of not wanting his dick to misbehave around anyone else. They had a show tonight, and he didn't want to leave himself open to temptation, as it were.

Jani was first and foremost in his mind, but other unwanted images kept intruding. Why had he ever let himself get entangled with any of his band members? And why was Tony so keen on locking Jani in with him for a fucking month? Sav wasn't naive. Being married with kids and reportedly straight didn't mean shit if it was just a cover. He'd have just given up but his balls ached to discharge. If that fucker hadn't stolen his toys, or if he'd replaced them already, it would have gone faster. Finally, Sav flipped over, shoved both pillows under himself and rode it out. Fuck, he just wanted Jani under him, his face shining with ecstasy while Sav pounded his spot. He couldn't get the words, 'your thick erection' and something about being spread wide open in Jani's accent to stop looping so he stopping trying. After that, it was less than a minute of humping and stroking and he shot into the soft, innocent pillow.

* * *

It was only when Risto rang the door bell that Jani remembered that they'd established this particular pizza as theirs, mainly because it went well with a lot of beer. However, before he could deepen the thought, Risto pushed a six-pack of class-I beer cans at him.

"Here. Never say I never did anything for you. Drinking that slop is proof of friendship."

Jani laughed. "Thanks, man, I owe you. So, you know where my TV is, why don't you start setting the game up while I get plates."

Ten minutes later, his prediction to Sav was becoming true: Risto was beating the pants off of him, but Jani was also finally able to stop thinking about all that had gone wrong in the past 24 hours.

* * *

It had been really nice to sleep in. Sav stretched and rolled over, slowly becoming aware of his surroundings. Apparently he'd fallen asleep in his own jizz after finally getting himself off, and he grimaced at the tugging at his groin. He still had no real plans for the day. It was odd that no one had bothered him. Actually, that was fine. Twenty years ago, he might have spent it sight-seeing, drinking, entertaining himself with whatever lay from the night before he'd woken next to. Now he was happy just to decompress.

Feeling lazy, he got out of bed anyway and jumped in the shower. Being it was already lunch time, Sav ordered salad, fruit, grilled chicken, and jasmine rice from room service. Since he had committed to being more healthy, he was mindful of his selections. Idly flipping channels on the TV, he stopped when a news show flashed a picture of him on the upper left part of the screen, and then the anchorwoman launched into her spiel. "Reports have reached us that Def Leppard founding member, bassist Rick Savage was the victim of theft last week during the band's Las Vegas stop. Personal items including some one-of-a-kind jewelry were taken from his room at the Mandalay Bay resort. Def Leppard play tomorrow night at the Chronicle Pavilion in Concord. Please report any suspicious activity to event security, the local P.D., or call the number on the screen, below."

What the hell? Apparently word had got out. Sav was less than thrilled. He didn't want to have to answer the same questions from well-meaning fans at tomorrow's meet-and-greet: did you recover any of your things, do they know who did it, are you concerned for your safety, etc. Had the others heard about this yet? He couldn't imagine news like that would reach Europe, namely Finland, other than possibly the UK. Having lost his appetite, he decided that he'd talk to Rob immediately, or as soon as the man was available. And otherwise, he was going to stay in his room.

* * *

"So how come you're suddenly into Eighties music?"

Jani rolled his eyes. "I'm not. I chose one song by Def Leppard and then you guys mobbed me into singing all this ancient stuff."

"Well then," Risto grinned innocently. "Same question, different subject. Def Leppard?"

Opening another can of Tumma I, Jani nodded. "I can see why you'd wonder. The answer is disappointingly simple. They played in Milan, too, and their bass player picked me up and looked after me when I broke my finger. He's a nice guy and I owe him."

"So you thought you'd thank him by making their music popular here?" Risto didn't sound convinced.

"Yeah, well, there's also, now that Anni broke up with me, that I'm back on the market. I needed to let the ladies know." Jani smirked. It was a lie, of course, but nobody was supposed to know what really was going on with him and Sav. Given the reputation of sexual prowess Jani had built before the past year struck, he thought the explanation would make sense.

Apparently, it did, as Risto laughed. "Make love like a man, right." He nodded. "Then may I suggest we see if you're making progress fighting like a man. Ready for round two?"

Jani set his beer down and picked up the controller.

* * *

Sav looked up from his fretboard, he'd been watching it again. His mobile was buzzing on the table next to him. Their PR manager, asking to be let in, and saying Rob was with her. Sav rolled his eyes. This was supposed to be rock'n'roll not some fundamentalist organisation, but some of the crew were very particular about propriety when it came to female staff being alone with the band or other high-ranking males.

Sav turned off the amp and the power to his bass and answered the door. A short discussion was enough to relay that they, along with their management based in New York City, were on it, doing whatever they could to prevent further media spread. It was all over the 'Net, no one could stop that entirely.

"So what _is_ being done?" Sav asked. "And don't give me some pat answer."

It was down to Las Vegas police. Sav demanded to know why they hadn't hired private investigators, to which the answer was, was he personally going to pay the tab?

No. He wasn't. Not unless it got way worse. Nope, no way he was going out today. When he got to the point where his fingers burned, maybe he'd have another look at that crime novel he'd bought in Vantaa, what felt like forever ago.

* * *

Jani yawned when he closed the door behind Risto. They hadn't talked, but the computer games had provided some sort of return to normality for him, and he was tired, especially after not getting much sleep the night before. He was confident that this night would be better. Ten minutes later, he'd cleaned his teeth and sighed happily when he lay down. A final glance at Rakas, and he was out.

* * *


	12. Friday, 25 August 2006

* * *

Jani woke early from pressure on his bladder. When he opened his eyes, they fell on Rakas and he immediately smiled. Yesterday had been a roller coaster and he vowed to himself that today would be better, starting with an email to Sav. Well, after peeing, that was, some things were even more urgent than Sav.

He took care of business and booted his computer. There was a chance that Sav was still up and since Def Leppard had a night off, Jani decided to make it a very short email:

_Dear Sav,_

_as expected Risto beat the pants off of me (not literally, of course ;-)) last night. I slept well and am awake now, missing my lover. If you're awake and alone, would you like to talk? You've got my number..._

_Love, Jani_

* * *

Weirdly, days off sometimes were even more boring than show days, and such had been the case today. Deciding he'd check his email before sleeping, Sav was happy to find an email from Jani. It had been sent just moments before. Hell yeah, he wanted to talk. Or... _talk_.

A grin on his face, Sav grabbed his headset, plugged it in, adjusted the volume and dialled Jani. He said he was up. Sav would be, momentarily.

* * *

After he'd sent the mail to Sav, Jani padded over to the kitchen and made himself a cup of coffee. Although it was still early, he felt well rested. Alone that he'd been able to sleep had led to a major improvement of his mood. Then, a day had passed since Tony's announcement, which always helped, as well as the game evening with Risto.

And last, but by far not least, he'd talked things through with Sav. That had led to another problem – or so it had felt at the time – but Jani told himself that he'd overreacted. He was now glad that he hadn't brought it up again in his email: he knew only too well that discussing relationship 'issues' while on tour never made things better. Also, Sav surely hadn't meant to reject him when he'd withdrawn from sex. It was far more likely that he'd intended to not pressure Jani, only Jani, being the idiot he occasionally was, had misunderstood it. No, he wasn't going to bring this up. One day, much later, when the tour was over and they had time together. Or maybe not, there was no need to force it down Sav's throat how much of an idiot his boyfriend – he snorted at the term – could be. Sav was bound to find out from his reactions now and then anyway.

Following that call, of course, he hadn't talked with Risto as he'd originally intended. Oh, he'd wanted his friend's opinion and advice on the rehearsal situation, but that would have called for an explanation as to why it was such a problem for him, and even though Risto was one of his best and oldest friends – no, make that the best and oldest friend – whom he trusted with his life, he wasn't ready to share with him what he had with Sav. What he had told Risto was the same he'd told the others, that Def Leppard's bassist had helped him after the Milan gig, that they'd stayed in touch, and that Sav was a really nice guy. He'd also made a point that his choice of a Def Leppard song for karaoke didn't mean he was now a big Eighties fan. That had led to reminiscing over their first computer games for a while, and following that the raging battle had resumed on the screen in his room.

Today should be an easy day. He needed to practice guitar and get himself ready – mentally, he was doing okay finger-wise – for tomorrow's gig. Later in the afternoon, Sonata would meet for a run through the intended set list. Jani was actually for once looking forward to the gig because of the pyrotechnics they were going to use. By now he regretted that he hadn't joined Henkka and Punkki when they'd announced they'd get the pyro licence, but at the time he'd been too preoccupied with himself, drowning in his problems. Well, if he still wanted the licence, he could pass it at a later time, maybe after his service.

Sipping his coffee, he opened the computer again. No email from Sav yet, but he hadn't really expected one so quickly. Next he checked the tracking code Ibanez had sent him. His new guitar wouldn't make it before the gig. This was probably just as well so he wouldn't get distracted or try to rearrange his parts at the last minute.

What had become a routine for him meanwhile was next, checking various boards for reports on Def Leppard's performances. After reading through the usual hysteric descriptions how hot the musicians were – Jani knew first hand how hot one of them was and he wasn't interested in the rest – he found a few new statements about their latest gigs that focused on the music rather than the band members' looks. Smiling sadly, he had to admit that he envied the concert-goers...

... and then it suddenly hit him that there was one aspect in Tony's meddling that provided a solution to an idea he'd already had some time ago but couldn't consider because he wouldn't have a valid passport much longer. That had now changed. But just as he opened a browser window to look up Def Leppard's tour schedule again and search according flights, his phone rang. A wide grin spread on Jani's face as he answered it. "Hei there," he greeted Sav. "How are things in... where are you again?" He laughed.

* * *

"Hi, Jani... Do I even know what day it is much less where I am?" Sav laughed. "Somewhere in southern California. It's wall-to-wall city, so that's the best I can do. Another ubiquitous hotel room. Better that than the bus, though. So how's it going, aside from the video game arse kicking?" He sat on the bed and toed his shoes off.

* * *

Jani laughed louder. "Well, you're probably somewhere between San Diego and Concord and it's August 25th in Finland. It's early morning here, meaning you're probably still on 24th. Man, I'm losing track of the time zones. I think I'm going to buy a cheap clock and set it to the local time according to your tour schedule." He sipped more coffee.

"How's it going? Better than yesterday. _Much_ better. The day ended nicely despite the arse-kicking – or should I say because of it, we had tons of fun and next time it'll be Risto who'll get his arse kicked... No, probably not, he's too damned good at them... How are you at video games? We could gang up on him. I told him that we met in Milan where you helped me with my finger and that we stayed in touch afterward," Jani elaborated. "Same, um, cover story as I told the band."

He emptied his cup and rinsed it with the phone squeezed between his chin and shoulder, then set it in the drying cupboard. "I'm in the kitchen, heading over to my bedroom now. While I look for my headset, wanna tell me how things are on your end?"

* * *

"If there's a word for less than abysmal, that would be me at video games, because I've never played. Terrible, huh?" Sav chuckled, recalling his and his mates' late-70's selves dropping coins into the old, stand-up versions. For someone like Jani who had access and means to get all the latest consoles and games, it was probably unimaginable. "Arcade games were just introduced where I live when I was in my late teens. Sure, I tried them out, we all did, but by then I was already into other things – like the band – and had a job so... no time to spend hours and hours at it. Pac Man was... 1980? We'd just put out our first album. It would be a very steep learning curve for me, not that I'm not willing to try."

Interesting, Sav thought, how Jani 'explained' him as a presence in his life. First, he supposed, that he needed to, which he chalked up to the age gap and totally different scene. Well, and the gay thing. Which neither of them were, exactly. To date, Sav hadn't needed to mention Jani to anyone. Even with his band, who had tried to take the piss out of him for having a 'someone' at first, he'd stonewalled. When the time came, if it ever did, he would proudly introduce Jani as his significant other to anyone who mattered. Perhaps he should think up a cover story, too, just in case, since Jani didn't want them outed. "If it should come down to it, I'll say the same, from my own point of view: we met in Milan at Gods of Metal where I helped you get to the A&E, stayed in contact, and so on. Because I'm such a nice guy," he grinned into the phone, assuming Jani could hear it in his voice.

What the hell had he done today? Things were all becoming a blur. Tour. Sav shook his head. "Funny, it's just as boring to have an off day as a show day sometimes. I practiced some. Called my mum. Oh! Geez, how could I forget? My brother is in Cali. We had coffee earlier, that's all he had time for, between driving time and his work schedule," he finished a little regretfully. He was no better. They weren't getting any younger; Sav knew he needed to make more time for family in the future. With or without Jani in his life, his family of origin was important.

"After that, back to the hotel, surfed the 'Net a while which is always a huge time suck, dinner... after that it was just a matter of staying awake long enough to talk to you. Easier for me to remember since you're always ahead of me, but the clock might not be a bad idea," he finished. "Things are well enough. Better as always since I have you on the line."

* * *

"I can confirm that you're a very nice guy," Jani smiled. "Even though you apparently suck at video games, but that can be remedied. Think long winter nights in Lapland when you visit someone you, um, like a lot. I'll be happy to practice with you while we recover between, um, rounds, if you know what I mean." He blushed.

"Your brother would be the doctor in San Diego, what was it, molecular biology?" It was that or something close, but Jani couldn't remember the details. "Sorry for not paying better attention," he cringed, "and sorry he has such a busy schedule. I hope you still had a good time, you must miss him a lot... If there were one real reason for me to stay in Kemi, it's my family. I'd miss them and although I can't quite figure out why they're so fond of a moron like me, I'm pretty sure they'd miss me, too. I'd still be in Finland if I moved, though – at least until I'm done with my service – unlike you and your brother. I don't know how I'd feel if my baby sister moved to another continent. Not that I think that would ever happen. Although... maybe I'd consider moving in with my boyfriend eventually. He lives in the UK, well most of the time. See, he's this famous musician and spends a lot of time abroad," Jani grinned.

* * *

"I know what you mean. Long nights there, huh?" Sav meant that in every sense, and he was sure Jani knew he did, too. "I suppose we can't go more than three or four times a day," he said like as if he wasn't sure of that. "That's at least half of our time not sleeping, is recovering."

"That's him, yeah, Brian." Sav knew Jani's family was in Kemi and what they did for work but not much more. "I don't expect you to memorise my family's CVs, having never met them. But I know what you mean... I've lived in Sheffield most of my life, for similar reasons," he agreed, after listening to Jani talk. "And if my significant other wants to move in with me during those times we're not on tour, when I'm not at his place, I'm more than good with that... I'd like it very much."

"You have a gig soon, right?" Sav suddenly remembered. "Is your set list ready and all that?"

* * *

"Or playing music," Jani added. "We should definitely spend some time with our instruments. The other instruments, I mean," he laughed. "At your place and my future one. And as I want to know everything about you... everything you're okay to share, that is, it includes your family."

In his room now, he plugged the headset into his phone. "About the gig, yes, that's tomorrow. Our very own festival in Kemi, but we won't be the only performers. Among others, Tony has invited friends, musicians from one of his side projects. We have a Sonata rehearsal scheduled for later today. We're all excited about it. Not only will all our friends be there but also families, which means I'll have to behave." He frowned.

"Can't get rip-roaring drunk with my mum and sister watching. My liver will appreciate it, but I'll probably be a mess, all nerves." Jani hesitated. "I wish you could be here."

* * *

Sav giggled over that one. "Yes, our instruments. Our equipment? I wonder if we could call it gear, too. But really, we do need to play more music together. I mean, two musicians? It would be a shame not to." He didn't say it but thought, 'if we can stay off each other long enough'. Well, Sheffield had been like the honeymoon, and he shouldn't expect that sort of frequency unless they were apart for something like a year, which Sav hoped never happened.

"I wish I could come and watch you, too," he went on a bit wistfully. "Tomorrow, and any time you play. Especially when the festival is to celebrate your band. But you wouldn't be getting totally wasted anyway though... would you? Turned over a new leaf and all..." Sav wanted to know. Old habits died hard. Chances were it was just an off-the-cuff remark, but considering that Jani had recently asked Sav to make him promise not to drink, he went into Mum mode or something. Sav hadn't had more than a few beers total himself in the last month, following the same mindset mostly for Jani's benefit whether he was there or not. His lover would have been able to tell when they spoke, if he'd been drinking.

* * *

"To be honest, I don't know," Jani admitted when Sav asked him if he'd be getting totally wasted. "I never plan to drink so much. It, well, I don't know how to say it, it kinda just happens. Once I start drinking I can't seem to stop. So the best would be not to start at all, which as of recently works most days. But with the gig... I don't think I can do it entirely sober. I'll try, though. I'll try to think of you and Mum and Aino..."

Jani snorted. "I guess I could always ask Tony to remind me of not getting hammered. He'd just love that."

* * *

"Pfft! I bet he'd like that... a little too much," Sav snorted in return. When it came to Tony, he felt a little bit possessive over Jani, which, he realised, was absurd. "One mum is enough. I'll try to keep that in mind. Yeah. I know how it goes, one turns into two, into ten. But you kept it to a dull roar at Tuska, right?"

He knew that Jani had. "You know that as soon as you get on stage you'll be fine. More than fine. I wish I could see it live," he repeated. "But I suppose there's always youtube, after."

* * *

"Tuska, no I wasn't very drunk then. I'd taken the entire band and crew's painkillers, which included some heavier stuff, and even I know that adding alcohol would have been a bad idea. Somewhere between being numb from the meds and in agony from my finger, as they'd pulled the wires only the day before, I managed to get on stage and through the set. But if a repeat of that were my alternate option, I'd go for drunk. Holy fuck, that hurt... Did I tell you that the word tuska means agony, pain?" Jani snorted. "That festival really was a case of nomen est omen for me this year." He shook his head and sighed.

"I know this stage fright thing is stupid and illogical. Unfortunately, the part of me that knows I'll be okay as soon as I start playing gets mowed down by the part that insists that although it always was the case in the past, this time it's going to be different, I'll freeze up and won't be able to hit a single note. I'll try to keep it down to a few beers. I promise – to you, as making the promise to myself won't be very effective. Just don't hate me if my attempt isn't all that successful."

* * *

Sav cringed, flinched when Jani mentioned a potentially deadly combination of alcohol and pain killers, and was beyond relieved Jani couldn't see him. If Jani ever did that to him... or to himself... He "Mm-hm'd" a couple of times and recovered enough to comprehend Jani's question as to Tuska's name. "Yeah, I think you told me, although maybe I wasn't paying very good attention. I was thinking more like 'great sadness', but pain and agony more than covers it." He paused. "I'm glad you're better. As much as I wanted to be there for that show, too, it's probably better you didn't have to worry about my impression or whatever."

Moving on to the present, he told Jani, "I am not going to hate you. That seems to be something of a recurring theme but it won't happen. I love you, even if you screw up. It's not like I'm perfect. Neither of us is that shallow, are we?"

* * *

Sav's question about them being shallow probably wasn't meant to require an answer, but Jani had vowed to be honest with Sav, so he had to reply. "I... I actually am shallow, probably even more than you can imagine. Like, I can't seem to be able to fall in love with an ugly woman. In the past, I mean. Regardless of intelligence, sense of humour, and I value these things a lot, but if they didn't come with, well, beauty, I wasn't interested. I know it's wrong, I mean, come on, I know what I look like and then there are all the other flaws, smoking, drinking, I haven't exactly been faithful nor done my share of the housework, and whatever else." He swallowed.

"It's different with you. Don't get me wrong, I find you very attractive, but I think I'd be in love with you even if you were butt-ugly. As for screwing up, well, I've done that a lot in the past, so I'm afraid that people, not only former girlfriends but also the band, have reason to be mad at me."

Vittu, this wasn't how he'd hoped the call would go.

* * *

It had been more of a hypothetical question. However, Sav wasn't surprised when Jani gave him an earnest, quite comprehensive reply. He must have done some soul-searching along those lines before. "Maybe you have screwed up, you've never sugar-coated it. And maybe they, the exes and the band, have reasons. I don't have any such reasons to hold against you and that's not my style. If they continue to hold a grudge for years, then they're just as shallow."

The subject of physical beauty, touchy. "You've heard the expression 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder', or have a similar saying in Finland...? Yes, there's a standard in the Western world, especially for women, I'm not immune to it either... tall, thin, long-legged, big-titted, wide-mouthed, blue-eyed blondes, right? Or maybe you prefer dark hair, I don't even know. The point I'm trying to make is that not everyone has the same taste. So, uh, lots of women like what I look like but comments from men are more like, "Is it a boy or a girl" kinda thing. They're not trying to pick me up, though." Sav huffed a laugh. They oughta see him with some extra pounds, short hair, bloodshot eyes and a few days' stubble.

He seemed to be on a roll now. "But anyway, you've said several times you don't think you're attractive... well, you are to me. I'll admit, some of it's your hair. And your voice. And your fucking thighs, Jani. Already I've defied the norm, haven't I? But... I see _you_ , shining through. Like, your wit, and humour, that's quite important to me, too. Your no-bullshit attitude. You don't give a flying fuck who I am, like, fame-wise. I'm just another career musician who you happen to be seeing. I like that, because too many people would let me run all over them and then offer to lick my arse, just because... you know. There's also the fact that I know what it's like to be with you, talking about sex now. I didn't always know all the specifics, but, well, I have a good imagination." Now he was smiling, and swelling. "The real thing is better than any fantasy."

* * *

"Um, well..." Jani shifted around nervously, liking the new topic of their conversation, hearing himself being praised, even less. However, there was an easy way out, one that had other, significant... benefits.

"How about not just talking about sex," he took the bull by the horns. "How about _having_ sex? It's early morning here and I got wood. Could you maybe suggest something we could do about that?" he laughed.

* * *

Well that was direct. Sav didn't mind, he'd been dancing around the subject, hoping his not-very-subtle hint would do the trick. "Oh, I could manage that, got something growing here, that I wanna do something about, too, if you know what I mean. Taking my clothes off now, gimme five seconds." Reaching down, it was already a lesson in logistics to lower his zipper around the ridge behind it. Just the mention of having sex, phone sex or otherwise, and he was almost fully up.

"There." Sav stuck his headphone buds in his ears again. "Ready. Naked. Hard. You too? If I was there, I'd be all up against you. My dick against yours, hands on your body, whatever I could reach."

* * *

"Oh man, I wish you were here," groaned Jani. "Your dick against mine. We'd wrap our hands around them both and stroke. I can almost feel your vein pulsing against mine. My other hand is on your butt and pulls you closer against me. Our chests touch, too. In fact, I'm trying to get as close to you as possible to maximise skin contact. Mmmhhh..."

* * *

"Gawd, yeah... love the way you grab at me. I'm helping you jack our dicks together, starting to get all slick, and I can't help threading our legs through each other's, rubbing my balls against yours just a little. I've got my face in your neck, in your hair, smells so good, clean and like you." Sav laid on his back, though in the fantasy he and Jani were on their sides, facing, his head tossed to the side. Arching his back, he slowly moved his hand in a loose circle up and down his erection, to draw it out. The other hand skated up his belly. "Where else should I touch you, luv?"

* * *

Jani closed his eyes and stroked himself. Of course it didn't feel like having two dicks in his hand, but the thought alone was enough to bring him to steely hardness, and he was already leaking a little. When Sav asked him where else he wanted to be touched, 'everywhere' was on his tongue, but Sav would know that. So Jani thought for a second, which was all he needed.

"Nipples," he pressed out as his free hand moved to his chest. "Gently first, then... You'll know from my sounds when I'm ready for more," he laughed. "And you, what would you like best?"

* * *

"Mmm, yeah... Moving a little, so I can reach... there. Touching one of your nipples now, just light little flicks, circling the outer edge," Sav made his voice soft, too. "Now the other... still slow, easy, so they don't get tight too fast. But they will, I know they will... d's it feel good?"

* * *

"Mmmhhh..." Jani purred. He circled his nipples as lightly as he could and felt them grow erect under his... under _Sav's_ touch. "Feels incredible," he sighed. "They're pulling a little taut already. I love it how you take your time with them, you're making them very happy and I can't get enough of it, them. That's what got me... into... things in Milan," he confessed.

"You touched my chest and I'm not even sure if it wasn't an accident, but I reacted and you noticed. I'd known for some time already that having them touched is an incredible turn-on for me, but I never told anyone, not even my girlfriend, and then you..."

Jani moaned. "The rest of me needed a little longer to come around, but my nipples totally fell in love with you that night," he laughed.

* * *

Sav's lust – and love – skyrocketed, as Jani told him his perspective of being introduced to Sav's touch that night in Milan. "It was just by chance, that my finger brushed over that part of you. Honestly, I was on my way to grab your arse, kinda like you said you're doing to me now. Which, yeah, that feels incredibly good. I was probably too rough with you at first," he said, hindsight 20/20 and all, "but you reacted and I... I suppose I did, too. Gawd, Jani... seeing you come alive like that. I knew I shouldn't, but I wanted it. When I flicked your nipples, and pinched, you just seemed to need it and I gave you whatever you'd take. If they're getting stiff now, you want more? Or I could use my mouth..."

A droplet or two oozed from his slit, and Sav spread it around the screaming nerve endings of the head. He moaned, quiet but deep, pushing his hips upwards once. "Have you ever heard of docking?"

* * *

If Jani had expected – hoped, actually – for Sav to join him in reminiscing their first night together, he wasn't disappointed. It wasn't the first time Jani had brought it up as he himself also enjoyed dwelling on this memory, in particular as for some reason he only seemed to remember the good parts of it. He was about to confirm this and reply to Sav's question whether he should love his nipples a little harder or with his mouth now, but another question from Sav distracted him.

"Docking? No, I don't think I've heard of that. What is it?"

* * *

Perhaps Sav should have let Jani answer the first question before asking another. But they were on to it now, and he'd go back to Jani's nipples shortly. "It's... I've only heard of it, never tried it. Instead of lining your dicks up vein to vein, you point them together with the slits touching, and then one or both of you rolls or tugs your foreskin up over both heads or as far as you can if not all the way. Probably works better when you're not close to coming yet. It's supposed to feel fantastic, and it's... intimate. I know you enjoy having your foreskin played with and moved when I suck you. Interested?" Even if not now, it might give them something to experiment with, in the future.

* * *

"I... vittu..." Jani's thoughts came to a screeching halt and his hand flew to his balls to give them a hearty squeeze. "Oh my fucking god, are you trying to kill me? No, don't answer that. I.. I can't wait to do that with you. Your foreskin covering my glans and..." he had to stop talking so he could swallow the drool that was flooding his mouth. "Interested? That's the understatement of the millennium! Do you want me to come right now? Say the word and as soon as I let go of my balls – that I've yanked down hard when you explained what you have in mind – I won't be able to hold back for as much as another second!"

* * *

Sucking in a breath at the desperate-sounding response, Sav was glad of the headphones as he took his heavy, dense stones in his other hand. He didn't have to yank them down – yet – but they were ascending, pulling on the cords. "We're going to do this in person, for sure, but when that time approaches we'd better leave it till round two or three."

Jani's voice held no secrets: he was there, on the edge, holding off only by trapping his balls down, Sav believed it. "You don't have to hold back for my sake... go ahead and cream all over yourself, Jani. Mmmm... I'd tug my foreskin up over your ridge, even if I can't get it to stretch that far in real life I'm imagining it now, then your... glans... as far as I could make it reach. That smooth inside skin around your head while your tiny opening there kisses mine." While it was true he didn't know if he would be able to extend the thin layer as far as he was describing when rampantly hard, Sav wanted to. Bad. He was squirming too, and pulling just to see if it was feasible. "And then you spurt into it, fill that tight little tunnel I've made..."

* * *

"Sav..." Jani could hardly believe how wrecked his voice sounded. "Wanna... Gonna let go. Gonna cream all over myself, no, all over your slit while it kisses mine, gonna spurt, gonna fill that tunnel of ours..." His balls were drawing up against his hand. Only a saint could have – possibly, barely – succeeded in holding off an overwhelming climax, but Jani was no saint. He let go of the tight, swollen glands and let out a series of wounded moans as he brought himself to completion, manipulating only his foreskin with the tips of his fingers.

"Sav, oh god, Sav...!" Jani came so hard that his vision whited out. "Shooting on... _in!_ your slit now... Nnnhhh!!!!"

* * *

"Yeah, Jani, that's so good, I want your hot spray of goo surrounding me and," Sav gulped, "in me!" Some strangled noise came out of him. Was it possible, could it really happen, that if Jani spurted hard enough, he could shoot some of it up Sav's inner tubing? Whatever, it sounded _hot!_ "It tickles and it kinda burns and... oh gawd, oh shite..." his hand was flying up and down his length, tight now, and Sav's pelvis rolled up to meet every downstroke ... "Got my hand on myself, I wanna come! Push yours out with mine..."

* * *

Jani didn't understand what Sav was trying to tell him with 'Push yours out with mine,' but whatever it was, it was probably too late for him anyway. What he did understand was that Sav was coming, too. With his eyes still closed, Jani's mind showed him their hands on their dicks sliding their foreskins up and down over their respective tips. His imagination was so strong that he swore he could feel Sav's come hit his slit and he moaned deeply when the sensation wrung another weak spurt from his balls.

"God, Sav..."

* * *

It was going to be huge, and Sav couldn't wait any longer. Jani's little moan set him off, the sound of it as if his orgasm had left his entire being ruined and strung out. Yes, ruined for anyone else, and so it was with Sav, too. His release exploded with such force that his back arched far enough off the mattress that one of the muscles along his spine spasmed, but only for a moment. With each pulse, his hips jerked erratically in time to the spurts of his come cascading onto his chest, his neck, some across his lips.

At first, he moaned wordlessly. But then Sav's mind seized the cause of the intensity of his release. "Jani... Jani!" He drew the vowel sounds out in needy yowls. His body yearned for his lover's hands on him, his kiss, his offering of his entire being, with a strength that almost broke him. Yeah, the new fantasy was beyond good, and he'd been able to get Jani off so hard. But Sav needed to touch and he didn't know how he was going to live much longer on his own, not when he had someone who was his and, whether he understood it or not, who owned a piece of him that was permanently branded with his name. "Oh my god Jani..."

Such feelings ebbed with the end of his climax as the flood of chemicals propelled him to a momentary stoned high. Sav found he was giggling, and made himself stop. His junk ached too much to touch, and he let go of himself. Sure he could only produce jibberish, his tongue insisted anyway. "I love you. That was... magnificent." The overblown word set off another laugh. Oh well, laughter was good.

* * *

Just as Jani's climax was winding down he heard Sav's hitting with full force. Again, Jani's balls tried to press out another spurt, this time in vain, so he focused all his senses on the gasps and cries of his lover. His heart ached when Sav called for him in the throes of a powerful orgasm and he wished nothing more than that they could be together, always, and not be separated by an ocean. But it couldn't be, not with their respective careers, and as much as that hurt, it was also a good thing because they both understood each other, the hunger to play with their bands, and the love for their music weighed against the separation.

"Magnificent," Jani echoed when he thought Sav's brain would be functioning again. "Docking. I learn something new with you all the time. Do you have more of these, um, ideas? Not that I could get it up again anytime soon, you've worn me out once again," he laughed.

* * *

Wow, that had been quite a ride, even for them. And to think that only about five minutes before, he'd still been trying _not_ to get hard yet. Sav licked the seed off his lips, then wiped off his chin. "Always happy to further your education," he chuckled. "I might have a few more ideas, yeah." He had to think for a second, what they could do that didn't necessarily involve toys. "Ever heard of edging? That'd drive you out of your mind."

* * *

"Pretty much everything you do with me sex-wise drives me out of my mind," Jani replied dryly. "Not complaining. So, no, edging, no clue here. What is it?"

* * *

"It means... when you tease yourself or your partner to the point of orgasm, to the edge, and then back off. As you might imagine, there are many different things you can do in the process. The more times you can hold off, the more intense when you finally do... come." Sav couldn't get it up again yet either, he knew that, but tell it to his dick, which was twitching and trying to fill. He rasped, "Neither of us is a paradigm of self-control when it comes to, well, each other. If it's too much to stop, at first, there's always cock rings and that sort of... thing. Device." Sav even had a couple of them, at home, which had been gathering dust for years. "It's a means of building trust, and for giving oneself, one's will, to your partner, besides the sex part."

* * *

Jani snorted after listening. "That sounds like a set up to an epic fail for me. I'm afraid the only thing you can trust me with is that I won't be able to hold back as soon as you start... teasing me. Of course I'll be happy to try – anything," he leered, "but I don't think there's any chance of me succeeding in such a thing, at least not for the next, um fifty or sixty years."

* * *

"Fifty years, huh? Good lord. Here's a boner killer: by then I'll be so spotted and wrinkled you might not have to worry about it," Sav groaned. He didn't even want to live to be that old. "Food for thought, the edging I mean! Not old geezer sex. Although some blokes are still alright at, say, 65." He didn't mention that in 20 years, he'd be that age, himself. "Hell, when I was your age, 45 sounded ancient. I had better step up my skin care regimen," he said wryly. "You'll see when you get there, you still feel like yourself, like you're still young, on the inside."

* * *

"Well, maybe I could contribute to your skin care," Jani cackled, "with some extra creamy..." He coughed. "And if worse really comes to worst age-wise, I guess we could always do it like the old couple in the joke: hold it up and place bets on to which side it'll drop," he giggled. "Not that I think we'll ever run out of juice."

* * *

"Come on my face, yes please! Any time there's nowhere better for it. But...Run out of juice? I can't imagine. Um. I wondered before, do you always shoot that much or only with me?" He wasn't going to say it without at least some cursory Internet 'research' but Sav wondered, as he had in the past years before meeting Jani, if having one's prostate stimulated made for more... output.

"There's always Viagra, when we're old. Haven't had to resort to that yet. I hear that it works if you want it, if desire is there. I'm quite sure it always will be," Sav returned.

* * *

"I, um." Jani coughed again. "I don't think I used to shoot as much before as I do now. And I never was as loud before either. But that may or may not a very subjective impression. Like some old people always claim that everything was better when they were young, to me it feels as if everything is better since I met you, and that – of course! – includes sex."

He continued, insecure, "Why, do you think I'm... producing... abnormally much spunk?"

* * *

"No, nothing like that. And I mean, for me it sometimes feels like gallons but it's realistically more like a tablespoon or two, tops." Glancing down at the sticky streaks on his body, Sav changed his mind. He might as well tell Jani his theory, even if he got laughed at. If he tried to avoid the question, Jani would probably feel insecure.

"The reason I asked... as I've said, I've not been with that many blokes but you shoot a lot or in any case, more than I do, overall. Don't get me wrong, not abnormally much, and it's one of the many things I like and admire about you. Maybe that's weird of me," he shrugged to himself. "Sorry if I embarrassed you. Anyway, I wondered if you noticed any difference between however it was before when you were with women or jerking off, as opposed to getting off when I've been rubbing your spot. As I'm sure you know, semen contains sperm, what your testicles produce, but most of the actual fluid comes from your prostate. So does it make or release more jizz when it's been stimulated, played with? That's what I'm getting at."

Of course, Jani might not actually know. Also, a man who had been abstaining for a while would have more to release when he first resumed sexual activity. There were other factors, like general health, mood, use of drugs or alcohol, Sav was sure of that.

* * *

"Ah, oh, I see," Jani nodded. "Well, as I said, I can't tell if I really shoot more than I used to although it sure feels like it. And I've already told you that I was, um, not interested in sex for a while. So maybe there's something like making up for lost time... And then there's definitely something about being madly in love," he grinned. "However, I also feel like I'm shooting a lot when you, um, blow me. Actually," Jani frowned a little, "Now I'm beginning to wonder if it's as much when I'm doing myself. And compared to with or without you on the phone..."

He groaned. "Next I'm going to start measuring or what? No way, I'm not a fucking biologist. Or proctologist." He snorted. "Sorry, can't help you there, I'm afraid." Jani laughed. "Man, the topics we're discussing, if anyone were listening in on our calls... provided that they hadn't died from blue balls during the first part of the, um, conversation..." He giggled.

* * *

"Well, measuring would be... it would get in the way, put it that way. Especially when I want to swallow it." It was a fun subject, one that he didn't expect either of them to seriously quantify, only notable differences or not. "If someone interested in two men getting it on were listening, I'd say we made their day, and their spank bank. If not, maybe they died laughing," Sav snickered. "I could talk about sex for hours, but I suppose then it would get old after a while. Can't have that."

He was starting to itch. No, he wasn't interested in sleeping like that, not when he was alone. If it were Jani's fresh goo, that would be another story. "I'm gonna get up and wash. Keep talking, though. I've got my headphones on. My day's just about ending where-as you're starting yours. I already know what you're doing later. What about in the meantime?"

* * *

"In the meantime, well, I'll keep myself occupied with mundane tasks like showering, breakfast, food shopping for the weekend as I'll be too busy tomorrow to take care of that. Then I'll make sure my stage clothes are ready as in reasonably clean. After that, practice, practice, practice. That's the only way I can think of to keep my nerves at bay so that if I screw up I can at least tell myself I haven't slacked on practicing. Not that it'll help with stage fright but still."

Jani pondered his plans for the day for a moment. "That's all I can think of."

* * *

"That sounds like a typical day off, for me, too. Except these days we have crew to even handle our clothes on the road. That's all good till someone comes in their pants," Sav grimaced, while standing naked before the mirror to wash the stickiness off his front. "Okay, I'll shut up about that now. Except one thing that I should have said before. I get going on my own tangents sometimes. Yes, it's so much better when you're in love." Now he smiled, thinking about it.

* * *

"Agree, everything is so much better when you're in love," Jani smiled. "So, as much as I don't enjoy housework, on tour even that is a welcome distraction. Well, once the painkillers against the hangover have kicked in. A problem I don't plan to have in the future, touring or not. Unlike... I wouldn't call it a problem, but something I intend to have... to do that I didn't in the past, at least not often, is come in my pants. With you on the phone, making me cream another pair of your underwear. Also, I have high hopes that the, um, toys you bought for me will arrive soon. With any luck they'll be here in time to help distract me from my stage fright tomorrow. Who cares if I walk funny on stage," he snickered.

* * *

"After tomorrow, you'll have almost a month to kill. That's a lot of housework."

Sav laughed at Jani's mention of walking funny, and hung the used washcloth and towel on the bar beside the sink. "Just stay in your stance, or have Henkka pretend to shove the neck of his keytar up your butt again, no one will notice. I didn't buy anything ginornmous, you should be able to handle it without a problem. Remember? After the first time we were together, we went for a walk and to dinner; I didn't notice anything odd about your walk. Either way, I hope they arrive soon, those toys, so I can listen to you learn to use them. I'll be happy to walk you through it again," he offered, though it was mainly for the sake of irony. The toys were for both their pleasure. Of course they would be Jani's, and if he wanted to get off with them ten times a day at first, he could try.

Back in the main part of the room, Sav got into bed. He didn't necessarily plan to go to sleep yet, it was just more comfortable. "Afraid I can't help much with stage fright. I never had more than just a standard case of nerves." He'd already told Jani about how bad Steve got, before shows, so he didn't bring it up again. "I suppose I learned to separate myself from what was going on around me. Psych myself into thinking it was just another practice."

* * *

"More like three weeks and then rehearsals start," Jani said. "Recording is planned to come right after that. Tony told the officials that the plan is we'll be done by the end of the year. No guarantees, but if that pans out, I'll start my service in January, meaning the next three weeks are pretty much the only time when I can look into things and decide what I want to do and where. Then find a flat, a car, organise moving houses. If I don't take care of it, they'll stick me with whatever job is available, and there are usually good – meaning bad – reasons if such positions aren't filled."

Then Jani had this one additional item on his agenda in September that concerned his birthday, but he kept silent. It was going to be a surprise for Sav, provided that he could pull it off.

* * *

"You have more to do than I thought," Sav admitted. "Although you've told me before, you need to choose a job, find a place to live... that's all on you, huh? The service doesn't provide housing? Well, on second thought, you wouldn't want to live in a dormitory or even an apartment building with a bunch of 18- to 21-year-olds. Funny, when I think about it now. We lived at home with our parents till we were into our 20's when we weren't on the road. All our money went into the band. After the Pyromania tour, our first big success, while we were recording the next album, which literally took years, we lived... not all together but close, sometimes in hotels or sharing houses. It was always a group effort."

What Sav was thinking was that it was too bad Jani had to go through such a drastic change all alone. "If you're lucky, there'll be a few cool people, maybe you'll find some new friends, or people to jam with or something." He had no idea if or how much Jani's being a well-known metal guitarist would affect, well, everything.

* * *

Jani laughed. "Given the density of metal bands and musicians in Finland, finding folks to jam with shouldn't be an issue. Although I'm not too good with meeting new people, as in myself not exactly being the extrovert type, it might help that I've, um, made a name with Sonata. On the other hand, Finns don't believe in all the hero worship bullshit, so making contact should be easy. Also, I know a shitload of musicians already."

He thought for a moment. "If I move to the south, I'll have plenty of good company that way. Not Helsinki, but maybe Tampere could be an option. Finding a flat could be an issue as we don't get paid very much during the service and rents are high. I have nothing against living with the youngsters, in principle, but I want to avoid the partying. Steer clear of temptation. I mean it with a healthier life. Also, I have this lover who makes me screech and I don't want the entire world to hear that when he visits," Jani smiled. "So it's gotta be my own place."

* * *

Alright, so neither the isolation nor the fame, notoriety, whichever, should be a huge problem. Good. Sav didn't comment, other than a noise of two to signify he was paying attention.

He still had to ask, "Will anyone help you move, or do flats come furnished there? If they do, make sure you get one with a good bed! That and thick walls," although since Jani had brought up his screeching, he'd think of that. Sav wasn't exactly quiet either, at times. "If it's within your means, of course," he added. He had no idea what 'expensive' meant in Finland, nor how it compared to Jani's money situation. Being paid a nominal wage was par for beginning service and military personnel in Britain, as well as the US, Sav had heard by way of Rick. Probably slightly better than minimum but not by much.

* * *

"I guess there are furnished flats available and I'll steer clear of those: why pay more for an ugly than for an empty place. That makes sense for, like someone from Kemi working in Helsinki Monday to Friday and coming home for the weekend, but I can't afford two places, even if I had my own in Kemi to begin with. No, I want my own place. I just have to decide where," Jani said firmly.

"As for moving, I've got friends in Kemi who'll help, of course. Except for my guitars there isn't so much to move anyway. When I moved in with Anni, well, most of the furniture is hers. I have the equivalent of a very basic bachelor's flat, not even a bed; I'm sleeping on my old couch at the moment." He sighed: Although he was over the splitting up, the memory of sharing a bed with Anni made him yearn to have that again, with Sav of course.

"I guess a bed is on top of my shopping list."

* * *

"Yes, right after food and... hm, I don't know what else. Oh! Coffee." Yes, and a machine for it, but Jani already made plans for that back in Sheffield.

"I'm sorry, I'm really boring tonight," Sav said with a yawn. "You pick a subject."

* * *

"A topic, huh? I'd say sex, but, well, I needn't tell you where that would go," Jani snickered. "Or not go, I should say, as my little friend is just that right now, little. However, I can hear that you're tired. Maybe I should let you sleep."

* * *

"Mm. It's not that I don't want to talk. For once, I think you wore _me_ out first. I'll chalk that up to the rapid-fire phone sex and not to me getting old," Sav said, rolling to his side. "I hear you. Little, or for sure, limp. You can remind me of this night sometime when I'm pestering you for more before you're ready." He gave a self-deprecating little chuckle.

* * *

"I know, I enjoy our talks, too," Jani coughed. "I mean, not only our, um, _talks._ But sometimes our bodies' demands differ from our minds'. Let's resume later when you've slept. And, um, recharged." He snickered.

* * *

Sav thought about it. He supposed he should just grow up and admit defeat, rather than insist on staying on the call, have nothing to say for himself, and probably nod off mid-sentence. "Right. Maybe in several hours, you'll be looking for a distraction. This morning in my time zone... I have to get up early and I'll probably be in the same state you were. We can... talk again."

* * *

"I'm looking forward to our next _talk_ already," Jani assured Sav. "So, should I be the man and hang up?"

* * *

Sav dreaded it. He took the offer to pass. "Yes, please do, Jani. I seem to have no talent or timing when it comes to when to cut off the call. And so this part doesn't get left off: thanks for the mind-altering or at least mind-blowing experience tonight; I miss you, and I love you." He could hear his voice dropping, doing odd stupid waver-y things. For some reason, he felt vulnerable, probably because of his own inadequacies. "Have a good rest of your day."

* * *

Sav sounded reluctant to end the call, yet Jani knew that he was tired. Wondering if there was something to make it easier for Sav, he said, "The rest of my day will be good because I'm going to think of you a lot. And then we'll talk again later. Any time you feel like it, call me. If I'm in rehearsal I'll call you back – I'll have my phone on vibrate in my pocket so that only your number is allowed to come through. Trust me, my dick will be able to tell if it's you who's calling. Even if I may not have a lot of time then, I'll make sure to answer."

He lowered his voice. "And of course, I'll be sending dirty thoughts hoping they'll make it into your dreams."

* * *

"As long as I don't further wear myself out or, uh, deplete the supply in my sleep. I really like the idea of your phone nestled against your dick, just waiting for me to make it buzz," Sav replied softly. "Well then..." he didn't mean to but another yawn practically cracked his jaw. "G'night, luv."

* * *

Jani laughed. "I thought you might like the thought of making me buzz with your mobile. I'm already looking forward to it. But first you get a good night's sleep. Hyvää yötä, rakkaani!" He waited for another second, then pressed the 'end call' button.

Now which of today's tasks should he tackle first? Before anything else, coffee...

* * *

Other than another chuckle when Jani mentioned buzzing one more time, Sav remained quiet. It was hard enough to hang up without him trying to get in the last word. He got the sense that Jani had echoed his sentiment; anything related to rakka, he knew that word.

Barely getting his headphones out of his ears and them with his mobile onto the nearest bedside table, Sav felt his eyes closing heavily, and sleep pulling him under.

* * *

While he drank his coffee, Jani checked his mail – and broke into a wide smile when he learned that his new guitar was scheduled to arrive on Monday. He immediately sent Sav a mail to share the good news. There wasn't anything else that needed his attention mail-wise, so he shut down his computer and had breakfast, rye bread and cheese, smiling at the memory of breaking fast on the same food with Sav in Vantaa. The smile was a little sad as it had been the last time they'd been together, but Jani was working on his secret plan to visit Sav in the US for his birthday. With any luck, they'd see each other again long before Sav returned to the UK on Def Leppard's tour break.

When he'd finished his meal, Jani treated himself to another cup of coffee, which he took to his room. Rifling through his clothes, he decided that he might as well do laundry today as he was almost out of underwear, his own as well as Sav's. He loaded the machine and had a quick shower. After taking care of his hair, he dressed in sweat pants and a tee shirt and wondered if he should go shopping now or practice guitar first.

The guitar won. He went through his stretching routine and warmed up with scales, then went through the preliminary set list they'd agreed on for tomorrow. The final list would be settled during rehearsal later today.

When Jani looked at the clock next, he was surprised to find that it was almost time to leave for Hepola. Shopping would have to wait until tomorrow. His RG and Destroyer were still at the pad, along with everything else he could possibly need, but he suddenly felt the urge to take Rakas along. Anni had offered him the car, so he didn't need a ride. After a final check to make sure he had his phone and keys, Jani left the flat, smiling to himself and looking forward to playing.

* * *

Sav slept until the morning, as typical waking a couple of minutes before his alarm went off. He had some lingering dreams swirling around in his head, one of him and Jani wanting each other very badly but for some reason having to climb up the sheer side of a mountain before they could touch, but by the time he hit snooze, napped 10 more minutes, then got up and had his morning piss and brushed his teeth, he couldn't remember much.

He checked his phone, and saw an email notification from Jani, news that his new Ibanez would arrive Monday. Sav always got excited over new guitars, too. He couldn't resist another every year or two, though he had more than enough. Then he recalled the conversation from the night before, about buzzing, and grinned. Would he have time for a call? Fuck it, the 'entourage' could wait for him if it came to that, but it shouldn't. Having set the alarm early on purpose, he had about an hour and ten minutes till they left on the bus. Jani might not be able to talk right now anyway. Sav punched the 7 key. If Jani didn't pick up, he'd buzz him again, just for fun.

* * *

Trust his luck that Sav called right in the middle of trying out a new idea of Tony's for the backing vocals: they were singing a cappella, and Jani's voice turned into a loud moan when his phone vibrated against his dick. He couldn't even hide his instant erection behind his axe that he'd set aside for the moment. Jani told his band he'd be right back, then he fled under their laughter and cat-calls to answer. His situation wasn't made any better by the rain outside, making the toilet the best place to hide. He'd never live this down.

"Hei," he finally picked up, out of breath, barely able to not break into laughter himself.

* * *

It rang a few times. Expecting voice mail, Sav was a bit startled when Jani answered. He sounded breathless, and Sav wondered what was up. Jani had mentioned going on long walks recently, but not running. Wasn't he supposed to be at some sort of rehearsal? Could very well be that Sonata Arctica's rehearsals were more energetic than Leppard's, which often involved a lot of standing around talking things out. They saved their energy for the stage. "Hi, Jani... okay time to call, or..." he couldn't help a laugh, hoping Jan picked up his off-colour insinuation, "did I interrupt something important? Or both?"

* * *

"We're rehearsing and I can't stay long, but..." Jani finally lost the fight and giggled. "Your call. Case of perfect timing. Vibration against my dick gave me an instant hard-on. We were working on backing vocals, thus no guitar to hide it. _And,"_ he paused, "you're going to love this. I didn't screech, but, um, my line came out as a moan. Finally, if that wasn't enough, it's pouring down, so the only place I could go to take the call is the loo. Wanna bet that my dear colleagues are rolling on the floor laughing their arses off and betting on what I'm doing in here?"

* * *

"Oh yeah, I'll _bet_ they are," Sav chortled. "You can probably expect cheering, high-fiving, and certain other hand gestures when you return." Thank goodness no one had noticed, or had pretended not to notice, those couple of years when that sort of thing had happened to him all the time without the excuse of a buzzing mobile. "Wow, you're very sensitive. Much more than I am. About the vibrating, I mean. One way to keep that from happening, I dress left and keep the mobile on the opposite side. Who knows what would happen if I shoved it deep in my pocket against my dick."

He was on a roll again. Jani's tale of moaning his lyrics and getting uncontrollably hard had a similar effect on Sav, though he could tell from the tone that Jani was squirming over his predicament. Pre- _dick_ -ament. "Do you want me to help you release the poisons, or are you gonna give it a cold shower? You said you're in the loo..."

* * *

Jani didn't have to think long to come to a decision over Sav's offer. "Might as well. They'll take the piss anyway, so why not do the deed and give them a reason. It'll have to be a very quick one, though." His free hand worked his buttons open. "OK, access to dick is established. Oh, and I, um, dress to the centre. Behind the button. For, well, appearances sake... If you know what I mean." Any blood cell that hadn't made it to his erection yet was now travelling upward to colour his cheeks.

* * *

"Yep, you explained your reasons for button fly and super tight," Sav quickly confirmed. He lay back on the bed. Chances were that would be all about Jani getting off in two minutes or less; he could finish later, or save it for another time. But they needed to be quick. Sav knew what words to use. "So... what makes your toes curl the most? Suck you off, lick your tight little hole, or another round of docking?"

* * *

"Nnnhh... all of that makes my toes curl, but I'm afraid we won't have time to indulge in such fantasies. I really don't want Tony walking in on this," Jani cringed. "Quickest would be me stroking myself, hard and fast, but I'd also have to try and keep quiet. Well, quiet-er. That work for you?"

* * *

"Yep, whatever works for you, works for me. Are you stroking yourself for me then?" Sav didn't expect an answer. He had a hand on himself, too, playing much more languidly. "I wanna suck it, Jani, on my knees, staring up at you, gonna slurp the head, lick the vein... go fast, baby, gonna swallow it..."

* * *

"In a sec," Jani moaned as he pulled his shirt off and pushed his pants down. "Had to get my clothes out of the way. Stroking now. For you. Oh, and for me, too," he grinned. "But the way I'm working myself doesn't really leave space for your mouth until I'm coming. Just watch..."

Of course Sav couldn't see him but he'd get the message.

* * *

"Okay... I'll stay out of your way, but I'm here if you want any of my... services," Sav rasped. He tightened his grip a little, so his foreskin slipped up and back over the edge of the corona. He imagined Jani handling himself similarly, only a lot faster. "So hot, watching you do yourself."

* * *

"S-so hot being watched by you," Jani stammered. "Not gonna last. I... I'll try to shoot in your mouth, but can't promise I'll hit, better be aware that I might just spray all over your face. C'n you hear how close I am? Wait... Listen..."

Jani lowered the hand holding his mobile close to his groin.

* * *

"Do I want to be shot in the face?" moaned Sav. "Uh... _Yeah_. I want it. Your cream, fresh and hot..." He was amazed how fast Jani could get there. The joys of youth, he supposed.

Whatever phone Jani had, it had very good sound quality as far as what it was picking up. The slapping, rubbing, slightly slick sounds told Sav he was listening to up-close wanking. Not sure if he'd be heard, he answered anyway, "Can hear your hand on your dick, so close... you're dripping wet..."

* * *

Jani brought the phone up again just in time to hear what Sav had to say. "Prepare for your facial, then," he gasped. "Matter of seconds now..."

He sped up his strokes and felt his balls draw up. Seconds later, his hips pushed forward and he succeeded in pointing his dick roughly in the direction of the small sink just as the first jet flew from his slit. "Mnnnhh..." It came out as a low growl rather than the shrieks Sav probably expected, but the proximity of his bandmates was ever present in his mind.

"So good, Sav, take it, nnnhhh...!"

* * *

The sound Jani made! So this was what he did when he had to be quiet. Sav's balls lurched and drew up, as if they had been the part of him that heard that growl. "Mmm, yesssss," he hissed, picking up his pace again. He could almost feel it, taste it; he could hear Jani come if not see the pearlescent streaks. "On my tongue, on my face." Then he shut up, so Jani could imagine doing that, maybe that he had his tongue out or for sure, his mouth open, drips of spunk clinging to his cheekbones or his lashes or where ever Jani wanted to spray it.

* * *

He couldn't suppress his low moans but Jani was reasonably confident that his band mates hadn't heard him. Unless they'd followed him, but they wouldn't do that – yet. They'd give him privacy for his phone call and only come looking for him if he stayed away for too long.

His climax didn't last long, nor was it very intense, which wasn't a big surprise considering where he was, but it still felt good, and the mental image of shooting all over Sav's face... Jani moaned again, softly, then asked, "Now that you got my juices all over your face and in your hair, are you close, too?"

* * *

His hair?! Sav knew it was one of his most well-recognised features, and he was probably vain about it. Jani wanting to come in it meant he wanted to... mark Sav in some way, mark him as his. They'd made plenty of messes on each other before; Sav wasn't sure why this time struck him as special, or significant.

"If it's supposed to be good for the skin, why not hair, too? But... Honestly, not that close," Sav admitted, although he didn't stop playing with himself, not yet, "that it wouldn't take me another minute or two, time you probably don't have to spare. Believe me, I still got off on listening to you, if not literally. You're gonna catch enough hell without lingering in there," he gave Jani an out, if he wanted it.

* * *

Jani chuckled, his body relaxed and feeling loose after coming. "Go on and I'll be very happy to listen. If anyone walks in on me now they won't know what's going on on your end. I'll just wipe off those traces that I didn't shoot into the sink pretending to be your face, then sit on the toilet. That should guarantee privacy should anyone open the door. Sonata are close-knit but not that close," he snorted, "and sorry for the TMI, hope that didn't put you off."

* * *

"You're talking to someone who had band photos shot in a loo. Nothing I haven't heard before," Sav told his lover. That had been 20 years before. He hadn't exactly dissented. "Assuming you're not actually..." he snorted. "And no, don't tell me."

That was as far as he was willing to venture into _that_ field of TMI at the moment. He didn't get grossed out easily, but if Jani wanted to hear him blow his load within a reasonable amount of time he'd need to stay focused on things that turned him on. "I'm doing what you were doing very recently, but I'm laying on the bed naked. Got my legs spread wide, feels good like that... stroking faster now, I push up into my fist. Wanna touch myself, want you to touch me, I mean. Like, your fingers, lube, open me up."

It felt clandestine, though Jani was thousands of miles away, this particular thing. Sav didn't even have any lubricant there with him, other than... "I'm using my own slick, that's all I got. Got a blob... listening to you means it's dribbling right fast."

* * *

"We had photo shoots in a loo before, too," Jani chuckled, then turned serious again. "No, not doing that, don't worry." When Sav suggested what he wanted Jani to do, however, he cringed. "I... can listen, but not talk you through this. Sorry, you'll have to lead in this. Tell, what... am I doing?"

* * *

"You did, huh? Funny." Odd that Sav had never come across pictures like that online when he'd looked up Jani back at the beginning. Some day, if he remembered, he'd Google it again.

But that wasn't the point. Jani hadn't told him to stop, only that Sav should take charge. It made sense; Jani would only be listening, not participating, per se. Sav trusted that the guitarist would speak up if it was too much or if he wasn't into it. "You're on top of me, laying between my legs. You know, there's been times you've told me you're nervous and don't know what you're supposed to do, and then three seconds later, you had your hand down my pants or whatever. I see it like that. You know exactly what feels good when I do it – touch, prep, penetrate – you. If you're squeamish, well, I get that so here's where not being in the same room is advantageous."

He was rambling. Talking fast or not, and he was, it was wasting time. "I have just my own slick now, but thinking about it, we'd have the best, as much as we need. You've been teasing me. My..." he'd done this to others, had it done to him, but Sav had never described it out loud in such explicit terms where he was the one on bottom, "my opening, my hole, is throbbing. It wants to be gone into, wants your fingers to loosen it up, one then more, till I'm stretched enough to take you. And you do that now, finally. You just... find the courage and it's like you were born knowing how to do it. I'm shaking and rolling around like a..." did he dare? "...like a bitch in heat, I gotta have you in me, please Jani," Sav choked.

He'd twisted his lower body to the side so it was easier to reach. By now he was fingering himself ruthlessly. Jani would probably never handle him that way unless Sav demonstrated he could take it. "You know how you can't hold back when I give it to you, because my dick hits your spot, how it prods and rubs and massages and makes you leak like a sieve."

Just as Sav was. He'd found the gland within himself. Three fingers wasn't as intense as a toy or a real dick, but it would do. He moaned, loud, hips flexing faster and faster in the strange angle that would probably give him a cramp but Sav was beyond caring. It'd been a while since he'd had his prostate touched at all. How, why, did he make himself go without? If he'd thought he couldn't get off in under two minutes, he could think again! "Oh gawd Jani, it's so good, so fucking good, when you slide all the way in. You're a natural, you do me just right, looking down at me, kissing me, you move like..." a long low moan left his throat, "and I need to come! Nnngh! My balls hurt they're so tight, but my arsehole fucking loves this. Can't believe how bad I need it, gonna shoot so hard..."

* * *

Whatever Jani had expected, Sav's reaction wasn't it. "It isn't that I'm squeamish," he tried to explain, "I just don't want to be overheard. The longer I stay away, the more likely it is that someone will come for me – and I'm not talking about you here," he grinned. He wasn't sure if Sav was listening, though, as he kept going, telling Jani what he imagined they were doing.

When eventually a loud knock resonated on the door half-way through Sav's monologue, Jani wasn't overly surprised. He covered the microphone with his hand and yelled "Hetkinen" to whoever was standing there. Not sure if said person had left or was waiting for him, making sure he wouldn't linger, Jani hoped that Sav had noticed that their moment of privacy had passed.

* * *

The mike on Jani's phone picked up loud knocking, which Sav had ignored, but then Jani said something, the sound muffled. After that, it was as if he'd checked out. "Um..." Sav interrupted himself. Damn, he was gonna have a case of blueballs. He'd been right on the edge, till he realised he was more or less alone. "Time's up, huh?"

* * *

Vittu, was Tony – the most likely to look for him – still at the door? "Uh-huh," Jani mumbled into the phone in case anyone was listening. Didn't Sav understand that Jani couldn't talk? Why couldn't Sav simply continue what he was... had been doing?

A better question was why they'd started anything sexual at all. Great, as in, not. If the way yesterday's phone call had ended was any indication, Sav would, again, not get off, and Jani would, also again, feel bad for it. However, there wasn't anything he could do about it right now except hope that Sav would somehow figure out what Jani wanted him to do.

* * *

It was like Sav's body rebelled when Jani mumbled "uh-huh", that his time was up. He was going to finish. Or there'd no doubt be hell to pay later in the day. "Hm, 'kay. But... I can't, I'm gonna..." he gasped, and then another low moan was wrenched from him and he started to shoot, unable to stop it as it he really were a teen again. "Oh fuck! Ngh! Nnnn, gawd, hhhnnngh!"

The jets of sticky cream went all over the bed, thanks to his position, and by the time it was over, Sav was laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. He hadn't heard anything further, so chances were that Jani had hung up on him, either out of need or sheer annoyance. "Yeah so I came," he giggled, wiping his hand on the bed. "If you're still there, I suppose you can hang up now."

* * *

When Sav announced that he was going to finish, Jani breathed a relieved sigh. Even though it wasn't at first intended to be a signal for Sav to continue, Jani hoped that Sav could hear it and read it as confirmation that Jani was still with him and wanted him to come.

And come he did. Jani smiled and made very soft encouraging mmh-mh noises that any potential listener in front of the door could interpret as whatever they chose to but not actual language. Then Sav was done. He giggled, which told Jani – at least he hoped he read it right – that he was okay and that Jani could hang up now. "Mh-hm," Jani mumbled again into the phone, then he pressed the 'end' button.

As soon as he'd hung up, he flushed the toilet and let water run from the tap while he typed a quick text message to Sav: _Sorry about this. One day we'll laugh about it. TTYS and <3, Jani_ He hit 'send' and went to rejoin his band.

* * *

_Already laughing. Love, Sav_

Well, that was weird.

And then... he was sure he heard someone moan his name. But how? And who? Oh shit. He hadn't paid any attention last night as to who was in the rooms to either side of him. Now he knew whose headboard was to his headboard. Jesus, that was... embarrassing. So why didn't his dick want to go down? Cold shower, he'd suggested to Jani. Best take his own advice.

* * *

Tony was indeed waiting for him. What was this, kindergarten? "You okay?" the singer asked and Jani rolled his eyes. "I'm good." Tony looked at him for another few seconds as if to challenge the statement, but then he nodded. "Right, then let's try these backing vocals again."

They resumed their work, but going by the expression on Tony's face it was going to be a long night.

* * *

Considering what he'd heard through the wall, Sav wasn't especially eager to be in Joe's vicinity for some while. He at least needed coffee and breakfast before being trapped in a small space with the frontman. And he could hide out in his bunk if it came to that.

First, a shower. Not cold, actually. Instead, Sav stood under the hot spray (hot spray!) going over and over the details of his and Jani's sessions from the previous night, and then this morning. Next time they were together, whenever that would be, Sav was going to make damned sure they tried docking. Once they were both very close, he wasn't so sure if it would work, but on the way from soft to hard, definitely. This morning... If they ever needed to do it fast like that again, they'd be best served by letting Jani go first. It was remarkable how quickly he could get it up and get off when he was in the mood. Or apparently, when his phone buzzed against his dick.

Sometimes Sav wondered how to get Jani to slow down, take his time, allow himself to be teased and tormented. It was probably something that came with age. He should be grateful he could still arouse his lover that much, now that they'd gone past the entire 'first time' business. Who knew what would happen when they got around to switching roles. He'd probably pull a repeat of his teenaged boy routine. After a while, Sav removed his hand from his still half-hard junk and turned the temp down. The thoughts were arousing but his body wasn't going to cooperate with a second round quite yet for whatever reason, and he needed to get a move on.

After towelling off and dressing, Sav packed up all of his stuff and headed downstairs, alone other than the obligatory security goon. There was 'continental breakfast' set up in a side room, and he quickly grabbed coffee, a banana, one of those miniature yogurts, and some sort of pastry that probably had 1000 calories. Hotel buffets were starting to all look the same. He didn't want hot food, though. By then, he noticed several people eyeing him and fled before anyone could start with the autograph, photo, blah blah blah routine. It wasn't that early anymore, but too early for that. He handed over his luggage, which the security guy had been handling since Sav had gone to get food, anyway, opting to keep his bass and tiny amp with him.

Once inside the bus he ate quickly. They had approximately a 7.5-hour drive. He decided to take one of the club chairs, and would sleep a little more once he determined whether there was any pressing band business.

There wasn't. Avoiding Joe's eyes, he soon retreated to his bunk. He read for a good while, then fell asleep on the open book. Next thing he knew, he was waking up in front of the next hotel.

The words and music had been as clear as day up until the second Sav woke up. He'd experienced that before: dreaming a brand new, fully written perfect song. Sometimes he could remember enough to recreate it, sometimes not. Today it was not meant to be. The chords and melody retreated into wisps he couldn't grasp. Sav stretched and got up. Everyone else had already off-loaded, other than Viv who was just going down the stairs.

Management and security were usually very good about keeping their exact times and locations of arrival under wraps. It was like 1987 out there today; Sav could hear lots of screaming and excited talking. Deciding he'd be better off leaving his axe on the bus, he shouldered his backpack and followed Viv and the rest. It was maybe fifty feet from the bus to the hotel lobby doors, and they were crowded and pushed and people were trying to talk to them or get autographs the whole way. It was a rule that if caught unaware, they would give out a few. Unless someone were ill or hurt, they had no excuse to be brusque.

It was strange, no one and nothing looked suspicious or out of place, yet Sav got that creepy-crawly, hairs-on-the-back-of-your-neck-rising feeling. Some of the people in the crowd looked vaguely familiar, most of those being women about 10 years younger than the band as it happened. Once in a blue, blue moon, some chick one of them had banged turned up, looking either for a repeat or to give whoever a piece of her mind. Yeah, people looked at him all the time, sure; this was different, as if all the women in the packed-together mass of fans were of that sort.

They finally made it inside the lobby; hotel security locked the place down while they checked in. Sav did his best to ignore the people pressed against the big front windows like insects under glass. They would find an alternate exit when they left. That was already underway. They wouldn't be here long, interviews, sound check, and then the meet-and-greet would commence.

The day had dragged, Sav couldn't even have said why he had that impression. Something had happened to the food service at the venue. They employed their own chef, something he'd talked highly of to Jani, so easy fix but lunch had been very late. By the time it was ready, they'd all been hungrier than usual and short tempered. Something was up with Phil, a problem with one of his exes, and frankly, Sav was sick to death of listening to the one-sided conversation. He welcomed sound check, which was almost unheard of.

Since he'd slept so long in the bus and then had just eaten, he was awake, semi food-coma'd and bored. Then he broke a string. After switching instruments, something went wrong with the wireless. Those were things his tech could and would handle. Worse, his voice kept cracking during the run-through of Hysteria. What the hell? There were some titters, then of course Joe turned around and asked him if he was going through puberty again. Sav rolled his eyes and grabbed his crotch at him growling that he'd show him puberty. Snap reaction. He'd have laughed at the look of shocked surprise if it hadn't turned so... pleased. Rick did that "ba-dump" thing that signified a successful punch line and they went on to the next song to fine-tune Viv and Phil's harmonies.

With two opening bands, they couldn't take all day. There were more reporters waiting to talk to them, so Sav split off on his own. For once, the woman he got paired with to pick his brain didn't try to flirt with him. It was a relief and he found himself willing to discuss his song-writing 'process', something he was rarely asked. She even got him to open up about Steve, a topic he had thought he'd shoved under something like lock and key. Hearing himself elaborate, he wondered vaguely if this was a sideline and she was a shrink in 'real life'. He must have needed it, he felt somehow lighter. Unconsciously at first, he found himself studying her hands. Yup, married. The good ones always were. And why was he looking? He had someone!

Sav left the interview a little regretfully, but time was up. Now on to the dog-and-pony show, namely the meet-and-greet.

Several hours later, he left the stage dripping sweat and shell-shocked. The pants-chucker was back. A wall of yellow shirts surrounded him and he was hating his life. Surprise at being hit in the face on stage by the flying black 'object' made him so anxious he eventually gave up on his backing vocals, which earned him too many 'looks' from his band to count. Between songs, Joe passed him and asked, "You want me to say something?" as in, to the audience. Immediately and emphatically, Sav shook his head no. Give the psycho special attention? No way.

They let him off the hook after the show and Sav went back to the hotel alone other than security. This sucked. He'd been sure the other time had been a one-off, but had apparently deluded himself. All he had to hope for was that CCTV or one of the cameras recording the show would catch whoever.

It was about that time, he should call Jani. No way he would burden him with this shite, not when he had a show later himself as well as all the other crap he had to deal with. Sav waffled back and forth, back and forth as to whether he should beg off via text or not contact Jani at all tonight. No, that would only set off alarms, if he was silent.

_Hey, Jani... just got back to the hotel. Not feeling well... going to bed. Unless you're in urgent need, better we don't try to talk tonite. I'd just be grouchy, sorry! Good luck with your show if I'm not around later. -S._

* * *


	13. Saturday, 26 August 2006

* * *

Jani's first thought upon waking was the question how much he'd had to drink the night before. His head was throbbing and accompanied by a general feeling of discomfort. However, he immediately remembered that he'd stuck to water all night. Quite a few eyebrows had been raised over the fact, followed by encouraging smiles. His band recognised and valued his efforts.

His body, on the other hand, appeared determined to ignore that he'd practically quit drinking and smoking for the past weeks. A little more alert now, Jani also noticed that his nose was congested and when he swallowed his throat felt sore. No, this wasn't a hangover. This was the classic onset of a cold. By evening he'd develop a fever and his brain would liquefy and attempt to leave his body via his nose and throat. Great, just what he needed – _not!_ – today.

It wasn't the first time he'd play a gig sick, they'd all done it now and then, but that the cold would hit him in his home town in mid-summer after living healthy for the first time in a decade was an irony he didn't appreciate. Then again, he hadn't been sick in months – the infection that had spread from his finger didn't count – so maybe he'd been deluding himself that his change in lifestyle would directly translate into never coming down with a cold again. Well, vegetarians and health nuts got sick, too, after all.

Wondering briefly if the prophylactic antibiotics shouldn't have caught the cold, he told himself that this was probably a virus. Nothing he could do but ride it out. Jani got up for a pee and drank some water – he wasn't even feeling like having a coffee – then decided to try and sleep some more. After grabbing a roll of toilet paper for his nose, he returned to his bed.

The next time he woke, it felt as if the entire Finnish metal scene was having a party inside Jani's head. His sore throat was parched and he somehow managed to get to the kitchen – where Anni sent him back to bed immediately. She brought him hot tea and Aspirin a few minutes later. When he tried to thank her, he found that his voice was now more or less entirely gone. Wonderful. Tony's newly-composed backing vocals wouldn't be sung tonight.

If he'd hoped things would improve a little over the day – or at least not become worse – well, he should have known better. Shivering and sweating, Jani knew he had a fever. Maybe the Aspirin would help with that, but he wasn't going to enjoy the upcoming gig. On the flip side, he felt too sick to be worried about stage fright. He drank his tea and fell asleep again.

* * *

Tremors shook Sav's room a few times in the night. Real ones, mini earthquakes, and the unsettling vibrations and shakes meant that Sav hadn't slept well. Another one woke him up; he groaned, yawned and rolled over. No, he so did not want to be awake.

The security nightmare was going to start again, and there was nothing he could do about it. Most of them, the vast majority, were fine, but there were always those few fucking fans who had to get so fucking loony. It served no purpose. It didn't get them anything, unless they liked restraining orders and jail time.

And it was creepy. If they wanted to go psycho over Def Leppard's music that was one thing. "The devil made me do it" always seemed to get a band some notoriety. Over him, his person, his body, though? It was too fucking much. Sav could ask the question 'why', but he didn't want to know the answers.

Determining that he was awake like it or not, Sav reached for his mobile. Nothing from Jani, no text or email. Sav wondered if he'd upset his lover by telling him not to call and this was payback. Today was Jani's gig and he was probably already freaking out from nerves. Well, welcome or not, he texted again.

_Hi. Jani, I just woke up. It's midafternoon there and I hope you're reasonably alright. Best of luck to you tonight if we don't reach each other. Call me if you'd like. Love, S._

* * *

It was night when Tony picked him up in person. Anni had called the singer and let him know they'd better go through sound check and all the preliminaries without Jani because otherwise their guitarist would exhaust himself already before the show. Tony narrowed his eyes as he scrutinised him sniffling and coughing, then admitted that Anni had a point.

Jani somehow managed to get dressed and bundled into Tony's car. On the way to the venue, he checked his messages and was surprised that there wasn't anything from Sav. Immediately, Jani was worried: Sav always called or texted him in the morning – morning in Sav's time zone, which meant afternoon in Finland – and he'd do so especially knowing that Jani's nerves were blank with stage fright. Had something happened to his lover? He sent a quick text: _Rakkaani, are you okay? I'm worried... Love, Jani_

* * *

Had Sav missed a text? He'd been growing more and more worried, as the day wore on and he didn't hear anything from Jani. Checking every ten minutes if not more often all day, Sav heard no buzz or chime but suddenly he had a feeling, and checked. There had to be something wrong with his phone, or Jani's phone, or both. He called, but as expected it went straight to voice mail. "Jani, it's Sav," he began, haltingly, "I sent two texts earlier, not sure why you didn't get them. There's been some minor earthquakes here, maybe the towers were down. Please let me know how your show went and everything. Take care now... I love you."

* * *

Moments later, he found himself on the stage without really knowing how he'd got there. Another moment later, they were all backstage, surrounded by friends and families. It felt unreal. Jani was sure he'd wake up any minute now.

Eventually, Risto pulled him aside and suggested that, yes, he loved Jani, too, and he was okay, thanks for asking, but he assumed that he was not the intended recipient of the text Jani had sent him. He was, however, happy for Jani that he had a new girlfriend.

Already sweating bullets from the fever, Jani broke into cold sweat as well. He stammered an apology and cursed himself. How could he have sent the text to the wrong person? What if he'd used Sav's name and not 'my love'? And why hadn't Sav texted or called?

"Let me drive you home."

"Huh?" Jani looked up and met his sister's eyes.

"You're sick."

The intended snort never made it out of Jani's nose – which was a good thing – but turned into a coughing fit that left him wheezing and feeble. "Thanks," he managed to croak as she led him to her car.

Grateful that his mum hadn't come with as she'd likely insisted on putting him to bed, Jani had never been so relieved to be home again. Aino left him after he promised to call should he need anything.

There was only one thing Jani needed: hear from Sav. However, after accidentally texting Risto earlier, he didn't trust his brain to send another message. He set his phone to maximum volume and went to bed, not even bothering to undress. When the phone announced an incoming message, however, Jani slept through it.

* * *


	14. Sunday, 27 August 2006

* * *

Everything hurt. His skull cap felt too small and Jani was sure it would explode if he moved or as much as breathed – even more so as his clogged nose made breathing a major effort. Swallowing felt as if someone was shoving a rasp down his throat, his eyes were burning, and his skin was sore... Actually, there didn't seem to be a single part of his body that wasn't sore. One second he was freezing, the next he was burning up. How was it possible that humankind had achieved incredible technological advances but couldn't find a cure for a simple common cold?

He wasn't sure if he could make it to the kitchen or bathroom, but he knew he should get fluids into him. The medicine cabinet was in the bathroom, so Jani sat up in bed, and made it there with a heroic effort. Wincing as he swallowed a couple of Aspirins with water, he was so feeble that he had to sit down on the toilet. The headache was worse than any hangover he could remember but at least he wasn't puking. Although, trust his luck, his cold might very well advance to that... He pushed the thought aside and groaned as another wave of pain hit. Vittu, even thinking hurt!

After forcing himself to drink more water, Jani got up and embarked on the endless way back to his bed, panting from the exertion when he finally sank down on his mattress. Too weak to even pull the blanket over his shivering body, he still noticed the blinking light on his phone that indicated a message. Hadn't he set the volume to the highest level before going to sleep so he wouldn't miss a message from Sav?

Jani's heart was already pounding from the fever but now he belatedly remembered that he hadn't heard from Sav all day yesterday. He almost dropped the phone when he reached for it with shaking hands but seconds later, he felt better: regardless how sick he was, how could hearing Sav's voice say that he loved him not make him feel better!

It was four in the morning in Kemi but with a, what, ten hour time difference Sav would be up. Probably on stage – did Leppard have a gig? Jani knew their tour schedule by heart, but right now he wasn't even sure what day it was – but if Sav didn't answer his phone Jani could leave a message on his voicemail. Jani had been worried about Sav when he hadn't heard from him, it was likely that Sav was worried, too.

He laid back and pressed the key for Sav's number.

* * *

This afternoon, it seemed like there were three times as many security staff standing around than usual. Sav personally had four or more following him closely at all times, even on the stage. He wondered what they'd do about it tonight when they were playing live, but it wasn't his problem. The others kept looking at him. Pity, disdain, curiosity, envy... he didn't want to know about that either. He kept his face mostly blank and didn't speak unless absolutely necessary.

The meet-and-greet had started on time for once. At first, he'd feared the guards would not allow anyone close enough to even shake his hand. That might have been something of a relief, not having to extract himself from over-enthusiastic fans; he'd had pulled tendons more than once from rabid hand-shaking.

They were just getting done when Sav's phone buzzed in his pocket. It seemed like it had been a year since he and Jani had got each other off following an un-planned-for but unsurprising reaction, make that erection, during Jani's band rehearsal. Sav hadn't spoken to him since, and the text he'd received made it clear that his – outgoing – texts had somehow got lost in cyberspace. Or outer space.

Keen to talk to Jani and retreat into his own private headspace for a bit, Sav turned his back to everyone and answered the call. "Hello..."

* * *

The moment Sav answered the phone and Jani opened his mouth to return the greeting he realised he had a problem: his voice was almost completely gone. He coughed and tried again. "Hei, love. So good to hear your voice. I'b afraid you wod't edjoy by voice buch, though," he sneezed. "As you cad hear, I've cobe dowd with a bit of a cold."

* * *

What? Sav heard... something. Breath? Was Jani wanking? It was hard to hear anything, in the bowels of the arena with people all around him. A second later, Jani cleared his throat and then Sav heard him. He sounded sick as a dog. Back in Sheffield, Jani had said something or other about getting colds a lot; this must be one of them.

"Hey, yourself!" Sav declined to say Jani's name aloud in public. "Yeah, you definitely sound... under the weather." He looked at his watch and struggled with the time change for a second. The dressing room was not too far ahead, and Sav stepped up his pace a bit. At least with this much security there were no attempts by random people to stop him. Right now there was only one person he wanted to talk to. "I just finished tonight's meet and greet. We don't go on for something like three-and-a-half hours yet, if we're even on time. At this moment, I'm kind of in the middle of a herd, but I'll be behind closed doors – to a degree – in a minute or two. What's up? It's the middle of the night there, more or less. What are you doing awake at this hour?"

* * *

"What ab I doigg?" Jani tried to laugh but it turned into another cough. "Sdeezigg by braids out add loadigg up od paidkillers. Woke up frob a headache add rad out of hagkies." He coughed again. "Duddo how logg by voice will last, so how are thiggs od your edd?"

* * *

"Meh..." Should he tell Jani about the recurrence, reappearance? It could almost qualify as stalker now. If Jani were to read it online first, it wouldn't be good. As hard as their PR people tried to keep things like that hush-hush, there was no telling what leaked; what with thousands of people watching, someone must have caught him being pelted on... not film. Digital.

"Just a moment, I'll be able to talk better in a second, hang on." Someone held the door open for Sav and he entered their dressing room. He went to his assigned area in the back immediately and sat down. The short interruption had given him time to think. It was quieter, although his bandmates would still be able to hear if he didn't keep his voice down, or they were nosy. "That's better. And please, if you need to sleep, I understand. But I wanted to tell you before you hear it elsewhere... she, or he, is back. Got my pants chucked in my face again on stage last night." Sav would have laughed if it wasn't such a danger. But who was he, anyway? The President? The Pope? Elvis? No! Just some aging British musician of little note in his own right. So stupid.

* * *

"Yes, sure." Jani waited while Sav went to a place where he'd have some privacy, then listened with growing concern as Sav told him that his... stalker was back. "So this persod is followigg you aroudd," he resumed, "add cad afford tickets to frodt rows as otherwise he or she wouldd't be able to throw your padts od stage add hit you... Ared't these rows reserved for beet-add-greets?"

As foggy as his brain felt, it was apparently still functioning to a degree and his reasoning sent alarm flares up in Jani's mind. "What if that persod gets backstage to beet you prior to your shows? Please tell be that your security guys are always presedt durigg the beet-add-greet."

* * *

Sav was suddenly overcome by snorts of laughter, even though it wasn't funny, not his 'stalker' nor Jani being sick. "Beet-and-greet. B-E-E-T or B-E-A-T, now wouldn't that be... a treat?" he finally managed. "I'm so sorry, I was just thinking it's not funny and that only made it worse. I'm... a little nervous it could happen again." It was like bursting into giggles at a funeral or something.

In a few seconds, Sav managed to control his inappropriate laughing. Viv had glanced at him like he was an alien or something. For sure, he didn't want anyone to come over at the moment. No thanks to the personal space bubble invasion. "Sorry," he repeated. "I _will_ answer you now. The first five rows and further back all around the runway are where people who want to do the meet-and-greet are located. The way it's set up, a person can opt for the whole, er, package or just admission to the show in the front sections. Some of the seats are designated for those who order through our fan club, some are for the venue itself to sell, some to other third party sources online."

The real issue, though, was the fact they had yet to find any clue as to who this nuisance might be. Sav agreed: they had to be very close to the stage to get within range. "Yes, there's much more security as of yesterday. There's four goons especially for me," he complained. Lowering his voice further, he admitted, "The idea of shaking hands with him or her like everything's peachy as they go – hypothetically – through the line... brr!" Shuddering, Sav wished he could skip those meat-under-glass events for the rest of the tour, but it would never be allowed even if he offered to cover the loss of revenue out of his own pay... if he even could afford that.

"So that's my life in a nutshell. Sorry to bitch and moan so long. How was your gig?"

* * *

Jani joined Sav's laughter over the 'beat-and-greet', but of course it turned into yet another coughing fit. "Sorry," he croaked when he'd regained his breath. "This cold really sucks. Add id the biddle of subber, too. Well, od the flip side I was too sick last dight to suffer frob stage fright. I guess that coudts as a wid. Still, I'd rather have the stage fright, I guess. Wod't happed for a while dow. This was our last show for this year. If you wadt to kdow how it bedt, I'b afraid you'll have to check the web as I cad't rebebber buch. Except..."

He cringed. "Whed I texted you, kidda worried as I hadd't heard frob you all day, I sedt the text to Risto idstead. Thagk gooddess I addressed you as by love, dot by dabe. He's happy for be that I have a dew girlfriedd, but I'll probably get questions frob hib evedtually. Like, where she's frob as I texted id Egglish." Maybe it was the Fates or whatever hinting that it was time to trust someone with his secret. If Jani were to name a best friend he wouldn't hesitate a second to pick Risto and he knew he could trust him. Still, right now he didn't want to tell anyone – nor meet anyone in the first place, not even Risto. Sav was exempt, of course, but then again... He'd only pass on the cold and nobody deserved to be hit with that, especially not Sav.

Then Jani's brain connected another piece of information Sav had just confirmed. "So if these frodt row seats are gived to specific persods odly add you have access to their dabes, baybe if you cobpare the dabes add the days with idcidedts you could darrow dowd who that thief add stalker is. Have your security services tried that?"

* * *

It was almost another language again, trying to make out everything Jani was saying, between his accent and the bad cold. And to think, the last time they'd spoken, he'd been fine. He must be so congested! That hacking cough didn't sound good, either. Sav picked up some of Jani's words more by context. "I don't know what to say about the missing texts. My theory is that the earthquake tremors caused a disruption with the signals. I was worried too, when I thought you weren't responding. Everything seems to be working again for now. One more reason to get out of California as soon as possible."

Or out of the west, as it were, since the previous incidents had occurred in Vegas and Salt Lake City. "I'm sure they've thought of cross-referencing the ticket-buyers between the shows, but I will ask our tour manager. If the... person was dumb enough to use their own name for the purchases, it could work. If they're getting their friends to use their names and credit cards, that's another story. Good idea, though, especially if it happens again. They might have to double up eventually." Sav emphatically hoped it didn't happen again. Ever. No wonder musicians went insane on tour.

"But anyway, Risto thinks you have a new English-speaking girlfriend, huh?" Sav couldn't help a small ping of pleasure, though Jani's friend got the gender wrong, at the reminder they were indeed a thing. "You'll just have to put him off about 'her'. Say she's famous and older, wants to keep her boy toy out of the press and you can't talk about her... because she loves him already and wouldn't want his life disrupted by all that. That ought to make him speculate."

* * *

"Her boy toy!" Jani snorted, then sneezed. "Is that what you thigk people would say if they saw us together? 'That redhead is Sav's boy toy.' Or 'That kid picked Sav for a sugar daddy.'" He sighed. "I dod't thigk there are mady people who'd react kiddly to the two of us. Dot odly because I'b a bad but up udtil dow I hadd't eved thought of the age differedce... It doesd't batter to be that you're older, but your fads would hate be eved bore for that."

Jani sneezed again. "Sorry, cad you hold od for a secodd? I deed to blow by dose."

* * *

"Fictional 'her', your new girlfriend the cougar, not actually me," Sav elaborated. No doubt, Jani needed to blow his nose! At this rate, not only the top of his skull but his sinus cavities would explode. "Go for it, we can discuss boy toy versus sugar daddy when you're back."

* * *

"Wait, I dod't wadt to edd the call, just bake sure your eardrubs dod't get blowd out," Jani explained. "Be right back."

He tore off a metre of toilet paper from his roll – at this rate, he was going to need a new one soon – and blew his nose, wincing when the pressure increased his headache. Weren't the pills supposed to kick in eventually?

"So, I'b back. You still there? Where are you adyway, I suppose still at todight's vedue, betweed beet-add-greet," Jani chuckled and for once miraculously didn't have to cough from it, "and show, right? Stop be if I should shut up about such topics, but if by old girlfriedd is a cougar, wouldd't by slightly older boyfriedd be a cougar, too? I thigk that Wild Jadi wouldd't bidd baking friedds with cougar Sav."

* * *

"Not going anywhere," Sav reiterated. "I'll hold on." He waited, finally looking up to see if his bandmates were paying too much attention to his call. Everyone else in the room seemed to be otherwise occupied, and he sighed in relief.

"Yep, still here. I've never heard the term cougar applied to a man," Sav resumed, once Jani picked up his mobile again, "and I can't think of an equivalent. Although if your wild Jani wants to play with," he pitched his voice even lower, "cougar Sav instead of Leppard Sav, I think we can get him to hide his spots from time to time." The remembrance of that conversation, well most of it, was going to get him hard. If he was going to embarrass himself, then better now, before he was wearing the infamous leathers. But Jani hadn't asked for it, and no wonder. "As sick as you are, we should probably hold off on that."

* * *

"Wild Jadi loves his Leppard," Jani hurried to assure Sav. "Wild Jadi is brighter thad I ab, though, because I hadd't eved realised that his friedd is a Leppard. Sorry. I've beed sdeezigg by braids out, seebs there's odly sdot left dow, as I cad't seeb to thigk straight. I'b eved bore sorry because I thigk I'b dot up – literally – to playigg. This cold really kdocked be out. Probably good that you're dot adywhere close to be right dow."

* * *

"No worries, I never thought about whether wild Sav was a human or... otherwise." Sav pondered that for a moment, then spoke again, quietly. His dick was starting to perk up, which as Jani pointed out, wasn't going anywhere. "I think he's usually a man. Being something else, like a Leppard, was just a riff off the mention of cougar. But if you'd like him take on a Leppard form sometimes... well, some other time. Sneezing and snot isn't exactly conducive to that sort of... talking. And here I am in the dressing room with my band. Don't want those nosy, horny buggers listening in."

Sav cast his eyes around, but again, no one was paying him any mind. Thank goodness for that. That morning, he'd had enough of being eavesdropped on to last a long, long time. "I should let you go before I have to go jerk off in the stalls again," he snorted. "And you... get some sleep. Get well! Wish I was there to take care of you. I'd make you tea and soup, keep you stocked in whatever meds you prefer, and slather you in that eucalyptus goop. And other... you know." Chuckling, he added the afterthought, "Oops, that was too much. I'm going to be the man this time, OK? Any parting words?"

* * *

"Thagk you for udderstadding," Jani was relieved. "Sdot is the odly thigg I'd be shootigg right dow, baybe the disgustigg bedtal ibage helps you a bit with, you kdow." He chuckled and, predictably, coughed again. "Call be later, after your show, add tell be how it wedt?"

* * *

"Yeah, definitely, I'll call you when I get to my room. I miss you. Sleep well." Casting his eyes around again, Sav whispered, though – hopefully – audibly, "I love you." He waited a moment, to make sure not to cut Jani off in case he had anything further to say.

* * *

"I love you, too, Sav," Jani whispered. Suddenly, he didn't want to end the call but he didn't know what else to say and he knew that Sav had to get back to work. "I biss you so fuckigg buch. Cad't wait to hear your voice agaid later."

* * *

Jani was still somewhat choked with phlegm from his cold, but Sav could hear the emotion choking him as well. He wanted to be there so bad, to comfort Jani instead of having to hang up on him any second. Damn, why was it so hard to ring off? "Same for me. Talk to you soon.. 'Bye..." He'd almost slipped with saying the name again. It had always been at the tip of his tongue when they talked, since the beginning. "'Bye, luv."

* * *

"Bye," Jani croaked. As soon as he'd hung up, too, a coughing fit took over that left him wheezing and soaked in sweat. He missed Sav already but comforted himself that they'd speak more later.

* * *

* * *

That it happened again was unsurprising, since they were in California. Even a town several hours' drive from last night's show was going to be the closest thing to accessible for a repeat performance.

Having so much security had turned out to have the advantage of many more sets of eyes. Sav had specifically told the staff assigned to him to watch the area close to the front and centre of his side, and then he made it a point to stay mostly there or on the runway. Two of them were stationed in the pit and two on the stage. It felt like he had painted a target on himself, and it sucked. He was so tense, his timing went off a couple of times and he knew his voice sounded like shit, like an overstretched old string.

This time he saw it coming, happened to be looking in the direction of the source when the small black bundle flew at him, and he stepped aside. It was still too crowded and dark below to see who in the sea of humans had done it, but he could make out some sort of scuffle about ten rows back. It was like a weight lifted off his shoulders. The rest of the show, he ran around the entire stage, up and down the drum riser, out to the very end of the runway, playing and singing his brains out. "They got him!!" He kept thinking, rejoicing. Him or her. He couldn't wait to share with Jani that this horrible, sick business was over.

After the show, he had to go to the local police station. Even though he insisted several times he had no idea who the culprit was and hadn't been able to see him – the cops reported it was a man – they wouldn't let him off the hook. Rob accompanied him. Joe had wanted to, but the tour manager said he'd be too distracting. How true.

So there was a line-up straight out of one of those procedural cop shows. On the other side of the glass, Sav was entirely out of place in his leathers and glittery shirt, smudged make-up and primped if sweat-flattened long hair next to beige polyester uniforms and the detectives in their cheap suits. They had six blokes in the line, one even in a Def Leppard tee – bait, Sav was willing to bet. None of them looked even vaguely familiar though he stared at them for a while. One of the plain-clothes cops kept prompting him, trying to get him to identify someone. It was annoying, like a huge persistent mosquito. He wouldn't do it, though, wouldn't name anyone.

They finally took his statement – again – and let him go. Sav would have thought it was morning already as endless as it had all seemed, so he was surprised when looking at his phone that it was only a few minutes past one as they walked out of the station. He texted Jani when they were shown into an undercover car to be driven 'home'. He'd have rather have waited for a cab.

_Jani – sorry so late, I have some good news, tho. Will be back at the hotel in 20 min. I'll call. -S._

It was possible Jani was sleeping or otherwise occupied, but he'd try. It took another stretch of forever waiting for the ride to be over. The officer driving wanted to talk, but Sav ignored it and deferred to Rob, staring out the window instead. They arrived and went immediately up to the floor Sav's room was on. Saying good night and thanks to Rob, he nodded at the security guys, knowing at least one of them was responsible for tonight's catch. Yes, he was grateful, no doubt about it.

* * *

Bright daylight hurt Jani's eyes when he opened them. It was almost noon, which meant that he'd slept long after speaking with Sav, but he didn't feel any better for it. He hauled his aching body to the bathroom where he coughed up a sickening amount of yellow-green goo. He peed and passed by the kitchen on his way back to bed, where he picked up a bottle of water. About to pull the blanket over his head and hope to pass out for the remainder of the week it would in his experience take for this to be over, he checked the time and found the SMS indicator on his mobile blinking.

An incoming text message was probably what had woken him up. It was from Sav, and despite his killer headache Jani smiled. Regardless of how crappy he felt, he yearned to hear his lover's voice.

* * *

Kicking his shoes off as soon as he entered the room, Sav decided to shower before anything else. He'd feel better rested if he wasn't crusted in leftover sweat when he went to bed, even if he didn't get the chance to speak to Jani first.

He was just about to locate his headphones for the mobile when someone knocked on his door. Sav glanced at his suitcase, which he hadn't had a chance to open yet, and shrugged, wrapping one of the hotel towels around his hips and going to the door to look out the peephole. It was probably a bad idea. Anyone who needed something urgently at this time of night could just text, or call. It was... some woman. Tall, blond, looked like she meant business. What the hell? How had she got through all the security? Unlike the blokes in the line-up earlier, this person did look vaguely – very vaguely – familiar. Had he banged her in a past life or something? It seemed like one of those kinds of things.

Well, Sav decided, he wasn't receiving company in his current state, and he was not in the mood for a quick lay, if that's what she was after. Though they'd have been almost nose to nose if the door hadn't been between them, Sav kept his distance. He backed away and hoped she'd leave. She knocked once more, but didn't call out. Meanwhile, Sav found sweatpants and a t-shirt, just in case things got even weirder.

No more knocks, though, and when he crept to the door again, she was gone. Maybe he had hallucinated it. Well, no use thinking further about it. None of the security guys would let anyone break into his room. He laid on the bed, plugged in his headset, hit number 7, and waited to see if Jani would pick up.

* * *

While waiting for Sav to call Jani blew his nose twice, yet it was still clogged up. It was then that he remembered that there could be some leftover anti-nasal-congestion spray from his last bout of the flu, cold, whatever. He got up from the bed and rifled through the drawers of his cupboard, trying to remember where he could have put it.

Surprisingly enough, he hadn't had a cold in months, since a few weeks before he'd met Sav. So maybe his attempt at living healthier – or at least less unhealthy – was bearing fruit after all. That he'd had his last cold so long ago also meant it had been before he'd been kicked out of the bedroom he'd shared with Anni, which would explain why he couldn't find the medication now. Anni must have rearranged his things when she'd put them in this room.

There was one more place he could try. Padding over to the bathroom again, Jani smiled as he found what he was looking for where it belonged, in the medicine cabinet. He administered a dose right there, then took the small bottle with him and laid back on the bed.

The stuff worked fast. Jani's head was still pounding by the time his phone rang, but he found that he could breathe again. "Hei, my Säv," he greeted his lover. "How was the show?"

* * *

"Hi, Jani." Sav's heart warmed at hearing Jani's voice, and more – perhaps make that 'heated' – when his lover called him by his nickname. He wished there was some such English styling for 'Jani', but thus far he hadn't been able to think of one.

"The show... I probably sucked for the first third of it, but then, and here's my news, they caught the bloke who's responsible tonight. After that, it went much better." Rather than go into the entire account end-to-end, he decided to keep the story short unless Jani asked him for details. It was already later than usual. "I had to go to the police station, try to pick him out of a line-up. No one looked the slightest bit familiar. Anyway, that's done. No more pants-thrower. Maybe they'll get my stuff back. How are you doing?"

* * *

"Still sick as a dog," Jani replied dryly. "I'm usually down for a week or two if a cold hits me. Bugs seem to like me even more than my female fanbase," he joked, then coughed. "I took something for my nose, so I can at least speak now. But tell me more, how did they find the guy who's been terrorising you?"

* * *

"Ugh, a week, huh? Maybe it won't be as bad this time, since you've managed not to get sick for so long." Sav chuckled over the 'female fanbase' comment. Good lord, he could relate. "All those females can get in line... permanently." For a second, he thought of the woman outside his door before. Had she laid a hefty bribe – money or otherwise – on one of their guys or what? He'd worry about it the next day.

"He was stupid enough to do it again in the presence of all the extra security. One of the guys in the pit spotted him in the act, and twenty seconds later he was being escorted out of the arena," Sav relayed. He 'saw' it all again. "Somehow I was facing that direction, looked at the right place at the right time. I couldn't see him, individually, all those people moving, lights in my eyes and all, but the pants..." Sav snorted. It was so ridiculous. "This time, I got out of the way. There was some yelling, a couple of the security guys jumped out of the pit... I could tell when they bagged him, there was a fight on the floor. Can't even express what a relief it was." Sav squirmed a little, happy all over again.

* * *

"A week, ten days, give or take," Jani confirmed. "At least I don't have gigs coming up. So," he changed topic, "they caught the guy who stole your stuff. As for will you get your things back... If they find your underwear you may want to burn it, who knows what the guy did with it... Have they taken an, um, closer look at the ones he threw at you?" Jani didn't want to spell it out but Sav would know what he meant.

* * *

"Well, um..." Sav caught on to what Jani was asking. Were the underwear clean or... used? Even alone in his bed, Sav blushed, something he rarely if ever did, not after some of the things he'd seen in his life. "The cops took them in the respective cities. Evidence. I can't say about the first two. This last... I could see when they fell on the stage floor and the police confirmed. They were, uh..." he shuddered. "Jani, they were all clean except for maybe one pair when they were stolen. So it was someone else's DNA than mine."

* * *

"Yäk," Jani shuddered. "That's disgusting. I mean, we find each others' spunk OK, hot even, but having that of a stranger thrown at you is just sick. On the flip side, if there's DNA the police should be able to nail the fucker. Man, Sav, I can't tell you again how glad I am that they caught the guy. I hope they'll put him away forever so he can never do that again, not to anybody else either." He hesitated. "I guess they haven't told you anything else yet? If he had a reason other than, or in addition to being obsessed? If he had further plans?"

* * *

"No..." Sav made an uh-uh noise to express the negative. "They were just in the process of booking him when I was allowed to leave. I didn't talk to him, don't even know which of the people in the line-up was 'him'. So motivation... I can only agree it must have been some sort of obsession, unless he was planning to try to extort money later to make it stop. And yeah, it's disgusting. The only thing worse than getting hit with unwanted spunk would getting shat on," he said, though that was also disgusting. "It's... it's a statement of aggression, that's how I took it. Like, an intent of sexual assault of or something like that."

Shuddering, Sav realised how lucky he was that the perpetrator had been caught. "I doubt he'll go away for more than a few years. If he has a good lawyer, who knows. We can keep him from ever coming to another show. If he gets out on bail, well, we'll be out of the state after tomorrow. We'll hit the road immediately after the show tomorrow night. I mean, tonight."

* * *

"You'll be sleeping easier tonight, I'd say," Jani said. "I would." Once again he was glad that Sonata Arctica weren't as famous as Def Leppard. "And they'll probably keep your goons around anyway." The sicko may have a partner in crime, he thought but didn't say it. They didn't know anything yet, therefore this kind of speculation was useless and would only serve to upset Sav.

"So, is there maybe something else that might help you sleep easier tonight?" A smile spread on Jani's face as he asked. "I may not be able to keep up, but I'm happy to listen if you want to, um, _talk."_

* * *

Oh wow, already? "You know me well," Sav had to laugh. "I would kind of like to get that taste out of my mouth, so to speak. Um... I don't want you to feel like you have to, though. My thoughts are going to be scattered tonight. Who knows how weird it'll get. You sure?" Even he didn't know what he meant. They'd played wild Jani, and Jani on top, and docking, all of which were pure fantasy so far. Maybe straight-up missionary position sex would be just as weird at this point.

* * *

"Sav," Jani said, "if I weren't into it I wouldn't have suggested it. I'm a big boy – well, if only metaphorically speaking at the moment – and I'd tell you if I didn't feel like it. So for the record, I do feel like it." He smiled. "Dunno if my cold will let me follow through but if I can't get it up, let me at least enjoy hearing you getting off," he leered. "Besides, I plan to get off, too. You know," he blushed and was glad that Sav couldn't see him, "there's something... weird I noticed years ago about sex when I have a cold. Please don't laugh, I'm not joking, but when I, um, come, my nose often clears up for a while."

* * *

Sav listened, he really did. It seemed like Jani meant it. For sure, he was very convincing. His claim that ejaculating stopped his nose from running made Sav grin widely. What, a body-wide system for draining fluids? He managed not to laugh, though, as requested. "Hm, I'll have to try that the next time I get a cold. Not that I haven't been trying it almost every day since we met," he quickly added, "not complaining!"

The sheets in this hotel were particularly soft. The silky friction of them all over his naked body along with his lover's voice in his ears, asking to listen to him get off, had him more than eager. He reached down. "Wanna touch me? I just wrapped my hand around it, so I can feel myself get hard... mmmm..."

* * *

"That's my hand around you, then," Jani responded immediately. "I can feel you hardening under my touch. Can feel the vein throbbing and know how bad you need it. Still, I'm not stroking you yet. Just touching, caressing, running my fingers up and down. Can you feel my guitar callouses ever so lightly scratching your skin? I'm not entirely soft either," he added.

* * *

"Yes, your hand. So much better!" Sav agreed, closing his eyes. "Those callouses feel great," he rasped, "just keeping tickling and caressing me like that. Mine aren't as scratchy but I've put my callouses into play, too. No, you're not totally soft anymore." He couldn't know for sure, but Sav could put words to his imagining till Jani corrected him. "Your dick is plumping up, growing, getting heavier in my hand. It might be a slower process today since you're ill, but I think you want it. Gonna love getting you there. Moving the skin over the hard cylinder underneath, using my fingertips."

* * *

"Yes," Jani whispered, "I'm growing in your hand. Getting heavier, thicker. Harder. Feels so good. Love the way your fingertips slide over my skin, just like I'm doing with yours now." He mirrored the moves Sav was describing with his hand. "I've got my eyes closed. I can feel not only your hand but also your body heat." Having his sense of temperature messed with by the fever turned out to have an advantage after all.

"I'm running my thumb over your vein, up to the crown where I circle your slit with it. There's a drop of fluid seeping out already. I swipe it up with my thumb and bring it to my lips, lick it up and taste it. Mmmhhh... I love your taste."

* * *

"I swear I can feel it, Jani, how you touch every hot spot till I'm oozing... when that first drop appears, you have to taste. Leaking here, Jani, for you." Not just one droplet but two or three already appeared as Sav tried to replicate Jani's actions with his own hands. The ridge, the crown, the thick vein below, all of it more and more sensitive the harder he got. If he'd been standing on his feet, his dick would still be pointing up.

"Gonna lick it off my fingers." He did, and hoped Jani could hear his tongue flicking with its own slight rasp. "It's your slick I'm dying to taste again, you know. Your dick in my hand is perfect, so heavy, like you said – hot and stiff as I keep sliding my fingers up and down, letting it build, seeing how long you can take this light foreplay. I think we're laying down so we're facing, both hands available for each other. Where else can I touch you, Jani? What part of you is crying for my attention?"

Sav's actual position was one he adopted a lot of the time when they did this, on his back with his thighs spread wide. His free hand wandered down to his balls, giving them a careful squeeze. Another bit of slick moved within and leaked from his slit.

* * *

Jani moaned as 'Sav's' hand caressed his shaft. "So not sorry if I'm repeating myself, but I my entire body wants your attention – minus my nose, which goes without saying," he added dryly. "But for now, I want you to touch my balls. Gently, they're so sensitive that I never liked it much when my girlfriend wanted to play with them. But you're a guy... You're _my_ guy, and you know how to love them, to touch them how they want, need to be touched."

He meant to continue and ask Sav what he'd like Jani to do for him but as he felt a sneeze coming, he rubbed his nose with his free hand and waited for Sav to speak first.

* * *

"Yeah, I think I'll stay away from your nose today... but your balls, I'm very happy to take care of them for you, my hand – or your hand – is on mine, too," moaned Sav, tossing his head back a little, as much as he could in his position. "I know to be careful with your jewels, Jani, barely touching as I take them in my hand. I keep stroking you with just my fingertips, bringing you higher... can see your tiny nipples are darkening, starting to pull tight. Must mean you like it. Here's more of your precome, you're wet for me, baby, so wet..." Breathing hard, Sav waited for Jani to speak as he slowly ran his hand up and down, up and down. He hoped his lover was as excited by this as he was already.

* * *

"I'm wet for you, too," Jani said. "You know me, always leaking like a sieve, but I know you like that," he smiled. "I love what your hand is doing with my balls. So gently, just what I want to feel now, nice and slow. And you're right about my nipples, they're standing up a little. Would you like my hand on your nipples? Feel what it's like if I drag my callouses over them while I change to my pick hand on your dick?"

* * *

"Yes, Jani... always love your fingers anywhere on me, but please, on my balls..." Sav was drooling with his mouth too, and hitched his butt across the sheet, imagining Jani had moved his hand lower, "think I just swallowed my tongue, when you started using your callouses there. Gawd, yeah, they feel full, just as yours do in my hand. They'll get fuller yet, heavier, before I give it up for you... stay there for now, it's so fucking good!"

Enough about him, though. "I'm leaning in, licking your collarbone, little swipes. Should I move down, hm? I can still jack you slow and easy. Your foreskin's a little tighter now, I'd swear your dick's vibrating. So hard, Jani, for me, 'cuz of me... I'll never get enough." Sav was thrusting, short and controlled little jabs, through his fist now. The events of the day seemed to have his blood up, even as he gave a passing thought to who was on the other side of the wall tonight, he moaned again, loud, needy even to his own ears.

* * *

Sav ignored the question. Maybe his lover was already too far gone to listen, thought Jani, as in no blood left for the brain. As far as he remembered, he hadn't said anything about touching Sav's balls yet, but if Sav thought Jani was using his callouses there Jani wouldn't stop him, especially not if it turned him on so much that he almost swallowed his tongue.

Jani snickered. "Don't swallow your tongue, please," he chuckled. "I like it too much, don't want it to vanish. It feels so good on my collarbone, and will feel good on my nipples, too, just stay with my collarbones a little longer... Mmmhhh..." He decided to pass over the 'vibrating dick' comment; anything he could reply to that would be silly and lead to an interruption because he'd laugh and that invariably made him cough when he had a cold.

* * *

"Will do... like licking you. Everywhere." Had Jani picked up Sav's reference to rimming? He hoped so, but kept to what he was supposed to be doing. "I'll keep my mouth where it is then, so I can lick and kiss and nibble over your thin skin there, close to the pulse points on your neck. It's tempting to mark you up... put hickeys on you like a couple of teenagers experimenting. Just wanna suck and bite," Sav hissed urgently, his dick surging. "Sorry! I won't, I'll behave so that I get to feel your hands, I'm a lucky man."

* * *

"Now I know that you're really a feline," Jani smiled. "You like to lick – oh, I noticed and I can't wait to have your tongue on... and in me again for real," he shivered at the memory. "As for sucking and biting, go ahead. You don't have to behave yourself with me and if you did something I don't like, I'd tell you. Now is the perfect opportunity for a hickey, though, as you won't mark me for real... I can feel your mouth licking a trail from my collarbone to my neck, kissing along, then sucking a little. Feels great, Sav, so good," he moaned.

"You know, you've got me aroused enough that I'm turned on by you getting a little rough here and there. And I could feel your dick jump in my hand when I just said that. Come on, bite me, mark me as yours, while I'm making my strokes on you firmer. Still gently with your balls, though, and please keep being careful with mine."

* * *

Sav groaned, "Yessss..." the imagery of himself with stand-up, tufted ears and long whiskers too much to shove down at first. "Feline... 's all good as long as you're not allergic to me and I don't have a tail coming out of my backside," he replied. "I'd knead you with my paws, like a cat does, but yeah, very very gently to your stones, which seem to be a bit denser now. Full of seed, and I'mma love them with my hand, and love you, till they spew. ...Then there's the purring... I'd purr so loud whenever we're together like this."

Not for the first time, Sav recalled being semi-rough with Jani in the past. Metal dude, not been into blokes before, and he'd responded in spades to all the grabbing and pinching and flicking... well, this was where they each got to play out their fantasies. Chances were when they were actually in the same room again, in the same bed, they'd be so horny and needy things could get intense. "You know I'll lick you there, too," he rasped. "It drove you out of your mind, last time, how you shook and howled. You bet my dick's jumping, and leaking, over the memory! I want you to have the very best orgasms I can give you," it sounded a bit silly out loud, but Sav absolutely meant it.

He was a bit confused over 'won't mark me' – as in don't? – but then Jani asked him to bite. Sav decided to go for it. "Since you're asking... I picked a spot, it's right over the midpoint of the bone, halfway between your throat and your shoulder. Licking it over and over... now I'll suck on your skin there a little and... Mmmmph! There, I bit... marked it good, Jani. You're mine!" Why that was so exciting to say, Sav could not have explained. It was primal, animal. It wasn't like that all the time, but tonight, he was getting off on the idea.

* * *

"Nnnnnnnhhhh..." Jani moaned deeply and his back arched when he imagined Sav's teeth on him. "Gonna wear that mark with pride," he groaned, "wishing everyone could see that I'm yours. Wanna... Can I mark you, too?"

Regardless of Sav's upcoming answer, Jani was incredibly aroused. When he'd hinted that he wouldn't mind listening to Sav getting off he hadn't been sure if he himself would be able to get it up at all. Now he was happy that his libido apparently ignored his cold entirely.

"Your hands, your mouth, your teeth on me feel so good," Jani repeated, "and I love touching you, caressing your balls, stroking your dick. That all makes me so hard. Man, I wish I were with you right now, I want to feel your body all over me."

* * *

"Nnngah!" Sav tossed his head to the other side and arched up, as if Jani were there and he were offering his skin to his lover's teeth. "Please... I want you to... bite me...!"

* * *

If anyone would have told him a few months ago that he'd get a kick out of the prospect of biting his – male! – phone sex partner, Jani would have declared them insane. It showed him once again how much he'd changed since he'd met Sav. Not that Jani had considered his sex life, that was, during times when he was interested in sex, boring, but sex with Sav was a whole new dimension.

"Yesss," he hissed. "Your mark on me is throbbing, so I feel it, that I'm yours. Now I'm going to put my mark on you as well. Where do you want it?"

* * *

There was no doubt how much Jani was into this, which only strengthened the tingling in various parts of Sav's body. More urgent sensations, too. "I've no mark yet but I'm throbbing..." Sav hiccupped. Wrapping his fingers a little tighter, he considered it for half a second. His thigh, his bum, his collarbone to match Jani? He only wished that the flash burst of pain could be real. "On my chest... right above my nipple on the left."

* * *

"You're a bassist, so you have fingernails, right?" Jani's voice was hoarse, but by now it was no longer only due to his cold. "I want you to pinch yourself with those nails right where I'm going to bite you. Are you ready?"

* * *

What Jani told him to do... a high whine tore itself from Sav's throat. "Yeah, got fingernails on me right hand... gonna do it." Letting go of his dick, he moved his fingers into position, a half-inch above his nipple, above his heart. The nails of his thumb and first two fingers rested on his skin. "Tell me when."

* * *

"I won't draw blood but I'll make it hurt so good," Jani warned. He was shivering in anticipation and decided that he really needed to bite something. He'd tell Sav afterwards, though, as he didn't want to delay things. "Biting you now," he announced as he brought his hand to his mouth and bit on the base of his thumb, not hard enough to draw blood, but it smarted.

"Nnnhhhh..." he moaned.

* * *

When Jani announced he was biting, Sav abruptly dug in. Like Jani, he didn't draw blood, although he had to stop himself. It still hurt – Sav gave himself a hard pinch, till the crescents of his nails left marks. He could hear Jani moaning on the other end of the line, too, as if he had his teeth in Sav's flesh. "Oh gawd... yeah... it stings, throbs, where you marked me."

Task completed, Sav's hand was back on his erection, which had swollen further, he noticed. His hips were starting to jab upwards through his fist. "I'm so fucking horny, the way you did that... such a good imagination, making me pinch myself." He wished he'd thought of it! "We licked, and we bit. Should I roll you over and mate you or do you want more careful, gentle play first?"

* * *

Another shiver – from delight, not fever – ran through Jani's body when Sav suggested he 'mate him.' As much as he loved gentle sex, today they were past the time for it. "Yes," he hissed. "Mate me. I should be on my front, right, and..." Suddenly shy again, Jani whispered, "and stick a finger in me, because that's what you'll ask me to do right?"

* * *

"Right, hands and knees, Jani, or down on your elbows, I'm behind you now." God, he wanted that, to have Jani under him. "Gotta prep you enough so I don't hurt you. You'll need to use your fingers, that's true. Spit on them... or use the slick from your dick. I'm gonna do it fast, can't wait to be in you..." Sav moaned again, he was being so noisy tonight. It felt better that way. He rolled over, himself, grabbing for pillows. Oh, he was gonna mess them up. "I'd start with one finger, you shouldn't have much trouble. Staying away from your spot though... not gonna touch it till I'm balls deep."

* * *

"OK," Jani said while he got on hands and knees, but he immediately discovered that he had a problem. Lowering himself on his elbows didn't do much to improve things. "Uh, Sav, I'm afraid we'll have to pretend that you rolled me over. I could maybe manage to stick a finger in my arse while on one elbow and my knees. It won't be a comfortable position, but it could work. Only, I need my other hand on my dick and that I don't know how to pull off."

* * *

"Whatever works for you... we can imagine whatever we want. You could always turn your head to the side and go all the way down with your arse in the air... I don't mind," Sav would have chuckled but he was too keyed up, it was more of a growl. "However you get at it, it's my finger going in..."

* * *

"Sorry, head to the side won't work tonight, I can barely breathe as it is," Jani explained. "Let's go with pretending and try the real thing when I get rid of my cold – talking about the real phone sex version of this," he laughed, "as for the _real_ real thing..." Breathing was suddenly even harder.

"OK. My... _your_ finger, going in. But please, please, hurry."

* * *

It was only a thought – just a thought. At this point, Jani could be flat on his back and they could still picture whatever they wanted. "Okay, it's okay, you have to breathe... going in, one finger, using the lube I brought when I came to visit you – in my imagination – the best stuff, and I wiggle it around, making more room already. You're so hot on the inside! Want another?"

* * *

Jani rolled on his side and wetted his finger, then carefully probed his rim before sliding in. Immediately, his arousal spiked and his hole began to throb. As he followed Sav's instructions to wiggle it around and make room before receiving another finger, however, Jani's lust overwhelmed him. Although he'd steered clear of his magic spot, his balls drew up.

It was too late to stop it, all Jani could do was press out, "Sorry, too late, coming now..." and then he was there. His dick pumped out several spurts before they waned down to a trickle. "Oh man, Sav," Jani groaned as his finger found his prostate and massaged it gently to prolong his climax. "So good..."

* * *

Already? Wow, and Jani had started by saying he didn't know if he could get it up. Well, he had, and then some. Sav encouraged him, as he knew very well that there was no stopping it, "Yeah? Spurt it, Jani! Empty those balls, every last drop! Wish I was there to lick it up..."

It didn't leave him unaffected. Now he was actively humping his hand, grinding his hips while his nipples hardened almost painfully. Sav was so turned on by Jani's orgasmic squeaks and moans in his ears, he consciously decided to stop holding back and go for it, too. As soon as it seemed like Jani was through, his hand sped up again. In his mind's eye, he pictured Jani as he must have been, writhing and sweating, strands of hair sticking to his face and neck, one finger penetrating himself and his body primed on the edge.

The rush of pleasure peaked in Sav's lower back, thighs and balls. "Gonna come, too! ...Oh gawd, yeah, here it is Janiiiiiii!"

* * *

It wasn't that Jani would have needed Sav's encouragement, but he was relieved that his lover wasn't disappointed that he couldn't hold back. Also, Sav prompting him to spurt it and empty his balls never failed to turn him on more – if that was possible...

It was possible right now. Jani was already coming down from his climax, but Sav's words drew another couple of pulses from his balls and he moaned. Then Sav hit his peak and the sounds Jani heard through the headset made him wish he hadn't come yet, as now his balls really had nothing more to give. Jani listened and imagined Sav shooting all over him. "That's it," he coaxed, "come for me, all over me, my love!"

* * *

"Yes! Yes, all over you!" Belatedly, Sav recalled that they hadn't actually got as far as 'mating', but he's been behind Jani, in their imaginings. Had Jani turned over? He couldn't recall, but he could do this from either angle. "On your arse, and on your sac, the last drops on your little hole... mmmmnng! Need you so much..." Sav was shaking with how badly he needed to be close. To touch and be touched, to feel, to come on or in or for sure, in Jani's presence.

* * *

"Yes, Sav, yes, all over me..." Jani closed his eyes and thought he could feel Sav's warm spunk hitting his arse, moaning when his hole clenched and his balls tightened in vain.

"Need you, too," he said. "But you've got me now. We've got each other. I've got you in my arms, hugging you, clinging to you. Never going to let go of you. Sav, my Sav. My Säv. My love."

* * *

Jani got it. Sav knew he wasn't alone in this, even though it felt like it to a degree with only himself in a hotel room. "Mmm, hold me like that... it feels right, your arms around me now, holding on tight. My Jani, my love." It still didn't sound as intrinsically perfect as Jani's version for him, but it would do. Closing his eyes again, he could imagine the warmth and how much Jani cared about him.

He basked in it for a little while, making a soft humming noise or two as he came down. Sav, like most men, he supposed, was ready to either conk out and go to sleep, or move on to the next thing immediately after sex. Being it was probably three in the morning by now, California time, he could feel where he was headed. "So how do you feel now? Snot all cleared up?"

* * *

Jani laid on his bed hugging himself, smiling as he imagined that his own arms were actually Sav's arms around him and he were hugging Sav instead. His heart rate slowed down, not as much as it should have, but, well, he was sick. At this minute, he still felt better than he had ever since this vitun cold had begun.

He told Sav. "I'm feeling good. Warm. Safe. Loved. As for my nose, I took something for it before you called. I like to think what we just did helped, too," he grinned. "As long as I can breathe I'm not going to ask too many questions, but I won't complain if we keep doing this... Only to make sure my nose remains cleared up, of course," Jani laughed.

* * *

"Right, of course," Sav agreed, amused. "Then I won't ask too many questions, either. Maybe if we keep doing this, you'll get well faster. You know, get the poisons out. I'll keep talking as long as I can. Not sure if either of us is going to be up for a round two, but we always keep surprising ourselves." Yes, they did. But it would be a while, if he managed to stay awake.

"Tomorrow you'll have something to do, if your new Ibanez arrives on schedule. I'm sure you're going to want some good quality time alone with her." He'd better clean up, or he's be a sticky mess in the morning. Sav heaved himself to his feet and padded to the bathroom. He must have been super-needy to have forgotten a washcloth.

* * *

"To be honest, I don't think I'll be of much use to her," Jani sighed. "I'll want to play her, of course, but what with the fever my hands are all sweaty and I don't really feel like being up much. I'm neglecting Rakas, too. Sure she understands, though – and I could imagine that she wouldn't want my sweaty paws all over her fretboard either. Man, I hate having a cold."

He laughed humourlessly. "There's one good thing about you not being with me – physically – is that I can't pass it on to you. About a second round, maybe later. Would that work with your plans for the day?"

* * *

"Even if you're 'ignoring' Rakas for the time being, she's being played again on a regular basis and that's a good thing. I'm sure she loves your attention." Sav couldn't define in retrospect why he never took to the guitar, where Jani had loved it immediately. Perhaps, because it wasn't his, and had only been 'on loan' until it could be given to its true owner.

"Sweaty hands on the fretboard, that'll happen when you play live anyway. It'll keep. For now, concentrate on getting well again." Sav added, "I'm not immune to everything, but it's been years since I got really sick, which I'm grateful for. Trying to sing with a sore throat and congestion, ugh. The first time we came to America, I immediately picked up some bug that had me producing truly epic sneezes, non-stop. The guys took the piss out of me, said that how uninhibitedly a person sneezes corresponds to how fantastically they orgasm," he snorted. "Maybe they were right, but not back then. I was 19. Quantity over quality. And, keep quiet."

He wasn't admitting to being a bad lay; there'd been no complaints other than the occasional "over too fast" from outspoken American chicks with plenty of experience. Tour bus or backstage sex wasn't optimal at the best of times. Back then, if they had a room for the night at all, it was all five of them sharing two doubles with a cot. Unthinkable in Sav's changed world!

"Sorry, rambling. Today... well, _tonight_ is our last show in California. It's only about a two-hour drive from here so they'll let us lay around in our rooms here till check-out time if we want. After tonight's gig, we have two days off. The next shows after that are in Washington state, you probably know that. It's far north of here so we'll fly and the buses and tractor-trailers will drive overland, meanwhile." Yeah. More rambling, but he couldn't seem to shut it off. "Other than that, just the usual tour stuff. Hang around and wait, practice, sound check, meals, write music if we're lucky."

* * *

Jani laughed, but this time it turned into a cough again. "That's what they say about sneezing, huh? I guess yesterday was a more or less continuous nasal orgasm for me... Not the same thing as sexual, let me assure you. Definitely quantity as well as quality, though. I still think I like the ones with you way, way more than the ones my nose provides."

He put his hand over his phone as he coughed some more. "Sorry. So no more Cali, and no more panty-thrower. Sounds good if you ask me. Two days break, any chance for you to go somewhere nice? Like not stay in a hotel but go for a day hike somewhere? We rarely had breaks during our tours, and if we had them they were travel days, but Tony always said he'd have liked to see more of the nature in the US as they have some really spectacular places, especially around California, like the Rockies. Or a day on the beach maybe?"

* * *

"Yeah, I'll take the real thing over a nasal-gasm, too," Sav agreed when Jani stopped coughing. Poor thing! "Panty-thrower. I wonder where the Yanks came up with that word anyway, 'panties'. It sounds so... like for small children, but no, it's the sexy kind for grown women, too," he mused. "With their regional accents, some of them drop the 't', which really sounds silly. But anyway, if I never have underwear chucked at me again, it'll be too soon!" Definitely emphatic about that, Sav moved to a more positive topic.

"Good idea, a hike or something. Joe wouldn't be into that but the other three... get out of the gym and into nature. The Rockies are more in the middle-western part of the country; Denver is right at the eastern edge of the Rockies. Here though, and up in Washington, they have the Cascades. This town we're in right now, Mountain View, is in honour of its views of the Sierras, apparently. I looked it up," he admitted. When had Sav even been on a hike last? He felt a small twinge of regret for being so lazy sometimes. "Are there mountains close to where you live? I'm afraid I don't even know."

* * *

"I was probably too drunk to notice where we were when someone pointed out the Rockies to me," Jani flinched. Sonata's US tours hadn't exactly been career highlights for him. It suddenly occurred to him that for the first time he could remember since he'd cut down on drinking alcohol he wasn't missing it. Then again, whenever he was down with a cold he usually slept most of the time, so he couldn't tell if he tended to get drunk then. That he didn't even know this was alarming and he told himself, not for the first time, that he should continue on his current close-to-abstinence path.

"Do we have mountains? That would depend on what you call a mountain. There are a few in Lapland, but further to the north than Kemi. Lapland gets a lot of winter tourists and they don't all come to visit Santa, more for the ski resorts, but those are also built on hills, not only on mountains. Real mountains, though... Well, ironically, the highest mountain of Finland, Haltitunturi, has its summit just across the Norwegian border. That one is a little over 1300 metres, if I remember right... I've never been there, it's about 500 km from Kemi, too far for a weekend trip but maybe we could go there together one day."

* * *

Sav listened, hoping he hadn't set off bad memories. He was glad for Jani's sake that he'd seriously cut back on the drinking. 1300 metres wasn't as tall as the Rockies nor the Alps, but was still a respectable height, more than enough for winter sports. "I'd like that. To go on a holiday with you. Skiing, and later, in a hot tub or in front of a fire."

* * *

"I, um, don't really know how to ski," Jani admitted. "Kemi is rather flat, so yeah, I've done some cross-country, but it's ages ago and I have no clue how to survive on a slope. I don't want to risk breaking another finger, so I'm afraid I'll give the downhill skiing a miss. I'd be there for you for après-ski, though." He coughed. "Whatever that encompasses. As for a hot tub, I'm sure they exist for the foreign tourists, but we Finns would go with sauna, of course." He laughed. "I'd choose a place where we have a sauna to ourselves. A wood sauna, that would also take care of the in-front-of-a-fire thing. Does the two of us naked on a reindeer pelt sound good to you?"

* * *

"Yeah, it does!" Sav had to confess, "I'm glad you brought up downhill skiing – or not – first. I haven't done any of that in more than 10 years and I was never very good at it. One of my exes dragged me along a few times. For you, I'd have given it a go, but if you're not into it, I probably don't want to take chances with breaking my legs or fingers for that matter," he grimaced.

"You have the right idea. A sauna and a fire and, if you recommend one, a reindeer pelt. And naked, of course." Now he had to giggle. "Now that's what I call wild... and rustic. Since we're a couple of teetotalers, we'll have to come up with other refreshments. I'm sure it's a good idea to stay hydrated in a sauna."

* * *

Jani laughed. "I've never actually sat in front of a fire on a reindeer pelt. Finding one would be easy, they sell them to tourists, but knowing us maybe we should go for something that can be stuffed in a washing machine. Just wondering, don't you have a fireplace in your house? We never quite finished that tour because we always got distracted... Now, how did that happen..." he laughed again, then coughed.

"Back to sauna. Living healthy is one thing, but we'll want a beer with the sauna. It's a tradition, just like sausages, and I'd recommend we try it at least once."

* * *

Sav's house was so equipped, and he never used them. It was a waste, maybe like living in such a monstrosity in the first place. "Yes, I have fireplaces... they're one above the other on three floors. I showed you the room downstairs, not that I expect you to remember, since we never used it or looked in the corresponding bedroom above. And we never went up to the top floor at all. It does get stuffy up there in the summer. Can you believe it, I think I've made a fire in one of the fireplaces, like, twice, and that's it. Well, that may have to change the next time you visit me."

As far as whatever they laid – or got laid – on being machine washable, Sav made his voice guileless. "Oh, so you can't throw a reindeer pelt in the washing machine?" He laughed. "I'll have to leave that to you. It wouldn't be very efficient of me to pack a big fuzzy blanket in my suitcase. I'd suggest cashmere but it's ridiculously expensive and dry clean only." Didn't he already own a closet full of clothes that met that description?

* * *

"Well, with any luck we can sit by a fire in your place soon, too," Jani said. "Maybe you have a big, fuzzy blanket at home that we could, um, _talk_ on." He laughed. "Just make sure we don't get sidetracked again half way to the fireplaces. I'm not complaining, though. I have very fond memories of your place and can't wait to visit you there again."

* * *

"Oh, we hardly scratched the surface of potential surface areas to 'talk' on. You're inventive. Most of the unconventional places we did it in my house were your ideas, or uh, like you've said, because you needed it so bad. Right then and there." The thought provoked some sense of masculine pride in Sav. First, that he'd found a partner who was so loving, and didn't hold back from expressing it sexually. Second, that Jani got so horny over _him_ , and had somehow fallen for _him_. The feelings were mutual.

"Any ideas for next time, besides the fireplace? We still haven't christened the kitchen. Or I could bend you over my amp. Hm, you could give me a bath and see what... develops. So many rooms...!" Sav knew it wouldn't be for a long time. Jani had to finish his service before any of it could happen – at Sav's house at any rate. After that, they were both sure to have band commitments. "But honestly, you and a roof over our heads is enough. Although the beer and sausages you mentioned for sauna would be welcome, too." He smiled. Honestly, they'd never even had a beer together. Coffee, yes. Jani had been drunk off his arse in Milan, and at Ankkarock. Sav had been drinking at both festivals, but much less so. It would be nice to be like normal blokes for once.

* * *

"Yes, the do-it-in-every-room is still a work in process," Jani giggled. "Only, may I correct you, we had fun in some places because _we_ needed it so bad. Or didn't you?" he asked, suddenly insecure. "Do you think I'm oversexed?" Sav had asked the same question with reversed roles a while earlier and Jani didn't think that Sav was complaining but he had to know.

* * *

Though he was tempted to simply laugh off the question, Sav considered for a second. "Absolutely, _we_ needed it that bad. If it weren't for physiological limitations, I'd probably wear the skin off my dick... Jani, I have 19 years, nine months and eight days on you, and I had to... okay, not had to but I did so... ask you the same thing. We're blokes. You're 25 years old! No, you're not oversexed; I'd say you're quite normal with how you're, um, feeling these days. Also, we're in love. It's only been," he squinted at the ceiling, "not quite three months since we met for the first time, much less made it official. What's that been, less than a month? Is that even possible? It feels like I've known you longer."

Apparently so. He had to be cracked, a man his age... Sav pushed the thought of 'mid-life crisis' aside. "Okay, think about it. Before, problems with your girlfriends and your band killed your sex drive for a while. But before that? No doubt you were banging groupies left and right when you got the chance, or whatever girlfriend you were with. Right? I was no different at your age." Or close enough. Sav had been 22 for most of the Pyro tour and 26 when the Hysteria tour began its monster 18-month run. It went without saying, what they all got up to. Good lord, how was Jani worried?

* * *

"Well," Jani hemmed and hawed a little. "We're not that big that we have groupies left and right, at least not in the beginning. Also, back then we were still, like, I suppose you could call it innocent," he snorted, "in the sense that we were mostly faithful to our girlfriends. Although I'm probably the least responsible of the band, actual fucking was the exception. A blowjob here or there, okay, but that was it. And later when we became more famous I was often suffering from what you referred to as whisky dick. Girlfriends, of course, I was as horny a teen as everyone else, but later, same issue. Not interested any longer."

* * *

"Whisky dick, ha, right. So are you saying Sonata Arctica are less slutty than Def Leppard back in the day?" Sav asked blandly, then snorted. "Not to hang labels but I don't know how to be any more blunt. Alright, I can accept that. And I'm just messing with you, you understand that, right? Maybe in some way, I'm also confessing my past sins. Anyway, you're not oversexed if I had to diagnose you. And what would be the cure for that but more sex?"

* * *

"No, just different. Different times, different level of popularity, different type of fans maybe, at least in Finland, and probably different audience as we were in North America only twice, this and last year whereas you tour a lot there... As for the band members, at least I'd have made a major slut if I could have got it up. Now that I can get it up again, I'm only a slut for you, though. So, more sex sounds like a cure... Not that I want to be cured," Jani joked. "Nor do I consider sex a sin."

* * *

"Neither do I," Sav hurried to confirm."When I said 'confessing my sins' I was being a bit ironic about the whole idea that any sex other than married, hetero, lights-out-doors-locked-in-the-missionary-position is wrong. The way I was brought up, it wasn't proper to even talk about it. Same for most of my bandmates. Of course we did anyway, between ourselves. That's one possible reason we went so wild out from under our parents' eyes. Besides being typical horny young blokes, American girls were... available." He hesitated over the word to use. They were, in general, much less conservative than those back home.

"You know, call it my overtired brain but you've probably touched a subject that's quite sensitive to me. And no, that doesn't mean I don't want to talk about it. Probably the opposite. I'm more than happy for you to want me all the time, because I do, you. What I meant to do was reassure you that you're fine, and I'd consider your present libido within normal range. Besides out of my mouth, I don't even know where that came from, throwing around the word 'slut'. It's... it's not exactly a nice word but similar ones like 'slag' or 'whore' are worse. I don't feel that way about anyone I was ever with even for a quick backstage fuck. Oh... you know how friends rib – tease – each other about getting laid? It was more like that, the use of the word."

Sav could have kept going for another hour on that subject, too. Simply put, Jani didn't seem to have the sort of deeply buried semi-Victorian sensibilities that had been trained into Sav and his generation, that they had spent their adult lives thumbing their noses at. Most of the time, he never thought about it. And now? He was on a call with his younger male lover, and what could he do? The snort this time was mental. Jani was lucky in that sense, and he didn't even know it. "Whether it's cured or not cured, I don't want to stop, that I do know."

* * *

"Um, yes." Jani didn't know what to say. "I guess what we say when we discuss, um, sex with our mates we're maybe not entirely honest... Although I try not to brag when I talk to you about it... Well, talking about sex with you isn't the same as with my mates. Mates in the sense of buddies, not, well, mates. Like Wild Jani considers a Leppard his mate... Sorry, I don't have a clue what I'm actually trying to say here," he laughed nervously and coughed again.

"Anyway, I'm glad we agree on not wanting _that_ to stop, _that_ being our mutual horniness."

* * *

"I understand. You have your... buddies, I have mine. Americans say friends, too; Brits say mates. Different kind of mate than wild Jani and Leppard Sav, for sure! Sorry about that, sometimes it's like I can't shut up. Probably not what you imagined, seeing another musician. We should be discussing frequencies and minor augmented scales or something." Call it arrogance, but Sav didn't know a lot about music theory, despite having ample time to learn. What he did, he mostly learned by ear or by experimentation. What scales he practiced were basic: major and minor.

* * *

"I'll be happy to discuss scales with you," Jani replied, "although I suggest we wait until the snot solidifies into a brain again," he snorted – and noticed immediately that it was a mistake when it made him cough again. "I hate this fucking cold," he muttered.

"Anyway, since we both have headsets and amps in our bedrooms these days, I've been thinking... Regardless of the state of my brain, my hands usually still work... to a degree at least... So how do you feel about some remote jamming? Doesn't have to be right now, but in general?"

He laughed – and coughed again. "And why didn't I think of this earlier?"

* * *

Indeed, and why hadn't Sav, for that matter? He winced over the next coughing attack, but when it was over, said, "Brilliant idea! I suppose neither of us thought of it because up till now our hands and brains were preoccupied with other things. We should do it! I don't have my bass with me tonight, since I had to deal with the police after the gig. But yes, when you're feeling better." It would be challenging but fun, and maybe they could get started on writing together. Even if he mostly listened to Jani, well, Sav could do that for hours.

* * *

"Excellent, we have a plan then for whenever we can't get it up again." This time, Jani fought the urge to laugh, but he still started coughing. "Sorry, maybe I should speak less. Don't you have one of these crazy tour stories to tell?" Hearing about such antics would make him laugh, which would probably lead to more coughing, too, but maybe less than if he continued talking himself.

* * *

"Well, I probably have quite a supply of those. The wildest stories are mostly Phil and Steve, back in the 80s. A lot of mine involve horny groupies, or wanna-be groupies, honestly. Well, here's one that's neither of those... in 1999 we were in Japan, promoting our album, Euphoria. You've been to Japan. Things are different. We went out to check out some clubs, a little drinking and dancing, you know. The night ended in some underground room filed with pink neon ivy, too much sake, and about four or five tiny little giggling chicks who somehow, er, separated me from the rest, wanting to practice rope bondage on me. Uh... I let them." Sav groaned. Naturally, the first thing that came to mind was kinky. "Of course I was expected to pay. Didn't know that in advance. Didn't have enough on me to... finish the job. I was left with about 500 yen, which is like," he squinted, "maybe two-something pounds or five dollars, a boner and also a hang-over from hell. If our hotel hadn't been just around the corner, I'd have been fucked," Sav heard his own phrasing and snorted, "or rather, even more _not_ fucked."

* * *

"Oh man, that must have been... awkward..." Jani winced. "I'm afraid I can't return a story of that type. We, um, some of us, tried to get laid in Japan but never got anywhere. We did have fun of the, um, drunk and disorderly kind, though. In... I think it was '03, our first show of a short Japan tour. I was messed up and puked after the show. The others wound me up about my stage fright getting so bad, but it was something I ate... Well, maybe they had a point, too... Anyway, we went out to celebrate that night, also, I think because of some great win for Finland's hockey team. My memories are a bit vague... What I do recall, however, is that Henkka ended up throwing peanuts around and hit a bigwig from our Japanese record label on the head. Major insult. Our tour manager spent half the night trying to explain to the guy why this was funny while we uneducated heathens kept laughing our arses off."

* * *

"Well, you'll note that I didn't get laid, either," Sav said dryly. "Oh man, being away from home and puking sick... been there, done that. No fun."

He genuinely laughed over the peanut-throwing story. While he'd only met Henkka in person once, he'd seen all the stage antics on youtube and it seemed like something he'd do. "Oh no! The Japanese can be very formal, that's true! They have rules about decorum we can only guess at, and that's coming from an Englishman. You little heathens giggling away in some corner while your tour boss tries to assuage the VIP's affronted dignity... I can just see it. Well, I guess you didn't get deported, so that's a win."

* * *

"Most of the time when I puke on tour it's kinda my own fault," Jani admitted. "Like from either being drunk or hungover. I'm not sure I want to know what kind of stupid shit I pulled in my cups, but that night it was definitely Henkka who took the cake. I guess, yeah, we should be glad that we kept our record deal in the end."

* * *

"Your stories surround excessive drinking, mine are mostly about sex... we all have our, um, habits. I could tell you one that's not wild at all, about this one time our bus broke down in the middle of nowhere." It had taken Sav a minute to come up with a tale with a more PG rating. "Wanna hear it, or more of the sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll?"

* * *

"Assuming that this isn't the last time we'll share tour stories, why not start with the broke-down bus? Bring it on. I've got one of those, too," Jani announced.

* * *

"Alright..." Closing his eyes, Sav drifted back more than 13 years. "It was the Adrenalize tour, 1992, the second leg. It was the end of summer, and the weather was unseasonably hot. We were somewhere... way out in the back of beyond where it was just flat and bare... anyway, trust our luck, someone had had this brilliant idea to take a shortcut and then the engine overheated. If we'd been smart, we'd have split up and gone along with the semis but... no, we wanted to stay together. So there we were, stranded on the roadside with our tour manager and a couple of our techs." He could see it, the sweltering heat, mirage-like shimmers in mid-air.

"So we sat there. And sat there. I swear to god, it was at least two hours and no one came. Cell phone range wasn't like today. Zero bars out there. We were trusting the truck drivers to find a town with some sort of repair shop and send help. At last this bloke driving a beat-up old pick-up truck comes up the road. Cowboy hat and boots, Wranglers, plaid shirt with pearl snaps, the whole nine yards. He had a look at the bus, said we blew a hose or something, we were all pissing ourselves laughing over that. Long story short, he drove us to the next little town, most of us in the box of the truck. Someone – I think Viv, actually, insisted we take what guitars were in the bus."

Smiling to himself, Sav went on, the nostalgia almost unbearable. He remembered... a half-dozen vinyl booths, a few tables, a counter with a row of backless seats. The little bell over the door that rang every time someone went in or out. There were two waitresses, mother and daughter, and a cook; he still recalled their first names. "We spent several more hours in a little café there, eating burgers, fish caught in the local creek, and milkshakes made from real ice cream. Probably the whole town found some excuse to come over for coffee and pie, to gawk at us. We had... an ongoing, very informal meet and greet, you might say. Eventually, we got restless and decided we'd play a short set, well, more an impromptu jam session. It was that day, that was the idea and precursor of that Sheffield gig I told you about, the acoustic set. We found out that Rocket doesn't work acoustically, but other songs we hadn't considered, did. And we even wrote a couple that day, or parts of them."

Sav let out a sigh. "Though we were of course anxious over the schedule, it was... a really nice day. I met little kids, grandpas and grandmas. Everyone was so laid back, only the teenagers were... well, the usual. We gave away a lot of free tickets that day. I even saw some of them at the show the next night. We've never been back on that road, but I almost felt like it was 'our' town, our family in some manner."

* * *

"Wow, sounds like you made a bunch of people very happy that day," Jani said. "And you were lucky that someone drove that way. Being stuck in the middle of nowhere on a hot day... Not my idea of fun either. Although if you ask Henkka, he'd probably tell you that I can indeed enjoy this kind of thing..." he groaned.

"Listen, then. This spring we were on a European tour, travelling to Madrid when our bus broke down. I don't recall what was wrong with it, but we somehow made it to a small village on a mountain. Sunday afternoon in Spain with 35 centigrade meant that the entire country held siesta, not that we'd have had much chance of finding a mechanic there in the first place. So while our bus driver tried to diagnose and fix the problem, Henkka and I decided to sunbathe. See, it looked as if we weren't going to make it in time for the gig. Our management promised to arrange for a car to pick us up, but that wouldn't include our gear, so the show would have to be cancelled. Assuming we had the night off, the two of us laid down right on the road in our boxers – on a towel or sheet – with a large bottle of Jack while we waited to be picked up." Jani chuckled at the memory.

"Eventually, and miraculously I should add, one of our drivers found the problem and we got en route again. Judging from the distance we still had to drive the conclusion was that we'd play the gig after all. Only, there was some big event in Madrid that day that led to a complete standstill of the traffic into the city. We made it to the venue with minutes to spare and were greeted by the gleeful faces of Doro's crew – we were on a double headliner tour with her and her band – who expected us to epically fail. Let's just say they we succeeded in disappointing them. Our techs were incredible and although they still needed to adjust sound and lights during our first songs it was one of the best shows of the tour," he laughed.

"Henkka and I were of course hungover the next day," – not as bad as two weeks earlier at the infamous Stödtlen Springtime Festival, though – "and I had a nasty sunburn."

* * *

Sav listened with interest. So they had some similarities after all, with tour stories. "Yeah, I'll bet!" he said of the sunburn. He'd told Jani enough times he hated boiling-hot weather and didn't repeat it. "Ouch. You can bet we pasty-white Brits have had those, too. Wish I coulda been there to get a look at young Jani, sunbathing, though. Call me a perv if you want. You know, there's no pics of you even shirtless online, much less in less clothes." He thought about that for a minute. "I'm even more lucky then, to be so privileged."

But then he remembered Jani didn't like 'compliments', and he quickly moved on. "But your techs being amazing... that, I can relate to as well. Funny, how we can have custom guitars, supposedly the best of everything gear-wise, and things still go wrong. Mine has saved me from looking and sounding like an arse on stage so many times. Well, that was a little different for you, under the wire time-wise. Good on you guys, for showing the other band how it's done. Sometimes people really do work best under pressure. Not to mention, since you thought your gig would be cancelled, you didn't have time to get stage fright, huh?"

* * *

"Well, yes and no," Jani replied when Sav asked about his stage fright that night. "See, when we eventually got word that the show was not cancelled, I'd have freaked out over the traffic chaos as it meant I'd have no time whatsoever to warm up and all. On the other hand, by the time we got the bus repaired I was drunk enough to not care much. And then when we arrived, we really didn't have any time to spare. The worst few minutes are always the ones when we're standing on the stage ramp, waiting for our intro tape to finish. That day, my tech was still fiddling with my guitar strap, plugging in the wireless when I was already walking... make that wobbling on stage."

* * *

"Understood. Man, that was cutting it close! If I'm going to get nervous, it's usually when we're still far backstage with too much time on our hands. Probably the most extreme case since the beginning for me was before we did the Freddie Mercury benefit show. There were something like 80 thousand people in the live audience and it was televised all over the world so who knows how many millions were watching. That was also Viv's first gig with us. We wouldn't have hired him if he wasn't good and we'd rehearsed for weeks, but still, one worries. And of course one of my personal musical heroes, Brian May, was there. So... nerves." Sav hadn't puked but he could barely remember anything that happened before the show nor the first song. After that, it wasn't much different than playing any other gig. The crowds were far back from the stage to make room for the TV cameras and press, that was about it.

* * *

"I'm not sure I'd have been able to play such a show," Jani admitted. "I mean, we shot a live DVD and were on Finnish TV a few times, but I have no clue how the rest of the band got me on stage for these. Total blackout, probably just as well... Even thinking of an audience of 80 thousand makes me feel sick. Well, sick- _er,"_ he joked.

* * *

Wow, if Jani was telling the truth, he did have a really bad case. Stage fright from just thinking of a gig more than a decade ago? "Maybe they used a leash or something," Sav joked, although it probably wasn't funny. "Have you ever considered hypnosis? That might sound like so much New Age crap but it works for some people."

* * *

Hypnosis? Was Sav being serious? "Well, it isn't going to be an issue for the next year or so," Jani evaded, "and who knows what's going to happen until then. I'm not really thinking that far ahead. Other than I want to be with you as much as I can, that is."

* * *

"Mm-hm." Sav didn't push it. He was too tired to rally any logical arguments in favour of Jani getting help for that issue, not that he had expected a favourable response, not really. It would probably be considered unmanly. Sav certainly wasn't the most compliant patient, himself, even for a bona fide medical condition. "I wanna be with you, too. Like, in person. Naked me on naked you. We'll figure it out. Somehow."

* * *

Jani laughed. "Definitely. But can I tell you a secret? I want to be with you even if we're not naked. Can you imagine? Isn't it outrageous?" His laughter turned again into a cough.

* * *

Jani dissolved into coughing again, which gave Sav a minute to think of how to answer him. "You can tell me anything. And same here, about clothing on. What you said is more realistic than outrageous."

He paused, still not sure how to word this. What he didn't want at all costs was for Jani to think Sav only wanted him for sex. "We've only scratched the surface of knowing each other. Probably a lot more of that should be done with our clothes on. We'll have to figure that out, too. I'm looking forward to spending time with you in person either way. Till then, we talk."

* * *

"We talk and we _talk,"_ Jani said after he'd regained his breath. "Funny enough and correct me if I'm wrong, but my impression is that we've learned more about each other since we're only in contact by phone, text, and mail than during the days we actually spent together. And believe me that I like a lot what I'm getting to know."

* * *

"You're not wrong. Before, Helsinki-Sheffield-Helsinki again, once we got together we were doing a lot of one thing: making each other feel good. And mostly teasing each other between rounds, winding up the next. Right? I mean, we did a couple of things outside the house but I'm not sure how much we talked. On the phone and so on... that's the MO." It was true. Even the day-to-day phone conversations gave Sav insight into Jani's moods and thoughts as well as history and what was happening in his life right now.

"I've really liked the process of getting to know you, too, Jani. Even just speaking almost every day gives us the opportunity to learn more about each other. Do you think we'll remember how to talk when we get in the same room again?"

* * *

About to laugh again, Jani caught himself just in time. "I'm pretty sure I know what's going to happen when we get in the same room again, at least the first time after a separation. It may include learning about each other, but I don't think we'll speak a lot. More like grunting and groaning while we exhaust each other. Then after five or seven rounds of steaming sex and some sleeping I don't doubt, though, that we'll talk more, over coffee probably. And this time I mean talk, not _talk."_

He cleared his throat. His nose was still more or less clear, but his voice was going from its normal pitch to testosterone bass. "I'm looking forward to that. All of it. Starting with being in the same room with you again."

* * *

Jani was certainly optimistic, and that made Sav happy. It was probably the cold, but his lover's voice had deepened in pitch and it almost seemed to touch him, physically, in places that vibrations felt especially good, like his groin. Sav stretched languorously. "Me, too. Five to seven times... I can hardly wait to kiss you, and hold you."

* * *

"Right now it's a good thing that we're not in the same room," Jani commented dryly, "especially not if you plan to kiss me. I love you and I'm happy to share everything with you with one exception. You really don't want my cold."

* * *

"No I don't, but I don't think I'll catch your cold from here. And in a few days, you shouldn't be contagious any longer," Sav conceded. He would try harder to be healthy, because when they did get together, he didn't want Jani catching anything off him. "Because I do plan to kiss you when I see you again... behind closed doors. They say the mouth has the most germs of any body part. I plan to be in contact with other parts, as well."

* * *

This time Jani couldn't stifle his laughter. As expected, it turned into another coughing fit. "Sorry about that," he croaked when the spasms subsided. "I was going to say that you wouldn't catch my cold then if I sucked you off, but maybe I should really find something to suck on. Like lozenges or hot tea. Only, I don't have either. Nor a dick. Well, I mean, there's lots of dicks in this town, literally and figuratively, but none of them is yours, so. Man, I can't wait to see you again. Make that feel, smell, taste, lick, touch you."

* * *

"Yes you DO have a dick," Sav snickered, for once more stuck on the no doubt unintentional turn of phrase than the prospect of what they might do to each other's bodies in the future. "Although sucking your own... that's a no-go. I don't suppose there's any non-dicks, as in friends, who could bring you those things...? Better yet, do any of your local stores deliver?"

* * *

"No lozenge delivery, but I could ask Anni or Risto. Or my sister. Or I could go myself, it isn't far to the next shop and the fresh air might actually do me good. We've got tea, so I should probably move my lazy butt out of bed and make some... Well, it can wait. And for the record, yes, I do have a dick, even though I'm afraid it's gone to sleep right now. You know that's not what I meant, right? I promised I wouldn't be with another guy... Sorry, I'm not thinking straight... Oh, and no pun intended..."

Was any of this making sense? Probably not. "Um, you may have noticed that my brain is only partially online today. Sorry."

* * *

That pulled Sav up short. The idea of Jani performing oral on someone else, another man... when he'd asked Jani for exclusivity, he'd more envisioned some unknown guy on his knees, not the other way around. He didn't like the reversal, not at all. It was up to him to make sure that never happened, by keeping Jani on that delicate balance between wanting and satisfied. "I believe you, Jani... hadn't even considered you, um, sucking off someone else. That doesn't sound like something you'd do, unless there's magical lozenge-like properties to spunk, which I kind of doubt. People would have passed the word around by now."

"Offline brains... me, too. It must be something like four in the morning here, and I'm too lazy to even check my phone. Unless the weather's bad, it might do you good to go outside a bit, but don't overdo it. You want to get well, not sicker."

* * *

"Yäk." Jani shuddered. He'd expected Sav to drop the topic and he wasn't going to respond to it but the thought of spunk-flavoured lozenges evoked a reaction nevertheless. He didn't mind Sav's, but that was a definite no.

"Four in the morning... You'll want to catch some sleep. Actually, I think I'll return to bed for a while, too, after some tea. I can manage to get to the kitchen for the moment and will see about shopping later."

* * *

"Good plan, sleep while we can. Hot tea sounds nice. I wish I was there to share a cuppa." Though he was seriously going to pay for staying up so late, some of which was not his fault, Sav planned on sleeping till the last second possible in the 'morning'. He'd change his alarm as soon as they were off the call.

Sav felt like he could have talked longer, but he was practically brain-dead and was probably delusional. If he wanted Jani to have enough energy to get up and make his tea, he should let him go now before his illness tipped him from tiredness to exhaustion. "I've forgotten whose turn it is to hang up. You can have the honours. I love you, Jani... have a good... day, and get well soon."

* * *

"Thanks, and have a great day, too, after sleeping. I have a feeling that I'll spend most of my day in bed, dreaming of you with any luck," Jani laughed, then coughed, no surprise there. "And yes, love you, Sav. Can't wait to talk to you again and I'm hanging up now. Until later, love."

He waited another few seconds in case Sav had something more to say, then pressed the End button. As soon as he set the phone on his nightstand, he noticed how tired he really was and decided that tea could wait another while. He'd just lay down his aching head on the pillow and rest for a minute or two...

* * *

Remembering how difficult it was to hit the End Call button, Sav didn't attempt to get in a last word. He still waited to remove his headphones till his mobile beeped to indicate the call was cut. Then he unplugged the headset, reset the alarm to 10:30 am, made sure the ringer was on, turned onto his side in the middle of the bed and was promptly unconscious. His last thought as he slid into a deep sleep was whether Jani would dream about him.

* * *


	15. Monday, 28 August 2006

* * *

Jani slept poorly and woke up intermittently whenever his nose got too congested for him to breathe and breathing through his mouth made him cough. He got up a few times and dragged himself to the kitchen to make tea and take a pill for his headache. The only thing he was looking forward to was calling Sav later, but by the time he thought his lover would be awake after a well-deserved rest, Jani found that his voice was gone. He couldn't even whisper without immediately suffering a coughing attack. It was useless, there was no way he could hold up his end of a conversation. Since he didn't know whether Sav had email access in case Def Leppard had already left the hotel where they'd spent the night, Jani decided to send him a text message to appraise him of the situation.

_Sav, I wanted to call you but I can't speak. My voice is gone and all I can do is cough. So sorry. :-( I miss you. Love, Jani_

* * *

Beep, beep, beep... zzzzzzz! The vibration rattled the bedside table and Sav jumped awake, disoriented. Grabbing his mobile, he saw the time, 10:31am, and the light flashing red, orange, yellow-green. Texts, voice mail, low battery. Ugh, he had better get on with it. But first his bladder.

That dealt with, he dug his charge cord out and plugged in the mobile, sitting on the bed while he attended to his messages. One was from the cops. How had they got this number? Then from their PR outfit, wanting to set a conference call as to what he could say or not to the public. Rob was next, with an almost identical request. So much for a shorter bus ride and having caught the man, the day was shaping up to be a lot of hassle.

Sav decided the callbacks could wait. Rob, he'd see on the bus and go from there. One of his texts was from Jani and that would be his first return correspondence. Jani's cold had not improved. Now he had laryngitis on top of the hacking cough and congestion. Nasty. Not having been through this sort of illness with him before, Sav hoped it wasn't turning into something more serious. Bronchitis and pneumonia came to mind, but there were other things it could be, too. He also knew Jani wouldn't welcome any fussing or third degree about it, so the text he sent was carefully composed.

_Hi Jani, just woke up, have to be on the road soon. PR crap to deal with, then the gig tonight. Sorry to hear that you lost your voice. We'll have to find another way to talk. ;) I'll have my mobile and laptop. Looks like I need to upgrade to a better smartphone plan very soon. Don't forget the tea and lozenges. Text or email me if you're up to it. TTYS, -S._

* * *

Jani could barely get his eyes open but when they finally became accustomed to the glare after he switched on the lights, he saw that it was two in the morning. He must have succeeded in sleeping for a few hours without being constantly woken up by the cough or his nose. Or the pain in his throat that had got worse meanwhile, and not mentioning his throbbing head either.

There was a thermos on his nightstand and a packet of something that looked like lozenges. Had he been sleepwalking? He couldn't remember going out and buying them and he was sure there hadn't been any earlier in the day. Then he found a short note from Anni to 'get better', so he assumed that she'd had enough of hearing him cough and sneeze and had got them for him.

He popped one into his mouth and blew his nose. It took him three paper tissues and a major effort that made his head explode in agony as his nose was so congested that he needed a lot of force to get the snot out. Staring at the crumpled tissues for a moment, Jani wondered if it was actually possible to drown in snot, especially as he coughed up another lot of disgusting goo a moment later.

It wasn't the first time he was sick as a dog with the cold, but he knew he wouldn't die from it. Right now, he wasn't sure if that was good news or bad.

Then he belatedly noticed the message LED on his phone and his mood improved when he confirmed that the sender was Sav. There was still no way he could talk and painful experience predicted that it could be a day or two before he regained his voice, but at least he could be in contact with Sav by text or email.

Jani's laptop was on his desk on the other side of his room – too far away – but he typed a quick message on his phone.

_Hei, love, and sorry, but I'm still sick. Just letting you know that I'm still alive and please don't worry too much about me. Colds always tend to hit me hard and last long but I'll get over it. Take care and have a great gig! <3 Jani_

* * *

The day had been much as Sav had expected, people wanting to talk to him, conference calls, meetings, and interviews; sound check was a relief. If he never had to hear about the ridiculous turn of events again, it would be too soon, but likely it would follow him for the next decade.

Finally, backstage in their dressing room area again, he got a bite to eat and sat down to check his mobile. Jani had been quiet all day, well, night for him, and Sav wasn't surprised. A text waited for him. He couldn't suppress a bit of a smile though they couldn't talk now even if Jani was awake. Next, in a few minutes, was the meet and greet. There seemed to be some sort of festive atmosphere, different than the subdued pre-show bubbles they each sank into most gig nights.

Quickly, before he got distracted, Sav sent a short return message:

_Thanks, luv, glad you're alive, LOL. Middle of the night there! Just finished sound check, you know what comes next. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. Last nite in CA. Just rest and get better (I know, I keep saying it). Virtual (textual?) tea and cough drops. You know my gran and my mum swore by that eucalyptus goo. :D Maybe they don't have it in Finland. TTYS, -S._

* * *

It was already bright daylight when Jani woke up next. His nose hadn't improved overnight, nor had his throat or head. The thermos was gone from his nightstand but when he trudged to the kitchen, he found it on the table, filled with fresh, hot tea, and a note from Anni to call if he needed anything. After drinking some tea, he decided that what he did actually need was a shower. He couldn't smell anything but he probably reeked – had he even showered after the gig? He'd been so out of it from the fever that he couldn't even remember...

The hot water felt heavenly but it also left him exhausted, so he helped himself to more tea and returned to his bed. Only then did he check his messages – apparently, he was still pretty much out of it – and found one from Sav. Smiling – he didn't dare to laugh – at the virtual tea and cough drops, he nodded when Sav brought up 'eucalyptus goo.' He remembered that his mother had slathered his chest in the stuff when he'd caught colds as a child. The concoction smelled vile but it had helped.

He wasn't sure if it would help him right now – in order to inhale he'd have to be able to breathe, right? – but since he didn't have any, it was a moot point. As feeble as he felt, there was no way he was going out. So their flat was on Sauvasaari, but even the short distance to the next chemist was too far. Besides, he didn't know what the stuff was called. Jani briefly considered calling his mother for the name but decided against it: his voice was still completely gone. If Mum heard him croak, she'd insist on taking care of him. She might even insist that Jani stay with her until he felt better, which was, of course, what mothers did, but all Jani wanted was to be left alone. As miserable as he felt, a part of him was even glad that Sav was on another continent and couldn't visit and look after him.

There was nothing he could do but sit this out. And sleep as much as possible, which, given his exhaustion would be easy even though his clogged-up nose and the agony every time he swallowed would wake him up all the time. First, though, he owed Sav a reply.

_Aaaand I'm still alive here. :-P No eucalyptus goo but Anni got me lozenges yesterday. How was the gig? Love, Jani._

* * *

They did party a bit after the show. Sav had a couple of the girlie drinks offered backstage, and he was feeling it. Strange, that he was turning into a lightweight. He'd been drinking socially since he was less than legal. The few weeks off were really starting to make a difference. He didn't feel guilty, though. It wasn't like he was slamming back a dozen shots every night.

His mobile had buzzed in his pocket on the way back to the hotel. He'd been involved in an animated conversation with most of the band, over the idea of a hike in the mountains once they reached Washington state. Lucky for him, the placement was as he'd described and he didn't have the sort of response to make him moan and have to run for the loo. He figured it must be Jani, but decided to wait till he got to his room to look.

He'd been right. More of the same from Finland but at least Jani was no worse. He would miss talking to his lover though.

_Hi, Jani! The gig was good, was much more at ease knowing I wouldn't be pelted with... you know. This is our last night in CA and I'm glad. Flying north in the morning. Ex-GF is looking out for you, huh? That's cool. I'd say she's a keeper but I want you for myself :) Love, -Sav_

* * *

Jani had lost all sense of time. At some point, Anni had looked in on him and fed him chicken soup. At least he thought so, but he wasn't sure, it could also just have been a fevered dream. Although he'd heard his phone ping a couple of times he'd been too wiped out to check for messages. By the time he eventually had to get up to pee, the phone battery was empty, so he put it on the charger and went back to sleep.

* * *

They'd had an early call, to get to the airport and all that involved on time. Sav tried to sit still, but his knee was bouncing. 'Get a grip,' he kept telling himself. Jani hadn't replied to his text though it had been daytime in Finland while Sav slept. Since Jani had lost his voice, there was no point in calling. He didn't want to send multiple requests just for attention, and there'd been no time to email.

Then too, though it had been so quick he wasn't sure if it wasn't just his subconscious, Sav had thought he'd seen that blonde woman from the other night again, the one who'd stood outside his door at all hours. Every procedural cop show or medical drama he'd ever watched eventually got to the, 'there's no such thing as a coincidence' episode. What if she was on this plane? The band had been allowed to board first and he had no idea who might have come aboard after. It made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up for some reason.

Any moment now, they'd be giving the message to shut off all electronic devices. Sav eyed his mobile, as he turned it over and over in one hand. In the end, he decided to wait until they landed in about two hours before he'd text again, whether he heard from Jani or not. Then, sure enough, the captain's voice came through the intercom, and he switched the phone off.

* * *

Jani's throat was killing him, and so was his bladder. Only how could he feel so parched and be desperate to pee at the same time? And since when had the distance to the bathroom increased close to infinity? After peeing, he splashed cold water on his face, then stuck his tongue out at the bloodshot eyes of the person in the mirror over the sink. Past experience suggested that it could go on like this for another week.

Padding back to his room, he saw that his phone battery was recharged and the message light was blinking again. He had a voice mail from the hospital and cursed mentally when he remembered that he'd been supposed to go in for his weekly check-up. He'd give them a call tomorrow... if his voice returned, that was.

There was also a message from Sav. Checking the time, Jani cursed again: Sav was probably on his flight by now, but assuming that a life sign would be welcome when he deplaned, Jani typed a brief text.

_Sav, thanks, yes, she's a good friend despite what I did to her. No worries, though, I'm yours and yours alone. Nothing new from me, still down. I slept all day and missed my appt. with the doc, will try to make it tomorrow. Love, Jani_

After sending it, he went to the kitchen to make tea and found two notification cards on the table. One was from posti, informing him that he could pick up a parcel. The other was from a logistics company asking to give them a call to schedule a second delivery attempt. Jani wasn't sure about the first parcel's origin, but the other delivery had to be his guitar. Was it possible that he'd slept through the doorbell, and twice? He must really have been out of it!

On the other hand, he was so tired that he couldn't even be bothered to be upset about missing the delivery. As to the other parcel, he'd find out tomorrow. Right now all he wanted was his throat and head to stop hurting and be able to breathe. He gulped down another painkiller, remembered that the anticongestant spray had worked fine earlier, so he took some of that, too, and returned to bed.

* * *

_Hi, Jani, it's good to hear from you. Man, it's a bad cold but thank god you're not on tour with it. Just landed in Seattle, can't wait to get to a more remote location although not sure about the wireless reception. We're taking your suggestion (they think it's my idea) for some hiking in the mountains. -S._

Now that he knew Jani was no worse if not better yet, Sav relaxed. Another good thing about the 'entourage' was that he wasn't stuck with making arrangements for their side trip, it was done by their staff. Soon they were on their way out of the city headed toward the snowcaps he could see in the distance. None of them were used to altitude, so they'd stay to the lower elevations and it was only one overnight. Sav was a bit worried about his feet. The closest thing he had to hiking boots were the high-top trainers he wore on stage but they'd have to do. Breaking in new footwear would be worse.

They stopped for a late lunch in a small town, close to the staging area for hikers and backpackers. Comments surrounding "if a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound" naturally turned into "do bears shit in the woods". Or Leppards. They took turns making silly faces at each other and turns using the loo. Phil returned with a roll of TP, which he tossed at Joe with a long trailing streamer and soon they had to run for their van, laughing and holding each other up like a bunch of school boys.

* * *

Waking up sucked, Jani thought while he performed a quick inventory. Nose clogged: check. Sore throat: check. Fever: check. Headache: check. Cough: check. There was another message from Sav announcing that he was going for a hike. Jani was happy for him, but that was as far as his muddled brain let him think. He composed a quick text message, _Enjoy the trip! Love, Jani_ and pulled the blanket tighter around his shivering body.

* * *

The mountains weren't as close as they looked. It was mid-afternoon by the time they got to the trailhead, where they were able to pick up the tents, sleeping bags, and other gear that had been rented on their behalf. At least they had time to go through their clothes to figure out what was suitable for overnight. The rest would be locked in the van and the driver, who would be staying somewhere local, would keep an eye on it. Sav was more ready for a nap than a hike but he got out gamely enough and collected his designated pack. Their next three meals would either be cold, or MREs. Phil started bitching about vegan but apparently this was more the standard than not. He was soon satisfied, and they were on their way.

Joe had the map, compass and emergency blankets, Viv had the cooking utensils, Sav's pack held the camp stove, the cylinder of gas for it, and one of the tents. He supposed that someone had a shovel and another tent. Phil had commandeered the food. Rick's pack was some one-armed alteration with his own stuff and Sav wasn't sure what else, but everyone by silent agreement didn't make the drummer carry anything but his clothes and water. Rick wouldn't agree to that, seeing that the others would carry more, so they found some odds and ends for him. Water, right. What was the rule, take one litre more than you think you'll need. It was five miles to a likely camp site or they could stop anywhere they liked off the trail.

They set out, Joe in the lead and Sav bringing up the rear. After only a mile or two, it became obvious that someone wasn't in the best physical shape and Phil went out in front, snagging the map on the way by. Viv was hot on his tail and so was Rick. Sav and Joe were left in their dust. Or well, bark and pinecones, maybe? It was a beautiful walk, and Sav wasn't so distracted he didn't appreciate the opportunity to stretch his legs and get away from civilisation a bit. As it began to grow dark, he was concerned they hadn't caught up to the others. How long should five miles take to walk in this sort of terrain? The trail itself was easy, some up and down, mostly up. He took out his mobile. It was still live but there were no bars.

"Joe...?"

"What?" It had been some time since they'd traded any words, even small talk.

"Yell for the others, huh?"

The frontman stopped walking and shot him a dubious look. "Yeh think we're lost?"

"We stayed on the trail. Maybe _they're_ lost," Sav opined.

"Well shite." Joe took a breath and yelled, _"Phil! Rick!"_ He screwed up his face. "These one-syllable names. I need one with more to it." He raised his voice again. _"Viviaaaaaaaann!"_

Nothing.

* * *

After waking up for the umpteenth time to blow his nose and cough up more disgusting goo Jani let himself be pulled under by sleep again.

* * *

Sav didn't relish the thought of being stuck in the woods alone overnight with Joe. In the dark woods. Possibly with bears. He decided he needed a rest. Unshouldering his pack, he lowered it and then himself to the ground. Suddenly, he needed water, hadn't even realised how thirsty he was. Joe was watching him guzzle from the bottle, and he didn't even care. After a long, long drink, he handed it over.

"It's getting dark," Joe said unnecessarily.

"I'm aware."

"I can't believe those wankers stole the map and left us behind."

Sav only replied, "Let's keep going. If they want a hot meal, they'll find us. I have the stove. More like a Bunsen burner but it'll do."

"What do you know about Bunsen burners?" Joe asked like it was something unnatural.

"Enough to-"

About then, Viv and Rick appeared on the trail, headed back in their direction.

"Oi, slowpokes," they waved. "We came back to rescue your lost arses."

Sav let Joe and the other two hash out who was slow, lost, or simply a twat while he stepped around the group. Phil and one set-up tent weren't far. Sav greeted him and left his pack near the fire pit, then sat down to rub his aching feet.

* * *

Jani was a wolf. He was running through the woods following the most delicious scent that could ever exist on earth, the scent of his mate. They'd been play-wrestling, then challenged each other for a game of tag. Jani was excited: he could easily outrun his mate but, unlike Sav, he couldn't climb trees. They were evenly matched yet completely different.

The scent got stronger and Jani knew his mate was close. When he looked up, feline eyes met his and he bared his teeth in a smile that was answered from above. Sav jumped down from the tree branch and circled Jani, then licked his face. If Jani were a human, he'd laugh with joy; instead he bumped his nose against Sav's. They sniffed each other's faces, then Jani withdrew a little so he could look at Sav again. He loved each and every single spot on his mate's fur, the softest fur he'd ever touched...

* * *

Why they hadn't thought of it before, Sav hadn't the slightest idea, but each pack contained a torch. By the light of them, they managed to set up the second tent, which was a two-man pup tent barely big enough for one much less two, and got water boiling for their dinner. While waiting, they unrolled their sleeping bags. Sav wondered if he could get one of the others to trade with him, but in the end decided it wasn't worth the effort. It was getting chilly, and he found a hooded sweatshirt and a fleece vest to go over that. Then the MREs or whatever the non-military versions were called, awaited. Sav's was some version of chicken and pasta in cheese sauce. Edible, if a bit underdone and very heavy.

They cleaned up their cookware and dishes as best they could, but didn't want to use too much water. It didn't seem like time to go to sleep yet, they'd only just got there, really. The night was moonless and when they stopped talking, so quiet. Joe got a fire going, being the only one with a lighter on him. They sat for a while, in a circle, listening to the crackling and popping. Finally Phil said, "It's a shame we couldn't bring guitars up here."

"Aye," agreed Joe. "We could have a sing-along."

"We don't really know any suitable songs," Rick pointed out.

"Oh, but I do... Met this bird..." Everyone had a comment about that, but Joe managed to shush them. "She taught me some campfire songs. Mostly three-chord wonders but you know... spiritual."

Sav snorted. "Spiritual. Is that what you call it?"

"Shut your gob. I mean it... listen." Joe started some sort of verse. His semi-raspy voice filled the space around them. Sav recognised the lyrics as straight out of scripture. He shuddered.

"Huh." Phil finally commented, after the refrain ended. "So this bird taught you that?"

Joe made a noise of assent. "A few more too. But they're better with an acoustic."

"You let her touch your guitar?" Viv sounded scandalised.

"Mm-hm. You bet I let her." The insinuation went much deeper, but beyond that, Joe only said, "Why would there be a problem? It's not our music but it... touched me somehow."

No one said anything for another minute. Then they all burst into laughter. They humoured their frontman after, singing the simplistic song, then another, even Sav. Harmonies were easy to find. They were their thing anyway, and they were soon in four-part, even five. Some time later, as Joe was trying to roll out another one, an eerie harmony soared around them or above them, raising all their hackles.

"Wolves!" Phil jumped, sounding like he was about to piss himself.

Rick laughed at him. "It's only coyotes. No wolves this far west."

"Bullshit," Sav disagreed. He didn't know one way or another, but it sounded like wolves to him. The 'song' went on for a few minutes, and then ended as abruptly as it had started.

The air seemed to hold a warning, but nothing happened. A few more moments of silence other than the fire, then it was agreed they should go to sleep.

Great. Sav's gut clenched, and he couldn't blame it on the trail food. He went for a pee and then found his way back to the tent. It was so small, about the height of his waist at the apex and only the length of his body, give or take an inch or two. And Joe was already inside. Well, he couldn't stand there all night like some twat. Sighing, he unzipped the door and crawled in... almost into Joe's lap. Dammit.

* * *

His mate had the most beautiful blue eyes Jani had ever seen in a leopard... a Leppard... They approached each other again until their faces were so close that Jani could feel Sav's breath tickling his nose... his nose...

Jani woke up from a violent sneeze that immediately turned into a coughing attack and left him sitting up in bed, wheezing and soaked in sweat. He pulled his wet shirt off and laid down again, but now he was shivering and his skin felt sore when it tightened into goose-bumps.

Being sick sucked...

* * *

Sav scrambled out of Joe's way. There was very little room to maneuver. He felt like an idiot, all skittish like this. The only man he'd touched in years was Jani, yet in close quarters Joe's attraction to him was undeniable. Sav could practically smell it, and the bloke never stopped pushing.

"Geez, Sav. Settle down," Joe huffed.

Sav didn't deign to answer, but inched toward his sleeping bag, which of course was on the far side, if there was such a thing in the cramped tent.

"Well then, are you gonna zip the flap? Don't wanna let any wolves in."

"You zip your flap," Sav replied lamely, cheeks heating. Across the way, he heard, in a thick brogue, "Aye, Joe... Keep it in yer pants, mate," and then more suggestive laughter. They sounded like randy teenagers, was it the mountain air or something? God knew what sort of tussle was going to go down over there, and he didn't want to hear it. Why, why hadn't he brought earplugs?

Eventually, he and Joe managed to get situated, each in their own bags. Sav felt like a mummy, the thing was so form-fitting, but it was supposed to keep them warm even in below-freezing weather, which was all that mattered. The ground was hard, even with a foam pad underneath. He wiggled this way and that, finally turning on his side facing away from Joe. Dammit, sleeping in all of his clothes was uncomfortable! And the three amigos... good christ, he hadn't known any of them still went in for that sort of thing much less... speaking of uncomfortable, his boner was making it impossible to relax.

A voice, low and longing, was heard in the dark: "Want a hand with that?"

"No!" Sav retorted. The man had stones, and he wanted to kick them.

"Fine."

If Joe was wanking inside his bedroll, he was so stealthy Sav didn't hear it. By the time he admitted to himself he was actually listening for it, he was more than half asleep. What he did hear was a whispered, "Love you so much, Sav, always..." but he was too gone to protest. He just hoped he'd forget it by morning.

* * *


	16. Tuesday, 29 August 2006

* * *

When Jani woke up he still felt awful, but maybe a little less so than he had felt the day before. He didn't need to pee, which probably meant that he should drink more fluids, so he padded to the kitchen to flip the kettle on. To his surprise, Anni was there – making him immediately wish he'd put on clothes; after the night sweats, he was clad in briefs only. She raised her eyebrows and although she didn't comment on his state, he fled to throw on a t-shirt and sweatpants.

The first thing he noticed when he returned to the kitchen was that his voice was still gone. He couldn't even croak, and whispering hurt like hell. Anni poured him tea, which soothed his sore throat a little but didn't improve his voice as much as he'd hoped. Anni picked up on it and offered to help. Since even whispering hurt, Jani was glad to accept her offer and so she called the hospital for him to arrange a new appointment in the afternoon. He'd pick up his parcel from the post office on the way home from there.

She also called the logistics company to have them deliver his 7-string the following day. This made Jani smile and he hoped that he'd feel more alive by then. For now, he thanked Anni and returned to bed after another cup of tea.

* * *

It might have been a dream about falling off the stage or a lighter phase of sleep that woke Sav, he couldn't have said. Or... noises. At first he thought, bad dream. Crying. No, must be a good dream, because that was most definitely wanking. He gave a snort of disgust and immediately regretted it. The noises stopped abruptly. He couldn't see much of anything and he was still facing away, but Joe definitely froze after having heard him, too.

After a long pause, Sav whispered, "Just finish it. Or neither of us will sleep."

"What about you, then?" Joe hadn't lost his faculty for speech.

"Tend to your own business!"

It came out all breathy, but otherwise it would have been a moan. "Doing just that. Fuuuuck!" Nothing furtive now, Sav heard the long unzip of Joe's sleeping bag and then increased friction, speeded up.

This sucked so bad and Sav was suddenly rock-hard again, too. Joe's back was to him, he was quite sure. Praying that Joe was too gone to notice, Sav rolled to his front with a hand down his pants, stealthily humping. For fuck's sake, at least Joe had whipped it out, what was Sav going to do, cream his jeans again? Dammit!

The shush-shush of hand-on-dick sped up. He could hear everything: the slick, the minute pause whenever the side of Joe's hand touched the ridge, scratching as he played with his balls.

Joe spoke – hissed – again, and Sav's whole body jerked in a startle. "I know what you're doing, don't even try to hide it. Can feel you... oh gawd, Sav..." He was close, that was obvious. There was an odd movement, and then a deep, suppressed sound, so filthy Sav blushed in the dark.

After a moment of Joe panting, sniffing, shuddering two or three times, Sav asked, hating himself. "What did you use? To catch the...?"

Joe chuckled, "Spare sock."

"Give it here."

* * *

After napping for another few hours Jani had felt hungry, so he'd made himself a slice of bread with cheese. It tasted like sawdust but his stomach seemed to appreciate it. He knew he was still running a fever and his throat and nose hadn't improved at all, but he thought he was a little more alert than the day before.

Back in his bedroom after the breakfast – that had been more of a late lunch – he made a face when he saw the crumpled sheet. He couldn't smell anything but he was sure that his bedlinens reeked, just like the shirts he'd worn during the past days. Too tired to do laundry, Jani still managed to put clean linens on his bed. He also wanted a shower, but that would have to wait: he'd only been up for an hour, yet his limbs were too heavy to achieve anything but sleep.

He woke, refreshed, shortly before four in the afternoon with twenty minutes to spare until he had to leave for his appointment at the hospital, which would give him enough time to take the shower he'd postponed earlier. While he was standing under the warm spray he thought he heard his phone ring. Jani reckoned that it was too early for Sav, so he finished his shower. When he checked the phone, he found that he'd missed a call from Anni. He also had a message from her that said she was leaving work early and would he like her to give him a ride to his doctor's appointment. Jani was happy to accept her offer and let her know in a reply to her text. He knew he didn't deserve her kindness after all the pain he'd caused her, and he should really do something nice for her. First, though, he had to get better.

Originally, Jani had planned to pick up his parcel from the post office on the way back from the hospital. Now that Anni was driving him, she announced that since she was going to shop for groceries while he was seen, she could also pass by the post office. She was used to taking care of his mail when he was on tour, so it made sense that she'd do that, only Jani of course didn't want her to know who'd sent the parcel, and especially not what it was likely to contain.

And yet... Maybe this was it, his chance to do something for her. By now Jani was sure that Anni had no intention of rekindling their relationship as lovers. They'd been friends before they'd become a couple and they both were now beginning to settle back into their former friendship. One of her main complaints about him had been his inability to open up. What if he opened up to her now and told her about Sav?

* * *

When Sav woke again, it was light out. He had the feeling he'd rested, but not enough. The remembrance of the middle-of-the-night goings on washed over him and he felt immediately guilty. No one could call that cheating, could they? There'd been no kissing, hand jobs, blow jobs, or sex, none of the usual activities most people would count. So why was his conscience bothering him? He should have pretended to be asleep the entire time, no matter how fake.

Beside him, Joe was still dead to the world, snoring softly with his mouth half-open. The sock was balled up in the corner of the tent, not far from his head. How had it got over there, since Sav had used it – oh yes he had – last? Sav didn't want to know, nor what perving might have been done over his sleeping body. Closing his eyes, he willed himself back into unconsciousness.

* * *

To his surprise, Jani didn't have to wait long until he was seen. Maybe the nurse at registration recognised that if he remained in the waiting area too long he'd spread his cold to any poor soul who happened to be there at the same time, including the hospital staff. He had blood drawn and was informed that there was no major change in his values yet. His liver enzymes had improved a little, but the doctor told him that Jani shouldn't take that as permission for taking up excessive drinking again.

She expressed concern over his current state of health, but after listening to his lungs she declared that although he was suffering from a severe cold, she didn't think that additional antibiotics were indicated as it was likely a virus anyway. Also, despite the congestion in his chest, she assured him that his cough was clearing the fluids out. She offered him a cough medication for the night, which Jani accepted gladly, but otherwise he should rest, keep warm, and drink a lot of water or tea. Over-the-counter painkillers would help with the fever, but unless it got worse, he'd have to sit it out. It was what he'd expected.

Anni picked him up and handed him his parcel with a smile. The shipping address wasn't Sav's but some company whose name was probably chosen to sound inconspicuous. Since Anni didn't ask, Jani didn't have to come up with a lie on what he assumed was inside the box. They drove past a pharmacy to pick up his cough drops and then home.

By the time Anni parked the car, Jani was so exhausted that he feared for a moment that he wouldn't even be able to make it upstairs to their flat, which she didn't miss. "Why don't you lay down for a moment while I rustle up something to eat for us," she offered.

Feeling grateful and guilty once again, Jani took her up on the offer. He didn't even open his parcel yet. Just a few minutes...

* * *

He must have slept hard. When Sav came to again, Joe was gone and the sun was higher in the sky. Judging from the voices outside, he was the last one up. His bladder was screaming so there was no point in avoiding things. He unzipped his bag, stretched, and ventured outside.

Business taken care of, he wandered over to the impromptu 'kitchen', where Phil and Rick were crouched by the camp stove. Apparently Phil was cooking up some kind of nuts-and-berries hot cereal. Sav just hoped it was filling. Despite the heavy meal the night before, he was starving. Shortly after, he was handed a large cup of it, which he ate without question. It was kind of tasteless... except for the dried blueberries in it which had semi-reconstituted. He kept his sighs to himself but even just that little thing – blueberries – reminded him of Jani, and once again, he was nearly overcome with how badly he missed him. It would be so nice to have him here, to share a tent with him instead of...

And then it was time to pack up. This went more slowly than unpacking the night before, even in the semi-dark. He and Joe were no experts on rolling up their sleeping bags into the tiny casings they were supposed to fit into. They re-rolled and wrestled about, and finally Sav told Joe to sit his fat arse on it and squash it down. Well, it worked. It was the same thing with their tent. Then they had to wait – a long time – for Viv to finish his "nature break".

The plan was to hike to a waterfall a couple more miles up the trail, then back down after lunch. Sav breathed in deep and took up the tail end of the five of them again.

* * *

"Huh?" It came out as a mix between croak and whisper, but it was definitely an improvement compared to the past two days, Jani thought.

"Dinner is ready," Anni said, peeking her head through the door. "I knocked, but..." She hesitated. "I should have let you rest."

"No, that's fine," Jani hurried to... okay, whisper; the resurrection of his voice hadn't lasted long, then. "Give me a sec." She left and when he made to get up his eyes fell on the package on his nightstand. Dinner would have to wait another few minutes.

As he'd announced, Sav had sent him a toy. Toys. One was about the size Sav had used on – in – him, the other was slightly larger but not of porn-sized proportions. Still, Jani thought, he'd need a hell of a lot of encouragement from Sav to stick one of these into himself, regardless of knowing how good it would feel and how hard it would make him come...

Unfortunately, even that memory provoked only a mild twitch in his downstairs department. Vitun cold.

At the very least, he could let Sav know that the parcel had arrived. He also wanted to tell Sav that his guitar was due to be delivered tomorrow and that he'd seen his doctor, but all this wouldn't fit into a text message, so he typed only: _Love, your parcel arrived. Feeling a little less sick today. I'll email more later. <3 Jani_

After sending it, he went to the bathroom to wash his face and hands, then repaired to the kitchen where Anni was already waiting for him.

* * *

People sometimes said, Life is Beautiful. In Sav's book life tended to be messy but today it, or their environs, was beautiful. Trees, mountains, clear blue sky, fresh air, the waterfall when they got there throwing a series of rainbows, everything. They'd passed only two other hikers, a couple. It was almost as if they were all alone. He didn't know who suggested it, probably Phil: they even went skinny dipping just below the falls. For once, they didn't get busted for being miscreants, no park rangers or families with small children interrupted.

Afterwards, they had their lunch of trail mix and dried fruit, and turned back. As they passed their former campsite, Sav became aware he had blisters forming. He didn't want to bring up the subject of socks, but he'd forgot a spare pair of his own and had to borrow some from Rick. It helped a little, but he was limping by the time they reached the trailhead. Their tour medic would know what to do, once they got back. Still, he hadn't known how much he needed a small break like that away from everything. They should do more of that in the future, even if not all together in one group.

Turning in their tents, backpacks, and so on, they piled into the van to return to what passed as their normal lives on tour. Sav conked out against the window, waking when they stopped for dinner. His entire body was stiff. His neck was the worst, for he'd slept with his head tilted at a strangle angle, and yeah, he had a sleep-induced boner, too. Oh, great. Last out of the van, he tugged his sweatshirt down and ignored it.

The restaurant was one of those all-day-breakfast chains, and Sav was once again, ravenous. They all, along with their driver, sat at a round table in the back, with one harried teenage waitress to mostly ignore them. She mixed up Sav's and Joe's orders, forgot their juice, didn't refill coffee quickly, but she had about ten other tables so they didn't complain. Belly full, Sav used the loo and limped back to the van.

* * *


	17. Wednesday, 30 August 2006

* * *

Why was it light outside, Jani wondered when he opened his eyes. And what the...? He cursed when he noticed his laptop upside down next to his bed. He must have fallen asleep and the damn thing had slipped off the bed where he'd settled with it to compose an email to Sav. Picking it up, he noticed that, of course, as he hadn't closed the lid, the battery had run empty overnight. So, no mail for now. While he was still fumbling for the power cord, the door bell rang.

At least he was still dressed, he thought dryly when he made his way to the front door. The last thing he remembered was that Anni had cooked and they'd eaten. After that, he assumed that soup coma had struck – already tired from the sickness, his full stomach must have easily won against his brain. Well, he'd probably needed the sleep.

Opening the door, he didn't see anyone but heard footsteps. When Jani made to call out he noticed that his voice was still mostly gone, but he hurried downstairs and just about caught the delivery man. He was lucky that he hadn't missed the delivery attempt as that would have meant waiting for his new guitar for at least another day!

After signing for it, he carried the large box upstairs again. Although they lived on second floor he was drenched in sweat when he was back in the flat. Eager to unpack, Jani still thought he should make tea first. And spray his nose. And text Sav, of course; that came even before tea and nose.

_Hei, sorry for the silence -- computer battery ran empty -- but guess what just arrived! :-D_

* * *

Once back at the hotel, Sav didn't know what to do with himself. There'd been no new messages from Jani, not surprising considering how sick he was. Viv and Phil planned to disguise themselves and go out to see what they could see. Maybe catch a film or some other show. They'd invited him along and Sav had been tempted. After getting his feet tended to, he decided not to go out. He was bored, though. After an hour of flipping channels, he considered trying to get someone to bring him his bass and Orange amp. No, the crew deserved a night off, too. He could practice tomorrow.

Next, he spent an hour surfing for toys. For himself this time. Why had he waited so long anyway? His lower half started to tingle, and he told it to sod off. The company whose website he found what he wanted on had overnight express within the USA, and he was happy to pay the fees. His selections included two vibrators – realistic – similar to those he'd bought for Jani but a bit bigger, a pair of cock rings just in case, and lube. He seriously contemplated a Gates of Hell type device for his lover. There would be squirming and begging, if he put that on Jani – with his permission of course – and then played with his prostate. Jani almost always came very quickly once it was touched. But what if he was held in check?

Then, not exactly conducive to not getting turned on, which if he was honest, he was, he watched or rewatched a bunch of Sonata performances. The same mix of admiration, lust and amusement over the humorous antics filled him again, another bout of nostalgia for events of only weeks ago. A bit of Googling was enough to refresh his memory of the names of Jani's other projects besides 'Fuck it's 80ies'. There were no new videos, just sound. Sav didn't let that stop him. At some point at his house, he'd said something to the effect of them being career background singers. He was having to eat his words. Jani's voice. Gawd, he was going to have to wank over that, too, wasn't he? What was wrong with him?

He'd lost track of time. Sav decided to check his email before proceeding with anything more physical. Still nothing interesting. But when he looked up the text indicator light on his mobile was flashing. Jani!

Hm, what had arrived, he wondered. The new Ibanez 7-string or... right! Those toys were overdue, weren't they? Based on Jani's phrasing, he had a clue.

_What did you get? Is it from me?!? *GRINS* Did you get your voice back yet? -S_

* * *

He'd just poured the water for his tea when Jani's phone announced an incoming message. It was from Sav. The question as to whether he'd got his voice back suggested that Sav was ready to talk.

Jani didn't need to think long. He could croak a little and he couldn't tell how long even that would last, but hell, he wanted to speak with Sav, hear his voice, and they could always end the call if Jani's voice failed him again entirely. Also, if he wore a headset, Sav could witness Jani's reaction when he unpacked the Ibanez...

A grin a mile wide on his face, Jani speed-dialled his lover.

* * *

Sav waited to see if Jani would text again soon. Whichever items he had received, he might be busy for a while. Thinking that maybe he'd be able to talk, Sav crossed the room to his backpack and got out his headset. The second he sat down on the bed again, the mobile was buzzing. He plugged in the headphones, stuck them in his ears, and thumbed the key to answer the call. Happy, happy, and already – or again – endorphins slid into his system.

"Hi, Jani! I can't wait to hear what you got!"

* * *

"Sav!" Jani's heart leaped happily. "Got your parcel yesterday, but haven't tried anything yet," he croaked, "and another parcel came from Ibanez a minute ago. Dunno how long my voice will last, but would you like to listen in when I unpack my new axe?"

* * *

"Yes, I would! Go ahead." Too bad they couldn't Skype and spare Jani's voice somewhat; Jani sounded rough. He probably wouldn't be able to talk long. "You must be excited to play it... once it's all set up." Knowing he'd have to do most of the talking, Sav was suddenly a bit tongue-tied.

* * *

"'K," Jani began. "I'm fetching a carpet cutter from the kitchen. Oh, and the hot tea I just made. Might make my voice last longer." He rummaged around in the drawer where the cutter knife should be. "Got the knife. Now the tea." Wondering if Sav could hear him pouring it, Jani wished they had a video signal, too. One day, he told himself, especially as this was probably not the last cold in his life.

"Back in the bedroom. Think parcel. _Big_ parcel. Fucking ginormous parcel," he grinned as he cut along the duct tape holding it together.

"And inside is another fucking huge parcel," Jani laughed as he unpacked the inner box, "and inside that... wait..." he fought with the next layer "...is a guitar case. Would you like to whistle some voice trumpet arpeggio for me while I open it? All I can come up with is..." He tried to hum but what left his throat sounded more like the Jaws theme than the intended fanfare.

* * *

"Yes, Jani. Your huge, ginormous fucking package..." Sav chortled. "Your room must be knee deep in boxes and such." Ah, he wished he was there. Carpet knife? he wondered belatedly. Wow, what kind of work did the ex-girlfriend do? That didn't sound like the typical equipment of a healthcare worker.

Sav forgot about it when Jani wanted him to whistle a fanfare. Really? "Well, it will probably sound more like something out of Monty Python than the royal court but here goes..." He cleared his throat. What it actually sounded like was the into – whistled, badly – to Got Me Runnin' than any majestic trumpet flourish. Yeah, he'd called it... about all Sav could do after a few pathetic notes was laugh. "Oh well. Next time I see you, I'll give you a standing ovation, if you know what I mean."

But back to Jani's new axe. "So... how is it? Uh, she?"

* * *

Jani slowly lifted the lid of the flight case – and then he stood and gawped. He'd wished for video capability a moment ago and he still wished for it, but only so Sav could see his new instrument while Jani would firmly deny the shininess of his eyes.

"She..." he managed after a while spent in awed silence, "she's... incredible." If his voice was hoarse now it had nothing to do with his cold. "She's... awesome. I don't have words for it."

* * *

Sav said nothing for a long moment after Jani reacted with awe, laying his eyes on... her for the first time. He should have time to acquaint himself with his dream guitar. "I'm happy for you," he finally murmured. "Your own signature model. Are you going to touch her?"

* * *

"I... I'm going to touch her," Jani whispered. "It's... you know, first time. I need to... take her in. Touch... caress her with my eyes. But I'll take her out in a moment and play." He breathed in deeply and was relieved when it didn't make him cough. Maybe his lungs were beginning to improve, too.

"Playing my new guitar for you, what more can a man wish for?"

* * *

Sav might have had some ideas of what else Jani could wish for, but he kept his dirty thoughts to himself. "Not much. Maybe your voice back, so you could talk me through it, and sing to me." That was something he'd never asked for, had never brought up. They'd sung a bit, together, jamming at his house. This was different. Maybe too much. "I'm just happy to share this with you in any way. First times are special..."

* * *

"This is an, um especially special first time," Jani said, "me playing her for the first time, for you." He lifted the guitar from her case. There was a strap, but he left it in the case for now as he still felt too shaky to play standing, and sitting down he wouldn't need the strap. He plugged her into the small practice amp he kept in his room, switched it on, and sat on the bed.

Plucking each string, Jani found that they were almost tuned. "Eleven gauge, E flat tuning," he told Sav while adjusting the fine-tuners on the bridge. "Intonation..." he pinched the harmonics and checked the fretted notes on the 12th fret, "...is perfect... Sav, what would you like me to play as her first song?"

* * *

Even as hoarse as he was, Sav could hear the various emotions in Jani's voice, something close to reverence. Then came a few notes and harmonics. He couldn't see, physically, so he 'saw' it in his mind's eye. It was possible that time and distance were already skewing his mental picture of his lover, but when he heard him like this, knowing what a significant moment this was, Sav saw a radiant being that he would forever love and want.

But a song? Jani wanted him to pick? Of the thousands of songs he'd heard in his life, the significantly less amount he could play or sing, how was he supposed to select just one that would be worthy and appropriate. Jani's tastes and catalog were much different. There was plenty of opportunity for getting all sappy. He shouldn't take all day to answer, though. "Um, god, I dunno! How about some Yngwie? Barring that, there's always 'Nothing Else Matters'."

* * *

"... or The Final Countdown," Jani giggled. This time it made him cough, but it didn't last long. "So, Yngwie. She isn't a Strat and I'm not him, but let's see..." He thought for a moment, then broke into the intro to Judas, stopping at the beginning of the first verse, and whistled. "Whoa, she sure packs a punch! Man, what a beauty!"

Jani cranked up the overdrive and played the intro to Wasted Years. "You were saying, about Nothing Else Matters? Me thinks the lady is jonesing for something a bit heavier... Just wondering, do you have a bass and amp with you?"

* * *

Even listening through a mobile phone, and with a practice amp, Sav agreed with Jani's assessment. The sound was to die for. Damn, why hadn't he asked after his bass after all? He knew he'd live to regret that. "Sorry, I don't. Got back from the hiking trip earlier tonight and decided not to bother my tech. I'm not going to get caught with my pants down again, be assured. Guess I'll just have to listen. It sounds great from here."

* * *

"I can't begin to tell you what she sounds like. And then what she feels like..." Jani ran his left hand over the fretboard, then played a couple of scales. "I wish you were here. I mean, I always wish you were here, but in some moments I miss you even more." He swallowed.

"Just wondering, it's the middle of the night where you are, right? You'll have to let me know if you want to sleep because otherwise I'm going to keep playing until one of us – or our phone's batteries – passes out."

* * *

He was warmed by the concern, although Sav could look out for himself. True, he should plug the mobile back into its charger. It had died earlier and it never held a charge as well after that till it got full power again. Before he forget or got too lazy to move, he leaned over and pulled the cord over, wiggling closer to the edge of the bed. "It's late, but I'm not tired. I suppose maybe I'll pay for it tomorrow but I've always been good about being able to sleep anywhere. I know what you mean... I wish I was there, too. For now, I'm content to listen to you playing. We can call it... a metal lullaby."

* * *

"Metal lullaby, huh? I'm not sure that's what she has in mind," Jani commented dryly. "Metal, yes, but lullaby? I mean I can start with something, um, softer, but I can't promise that it won't, well, turn to power chords and some shredding. So let's see... when you asked for Sonata bass tabs you wanted Replica..."

He played the intro. "I can't sing, though," he said while continuing to play, "at least not if I want to remain able to say something now and then. Maybe you'd like to join me with the vocals on this?"

* * *

Sav chuckled. "The lullaby I had in mind definitely included power chords and shredding. It wouldn't be fitting for a small child but for me? Perfection. I only used the word loosely."

For him to try to sing that song might be a bit of a joke. While practicing the bass parts, Sav had sort of mouthed the words or hummed, but not full-on sung. "Okay... I'd best look up the lyrics, though. So I don't screw up. Just a sec." Sav removed his ear buds and was halfway across the room to fetch his computer. At least he wouldn't have to wait for the hotel WiFi connection; he'd saved the file Jani had sent of the bass tab, which also showed the lyrics. He booted up the laptop while still walking back.

"OK, back," he announced. "Will you play the intro again?" He opened the file. For some reason, be was nervous. "I guess you know, my voice isn't Tony's."

* * *

"...which I assure you, I am quite happy about," Jani quipped in response to Sav's announcement that he wasn't Tony. "I want to play with you, my Säv – the one and only," he chuckled and, predictably, coughed.

"So here's Replica. For you." He began to play.

* * *

"And I'm singing this for you, Jani, however it comes out." Alright, they were doing this, ready or not. Jani played the intro again, and Sav tried to find the pitch for the first word. It started out rather low, for him, especially since these days, he sang the high end for Leppard. If he totally botched it, they could just laugh and start over.

_I'm home again, I won the war_  
_And now I am behind your door..._

After a bit of wavering on the first two words, or notes, Sav found where he needed to be. He'd heard the song several times but never sung it so his melody was going to include some improvisation, like it or not. Well, unless Jani stopped, he wouldn't either.

_I tried so hard to obey the law_  
_And see the meaning of this all_

What Sav really wanted to hear was Jani cut loose on the solo, but they'd have to get through verses and choruses first. Soon he forgot he was singing a capella in a hotel room in the middle of the night.

* * *

After sounding insecure during the first line, Sav quickly found his voice. Jani wished he could join him for backing vocals and make it _their_ version but this wasn't going to happen today. He could and did, however, play it different from Sonata, improvising as they went along, not so much that Sav would get confused but he was sure Sav would notice.

Jani turned the first interlude into a full solo, marvelling how well his new axe responded. Replica was the perfect song for a test as it held picking, chords, as well as an extensive solo part, and he was happy with her playing through all of them. Since they didn't have a keyboard, Jani decided to try and play Henkka's part as well, succeeding – mostly – although the note progressions were written for keys and thus unnatural, and as it turned out, quite a challenge on guitar, especially as he'd never played this part before.

His throat was sore, his head was killing him, his skin was aching from the fever, and he could breathe only as long as the decongestant spray was in effect, yet in this moment Jani couldn't have been happier.

* * *

Jani went off on his own, musically, playing a somewhat different version than what Sav remembered from youtube. The part was still fitting for the song, adding to it. Although, his eyes moved to the words on the computer screen in front of him, in case Jani went back to the part where Sav would be expected to sing, he just listened.

This was sublime. This, them, playing and singing together. It would be even better, when Sav had his bass and Jani could sing... and when it was their own words, their own expression. Since the beginning, he wrote and co-wrote songs for Def Leppard but this would be something different. How would they ever be able to wait? Well, they didn't have to, not long, did they?

* * *

They finished the song and although Jani didn't want to stop playing he needed a short break. "Sav, I need to top up my tea, my throat is screaming for something hot, so I'm putting her down for a sec. How am I doing lullaby-wise, you asleep yet?" he joked.

* * *

"By all means, please," Sav asserted when Jani said he needed some hot tea for his throat. "I'm still awake but if you'd rather end the call, I understand. I enjoyed that a lot." More than he could express. "You probably want to be alone with her for a while," he joked, to keep it light.

* * *

Sav must be tired, then. "Well, thank you for indulging me," Jani said while he poured the tea, then took a sip, wondering if he should put some honey in it. "If you go sleep, maybe I should, too."

* * *

"I suppose... it would be the responsible thing for me. You're recovering a little but a nap might be in order. I... wish we could talk longer. Or, _talk_. Some other time, though." Sighing, Sav pulled back the covers again and laid down. "Playing and singing, I dunno... it was good. Can't wait till you can sing, too." He was getting the itch to write something again, a song, a riff... he probably wouldn't know till he actually did it. "I suppose this is good night, then."

* * *

"I can't wait to have my voice back," Jani agreed. "Then I'd also be up for more _talking,_ also about the other parcel that arrived, yesterday, from you. Right now, I'm not sure if I'm, literally, _up_ for it, so there's another reason why I can't wait to be rid of this vitun cold."

He coughed, on cue. "Did I tell you I went to see my doc yesterday? They said to rest and drink a lot. Not booze, obviously, and I'm working on hot tea. So by sleeping I'm also following doctor's orders." He chuckled, then turned serious again.

"You listening when I unpacked her. And singing with me. That meant a lot to me. If you have time later... and your bass... I'd be happy if you'd call me."

* * *

"I'll have a bass with me all the time, after this," promised Sav. "For sure, when I'm alone in a hotel room." Yep, trust his luck about tonight, but he'd make up for it. He didn't say anything, really, about Jani's doctor's appointment or the orders to sleep and drink tea, just made a sort of "mm-hm" noise to indicate he'd heard.

Between a brand new custom Ibanez and a couple of sex toys, Jani was going to choose the guitar. Being sick was a boner-killer anyway; it was just as well that Sav had been otherwise occupied for over a day. The sock incident, well, he wasn't going to bring that up. "I ordered some new toys for myself as well. They should be delivered here tomorrow morning. Or rather, technically, today. Once you're well, you'll have more lost time to make up for." Impossible to keep the leer out of his voice, Sav reached down and cupped his sudden semi-erection. "We could try out our... items, together." He managed not to moan. Barely.

* * *

"I'd better not make promises regarding when I'll be fit for that again, but believe me, I can't wait," Jani assured Sav. "And even if I'm not ready, I'll be happy to listen to you trying out your new toys, just like you listened to my latest... well, toy." He sneezed. "What was it, nasal orgasm? At least there's that," he joked and sneezed again. "Whoa, recovery time isn't an issue with this type of climax. I still prefer the other kind, though," he laughed.

"OK, then. I'll be hearing from you and hearing you later. With a bass. Or other toys. Or both. Looking forward to it. All of it. So sleep well so that at least one of us is in good shape later."

* * *

Sav laughed. "Like I mentioned that other time, you're supposed to be able to tell how intensely a person orgasms by how heartily they sneeze. Maybe it's true, in your case. I like the other kind better, too. And alright, I'll get off this call, like it or not. Have a good day, Jani... I love you. Talk again soon." He waited to see if Jani had any final words.

* * *

"Love you, too," Jani replied. "I'll try to dream of you. If I do – and if I can remember – I'll tell you about it later. Until then... Are you the man today?"

* * *

"Cool. If you do remember, I wonder if it'll be weird or sexy." Dreams were so unpredictable. As long as it wasn't the sort of dream Sav had had the night they'd met, it might be fun to hear about. "Sure, I'll be the man this time. So get ready for the click right after... Goodbye."

* * *

Jani laughed, then coughed. "You'd be the first and only to find out, my man. And now do it." He waited until Sav ended the call and took his head set off. After finishing his tea, he returned to the bedroom where he lovingly put the seven-string back in her case. Already half in bed, he got up again and ran his hand over Rakas' headstock, wondering if he should be concerned about the sudden urge to touch her, but she had special significance. Besides, nobody would ever find out about this.

Dreams, Jani mused as he pulled the blanket up to his chin. He vaguely remembered that he'd had a weird dream last night. He thought that Sav had been in it, too, but what it could have possibly been about... He fell asleep while trying to remember.

* * *

Taking out his earbuds, Sav turned out the light on the bedside table and tried to recapture the moments of tonight's call. Jani was... almost unreal sometimes. Even sick as a dog, his reactions and enthusiasm were spontaneous and genuine. That wasn't to say Sav faked anything, he'd just spent so much of his life watching his mouth and holding back that not to do so was a conscious act. About the only way he let all the walls down was in bed, and not always, other than he and Jani seemed to be a near-perfect match in that regard.

He wished for dreams, too. Good dreams, not even necessarily erotic but where they could be free, as free as the wolf and leppard – he only thought about the spotted feline representing himself with the misspelled name – they played at a couple of times. What would Jani look like as a wolf? He had a vague recollection, perhaps from a nature programme, that no purebred wolves had blue eyes. He doubted any had bright red fur. Did any of them have that red-orange colour some foxes did? He didn't think leopards had blue eyes, either, other than... cubs? Kittens? Pondering the similarities and differences, he drifted off.

* * *

Jani slowly woke again in the late afternoon. For a moment he wondered if his new guitar had been a dream but then his eyes fell on her case and he knew it was true. He had a new, marvellous seven-string. It made him smile and his smile widened when he remembered playing it for Sav, with Sav singing. And they planned to jam later when Sav would have one of his basses in his room.

His nose was still clogged, but swallowing hurt less than it had for days. Maybe his health was improving along with his mood, he thought. Pushing the blanket aside, Jani got up and padded to the kitchen. Pondering whether to make more tea, he decided he'd have a coffee first. It was decaf anyway and his sense of taste was mostly gone from the cold but he wanted coffee nonetheless. Not enthusiastic about cooking and knowing that she wouldn't mind, he helped himself to some of Anni's cereal.

After finishing his meal he made himself a cup of tea and returned to his room. Sav would still be asleep so Jani would use the time to give his new instrument a closer look. Ibanez' tech had set her up the way he'd asked for and when he checked, Jani found that her intonation, string action, neck bow, everything was exactly how he'd wanted it. He played a few scales, then set her down again and turned to his other instrument.

"Rakas," he whispered in an attempt to save his voice for later when Sav called. "How do you like your new big sister?" He'd never personalised his instruments in the past but Rakas was special, of course. He took her up and played a few songs. The familiar six-string was easier on his hands and getting into seven-strings was going to take some serious practicing. He'd get to it, but for the moment he was happy with the Tokai.

* * *

Sav awoke, and groaned, not in pleasure. His legs and back were stiff and sore from the hike. It seemed unbelievable that 24 hours ago, he had been in a tent, outside. Now here he was in some cracker-box of a hotel room again, with a day full of boring PR crap and then a gig later. He hit the head, and proceeded to stand under the hot spray in the shower for as long as he dared.

Moving in what felt like slo-mo, Sav found something to wear, black jeans and a vintage Queen t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off, but didn't dress yet. He didn't want to wake Jani if he was napping, so he sent a text.

_Hi, Jani, are you awake? Woke up and showered, have a little time. Sorry, no bass though. Call if you like. -S._

* * *

He'd played Rakas for a while, then set her down when his phone rang. It was too early for Sav but Jani answered the call anyway, then spent a few minutes talking to his sister. When he hadn't been in touch since the open air, she'd left him alone, knowing that he had a cold, but now she wanted to hear how he was feeling. Jani assured her that he was getting better. They agreed to meet again soon, then hung up.

It hadn't been a lie, he was really feeling better. He may have exaggerated a little, not wanting his mother to get worried and insist on looking after him, but his head was clearer and although his voice still sounded at least an eighth lower than it should, he could speak again. Thus when Sav's message suggested that he wanted to talk, Jani called him immediately.

* * *

His mobile buzzed, which put a smile on Sav's face. It was Jani, and he must be awake since he rang so soon after the text. Sav had no idea what time people normally ate their meals in Finland, and hoped he hadn't interrupted Jani's dinner. Both of them usually kept later hours though.

Scrambling for his headset, Sav plugged it in and hit the Answer button. "Hi, Jani! Thanks for calling. How are you, and your harem," he chuckled, "especially the new girl?"

* * *

"Hei Säv," Jani replied with emphasis on the 'ä' to stress that he was back into music and couldn't wait to jam with Sav... Säv. Later, as Sav had already warned him that he didn't have a bass with him.

"My harem, well, I should probably introduce the new girl to the others, but that'll have to wait until I'm really back on my feet as they're at our rehearsal pad. As for getting back on my feet, I'm a little better. Wouldn't call it good yet but my head isn't about to explode and I can swallow again without wanting to scream – which would only hurt more, so I don't," he added dryly.

"I've been playing for an hour or two, mainly Rakas, making sure she doesn't forget she's loved as I've been neglecting her these past few days. Also, seven strings need more concentration. My brain's not fully back online. I keep getting confused on the lower strings wondering why what I meant to play comes out off by a fourth. It'll come back but for now I intend to take it easy."

His voice was still hoarse but no longer felt like giving out any moment, so Jani continued. "How are things on your end. I'm assuming that you just got up? You've got a gig tonight, Portland if I remember right?"

* * *

"Hi, Jani. Sounds like a good day. I'm glad you're getting better, you sounded so miserable! Way worse for you than me, though. I was listening to the coughing, sneezing, hoarseness, but you had to deal with it." Sav wanted to be clear that talking to Jani when he was sick wasn't an annoyance. If Jani had put him off, he'd have worried, which likely Jani knew.

"Switching from four strings to five was an adjustment to me, too. Probably less than for you. I honestly don't use the B that much. Sometimes just as convenience so I don't have to move? my hand as far. I'm sure you'll master it in no time." It didn't really matter what Sav thought on that subject, but he could be encouraging. The main factor was Jani's motivation, which he certainly had.

Portland. To a lesser degree it was one of 'those' cities that had Steve connotations, and Sav was relieved Jani couldn't see him. It wasn't like he teared up anymore, but he could feel his mouth tighten. "We don't have a gig in Portland this tour, tonight we're in Washington State, north of there. Counting tonight, we have four shows in the west, and then we head for the Midwest, like, 1000 miles east of here. Huge country. So, we did go camping, just one night out. Wanna hear about it?"

* * *

Not sure what Sav meant when he said that it was way worse for Jani, yet he – Sav – had to deal with listening to him – Jani – coughing, Jani decided to not ask. Neither did he ask about the location of Def Leppard's next gig. He was sure the schedule said Portland, but if he brought it up again, he'd have to admit that he'd actually printed the schedule like a silly little fanboy. Better to assume that his brain wasn't firing on all cylinders than to have Sav figure out that Jani really was as immature as he was.

About to reply that he shared Sav's confidence about mastering the seven-string, especially as he'd played one before, he got sidetracked, though, when Sav asked if Jani wanted to hear about Sav's camping adventure. "Yes, definitely," he beamed.

* * *

"Do you? Okay. Well, it wasn't a high-altitude adventure or climbing, but it was nice to get away from everything and everyone else. It was just us five, my band. We got dropped off in the afternoon, I guess it was two days ago now, at the place where we rented tents and some basic camping equipment. It was up in the foothills of the western side of the Cascades, and the view was gorgeous. The peaks, the trees, and it smelled so fresh."

Sav wasn't sure how much detail he should go into. "So we hiked up the trail a few miles. The health nuts, that's Phil, Viv, and Rick, got further and further ahead, and they had the map. We got separated for a little while, close to dark. Luckily they came back for me and Joe before any bears or Bigfoot found us," he laughed.

* * *

Was he missing something? Jani was suddenly insecure. First, Sav had asked him if he wanted to hear about their hike. When Jani replied, enthusiastically, yes, Sav appeared doubtful. What he told Jani sounded nice, though.

"Well, according to Tony, our very own nature nut, bears are far less likely to be encountered in the wilderness than at the trailheads, but he didn't say anything about Bigfoot," he laughed.

* * *

That made sense, now that Sav thought about it. He settled in to tell more. "That's good to know for future reference, about bears. I can see how they'd go to where it would be easier to get food. The trailhead. Didn't see any, nor Bigfoots. Or is that Bigfeet?" He had to laugh. "I dunno. Yeti."

"So, by the time Joe and I got there, the others had set up their tent and a primitive sort of camp. But I had the little gas stove in my pack and they wanted a hot meal. Now I have to wonder if that's why they went back for us. Joe and I shared a tent, and it was an adventure trying to set it up in the almost-dark. Then we all ate dinner, some sort of boiled pasta stuff, like army emergency rations or so I'd imagine. It was getting cold too. My clothes were, well, not really made for mountaineering, but I put on layers." No doubt Jani was smarter than that, when he went hiking.

"We made a campfire and sat around it for a while. Too bad no one thought of S'mores. Is that a thing in Finland? Graham crackers, chocolate bars and toasted marshmallows – toasted over the fire?" It was a good momentary sidetrack. Sav's mind was beginning to spin a bit. He didn't want to say anything about certain _things_ that had happened later in the tent. He'd best watch his mouth. But was that lying? Damned if he knew!

* * *

"Yetis, I believe that you were cold," Jani agreed. "Wish I'd have been there with you, I'd have warmed you. Still have a fever, so make that _very_ warm," he laughed.

"Campfire roast here would be sausages, not what you described. Sweet stuff roasted, not sure if I'd be very enthusiastic about that, but if I were with you I'd try it anyway. If you want that when you visit, you'd have to bring the ingredients, though. Marshmallows we could probably get in Haaparanta, that's the Swedish twin to our neighbouring town Tornio, but I've never heard of Graham crackers before."

He thought for a moment. "Now that you said it, it doesn't sound bad, so yes, let's try that. You bring the Marshmallows and crackers and I'll take care of the sausages and – a limited amount of – beer. I'd suggest we skip the tent, though. End of September can be pretty chilly here, especially as, knowing us, we're likely to spend a certain amount of time, um, undressed."

Feeling a little uneasy, Jani added, "Just letting you know, I don't think I'm ready for that kind of fun yet. I'm better but not good, if you know what I mean. So," he changed topic, "I take it that you had a restful night after the... smores? Since there were neither bears nor Bigfoot-feet or Yetis."

* * *

"I suppose I could say I'd have appreciated your hot body next to mine, but that's a given. And fevers, well, not the kind of hot either of us want. Since you're feeling a little better overall, maybe the fever will break soon." Sav got the message: no phone sex today. He didn't mention it, not wanting Jani to think he was pouting about it or something.

"So I guess sausages are a staple of Finnish cuisine? You mentioned having some in the sauna as a treat, too. We didn't get to have S'mores, we forgot to bring the ingredients for them. Probably the vegan health nuts wouldn't have partaken, anyway. Try eating a steak in front of them... it's not worth the harassment," he snorted.

"Anyway to continue... we of course didn't bring our guitars, even acoustics, up there. Then Joe got on this story about how some groupie, well I don't know if she was that type but some woman, taught him some campfire songs. He started singing them and, it was strange. I didn't really want to sing them because the words were sort of religious, but next thing we knew, we were all singing along. And five of us singing four of five parts, it was cool. Sounding. Almost kind of emotional. I dunno." Sav shook his head. He still wasn't sure what he thought about all that, why it had even affected him. Now 36 hours later or so, it felt like it had happened in a dream. "But then some wolves or coyotes started howling over us so we stopped. Now that was eerie."

Maybe he should wrap up retelling of that night. "You're right that sleeping was uncomfortable. The bags kept us warm but they were mummy-shaped so forget moving around. I'm not a fan of sleeping on the ground, even with one of those foam pads. But sleep we did, eventually."

* * *

"I'd take sleeping on a foam pad over sleeping in the van we use when we tour in Finland," Jani groaned. "But we're safe from wolves in that thing and there's no coyotes here... OK, there's moose and reindeer... Were you close enough to the Canadian border for moose?"

* * *

"We were at least a couple hundred miles, so like, more than 330 kilometres, from the Canadian border. Didn't see any moose either, or even any regular deer, whatever kinds they have here. Some birds, squirrels, maybe what they call chipmunks, and rabbits, that's it. Nothing too memorable that way. Which is fine with me. I wouldn't want to tangle with something like a porcupine or skunk, or with anything that has antlers."

Sav decided to avoid the subject of nocturnal goings-on entirely. In retrospect, it was just stupidity. Whacking off into a sock! "When I finally managed to sleep, it was like I blinked and it was morning. We packed up right after breakfast, and kept going up the trail. The destination was a waterfall, or set of falls, and they were worth the hike. A series going over different levels, making rainbows in the air. There was a pool at the bottom, trees all around. Er, we all went skinny-dipping. You know what that means, right?" he chuckled.

* * *

"Antlers, skunks, no I agree completely, you don't want to mess with either," Jani shuddered. "The waterfall sounds nice, though. Did you by any chance take pictures? I mean, of the waterfall and nature, not of the skinny dipping," he laughed. "And yes, I know what that means... assuming you're talking about the expression. Otherwise, you tell me. Am I missing subtext, like did you have an orgy in the water?" He laughed more.

* * *

Sav wondered if something in his voice gave him away. There had been no funny business at the waterfall, though. "No, nothing like that. It was broad daylight." What?! Wrong answer. He hurried on. "No orgies. And no pictures either, which is kind of strange because Rick usually drags his camera everywhere. The water wasn't all that warm so... it probably wasn't doing us any favours, if you know what I mean. It was just one more time I had to stop myself from getting maudlin, wishing you were there. Not with my band around!" he amended. "What I mean is, I wished that it had been just you and me. But... we couldn't stay all day. After a while we got dressed and headed all the way back. Like I mentioned, I didn't have much for warm clothes. I don't own hiking boots either, so my feet were sore, I got blisters... but it was worth it, just to get away for a full day," he concluded. "I hope I didn't worry you. My phone died."

* * *

"Oh, shrinkage, I hear you. The water here isn't exactly warm, not even in summer. It's nice for cooling down after sauna, but not, well, I guess I needn't explain. I still wish I'd have been there with you. The two of us... The heat we generate between us would likely have evaporated the water," Jani joked.

"No hiking boots, ouch. Um, you might want to invest in a pair when you come to Lapland. I want to show you a lot of nature. Doesn't mean we have to walk around all day, but I don't want your feet to hurt anyway. Then again, trainers would do for the terrain here if we leave the mountains we talked about for later."

* * *

"Yeah, I'll get some good boots. Don't want anything like blisters to mar the experience," Sav was quick to agree. If they spent time in nature, on whatever continent or country, he'd need them. "Do you think a sauna can contain our heat? Kidding, I know they're made for it. We'll sweat, and evaporate it, and sweat some more. Maybe I can start to see why people jump into the snow between rounds. I'm kind of eager try that, actually."

"But now I've talked a lot about myself. You said you played Rakas, too. It's probably good training, to switch back and forth between a 6-string and 7-, you don't want to lose your edge. These days, my hands would have to get used to four strings all over again, if I decided to play one of my old basses for any reason other than just messing around. Muscle memory."

* * *

"It's been a while since I played my seven-string, but muscle memory will hopefully return," Jani agreed. "Doesn't mean I won't practice as much as I can. Even more so right now as I'm at the moment apparently not up for my, um, _other_ favourite means of passing time. Sav..." He hesitated.

"Not sure how to bring this up. We... discussed... needs... on tour and that I'm okay if you take care of them, not only by yourself but also including groupies. What I'm trying to say is that right now I'm a bit incapacitated when it comes to active participation, but I'm happy to listen if you want to, well, you know. Might actually be good for my voice to listen rather than talk all the time," Jani laughed nervously.

* * *

"Right. Well..." Sav wondered if perhaps this was Jani's way of hinting that he _wanted_ to listen to Sav beat off, not just that he was okay with it. And it had been more than a day. It probably was a different sort of turn on to just listen and not have to do or say anything once in a while, he couldn't fault Jani there. The bit about groupies... thus far, other than that one time, Sav had avoided them, although in all honestly he did not always escape the backstage business boner-free, like in Salt Lake City. In past years, he could always find someone to suck him off, no fuss, no hassle. Perhaps Jani had a point but... Sav preferred his lover.

Before he had time to formulate an answer, there was a knock on his door. What? People with Def Leppard's road crew all had his mobile number. They'd text or call. Then Sav had a moment of... not panic, more like reality slid sideways a bit. What if it was that blond woman again?

"Someone's at my door," Sav reported to Jani. "Will you hang on a minute or two while I see what's going on?"

* * *

Sav didn't sound enthusiastic about Jani's suggestion. Maybe he should have kept his mouth shut – coming to think of it, it was more than just a little 'out there' to offer to listen to Sav wanking. Before either of them could say something on the matter, however, Sav informed Jani that there was someone at the door of his hotel room and would he wait.

"Sure," Jani said. "Or you could call me back, if that's easier."

_Knock on the door, a scream that is soon ending..._

Why did the line from Full Moon suddenly hijack his brain? "Actually, don't hang up, I'll wait," Jani added hurriedly. He wasn't normally superstitious and even though the panty-thrower had been caught there were still guards watching Sav's room, so what was he suddenly afraid of? In any event, Sav hadn't given him the impression that this would take long, so it was easier to just wait.

* * *

"Thanks, Jani, be back in a minute or two." Removing his ear buds, Sav threw on his clothes as fast as he could. A look out the peephole revealed a man of indeterminate age in a brown uniform and matching cap holding a box and some sort of electronic device, and one of the security guys standing two paces from him. Oh, right. His "order". That was certainly fast! Overnight, indeed. Sav opened his door long enough to sign for and accept the package, and then went back to where he'd been. Setting the box down first, he removed his clothes again just in case, then plugged himself back in to the headset.

"Hi again. Guess what I got: Toys. Kind of like the toys you got from me... I assume you haven't looked yet...?" He hesitated for a second, then blurted, "I know you offered to listen. I... I think I want to take you up on that now 'cause," Sav lowered his voice, thin walls and all that, "I am so fucking horny knowing what's in here and how much better I know it's gonna feel than fingers, I need it so bad!" Already, he had opened the generic cardboard box with fumbling fingers, using the key card to the room to slit the tape. His dick was hardening, rising into a stiff purple rod at his crotch and his hole had started to pulse. "Please be there with me while I do it."

* * *

When Sav returned and told him the cause of the interruption, then pleaded for Jani to stay while he tried out his new toys, Jani was speechless for a moment before exclaiming, "Hell, yes!" He tried to swallow, but his mouth was suddenly too dry. "I... want that. And I want you to tell me all about it."

* * *

"I will..." There were the two fake dicks, and lube. Sav took one vibrator in each hand. How could he decide? Before all logic fled the scene, he decided upon the smaller one. Save something for later.

"This one is silicone, a medium blue, a realistic shape, and about the same size as the one at my house. I... had best wash it first, sorry for another interruption. This time I'll leave the headphones on." It might be silly but he didn't know who'd been touching the toy up till now. Erection bouncing unabated, Sav took it into the bathroom and washed the cool, slick surfaces using warm water and soap, then rinsed. It felt odd to be washing a disembodied dick. It also excited him more, getting the sense of the object he'd use to pleasure himself. He was sure Jani could hear the water and so on, his headphones seemed to be high quality, but he made some commentary. "I've just finished washing and rinsing it, now drying. It feels good in my hand... different than skin but of course, hard and smooth. I'm going back to bed now."

A little breathlessly, he crawled up on the bed, grabbing the lube out of the box. "Alright. gonna lay on my side for now, till I get myself stretched and ready." Sav did that, knees almost to his chest. He opened the lube, slicked two fingers, and reached behind. "Touching..." His hole twitched at the contact and he groaned, "Yeah, need this, Jani.".

When Sav was working on Jani, so to speak, it was easier to separate himself out and concentrate solely on a perfectly executed prep, taking it one step at a time. For himself, he spread the slick a bit but didn't wait or tease before pushing in his index finger. He twisted his wrist, pulling on the rim and willing himself to relax. That mixed feeling of wrongness and rightness with the physical sensation of being breached had him arching and twisting already. "Mmph! Yes! I'm in, need... one finger's not enough, though." Against his lower belly, held there by the position of his legs, his dick throbbed hard and spit out the first drop of pre-come.

* * *

Jani told himself to be patient while Sav took care of washing the vibrator. He imagined the thing, made from silicone, but not flesh-coloured like the ones Sav had chosen for him. One day, Jani would ask Sav why he'd picked a coloured one, but not now, not when he could barely suppress a gasp as Sav told him _hard and smooth._

Vittu, only moments ago Jani hadn't thought he could get aroused for days at least – physically, that was – but now he felt himself swell a little. It was far from an erection, but he wasn't about to complain.

"Yeah, you need it," Jani rasped. "You need it bad, so go ahead, touch yourself where you need it most, prepare yourself for being spread open. Next time we're together it will be my dick in you, so think of that now, that you're preparing your body to receive me."

* * *

"Oh, fuuuuck," Sav ground out. "You know that's exactly what I need, Jani, to be spread open on your hard dick, to feel your love for me... Fuck any more prep, I want it now...!" He was practically meowing. Following his actions, he went on, "I've got it in my hand again, lubing up this piece now," he was sure Jani could hear the slippery noises. It was ready; so was Sav. He reached back again.

"I turned on the vibration to the lowest speed. And... touching my hole with it. It's pretty big, the head's fat." No exaggeration, it was already prying him open and there was the ridge to get past yet. Sav hissed, then blew out a breath. "Oh gawd... it's going in, you're going in, nnngh." It burned some but it felt good, too. "Take me... just take me..." Opening his mouth wide, Sav moaned loud, unrestrained, and pushed the vibe all the way in. 

* * *

"I'm going in," Jani gasped. "I _am_ in, now, feeling you, so hot and tight around me." He till wasn't fully hard, but if he was reading things right there was a chance he'd get there, cold or not. "Please, can I... I need to thrust. Are you ready for that or do you need more time? Please be ready."

* * *

"I... want you to..." Sav confirmed, beginning to move the vibrator around inside himself, then sliding it out almost to the head in preparation. It filled him, not just the shaft but the low hum, and his hips chased its artificial joy The ridge of it teased his rim from the inside, and liquid fire chased up his back and throughout his groin. His toes spread, then curled. "Move, Jani, thrust... let yourself free, don't hold back!"

* * *

"Try to make me hold back and you'll witness epic failure," Jani snorted. It inevitably turned into a cough but it was over in a moment. He was really improving, then. "So, tell me, how do you want it most, hard and fast? Or should I drag it out and go slow and deeper?"

* * *

"Not gonna last long either way," groaned Sav. His entire lower body was pulsing, trying to jerk with its own thrusts. As happened many times since he'd met Jani, his nipples were contracted to tiny, stinging points as well. "Slow and deeper to start. I wanna feel all of you, so deep... oh hell Jani!! Pushing it in now... going for my spot."

The next noise that came out of Sav sounded like something dying. Pleasure and adrenaline shot through him. He tried to stay on his side, but why? Rolling up on his knees and one elbow, he fucked himself like he'd asked Jani to do him: In as far as the silicon dick would reach, with a little wiggle to press into his prostate. "Yes, gawd, leaking... need you..." His knees slid further and further apart, with the inevitable mattress-humping while he moaned encouragement for both of them.

* * *

"Slow and deep it is," Jani confirmed. "For now. I guess I'll hear when you want me to speed up," he laughed. "Um, talk to me, sorry to ask this so late, but where am I exactly? On top of you or taking you from behind? Or are you riding me?"

* * *

"Oh... um... I had you behind me..." Why hadn't he thought of riding? Maybe because Jani was inexperienced with this permutation of sex and Sav had thought doggy-style would be the easiest. "Did you wanna see my face when I explode? I could spray my cream all over you. It's not gonna be long..." Sav panted, hearing the increasing desperation in his own voice.

* * *

The visual image of Sav covering his face in his cream made Jani groan, but he quickly made up his mind. "Not this time," he announced. "Right now I'm behind you. I'm thrusting faster because I can't get enough of your tight heat around me and I don't want to stop. Next time, already looking forward to it, I'll take you facing you and you'll shoot all over me, but now..."

A faint memory of a dream washed over him, Jani as a wolf rolling around in the snow, play-wrestling with a leopard – a Leppard. "I'm licking your nape," he said, "and gently scraping my teeth over it. Biting you very carefully, not hurting you, just wanting to make you feel that you're mine." He'd have to explain this later, Sav wouldn't have a clue about the wolf thing, but Jani would lick and kiss his neck anyway.

* * *

"I'm yours... all yours, Jani," Sav repeated, as Jani described taking him from behind while gently biting the back of his neck. Though it was probably wrong on some level, Jani describing him as tight boosted his arousal. Yes, he wanted to be desirable to his partner, including in that way.

"You feel so good, in me and on me... the way we smack together hard and your mouth light on my neck..." he shuddered uncontrollably, almost there already. "I've got my knees spread wide, pushing back every time you shove it in deep. If I arch just a little more, I'll come without even being touched." Sav had learned that skill – or rather, had taught to him that he couldn't help himself – long ago. He'd never stopped craving it. Groans took over his words.

* * *

"Then come," Jani coaxed. He was still only half-hard, wanting, yet not sure if he could make it to the end. Still, it was worth a try. He'd not touched himself so far, fearing it would only lead to frustration, but now he began to stroke his fledgling erection.

"You feel so good, Sav," he moaned, "but don't wait for me. If anything, you coming will pull me along with you. Come for me, on my dick. I want to feel you coming, your inner ripples massaging my shaft when you let go."

* * *

Sav wondered how Jani knew about the inner ripples, which was how he'd have described the sensation, but attributed it to what he had experienced during sex with women. Male or female, humans were humans, and orgasms were orgasms. Speaking of which...

"Gonna push for it now, Jani," he pressed out. "Nothing I want more than to come for you, to come on your dick..." Sav changed the angle of the vibrator to glide against his g-spot more directly and flicked it up to the next speed. His body and voice both hitched hard, and then he was grinding between the fake cock and the sheet. Any second now... his last two remaining brain cells began the internal countdown: five, four...

"Nnngh! Nngh! Nngh!" He fucked himself faster. Or, Jani fucked – no, loved – him faster. He could almost feel the heat of his lover, their bodies pounding against each other. Not wanting every single guest in the hotel to hear him get off, Sav tried to keep his lips closed, but still the tortured groans from deep in his chest escaped. The increased tension peaked and his body seized. "Yesssss... yess," he hissed, as his balls released their load and he spurted a sticky mess onto the sheet, pulse after pulse. He managed to keep working the vibrator against his prostate, and more fluid shot forth, or so it felt. The spasms went on and on.

* * *

"Oh yeah, fuck..." Still not sure if he could make it to the peak, Jani had to concentrate on his strokes. He wasn't hard enough for fast and furious but it sure felt fantastic and the mental and emotional push he got from hearing Sav getting off translated to his dick, so when Sav let go, Jani's balls, too drew up and spewed. _"Saaaav...!"_

So maybe it hadn't the most spectacular orgasm ever, nor the longest one, but his body felt good, warm, relaxed. "You..." he wheezed. "That was... Oh man..."

* * *

Based on the sounds sent directly into his ears, Sav was hearing Jani following him into a release a few seconds after his own. He wasn't over the cold entirely, making his voice lower and raspy, which Sav decided he really liked. That was the downside to quitting smoking. He managed, "Mmm... yeah. It was..."

Oh, too much! Sav switched off the buzzing but otherwise left the vibrator where it was. His body would let him know when to remove it. "So, uh... were you close or was it hearing me that made you come?" he asked, curious. "Mine was damned good... intense. Kinda been waiting for a while to use toys again."

* * *

"I, um, I'm not quite sure, but yeah, I did, come. Okay, I guess." While he often enjoyed talking about sex with Sav, Jani didn't really feel like discussing the quality of his orgasm – he was still a little surprised that he'd had one at all.

"Give me a couple of days and I'll follow your example. Toys, I mean. Only... I'll need... make that appreciate... your guidance as I'm not as versed as you in using them."

* * *

"Looking forward to that," Sav answered. "All of the new or slightly newer things that you might want to try, I am happy to show you, or guide you. My own experience isn't, um, vast either. There may be times when we learn together." He rolled back onto his side, carefully, not wanting pressure on his spot inside, which felt slightly overused. Very slow and steady with the removal, Sav drew the vibrator out. The feeling of emptiness extended beyond his body. He and Jani almost always held each other after sex, and he was jonesing for it. The only way to be close was to talk.

Time was running short again. When he looked at his mobile, Sav could see the light blinking red and orange. He chose to ignore it a few more moments. "But you know what? You said before you like the clothes-on times as much as the naked times. Along those same lines, I want you to know... we don't have to fill a ginormous box of toys or tie each other up or any of that. Unless you want to. Being with you, even the simplest of touches, just feeling you, that's all I truly need."

* * *

"How about a ginormous box that holds just the two of us?" Jani was feeling relaxed and mellow post-sex. "So that we can lock the world out now and then. But we could of course take a few toys," he added with a grin that turned into a yawn. "Sorry, still recovering here. You certainly made me forget for a while that I still have a cold," he laughed. "Let's do this again soon, shall we?"

* * *

"Sounds good to me, as long as it has some sort of comfortable bed, and a loo. The main thing is, keep everyone else out, huh? Couldn't agree more." He didn't want to move, but Sav knew that if he didn't tend to his messages, someone would be sent for him soon, and he didn't want to greet them in his present state.

"Well, I suppose... I'd rather keep talking to you but there are texts and voice mail indicators coming through. Time to get the show on the road... and we didn't even break out your toys. Sorry for being greedy and taking over like that! Maybe next time." It hit Sav that Jani now had similar items in his possession, and now he'd have to wait to hear _that_ till... who knew when. Even 16 or 18 hours seemed too long.

* * *

"I'm not sure I'm quite ready for toys again," Jani admitted. "I didn't even think I'd get it up at all, much less finish, today. Let me put it this way, the first time I use your... um, gifts, I want to be all there."

He suddenly chuckled. "And I know this is mean of me, but you mentioned some sort of a comfortable bed... Well, mine is a couch but it's comfortable and I'm going to return to it as soon as I've washed. You have my sympathy for having to get up and work, but last I checked you liked your job, so I should maybe not feel too sorry for you, should I?"

* * *

"No worries, Jani... I wasn't suggesting today, we'll wait till you're ready, and till you bring it up, alright? Unless you want to wait to open that box till such a time, you could just take a look at what I picked for you... but that too is your choice." Sav hoped Jani's natural curiosity would eventually win out, but he got it, that today's session had been more than his lover had expected to complete.

"True, I like my job, most parts of it. And I better go. Have to clean up, dress, and I need coffee. You enjoy your comfortable bed. I'll call you tonight – in my time zone – and will make sure to have a bass with me this time. Any final words?" Levering himself up – away from the wet spot – Sav wiped a stray drop of spunk off his knee with the edge of the sheet. The screen on his phone showed an incoming call, which he'd let go to voice mail. It showed as Private Number, whatever that meant.

* * *

"Oh, I opened the box the second I was alone," Jani laughed. "And I can't wait to try them out but I want to be able to really enjoy them, so I'd better wait another couple of days."

Sav announced that he'd call him again, with his bass, then asked for final words. "Only that I can't wait to hear you again and jam with you. My Säv." Jani smiled.

* * *

"Likewise... about the jamming. Rest up, so you'll be fully recovered soon. Wish I had a nickname like that for you. You're my song, too." None of the words that Sav regularly associated with music were even close, nor a clever double meaning. He shook his head, unseen by Jani. "Sorry, I really need to end the call, so I'll be the man again and do that now... I love you, Jani. 'Bye till later."

* * *

"Love you, too," Jani said. Sav had already ended the call but regardless of how illogical it was, Jani knew that Sav would still hear it. He put his phone on the charger so the battery would be full when Sav called again and smiled when he imagined how they'd play together.

But first he needed to sleep. And before that, he'd better wash unless he wanted to wake up with crusted-over semen on his belly. Now if it were Sav's seed... Jani shook his head and giggled. It felt so good to be in love. Looking back at the last few days he found that although he still felt pretty sick his mood had improved a lot. Of course his new instrument had contributed, but without Sav Jani hadn't even been interested in getting her. No, things were definitely getting better for him. Now a good night's sleep...

He went to the bathroom, cleaned up, took another dose of decongestant nasal spray, and brushed his teeth. On his way back to bed, he smiled at Rakas and ran his hand over her fretboard. "Tomorrow," he promised her, feeling maybe a little weird for talking to his instrument, but she was special. He drew the line at kissing her good night, though, chuckling when he decided to tell Sav about this when they spoke next. He was still smiling when he laid down and was out almost instantly.

* * *


End file.
